Other Fan Fiction ❯ Phantom Pains ❯ Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Love Mode or any of its lovable characters. I simply adore them, is all.

A/N: A sort of AU replay of that scene of Tien Li thinking in Vol 6. First Love Mode fanfiction, so feedback will be doubly appreciated. ^^;

Phantom Pains

Sometimes Tien Li wondered what life would be like without his twin brother. Sometimes he wondered what Tien Shue's life would be like.

He didn't dwell too much or often along those lines though, because the very concept of it was foreign, and therefore, inconceivable. As far as Tien Li knew, he had never been anywhere without Tien Shue, and Tien Shue had always had the presence of Tien Li nearby. Why dwell on it when they inseparable? But he did. In the bad nights when he could feel the ache in old wounds twinge and sleep was an enemy full of darkly abstract thoughts, he would wonder, and think, perhaps they could have a better life. A life where they didn't have to follow orders or kill just simply because. A life where they did want they wanted, and fuck all who tried to tell them what to do.

They could have had that, Tien Li sometimes thought, if he hadn't been young and stupid, if he hadn't tried to do too much, been too greedy and foolish. Then, he wouldn't have been indebted to the Yakuza for simply being allowed to live. This debt, Tien Shue had said, was paid by both of them. Tien Shue wouldn't leave, and Tien Shue wouldn't let his stupid, idiotic twin brother pay for his stupid, idiotic mistakes.

Other times, Tien Li thought they were living in a dream.

They had a nice place to stay. They never did, back when they crowded around each other waiting for a mother who was never coming home. They had enough food and money to not only survive on, but to spend on luxurious things neither had before, back in the days when they were teenagers trying to make a living through illegal means. And they were together. Tien Li would have been satisfied with just the latter, no matter the former. He should have been satisfied with that when it counted, but didn't. Sometimes he regretted it, other times he didn't.

Most of the time, he didn't care. He didn't give it much of a thought until blood was left on his hands for a tad too long, and he had to scrape away the dry flakes, until the red soaked through Tien Shue's dark coat and stained pristine white shirts, catching his eyes, and then, he would wonder, why are we doing this?

Because it was their life now, the answer came from the back of his mind. His reasonable self asserting its reasonable claims. Because they didn't have choice, Tien Li's resentful side snidely interfered. Because this was they chose, both agreed on. 

One way or another, this was their life. He didn't mind it so much, though he wondered if Tien Shue ever thought about it.

He heard footsteps, but didn't turn. He knew who it was anyway.

"Is it bad?" Tien Shue frowned down at him, probably trying to think of a way to try and get Tien Li's leg examined again.

"No," Tien Li said, puffing out smoke. And I don't want to go to the doctor either.

His brother just sighed, nodding. Tien Li knew the argument wasn't finished yet; it had simply been dropped for this moment.

"You should sleep," Tien Shue said after a moment, looking at the full moon blurred by rain. "We have a job tomorrow."

"Who is it?"

"Yakuza head. Tiang family."

Tien Li just nodded, curling fingers around his last cigarette for the night. His leg had stopped aching.