Project A-Ko Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Vampire Hunter (Darkstalkers) Fan Fiction ❯ Nabiki 1/2 (A Very Scary Thought) ❯ Enter...The Master!... ( Chapter 30 )

Nabiki 1/2

(A Very Scary Thought)

Written by Jim Robert Bader

Proofread by Shiva Barnwell

Based Upon the Altered Destinies Storyline

Inspired by the works of such fans as

Wade Tritshler

Richard Lawson

James Jones

And Many Others

Standard Disclaimer: This is inspired by the work of Takahashi Rumiko and is not my original creation. All characters belong to her. This is only a fanfictional work, and is not intended to compromise the rights of the original owners, distributors and publishers of the Ranma series. I have no money to spare and would very much appreciate if no one tries to sue me.

"SHAMPOO!!!" screamed Ukyo as she came charging into the yard with baker's peel in hand, her eyes flashing murderous intentions.

"What Spatula girl now want?" Shampoo asked without the least trace of concern in her voice, while Ranma looked pale beside her.

Ukyo came to a halt only a few steps away, breathing heavily from other than any exertion on her part, "I've just been on the phone with my father and he tells me the restaurant that I've been waiting for all my life has just gained a new co-owner! Somebody made a deal with the previous owner and insisted on an iron-clad contract that requires me to be a co-tenant in my own place-AND GUESS WHO THE OTHER PARTY IN THIS DEAL TURNS OUT TO BE?"

Shampoo suddenly looked at her wide-eyed, "Great Grandmother?"

"BINGO!" Ukyo cried as she leapt forward with her spatula raised to attack.

Ranma suddenly thrust himself in her path, arms raised to deflect the weapon, but Ukyo managed to stop herself in time.

"Get out of my way, Ran-chan!" Ukyo hissed, "This is between me and that purple-haired harlot…"

"No, Ucchan," Ranma replied, "No fighting! Let's try and talk this out…"

"Talk?" Ukyo almost screeched at him, shaking visibly in anger, "All my life I've been waiting for the moment when my Dad would give me his trust and allow me to manage my own restaurant, and who has to go and spoil the moment? No way am I taking this calmly! This can only be settled in blood…"

"And what has Shampoo got to do with this?" Ranma said calmly, "Nothing! You can't blame her for what her great grandmother is doing on behalf of Shampoo's cousin! This isn't her fault, so find another target!"

"But…Ranchan…" Ukyo's voice still shook, but this time not from anger.

"Why boy interfere in Shampoo challenge?" Shampoo moved around him, looking at Ranma with a curious expression before coming to stand before Ukyo, "Shampoo understand why Spatula girl mad. Shampoo know what mean to have dream other spoil. Shampoo no blame Spatula girl for anger…"

"Would you stop calling me that?" Ukyo's voice still sounded raw, and she seemed almost on the verge of crying, "I'm Kuonji Ukyo, not 'Spatula Girl,' I'm a human being with honest needs, and somehow you Amazons keep getting in the way of everything…"

"If Kuonji Ukyo feel that way, then Shampoo no argue," Shampoo said with firm resolution, "Take best shot, Shampoo no avoid you."

Ukyo blinked, "W-what…?"

"If Ukyo want revenge on Amazons, then Shampoo no dodge," Shampoo said firmly, "Shampoo… feel Ukyo no ask for trouble. Ukyo make mistake, but no ask for marriage. Ukyo defend Airen, Shampoo owe that. Ukyo no want Great Grandmother interfere in life, Shampoo very sorry. Great Grandmother do what Elder think best, but Shampoo no like see this way. Ukyo have pain, Shampoo know pain. If pain need show, then show. Shampoo no stop you."

"Sh-Shampoo?" Ukyo was trembling now, then slowly she sank to her knees, clutching her baker's peel for support as she broke down and sobbed into her shoulder.

Shampoo stood looking down at her as if uncertain what was required. Ranma knelt down and placed a hand on Ukyo's shoulder and said, "Ucchan…what does this mean? That old ghoul didn't take the restaurant from you?"

"Worse," Ukyo's voice stifled a sob and she grit her teeth before she answered, "It means she's now my partner…and my own father signed the deed. If I put my signature on the contract now, then I'll be signing away my rights to run my own business as I see fit! It's hopeless!"

"Great Grandmother…" Shampoo paused before continuing, "She force you make choice, not let you set down roots that keep you from returning to Joketsuzoku."

"Damn her," Ukyo's fists tightened on the handle of her weapon as she spat at the ground, "Damn you all for doing this to me…"

"Ucchan…" Ranma said, wanting to say or do something to comfort her. If there was one thing he could not bear it was seeing a woman cry, any woman, either friend or iinazuke.

"She's gone too far this time," a masculine voice said, and Ranma turned to see Nabiki standing there beside his father, "That old woman has got to learn her limits."

"Airen?" Shampoo looked to Nabiki in confusion.

"Shampoo," Nabiki said, "I heard what you just told Ukyo, and I think you're starting to understand the awful mess your great grandmother has put all of us into. I want to know if you're sincere in wanting to help, or is this just your way of dealing with feeling guilty."

"Airen," Shampoo winced, "You no doubt Shampoo? Shampoo no want make others unhappy…"

"You just want to be happy," Nabiki finished for her, "But there's a price for that happiness: You have to be willing to defy your own great grandmother."

"Defy Elder?" Shampoo's voice quailed, but the uncertainty in her voice was a question, as if the thought had never really occurred to her before now, "Shampoo no want face anger of Great Grandmother…but…if Airen mean to defy…then Shampoo no have choice. Shampoo is Airen's wife. Airen decide what is right. Shampoo…Shampoo stand with Airen."

Ukyo slowly turned to look up at her, confusion and hope in her eyes as she said, "Can…can you tell me what to do? I don't know anything about Amazon laws, but…"

"You have choice," Shampoo said softly, "Must do right by Perfume Cousin, but no be forced go Joketsuzoku if stand with Airen and Shampoo. Ranma also stand by Airen. Must be united…make…make Elder see that choice has consequences. Elder one voice…other voices unite, can challenge Elder."

"Is this possible?" Genma asked, "Is there a special provision in your laws that allows you to challenge the authority of an Elder?"

Shampoo nodded slowly, "Is choice of every Amazon to make challenge. Elders define law, but no tyrants. Law is greater than Elders. Elders interpret law to fit conditions…very strange cases rise that need special interpretation. For every law…several different interpretations…"

"In other words they mediate like Jurists," Nabiki said thoughtfully, "Part Legislative body, part High Priest, part Judge. Very interesting. The next logical question is: can we defend ourselves without having to use violence?"

"No," Shampoo shook her head, "If we in village Shampoo Airen could appeal to body of Elders make special ruling. Great Grandmother greatest of Leaders, but she have rivals, no agree all time. If most no agree, Great Grandmother back down…"

"Great," Ukyo sniffed, "Then all we'd have to do is go to Joketsuzoku."

"No good idea for you," Shampoo warned, "Great Grandmother very cunning, take excuse to throw you in Nannichuan, Spring of Drowned man. Maybe throw Ranma into Nyannichuan just for spite, turn boy into girl, maybe weaken before Elders."

"Not much on fair play, is she?" Nabiki snorted.

"Great Grandmother only respect good fighter and law," Shampoo answered, "She do what she think right for Amazons. Joketsuzoku needs strong warriors. You impress Great Grandmother with skill, she maybe like you, be charitable," Shampoo sighed and added with resignation, "If defy she punish. Shampoo know she risk Great Grandmother's anger if go against judgement. She punish Shampoo, maybe take to Jusenkyo."

"She'd deliberately curse you?" Ranma gasped, "Your own Great Grandmother?"

"Hiibaachan very proud," Shampoo replied, "No like when challenged. Maybe punish Shampoo turn her into…thing Airen most fear, Maonnichuan, same as Cousin."

"The spring of drowned…" Nabiki paled, "And she would do that, the old ghoul!"

"I take it then that challenging her means mortal combat?" Ukyo asked in resignation.

"That would sound inevitable," Genma said grimly, "Trouble is, I don't think even you could face her at your training level, Nabiki-chan."

"I've already gone up against her once," Nabiki nodded grimly, "She was taking it easy with me and I barely held my own. She's too fast and skilled and knows techniques none of us have ever heard of, and we already know how dangerous it is to let her get close enough to touch you."

"What if we all came at her at once?" Ukyo suggested, "Surely we could beat her with force of numbers?"

"That wouldn't be very honorable," Ranma said with a sigh, "But it might be our only chance."

Shampoo shook her head, "No, even that no be enough for Great Grandmother. One or many, she still defeat us."

Nabiki noticed that Shampoo was including herself in that estimation and decided to push forward, "Would she respect a united front, or is it up to one individual to defeat her?"

"Great Grandmother respect force," Shampoo replied, "But force no change mind. If defeated she accept you right to decide, she no force issue, but…you no defeat her. Can only be strong, impress Great Grandmother, be great warrior, earn right to fair hearing."

"And how do I do that?" Nabiki asked, pressing ahead, "Become a better warrior? Learn new techniques, impress her with my knowledge?"

"That work," Shampoo nodded, "Maybe you show you progress, she listen. Maybe show one day you good enough defeat her…"

"I made it!" a voice gasped from the vicinity of the dojo, "I'm back at the Tendo House…at last…"

"Ryoga-kun?" Ukyo said as they all turned to see the perpetually lost boy clinging to the doorframe, looking ready to collapse.

"Where have you been?" Ranma asked, "We've…um…Akane's been worried sick about you since you didn't show up last night. We thought you'd wandered off and gotten lost…"

"I did," Ryoga said, "When everybody got up to see who was doing the shouting I somehow found myself in the closet, and then later I tried to find the bathroom and wound up outside, then I tried to make it back and found myself in the dojo, and then when I tried to make my way back to the house…"

"All right," Nabiki sighed, "We get the point. How did you finally get back here?"

"A nice old lady pointed me in the right direction," Ryoga frowned, "She gave me something that she wanted me to give to you, it's in my backpack," Ryoga reached behind himself and started fishing out a brown bag of chestnuts, which he handed over to Nabiki.

"For me?" Nabiki took the chestnuts in hand then casually turned a look towards Shampoo and said, "You know what this is about?"

Shampoo looked at the bag, then at Ryoga, "Great Grandmother give this?"

Ryoga frowned, "She was your Grandmother? She mentioned you, something about you knowing what to do, whatever that mean…"

"It mean…" Shampoo frowned, looking worried, "She want Shampoo train Airen…teach her special Amazon technique…"

"Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken?" Genma asked her, then smiled as he saw Shampoo look at him and said, "That speed technique you demonstrated to us a little while ago. You mentioned it again to a certain panda…"

Shampoo nodded, then squared her shoulders and said, "I teach Airen technique. You learn speed, improve as fighter, then maybe Great Grandmother respect you."

"This is too easy," Ranma frowned, "She's goading you into it, Nabiki-chan."

"Obviously," Nabiki nodded, "Unfortunately I don't see a lot of other options besides this one. Okay, Sham-chan, show me what I need to know. How exactly is this technique mastered?"

"First we start pit-fire," Shampoo said calmly, "Then throw chestnuts in, then pull out with bare hands…"

"Nani?" Ukyo blurted, "That's it? You pull nuts out of a fire?"

"Why you think it have name?" Shampoo looked at her blandly, "If no get burned, then you speed good enough to face Great Grandmother."

"Well, I'll try anything at this point," Nabiki sighed, "Ucchan, would you mind helping Ryoga-kun find the house? He looks ready to drop dead from hunger. Have Kasumi serve him some noodles."

"All right, Nab-chan," Ukyo replied, taking Ryoga by the hand and all but dragging him along.

"This technique sounds incredible," Ranma was saying, "You can actually move fast enough to pull nuts out of a fire without burning your hands?"

"I've heard of stranger training methods," Nabiki shrugged, "If Shampoo thinks I can master it, then it should be a cake-walk."

"Shampoo demonstrate," she said, "After we get fire going…"

Sometime later Shampoo calmly sat back with a pile of semi-roasted chestnuts set before her as she looked to Nabiki and said, "You try again? You getting better."

"Ah…" Nabiki looked at his singed and bandaged fingers then sighed, "Who am I kidding? I can't even bring myself to get near to the fire! Ranma, maybe you'd better try again…?"

"All right," Ranma sat down at her side again as Shampoo dumped a fresh handful of nuts into the fire, then Ranma composed himself as best he was able, ignoring the heat as he concentrated on the objective, exactly as Shampoo had instructed.

He suddenly moved, and his hands became a blur. Moments later he was blowing on his fingers while a small pile of nuts were gathered in his lap, smoldering slightly.

"Ow!" he winced, "Guess I need to work more on my concentration…"

"You very impressive," Shampoo marveled, "You learn quick for novice. Only do for less than hour and already almost as fast as Shampoo. No fast as Perfume, but very promising for beginner."

"Thanks," he smiled lopsidedly, then sighed, "What good does it to you if I learn this technique before you, Nabiki? I thought you were the one who had to learn to move faster?"

"It's called having a Control element, Ran-chan," Nabiki explained, "Every science experiment needs a control to duplicate or confirm test results. In this case you've proven that Shampoo's technique is valid and that I should have been able to master it by now. The problem is that I can't get close enough to the fire to even thrust my hand in, let alone avoid burning."

"Maybe you're going about the problem the wrong way," Ukyo frowned, "Maybe fire isn't the answer."

They all turned to look at her, and she squirmed slightly before resuming, "I just had a thought. I trained in my own speed technique when I was growing up. It involved learning to flip spatulas very quickly over a hot burner. Of course I sometimes burned my hands so bad that I couldn't get near a stove for days, so I kept in shape by practicing with ice…"

"Ice?" Nabiki asked her.

"It's kind of complicated," Ukyo shrugged, "I was always experimenting with new ways to turn kitchen implements into weapons. My family's Martial Arts system was developed around cooking. We learned to improvise by changing formulas and recipes on the fly…"

"Not a bad idea," Nabiki mused, then paused before saying, "Maybe ice is the key. Ice cubes floating on hot water…well, tepid water is good enough to scald me right now…but the point is learning to move fast enough to grab the cubes without burning my fingers, then maybe I could work my way up to actual fire…"

"Good thinking, Nabiki-chan," Genma said approvingly, "You always could find the hidden answer to every riddle, like that Gordian Knot you like to refer to…"

"Gordian Knot?" Ranma asked.

"And old reference to creative problem solving, Ranma," Nabiki smiled, "The Macedonian Alexander the Great once faced a riddle in a place called Gordium where legend had it that a certain knot had been intricately tied by a master roper. Whoever could solve the riddle of untying the Knot was said to be the one who could conquer the world. Alexander solved the problem by taking his sword and cutting the knot, a very early example of Lateral thinking, centuries ahead of its time."

Shampoo sniffed, "Alexander in legends of Amazons. Is said he fought Amazon in India and lost, later go back to Persia and die, very tragic story."

"Cutting through a rope was better than trying to untie it?" Ukyo wondered.

Ranma sniffed, "Maybe he just didn't want to go through the bother, he took the direct route."

"Exactly," Nabiki smiled at him, "That's what I love about you, Ranchan, Lateral thinking for you is second nature."

"Hmm," Shampoo looked at them, more puzzled than angry, "So maybe Airen try ice trick, then work way up to fire?"

"I'm afraid I'll have to go that route," Nabiki sighed, "Maybe you should continue to train Ranma, though. He can use the extra speed."

"Doesn't look so hard," Ukyo sniffed, "Bet I could master it in no time."

"How much you bet?" Shampoo looked at her, smiling.

"Didn't know you gambled," Ukyo raised an eyebrow.

"Great Grandmother say life is greatest gamble," Shampoo replied, "Not gamble often, but sometimes when stakes are right."

"All right," Ukyo returned her smile, "If I learn to do this as fast as Ranchan…um…you make my breakfast for a week, how's that?"

"Why stop at breakfast?" Shampoo sniffed, "You no learn technique, Ukyo make special Okonomiaki for breakfasts and dinner."

"Done," the two of them shook hands, for once in total agreement.

Nabiki cast a glance back over her shoulder, then stepped outside the dojo as Ranma returned to practicing the Amaguriken technique. Genma accompanied her part way to the house, murmuring softly in undertone, "They seem to be getting along much better than a couple of days ago."

"I know," Nabiki halted halfway to the house and stared back at the dojo, "Makes it harder to know what I'm going to do here. I still want Ranma so bad that I can taste him, but I'm starting to find it easier to have Shampoo around, and Ukyo…well, rival or not, she's still one of my best friends. I don't want to hurt her."

"Growing up means making difficult choices," Genma sighed, "Probably why I never did. I never could decide on the best way to please everyone, so I guess I got into the habit of running away from my problems."

"I'm surprised to hear you admit this," Nabiki marveled.

"You're surprised?" he chuckled, "It was Nodoka who pointed it out to me the other day. She called me a child rather than a man, can you believe it? But it's true…I couldn't bring myself to take Ranma away from her except to offer terms that would appeal to her pride, which is how I wound up making that suicide pact. Then I found the job of raising Ranma by myself too overwhelming, so I tried to leave him with your father, only Soun was too cagey to be taken in that way. Then I wound up being saddled with you because Soun needed some assurance…and I guess I found it easier to be an uncle instead of a father."

His sigh was heartfelt as Nabiki looked at him sidelong. Very quietly she said, "Perhaps it was for the best. You might not have been a very good father, but you were a passable uncle, and I guess I could have done worse. Who knows, if I'd stayed in my own home after Mother died…I'd probably be a very different person today, much sneakier and probably not a fighter."

"I'll still probably owe you for the rest of my life," Genma snorted.

"Count on it," she turned away, "So what you're saying is that, like it or not, I'm going to have to make a decision that will hurt two other people I care for, three if you include Keiko."

"I'm not sure if that is what I'm saying," Genma replied, "But pleasing everyone only happens in fables. Growing up means making hard choices, but sometimes the answers are a lot simpler than you imagine."

"You're not suggesting I marry them all, are you?" Nabiki laughed, then waited to hear him confirm the joke. When he did not she turned and looked at him, "Are you kidding?"

"Nabiki-chan," Genma replied, "Not everyone can live happily in marriage. Somewhere there is always someone who is the perfect match that makes your life complete. Finding them is the problem, and in the meantime most of us make the best we can of second best selections. Two people meet, sometimes they work out, sometimes they do not, and often love fails to last as long as the vows would have you believe. All I know is that I still love Nodoka, even though I've shamed and hurt her repeatedly. I'm surprised to find her still willing to abide by me after the many things I've done. I almost half suspected her of taking up with your father…" he paused, seeing her reaction and he hastily waved the point away, "I know they are just friends. The point is…a man can have doubts about himself and still care about the person who means most in his life. Nodoka and I…we're not really that good a match, but after all these years we've gotten…used to each other. There are worse reasons for marriage."

"Perhaps," Nabiki was very quiet as he stood where he was for a time, then said, "I know I could be with Ranma forever and it would only seem like a day. But with Shampoo…I know I'd be very happy…"

"There was a time," Genma sighed, "Before the Reconstruction, when a Samurai could have one wife and as many concubines as he could support. Legally only one was his wife, but the wife shared the house with the concubines and treated them like sisters. The man could take his pleasure with all of them and still maintain domestic harmony. Many of the best Samurai were known for their loves. It is possible that fate is trying to tell you something, if you can look past convention and see the clues to the Lateral path for the Gordian Knot you're trying to solve."

Nabiki was very quiet as he digested this, then said, "Sensei…sometimes you amaze me."

"Sometimes I amaze myself," he replied, "It isn't an easy solution, but it might be the best that I could recommend. Otherwise you must resolve to disappoint some of those who care about you, to betray the trust of one who seems to honestly love you, and force another to betray the trust of her family. So much betrayal hardly seems worthy of a great Martial Artist."

Nabiki was silent for a longer time before he finally said, "I'll think about it."

"I know that you will," Genma smiled, "I believe that you can do anything that you put your mind to. Your judgment in some matters has always been better than my own."

"I've waited all these years to hear you say that," Nabiki smiled, then sighed, "But who am I kidding here? Even if I master the Amaguriken it's only one technique. This Cologne must know thousands, and she trained Shampoo to be as good as she is!"

"That is a problem," Genma nodded, "She is quick and determined and has experience on her side. From all reports she appears to be one of the most formidable fighters alive…except maybe for one other."

"One other?" Nabiki turned around to look at him, "You know someone who's better?"

Genma blinked as if realizing he had just spoken aloud a thought he'd meant to keep silent about, "Ah, no, that is…I didn't mean that there was anyone…"

"Genma," Nabiki slowly growled, all too used to seeing him fidget like this when he was avoiding a straight answer.

"No!" Genma suddenly cried, "Don't ask, don't even think it! Some things are too terrible to even imagine! You have no idea…!"

"Ojisama," she slowly pronounced, "Who is it?"

Genma seemed ready to faint, but before he could crack under Nabiki's withering stare he heard his father say, "Don't tell her, Saotome! Even on pain or torture or death, do not reveal our terrible secret!"

"Father?" Nabiki turned an astonished look in his direction as Tendo Soun's face mirrored the horrified look that seemed to possess Saotome Genma.

"No!" Soun said adamantly, "No matter if the honor of our Family is at stake, if even the Gods themselves demanded it, we could never free…him…"

"Free?" Nabiki blinked, "Free whom?"

"Ah…did I say free?" Soun quailed, "Silly me, a slip of the tongue! Of course I mean we must flee, as far as we can get from all of this…"

"Otosan," Nabiki turned from him to Genma, "Ojisama…what is it that's got you acting so silly? If you know someone who can help me get the edge on Cologne…"

"Oh," Nodoka said as she came out onto the porch, "They must mean their Sensei, Master Happosai."

"Gah!" both Genma and Soun cried, "You said his name! Now he's sure to return! The evil will awaken!"

"What in the name of Amatarasu Omikami has gotten into the pair of you?" Nabiki demanded, "And who the hell is Master Happosai?"

Both men cringed in terror as they looked at him with warding motions. Nabiki sighed and looked to the one person who was not acting like an idiot, "Can you help me out here, Aunt Nodoka?"

"Master Happosai trained your father and uncle in the Martial Arts," Nodoka replied, "I believe he's Genma's grandfather, and maybe he's your great grandfather too. I've only met him a few times, a very strange fellow, not very pleasant to be around, but certainly acknowledged as one of the greatest Martial Artists in all of Japan."

"Formerly," Soun said, "He hasn't been seen by mortal man for well over…ten years, Saotome?'

"At least that," Genma nodded, "We buried…I mean...we left the Master shortly before I took you on your training Mission, Nabiki-chan. We both trained under the Master, off and on, for close to twenty years."

"Hai," Soun agreed, "And it was very rigorous training," he clapped his hands and seemed to pray to the heavens, "Master, forgive us for failing you in the end, but we had no choice if we were to return to our families and the life you denied us…"

Nabiki shook his head trying to sort all of this out, "Maybe I should get in touch with this Happosai if he's good enough to have trained the both of you…"

"NO!" both men cried together, then Soun pleaded, "Daughter, you mustn't! It's too dangerous, you have no idea of the perils…"

"Hey, isn't it my right to decide on that?" Nabiki looked from him to Genma and growled, "I don't believe you two! My whole life is in ruins and you're afraid to even talk about the one guy who might have a chance at helping me beat Cologne…"

"Did you say Cologne?" a voice asked from right behind him.

Nabiki turned around and stared, but there was nobody in sight. Then instinct caused him to look down at the stone temple next to the Koi pond, and there was a tiny little gnome of a man looking up at him with wizened features. He was somewhere in the neighborhood of Cologne's age, but the look in his eyes was young and bright with mischief.

Nabiki heard a double gasp, then he saw his father and Genma fall down to their knees and bow in abject humility before this new arrival, their tones pathetically pleading as they said in chorus, "Master, you have returned to us! Forgive us, we are not worthy!"

"I know, boys," the old man said as he lit a pipe and began to smoke it, "But I'm here any way. Bet you never thought I'd get out from behind that rock, eh?"

"Master," Soun said from where he groveled near Nabiki's feat, "We had begun to hope-I mean!-we had given up hope of your return…how did this come to happen?"

"Funny thing," the old man smiled, "A lightning bolt knocked over a tree and it managed to disturb the prayer chains you put around that boulder. Once it was gone I had no problem at all breaking free, so here I am after ten long years, free and as fit as a fiddle! Now what was that about Cologne again?"

"You're Master Happosai?" Nabiki slowly said in amazement.

"The one and only," his eyes twinkled brightly, "And who, may I ask are you?"

"Tendo Nabiki," he replied.

"Tendo Nabiki?" Happosai sat bolt upright and looked at him, "The hell you say! Tendo Nabiki is a sweet young thing who should be about your age…have you no shame claiming to be her? She ought to be a beautiful and voluptuous lady…"

"I am," Nabiki replied, "I mean…I usually am, but at the moment…"

"You don't say?" the old man suddenly studied Nabiki with greater scrutiny before remarking, "You're under some kind of a spell, aren't you? One that's trapped you in this form, and somehow Cologne's involved, am I right?"

"How did you…?" Nabiki gasped.

"I have my ways," the old man chuckled, then sobered immediately, his face looking resolute and determined, "That old bag has gone too far this time! Imagine doing this to a beautiful lady! Must be jealous on account of her own waning looks. Why, I remember when I was a younger man in training…"

"Master," Genma softly groveled, "Nabiki is my student and the heir to the Anything Goes School. I know I did not consult you in making this decision…"

"Quite all right," Happosai said, "I suppose it was the best you could do, but I thought you were going to train your son to do that. Well, never mind. I suppose I should be all wrathful and vengeful about the trouble you two have caused me, but I remember what it was like to be young, so I'll let bygones be bygones…provided I receive a proper welcome in your house."

"Of course, Master," Soun replied, "My home is your home, and thank you ever so much for your mercy…"

"Yeah, sure," Happosai said as he reached out and took Nabiki by the hand, "Come along, son, and let's talk about your problems. So, what do you normally look like, and how big's your bust size?"

"Excuse me?" Nabiki blinked.

"Well, if we're going to get that old Crone to restore you to normal it would help to motivate me by letting me know what kind of a woman you usually are. A man can't fight properly without his heart being set in the right place…"

"Ah, well," Nabiki hesitated, "I've got a photograph I could show you…"

"That will do," the old man said as he lead the way into the house while Nodoka stood to one side watching him pass, then turned to see her husband and Soun remain prostrate upon the ground as though afraid to move, and then she just sighed to herself.

"I have a bad feeling about this," and something in her knew this was an understatement…

Continued

Comments/Criticism/Am I Crazy? Probably: Shadowmane@msn.com