Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Saotome Death Matches ❯ Saotome Death Match #1 ( Chapter 1 )

Saotome Death Match #1

Nabaki: Hello everyone! Welcome to the first ever Saotome Death Match! Yayyy! Currently, I'm the only announcer that the writer could find (and I'm here only `cause they pay), so the author is guest judging. Give it up for Mika!

*thunderous applause*

Mika: Hiyas! Wow, this is so cool! I'm in my own fic! Wait… *thinks* is that possible? *thinks really hard, but gets confused and wanders around in a circle* Woooooo……. Make the room stop, I want to get off……

Nabaki: This is not going as planed, err, *sweat drop* This will be a great match folks! To commemorate the first match, the namesake, martial arts champ Ranma, is going against his fiancée', the murderous Akane! Hmmm…. I'm actually gonna go with Ranma. Although Akane is my sister and a violent manic, Ranma has never lost a real match, so I'm going for him! Now, normally I'd ask the other judge who they think will win, but she's the writer so, you know…

Mika: Hey! That's not fair!

Nabaki: Anyways, since our writer is cheap, we have no bell, so we can't start the match…..

Mika: I can be the bell, if you want.

Nabaki: Hehe, you said it, not me! *grabs a hammer and hits Mika really hard over the head with it*

Mika: OUCH!!!!

Nabaki: Hey, that's a good bell, we should use that next match!

Mika: NO!!

Nabaki: Haha! Anyway, the challengers are entering the arena. Ranma promptly takes a fan's water and turns himself into a girl!

Ranma: I just thought that we ought to be even… he.

Mika: Ranma is smirking! Oh, and Akane doesn't look happy! She's running up to him/her!

Akane: Ranma, you jerk *SLAP*

Nabaki: Oh, she was unhappy, wasn't she? Ranma goes flying into the wall! Man, that's a scary look she has on her face!

Ranma: So that's the way that it's going to be, eh? Well, you asked for it!

Akane: Bring it on!

Mika: Ranma is starting the spiral! He's going to do the Heaven Blast of the Dragon! There is no way Akane will fall for that! She was there when they were training!

Nabaki: You forget, my dear Mika, that Akane isn't the brightest light bulb in the pack. She probably doesn't even remember.

Mika: Aaaahhhh!!!! Akane is a light bulb!? When did this happen!? Why wasn't I informed!?

Nabaki: *hits Mika with a banana* It's just an expression… *under breath* idiot.

Mika: *eats banana* and Akane falls into the spiral. Ranma readies the punch… but doesn't land it! He just can't hurt Akane! Man, that's disappointing…

Nabaki: But, um, Mika? Aren't you writing this fic?

Mika: Oh yeah, I forgot!

Nabaki: You know Mika? You're really strange. Just wanted you to know that. Hmm? Akane is smirking. Now what… She smacks Ranma with a really big punch! Ranma goes flying into the wall again! Hey wall, I think Akane's got it in for you!

Wall: I know that!

Nabaki: Did that wall just speak? Who built this arena any way? Hmmmm… Well, now Ranma is trying to climb out of the wall, but Akane takes a piece of the wall and slams it onto Ranma's head!

Ranma's Head: Squish!

Mika: Eww… It, uh, seems that Akane has won! And don't worry! Just `cause Ranma died in this one won't stop him from showing up in other ones!

Nabaki: Now says good bye to our guest judge, Mika!

Audience: BYE BYE!!

Nabaki: Great, now go away! *boots Mika out of fic* Come back next time when Akane takes on someone else! And hopefully meet the second judge! See you all later!

*Nabaki runs out and spends all her paycheck, while the janitors grimace and pick up bits of Ranma's head*