Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ MST: Humanity with short ❯ 2 Free airline tickets and Part 1: You got Spam ( Chapter 1 )

In the not too distant future,

Way down in Deep 13.

Dr. Forrester and TV'S Frank

Were hatching an evil scheme.

They hired a temp by the name of Mike,

Just a regular Joe they didn't like.

Their experiment needed a good test case,
So they conked him on the noggin and

Shot him into space.

(GET ME DOWN!)

"We'll send him cheesy stories,

The worst we can find (la, la, la).

He'll have to sit and watch them all,

And we'll monitor his mind (la, la, la)."

Now keep in mind Mike can't control

Where the stories begin or end (la, la, la),

He'll try to keep his sanity

With the help of his robot friends.

ROBOT ROLL CALL!

CAMBOT! (Show yourself!)

GYPSY! (I'm not ready!)

TOM SERVO! (Hello there!)

CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! (That's one o!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,

And other science facts (la, la, la),

Just repeat to yourself

"Its just a show,

I should really just relax."

For Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (Twang!)!

(0… 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… gear)

(SOL, where MIKE is talking to the BOTS)

MIKE: Guys, I told you, we can't get a puppy.

CROW: But why not? They're so cute, and cuddly.

TOM: And they look so adorable.

MIKE: For the last time, no. Last time I had a pet my leg was used as a…

CROW: Uh, Mike?

(CROW points to CAMBOT, who's on)

MIKE: Oh. Hi everyone and welcome to the Satellite of Love, I'm Mike Nelson. The guys read a fanfic where Dobermon came back from the dead a few days ago, and now they want a pet.

CROW: What's so bad about them?

MIKE: Nothing really.

TOM: So then what's the problem?

MIKE: Well, if you don't mind the smell…

CROW: Smell?

MIKE: Loud 4 A.M. barkings…

TOM: Uh…

MIKE: Or the way they look at your leg, or hover skirt in your case Tom.

BOTS: ACK!

MIKE: I guess we can get a pet.

CROW: A pet? Here?! ARE YOU NUTS?!

MIKE: But you guys just said…

TOM: Don't blame this idea on us Mike.

(Commercial sign flashes)

MIKE: Sometimes, it's just too easy to talk them out of it. We'll be back.

(MIKE taps the button)

(Planet bumper)

(Commercials)

(SOL)

CROW: How about a pet rock?

MIKE: No.

TOM: Why not?

MIKE: They do nothing and are a waste of space. Don't even think about it guys.

BOTS: Awwwwwwwwww…

CROW: The one good zing I had wasted.

(MADS light flashes)

MIKE: Use it later. Ryoga and Kuno are calling.

(MIKE taps the light)

(DEEP 13, where DR. FORESTER is smiling evilly and TV'S FRANK is right next to him)

DR. F: Greetings lab rat, how are things today.

(SOL)

MIKE: Just fine sirs. Still recovering from that last fanfic you sent us.

CROW: Takato, Kari… it's enough to make ME sick.

TOM: I still have nightmares.

(DEEP 13)

FRANK: Well, you know what they say about bad Digimon fics?

(SOL)

TOM: "They're all lemons?"

CROW: "Its only bad if Davis is the lead?"

MIKE: "Don't let Darkstar write one?"

(DEEP 13)

DR. F: Close. "The only thing worse than a Digimon fic is a Pokemon fic written by a Digimon author who, while likes Pokemon, bashes it at the drop of a hat."

FRANK: Yeah, this fic is so dangerous, Steve won't let ME handle it.

(SOL)

ALL: Uh-oh.

(DEEP 13, where we hear a doorbell)

DR. F: That would be them with the fanfic now.

(SOL)

CROW: "Them?"

TOM: Them who?

(DEEP 13, where we see a red headed woman and a purple haired man with a cat creature enters)

WOMAN: HAHAHAHAHA! PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!

MAN: MAKE IT…

(SOL)

ALL: NO!

MIKE: Please, the fic will be bad enough.

TOM: Yeah, but did you really have to get Jessie, James, and Meeowth?

(Deep 13)

JAMES: Hey, it was the only way we could get free food.

MEEOWTH: Speaking of witch, we want our free food, and we want it now.

DR. F: Frank, if you'll send them the fic. The inhumane story known as "Humanity." And I think the ending will surprise you. But first, a little spam for your pain. Hit it Frank, while I tend to our guests.

FRANK: Sure thing Dr. F.

(SOL, where the lights go off)

ALL: WE GOT FANFIC SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGNNNN!

(Gear… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… 0)

Dear Friend,

MIKE (Homer): Are you unhappy with your life? Do you want happiness? Then send $1 to Happy Dude.

I have your certificate for Two FREE Airline Tickets. They're FREE,

TOM: Did I mention that they're FREE?

CROW: Not free, but FREE!

MIKE: Don't forget, they're FREE!

but I need to know where to send them.

CROW (The Rock): Stick them straight up your candy…

MIKE: Assuming this is a con.

CROW: Mike, its spam.

MIKE: Ah, so then it is.

http://ct01.edirectmessage.com/fcgi-bin/eclick.cgi?cm=11263 &link=52897&em=40262589&eid=1-2u-4eU-4k3nL

TOM: Simple to remember, see?

Two FREE round trip airline tickets valued up to $2100.00 to your choice of resort destination. Select from Hawaii, Orlando, Las Vegas, London and 20 other exciting locations.

MIKE: See various tourist traps, and miss things you could have seen with a better deal.

Plus you can try all of our money-saving benefits FREE for 30 days.
Act Now!

CROW: I prefer to direct now.

http://ct01.edirectmessage.com/fcgi-bin/eclick.cgi?cm=11263 &link=52898&em=40262589&eid=1-2u-4eU-4k3nL

TOM (Singing): That's our number.

You also get a FREE subscription to HOME Magazine at no additional cost!

TOM: Just your soul.

This offer is risk-free, registration only takes a minute and is completely secure.

MIKE: Except for the occasional hacker.

It's that easy. Your satisfaction is guaranteed because our credibility is on the line.

CROW: Well, you already failed miserably.

P.S.: This offer is only valid for the next 48 hours,

TOM: With Dan Rather.

so Act Now!

MIKE: STOP THAT CPR ON YOUR ABOUT TO DIE GRANDMA! THE BILLS CAN WAIT! ACT NOW!

($4.95 postage and handling required at the time of trial registration)

CROW: And after that, it's FREE!

http://ct01.edirectmessage.com/fcgi-bin/eclick.cgi?cm=11263 &link=52899&em=40262589&eid=1-2u-4eU-4k3nL

TOM: 3nL? BINGO!

Copyright 2002, American Homeowners Association (AHA).

CROW: So that's what happened to them after "Take On Me."

All rights reserved.

TOM: We don't need no stinkin' rights.

AOL Members
Click Here

CROW: And watch your systems crash.

(ALL exit)

(Door sequence)

(SOL, where CROW is in front of the computer)

MIKE: What're you doing Crow?

CROW: Oh, hey Mike. Well, this spam got me thinking that we must have a lot of spam on our computer, so I'm deleting it all. Lets see… "You have been approve for a credit card…"

MIKE: Sure we have.

(CROW deletes it)

CROW: "Underwear of the month club as selected you…"

MIKE: I'm the only one here that wears cloths on a regular basses and I have enough underwear.

CROW: I don't need any.

(CROW deletes it)

CROW: You have won a million dollars…

MIKE & CROW: Delete.

(CROW deletes it)

(TOM hovers in)

TOM: Well guys, time to check the mail. I hope I won the contest.

CROW: Contest?

TOM: Yeah, the "Worst movie you have ever seen" contest. Grand prize is a million dollars.

(MIKE & CROW get "Uh-oh" looks)

TOM: Oh, and I'm supposed to get a mail saying the underwear of the month club made me president.

MIKE: Uh…

TOM: Oh, and I applied for a credit card. They said they'd e-mail me and I'm supposed to respond within one hour of the e-mail.

CROW: Uh, Tom…?

TOM: Yeah?

(Lights go off)

MIKE: WE GOT FANFIC SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

(Door sequence)

(ALL take their seats)

HUMANITY

MIKE: OH THE…

TOM: NO!

MIKE: Sorry.

By

Digifan3:16

CROW (Digifan3:16): And that's the bottom line, because Digifan3:16…

ALL: SAID SO!

Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon, Kids WB, 4 KIDS productions, Nintendo, and Game Freak does.

TOM (Digifan): Otherwise, I'd be rich.

It wouldn't do any good to sue me anyway, I'm broke.

MIKE: He invested in Enron too, huh?

"The mediator between brain and muscle must be the heart."

--Metropolis

By

Thea Von Harbou

TOM: Ok, a good quote from a decent movie and book. All right, maybe this won't be as painful as it seems.

MIKE: This is a Pokemon fic written by a Digimon/WWE fanboy.

TOM: Oh sure, take my one and only hope away Mike.

Our story begins when our mysterious, hazel-eyed character, with brown hair, is walking through a forest,

CROW: Tai was having his morning constitutional to Sora's house.

MIKE: In a Pokemon fic? That would mean it would have a decent plot.

CROW: What was I thinking?

when all of a sudden, a net falls upon him.

MIKE (Fisherman): WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I CAUGHT ME A BIG ONE! D'HO! Its human.

"What's going on?" He asked.

TOM: So this is how the author got everyone into the fic. He kidnaps them.

CROW: Wouldn't surprise me, seeing nobody goes into fanfics willingly.

Then a voice said, "Be quit, you'll find out!" The last thing our character saw before being knocked unconscious was a big red R.

MIKE (Sarcastic): Gee, who could it be?

2 hr. Later…

"So, you're finally awake?" Was the first voice our character heard when he woke up. "Huh?"

CROW: Our hero was recovering from his Spring Break in Cancun.

"Where?" He asked, then he saw his kidnappers face.

MIKE: It was… Lary Zanka!

BOTS: GASP!

"I know you! You're Giovanni, the Viridian City Gym leader!" He said.

"Smart kid," Giovanni replied,

TOM: Dumb fic.

"it looks like our random human picking idea worked."

"Huh?" Our character asked.

ALL: He said "It looks like our random human picking idea worked."

"Call it bad timing." Giovanni answered.

CROW: And poor writing.

"If someone else arrived before you, another person would be the subject of my experiment."

"Experiment?"

"Oh yes, the experiment.

MIKE: OH NO!

TOM: HE'S GOING TO MAKE HIM WATCH BAD MOVIES!

CROW: Actually, that would be fun to see someone else go through it for a change.

You are to become the first B.R.I.AN. , a Bio-living Robotic Intelligence ANdroid."

TOM: Brian… that sounds familiar.

"A what?"

CROW (Person): Never mind, if it's from a guy that loves his Persan a bit too much, then I don't wanna know.

MIKE: Crow.

"A cyborg."

"Oh." "And you will do what I say."

TOM: Who's talking?

"Did you escape from Bellevue?

TOM (Giovanni): Yes.

Because you're nuts!"

"Oh yeah!" Giovanni said, as he was about to flash a mirror in front of his "experiment."

"What the? Its… it's a brain! My brain!"

CROW: The Brain that wouldn't die 2! Pikachu's Madness!

The last thing the future B.R.I.AN. saw was scientists working on his body, then he blacked out.

MIKE: Like the readers.

TO BE CONTINUED…

CROW: That was part one?

TOM: Well, it was…

MIKE: Short?

TOM: Yeah, short.

So what did you think?

CROW (Jay Sherman): IT STINKS!

MIKE: Crow, it just started.

CROW: But it's a Pokemon fic written by a Digimon fanboy that likes wrestling a bit too much.

MIKE: Good point, but still…

Rate and send me your opinions.

(ALL snicker as they exit)

(0…1…2…3…4…5…6…gear)