Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Mallet Sold Separately ❯ Chapter 1

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Mallet Sold Separately
by JP Buckner
ajaff@poky.srv.net
http://onewest.net/~ajaff/manff.htm

This is the disclaimer. The disclaimer. The disclaimer to my story.
The disclaimer.
Ranma 1/2 Ain't Mine. Rumiko Takahashi created it. I never even
met the woman. I have no involvement with any of the companies
that own the various rights to Ranma 1/2, other than as a customer.
Deal with it.


(ANNOUNCER WALKS ON CAMERA)

ANNOUNCER: New, from RanCo, a division of Takahashi Inc.,
it's...

(ANNOUNCER HOLDS UP SAOTOME RANMA DOLL)

ANNOUNCER: A new line of interactive toys, based on the popular
comic book and television series Ranma 1/2.

ANNOUNCER: Get these new, interactive Ranma 1/2 dolls!

RANMA-DOLL: I'm not a doll, I'm an action figure!

ANNOUNCER: Whatever you say, Ranma, my boy! Not only does
Ranma talk, but with one flip of the switch...

(ANNOUNCER FLIPS SWITCH ON BACK OF RANMA
DO..ACTION FIGURE. RANMA'S HAIR TURNS RED, AND
THE SHAPE OF THE DOLL SEEMS TO CHANGE)

ANNOUNCER: Ranma-kun becomes Ranma-chan!

(CG ON BOTTOM OF SCREEN: Ranma not anatomically correct
in either form.)

ANNOUNCER: And Ranma has plenty of things to say, as
Ranma-Chan as well.

RANMA-CHAN (voice now soprano): Kuno, get your paws off
me!

ANNOUNCER: The Ranma doll...

RANMA-CHAN: I said I'm not a doll, I'm an action figure!

ANNOUNCER: Err, The Ranma action figure also comes with a
special super soft head to withstand...

(ANNOUNCER BRINGS UP AKANE DOLL, HOLDING MALLET)

ANNOUNCER: Akane, and her mallet of doom!

(CG ON BOTTOM OF SCREEN: Mallet sold separately.)

ANNOUNCER: And of course, the Akane doll has plenty to say as
well.

AKANE: Ranma no baka!

ANNOUNCER: Ain't that cute. But of course she says more.

AKANE: Ranma no baka!

ANNOUNCER: Err, Akane, isn't there anything else you'd like to
say to the nice people at home?

AKANE: Ranma no baka!!!

(ANNOUNCER PUTS DOWN RANMA AND AKANE DOLLS)

ANNOUNCER: And of course, these dolls are designed to interact
with each other. Let me demonstrate with....

(ANNOUNCER BRINGS UP SHAMPOO AND MOUSSE DOLLS)

ANNOUNCER: Shampoo and Mousse. Mousse, do you have
anything to say to Shampoo?

MOUSSE: Shampoo, I love you!

SHAMPOO: Stupid Mousse.

MOUSSE: Shampoo, why do you bother with that vile Ranma when
I've always adored you?

SHAMPOO: Stupid Mousse.

MOUSSE: Shampooooooo!!!!!

SHAMPOO: Stupid Mousse.

(ANNOUNCER PUTS SHAMPOO AND MOUSSE ASIDE)

ANNOUNCER: Of course, all the major Ranma characters have
their own dolls, each designed especially for that character. They
are all here, Ryoga, Ukyo, Genma, Kuno and of course everyone's
favorite mercenary, Nabiki.

(ANNOUNCER BRINGS UP NABIKI DOLL)

NABIKI: If you want me to talk, that will cost you an extra 2000
yen.

ANNOUNCER: That's our Nabiki!

(ANNOUNCER PUTS NABIKI ASIDE AND BRINGS
RANMA-CHAN AND AKANE BACK)

ANNOUNCER: The new Ranma 1/2 interactive action figures.

RANMA-CHAN: Kool!

ANNOUNCER: Now available at stores everywhere! Get one, get
them all. Even Akane!

AKANE: Announcer no baka!

(CG AT BOTTOM OF SCREEN: Ranma 1/2 interactive action
figures from RanCo, a division of Takahashi Inc. Some small parts,
especially items up Mousse's sleeves could cause choking. Not
recommended for young children or hentai.)