Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ 100_Situations: Theme Set #1 ❯ Theme #76: Baby ( Chapter 76 )

Title: Baby? As if!
Author: Shadow/Phantomness
Pairing: Championshipping (Lance x Red/Ash)
Fandom: Pokémon
Theme: #76, Baby
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Pokemon belongs to Nintendo and Shogakukan Comics. This non-profit, non-copyright infringing fanfiction belongs to me under international copyright laws and taking it is plagiarism. Thank you. *Phantomness bows*

Notes: <> for telepathy, ** for thoughts, italics if a pokemon talks

Warnings: Shonen-ai, language, ANTI-MPREG

 

“You can't be pregnant.” Lance said, staring at Ash in disbelief. “You're a male!”

“But-but the doctor said I had the necessary female organs inside of me…” Ash sniffled. “What am I going to do?”

Lance sighed. “Ash, there is no way for a sperm to reach your fallopian tubes and fertilize an egg unless you have a vagina or at least some type of opening. And I most certainly assure you that you do not! Having Gary fuck you up the ass does NOT get you pregnant, so quit wasting my time!”

“B-But…”

“And even if you gave him oral, the lymphocytes in your bloodstream and the pH of the stomach acid would kill sperm.” Lance huffed. “Now get out of my room.”

Ash walked up to Lance. “Lance…”

“What?” He snarled.

“Don't you… want me?”

“… You mean sex?” Lance retorted dryly, while Ash colored. “No. You've already got a fuck buddy, Ash. Enjoy him and leave me in peace. Or if you were thinking about sleeping with me as a Christmas present, I won't do it. It's not worth it and I don't want to catch anything from you.”

With that, the Dragon Master swept out of the room while Ash stared at him in disbelief. What…?

 

“Bad day?” Red asked sympathetically, as his lover dismounted from his Dragonite.

“The worst.” Lance sighed. “Why did you give up your Champion position, Red? I have to deal with the most irritating little twerps at the Plateau now.”

“I'm sorry.” Red hugged Lance tightly. “Let me… make it up to you.”

Lance smirked. “Well, in that case…”

His day was starting to look up.

Why would he want a whore like Ash anyway?

 

End Fic

Completed 12/27/06

Written because I was appalled at the lack of biology in some poorly written MPREG fics. I hate MPREG. I mean, okay, if the person is hermaphroditic, it is NOT always a guarantee of pregnancy! *Huffs* and besides, having taken anatomy makes me twitchy!