Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ Ersatz Humanity ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Ersatz - Adjective, substitute, imitation, or Noun, imitation thing
Disclaimer: Pokemon belongs to Nintendo and Shogakukan Comics. This non-profit, non-copyright infringing fanfiction belongs to me under international copyright laws and taking it is plagiarism. Thank you. *Phantomness bows*
Notes: <> for telepathy, ** for thoughts, italics if a pokemon talks
Eh, this is post-Play the Game and Illusion of Weakness. You know, the fics where Lance is a game character/angel? This fic is slightly based on Chobits, and Angelic Layer, which both belong to CLAMP
Summary: Misty thinks Ash is cheating on her, but what she finds is hardly what she expected…
Timeline: 5 years post-Indigo, assuming pokemon ended there
Title: Ersatz Humanity
 
Ash had been sneaking out a lot at night lately. True, he had returned with two or three nocturnal pokemon - Zubat, and that new type of pokemon Noctowl, but…
She still felt restless.
So tonight, she decided to follow him. Just to keep an eye on him, and make sure he wasn't in danger…
It was her responsibility after all!
 
She followed Ash to a small grassy clearing. Releasing his Pikachu, he began scanning the area.
“Nothing?”
No. Pikachu lied. Ash nodded, and then took his pokédex out of his backpack. Opening it, he punched in a phone number…
 
“Ash?” A male voice spoke.
“I'm ready.”
“Where are you?”
“Viridian Forest.”
“I'll be there in a few minutes…”
Ash hung up, and then smiled. “All right, Pikachu, let's see if we can catch some more pokemon! Use Headbutt on that tree.”
Pikachu nodded and out of the tree fell a sleeping Spearow. One quick Thundershock and it was claimed.
Another Headbutt yielded a Pidgey, and then a Weedle. Ash shuddered a bit at it, but threw a poke ball anyway.
He didn't have to train all the pokemon he caught…
 
There was a slight displacement in the air as a flying-type landed. A dragon of some sort, Misty noticed.
Lance jumped off. “So Ash, are you ready?”
The boy nodded.
Misty twitched. Ash was sleeping with - er, cheating on her with Lance? With her older half-brother?!
That made no sense! They'd never even met!
 
She watched as Lance removed a slender silver key, about four inches long, from his cloak, and turned to Ash, who screwed his eyes shut.
“This shouldn't hurt, you know.”
“I know, but I don't want to watch…”
Lance nodded as Ash took off his jacket and t-shirt, shivering slightly. With a sudden movement, the key had fitted into its lock and Ash's entire chest swung open.
Misty stifled a scream, before rubbing her eyes. Was this a dream?
Inside was a small panel of blinking lights and a few tangled wires…
 
“Hmm,” Lance said, as he inserted a memory card. “Did anything of importance happen in the last three months?”
“Two months ago, she told me she was in love with me and I gave her the appropriate response.” Although it was said in Ash's normal tone of voice, it sounded heartless - which it was, of course.
“Excellent.” Lance said. “How long will it take to scan your system?”
“About two hours, Lance.”
“All right. I also have some upgrades we need to put in. We can remove two of the training blocks we put in as well.”
“Thank you, Lance.”
“It's nothing.” Lance smirked. “Notify me when your sequencing is complete.” Taking a thick copy of Don Quixote out of his cloak - how had it fit in there? The Dragon Master sat down on a convenient grassy knoll and began to read.
Half an hour later, Pikachu jumped onto Lance's lap.
“What is it, little one?”
I think my software is broken in some places.
“Oh? Ash didn't tell me that. I'll take a look…” Lance produced a one-inch long golden key this time, turning a hidden spring in Pikachu's back. Opening it up, he winced.
“Your electric attacks are broken. What happened?”
Slam attack from an Onix a week ago.
“Figures… well, once the training blocks are removed, Ash should take better care of you all.” Lance said, as he began fiddling. “Your system restore didn't work?”
No, Lance. I was unable to boot up system restore and Ash isn't high level enough to activate it for me yet.
“Well, now he will be.” Lance said quietly, as he finished pressing wires into place, pulling a chip out of his pocket to fix. “What about now?”
Accessing system restore… Pikachu's eyes glazed over, and it began to hum quietly, indicating compliance. Unit One will now shut down and restart… five, four, three, two, one, and…Shut down!
Lance frowned as he watched Pikachu, before he walked over to Ash's backpack and took out three more poke balls.
With a *Shoom*, Bulbasaur, Squirtle, and Pidgeotto were released.
 
“Units Two, Three, and Four. Anything to report?”
This is Unit Two reporting. Pidgeotto spoke. Master Ash - Unit Zero, still capable of rebuffing the `no evolution' clause. However, Unit Five seems to be suffering from lack of maintenance.
“Unit Five would be Brock… I thought Bruno was in charge of him.”
Bruno has not been here for almost six months.
“Six months?” Lance looked at Squirtle - Unit Four - quickly. “That… I'll see what I can do, but I'm not familiar with his model.”
He's been sitting around goofily, barely speaking…
“Well, at least that was his programmed personality. It's just a bit worse now. Two, Three, Four, are you all in one piece?”
The three pokémon-type robots nodded.
“Excellent.”
Lance walked back to the campsite and began fiddling with Brock's controls, hacked his way in, and started rewriting. Bruno, that idiot…
Two hours later, Ash and the rest of the group had returned.
“Well, Ash, you're all fixed now. I'm putting you in charge.”
“Yes, Lance.”
“Call me if anything happens.”
“I understand.”
Lance released his Dragonair and flew off.
 
Behind the bush, Misty shivered. What was going on? Why were Ash and Brock robots? It made no sense!
 
End chapter
Completed 7/1/05
Ash: I'm a robot?!
Phantomness: Why not?
Lance: *shrugs* I've been a doll, so you have no right to complain