Outlaw Star Fan Fiction ❯ Outlaw Scooby Doo ❯ Chapter 1

Outlaw Scooby Doo in the mystery of the galactic leyline! +

A Scooby Doo parody featuring the cast from Outlaw Star as the Scooby gang!!

Gene is dressed like Fred (From Scooby, not OLS) with
his white shirt, orange scarf, and blue bell bottoms.
Melfina is dressed as Daphne in her purple dress, pink pantyhose and heels.
Sazuka is also dressed like Daphne 'cause Daphne is hot!
Jim is dressed like Velma in an orange sweater, with
matching skirt, kneesocks and red shoes. This is because
they're both smart and it's also a lot funnier this way.
Aisha is dressed the same as always in her Ctarl-Ctarl uniform since Aisha's
uniform is also kinda hot and Scooby doesn't wear clothes, except instead of a
bell around her neck she has a dog tag with the letters "A C" inscribed on it.

Also the XGP has been painted up to look like the mystery machine.

(scene inside the XGP, Gene is at the controls driving, Melfina is at
his right and Sazuka is at his left, Jim and Aisha are in the back)

Gene: Ok, my old high school friend Hilda called and asked me to investigate
the mysterious shenanigans happening around the galactic leyline for her!
Aisha: I hope they have food at this leyline! Aisha's hungry!
(laugh track kicks in)
Jim: Is that all you ever think about is eating?!?
Aisha: No, I also like sleeping and playing!
Jim: Urgh!(sweat drop)
(laugh track)

(The XGP lands and Gene gets out followed by the rest of the
crew, Hilda is there to meet them and she's dressed like Dee-Dee
from Captain Caveman in a red turtleneck with denim miniskirt
and red go-go boots. This is because Dee-Dee is also hot.)

Hilda: Ah Gene, glad you could make it! Since the Anten seven have
shown up and started scaring everyone away nobody comes here anymore!
Gene: AH! A groovy mystery to solve! Let's split up and look for clues!
Melfina: Gene, Sazuka, and I will check out the luxury hot springs!
Sazuka: Aisha, you and Jim go check out the haunted charnel house!
Jim: Wait a second! How come you three always get to
group together and I always get stuck with Aisha?
Aisha: And why do you guys always get to explore the fun places like the
toy store or the Pizza parlor while we always get stuck exploring the scary,
haunted places like the graveyard or the dungeon or the insane asylum?!?
Gene: All right then, me, Mel, and Sazuka will explore the haunted
hot springs, Then you and Jim can explore the luxury charnel house!
Aisha: That's more like it, now this is much better!
(laugh track)
Jim: No it isn't! He just switched the adjectives around!
Aisha: (Scooby like) Ruhh??
Jim: He basically implied that you're a dummy!
Aisha: Hey! Aisha's no dummy!
Jim: Do you even know what a charnel house is?
Aisha: It's kind of like a bordello, isn't it?
(laugh track)
Melfina: A charnel house is where they put the bones of the dead dug
up from the cemetery so they'll have room to bury the newer bodies!
Aisha: AHH!! Spooky ass dead guys!! Aisha doesn't want to go there!!
Jim: What are you worried about? You're an immortal Ctarl-Ctarl!
Aisha: but Aisha's afraid of ghost...
Jim: But you have the strength of a super Sayan and a power
level over 9 million!! You can just kick their ass!!!
Aisha: Ghost don't have asses to kick...
(laugh track)
Hilda: The Anten seven aren't ghost, they're just a bunch of ruthless and
highly skilled assassins that mercilessly kill people for the Toa Pirates.
Gene: (now suddenly dressed like Shaggy in his green
t-shirt, bell bottom pants and Kurt Cobain style
goatee) ULP!! I would of actually preferred ghost!
(laugh track)
Aisha: assassins? Is that all? Let me at 'em! Aisha'll splat 'em!
(Scrappy style) Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tah! CTARL-CTARL POWER!!!
(laugh track)
Gene: How come when it's something imaginary like Cookie Monster
or underpants gnomes, you're quaking in your boots, but when it's
something that's actually REAL and also DANGEROUS like serial
killers or terrorist you want to go and splat them?!?
Aisha: Aisha will have you know that Cookie Monster is
the leading cause of famine on the Ctarl-Ctarl homeworld!
(laugh track)
Aisha: Me and Jim will explore the hot springs, the
rest of YOU can muck about with the charnel house!
Gene: Damn, This will really put a crimp in my plans for tonight! I don't
suppose that there's anything I can do to convince you to change your mind?
Aisha: NOPE!!!
Sazuka: Will you do it for a Meow Mix snack?
(Sazuka waves the snack in front of Aisha's face,
Aisha drools for a bit then snaps to her senses.)
Aisha: Hey! It will take more then just food to
bribe an officer of the mighty Ctarl-Ctarl empire!
Melfina: Will you do it for TWO Meow Mix snacks?
Aisha: (Drools) Ok you talked me into it!
Jim: (sighs)
(laugh track)

(The group splits up to go look for clues, Jim and Aisha head
towards the charnel house while Gene and the rest of the girls
head toward the hot spring. Some hours later they meet back up)

Jim: Okay, I found some tiny glasses, a racing form entry, a
splinter from a wooden katana, a hot air balloon that resembles
a cat, and a note about how the leyline will grant wishes
to whoever finds it. What clues did the rest of you find?
Gene: Clues? Oh yeah, clues!! we found uh... this towel!
(Gene hands Jim a sopping wet towel, embroidered on it are the
words, "Property of Planet Tenrai Hot Springs. Do not swipe.")
Jim: You guys did nothing but make out, didn't you?
Sazuka: You just figured that out now?
(laugh track)
Jim: Well, I got some idea of who the villains are
and what they want, But we still need to catch them.
Gene: That'll be a piece of cake!
offscreen voice: OH REALLY?!?
(Gene looks up to see Hazanko and the rest
of the Anten seven standing over him)
Gene: (Curly style) Nyai, yai...
(everybody runs off and the Anten Seven run after them bringing on
the obligatory chase sequence while groovy music plays. Since I
don't listen to disco the song "Madhouse" by Anthrax plays instead)
Anthrax: It's a madhouse, Or so they claim. It's a madhouse, Oh, am I insane?
(Insert scenes of people running through random
doorways and other wacky hijinks, eventually the
good guys loose the bad guys and manage to regroup.)

Gene: Ok, so catching the Anten seven is going to be harder
than we thought. I suggest making some sort of trap!
Aisha: Yeah! we could drop an anvil on them!
(laugh track)
Jim: Damnit, Gene, the only thing your traps ever catch in them is Aisha!
Gene: But we do always get the bad guys in the end!
Jim: That's only through dumb luck! Not because of any of your stupid traps!!
Aisha: If you include an anvil in the trap it can't possibly fail!
Melfina and Sazuka: NO ANVILS!!
(laugh track)
Gene: Ok this is how the trap works...
(Cut scene later we find the gang standing by an incredibly complex
Rube Goldberg type contraption that's purpose is utterly unfathomable)
Gene: Ok, Aisha, you be the bait...
Aisha: wait a minute! Why's Aisha always got to be the bait?!?
Sazuka: Because you're the only one of us who is immortal.
Aisha: Can't argue with logic like that!
(laugh track)
Gene: Now do remember what I told you?
Aisha: What was that?
Gene: Weren't you listening?!?
Aisha: No, just tell me again!
Gene: (Tries to remember, but can't) Ahh, to hell with it. Just splat them!
Jim: Based on the design I predict a 97% chance of failure.
Most of the parts don't actually DO anything and the few that
do will most likely either fall off or be rendered immobile.
Gene: Shut up!
(Suddenly Hazanko shows up, with the rest of the Anten seven)
Hazanko: I hope you're ready to die, Gene Starwind!
Gene: (Monty Python, Holy Grail style) Run away! Run away!
Aisha: Psha! Aisha's not afraid of any old assassins! Put 'em up! Put 'em up!
Hazanko: Oh look, a smurf...
Aisha: (terrified) AAAHHH!!! smurfs!!

(Aisha runs away screaming, in her haste she bumps into the contraption
making it fall over on top of her, Hazanko, and the Anten Seven. Afterwards
the good guys rescue Aisha and tie up the bad guys. The unmasking comences.)

Gene: Okay, now lets find out who these jokers really are!
(Gene pulls off Hazanko's mask to reveal...)
all: Old Gwen Kahn!
Jim: Of course! he came up with the idea of the Anten Seven
to scare people away from the treasure of the galactic leyline!
Old Man Kahn: And I would have gotten away with it to if it
weren't for you meddling outlaws! Yes! Gotten away indeed!
Hilda: (Now dressed in sleeveless shirt, vest, and groovy bell bottoms
like that stoner chick from Jabber Jaw) What about the rest of them?
(Sazuka pulls off Hamushi's mask to reveal...)
Aisha: Claire!
Gene: Who?!?
Sazuka: The official from the Heifong space race.
Gene: Uh...
Melfina: She was the woman that bought you that
tofu ice cream that the evil cactus was selling.
Gene: Er...
Jim: The one with the 'My Little Pony' fetish.
Gene: Oh THAT, Claire! Now I remember!
Hilda: Ok, who's next?
(Jim pulls off Hirotega's mask to reveal...)
Aisha: Oh no! We captured Sunset Suzie by mistake!
Sazuka: That's not me. And don't call me call me Suzie.
(laugh track)
Gene: You have to admit that that the similar appearance is remarkable!
Hirotega: Ah, dear sister, You never told them
about me, Your identical twin half brother?
Others: HALF BROTHER?!?
Sazuka: After killing our parents you have no right to call yourself that!
Hirotega: Mom and Dad always liked you better!
Hilda: moving on...
(Aisha pulls off Tobigira's mask to reveal...James from Team Rocket!)
Sazuka: who the hell is this guy?
Jim: beats me, I've never seen him before!
James: Prepare for trouble...
Gene: he kind of reminds of Fred Lowe, Only gayer!
James: I'M NOT GAY!!! Lot's of straight men like cross dressing!!
Hilda: So the only one left to unmask is...
Jukai: My true identity is hidden under this straight jacket...
Gene: is that so? (Prepares to remove Jukai's jacket when Kahn interrupts.)
Gwen Kahn: Don't be a fool, man! He'll kill us all! Yes, indeed he will!
Jim: I got a bad feeling about this, Gene...
Hilda: Uh, I'll be off getting the cops. (Hilda makes a break for it.)
Aisha: Ah what's the worst that could happen? You're not CHICKEN, are you?!?
Gene: I most certainly am not! (Again reaches for Jukai's jacket)
Sazuka: You don't have to do that...
Melfina: Please, Gene, don't. I'm scared.
Aisha: (cluck's like a chicken) Gene's a scaredy cat!
Gene: That does it!
(Gene rips off the straight jacket and there is a burst of blinding light.)
Jukai: Free at last!!!
Gene: Ahh hell...