Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ The Evil Summer Fic ❯ The Evil Summer Fic ( Chapter 1 )
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
By: ashez2ashes 
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 10.24.2001 | Updated On: 11.07.2004 | Pages: 5 | Words: 2.0K | Visits: 362 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 10.24.2001 | Updated On: 11.07.2004 | Pages: 5 | Words: 2.0K | Visits: 362 | Status: Completed
The following is a spoof. Not to be taken seriously. It's evil and
I wrote it this summer.
----
Disclaimer: Don't own Ranma. Like big duh there huh? Ah what the
hell I cannot lie to you! I AM RUMIKO TAKIHASHI! Pay
me!...BWHAHAHHAHA...hey...who are those masked guys at the door? Oh
they're selling Avon! Of course! Silly me. Better let them in...
---
THE EVIL SUMMER SPOOF FIC
The Hibiki family were on vacation. Yes, the Hibiki family. Ukyou
and Ryouga got married after a life changing adventure of epic
proportions that changed the very fabric of time and space and gave
perfectly plausible reasons for why they were not with Akari and
Konatsu.
Which everyone has heard before, so no reason to go over it again.
Oh and Tsubasa died, for no reason at all.
Eh what the heck, Happosai did too. No one liked him. In fact,
everyone had a big party to celebrate him kicking the bucket. Which
would have been really morbid and mean had Happosai not been hated
so much.
Anyways, Ryouga and Ukyou were now a family according to a piece of
paper from the government. And so, as people are naught to do after
they get hitched, they had a couple of brats to liven up the place a
little. Unfortunately, they lost the receipts and were unable to
take them back after they had begun talking.
Big bummer there.
After that, some other stuff happened and then they decided to go
on vacation. It was after all, the thing families did for some
reason.
"Daddy! He's looking at me funny!"
"Stop bothering your sister!"
The eight-year-old boy who just went by boy (Why bother to keep
giving the kids names if they just got lost before you could invest
any time in them?) scooted closer to his younger sister.
"Mwhahahahha! Prepare for your death! Dad taught me a new
technique! The ultimate . . . touch of death!" He pointed his
index finger and waved it in front of his sister face.
"No he didn't!" The girl said. 'Cause you know, her name was just
girl.
"Ultimate Baksai Tenkillyu!"
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH! MU-OM!"
The station-wagon swerved violently off the road, falling on it's
side for a moment, and then righting itself. It was an old vechile,
but it worked...sorta...sometimes....once in awhile...
Ryouga turned calmly around from the front seat.
"Now children be good or Mommy might accidentally kill us all."
"But Dad! He tried to make my face explode!"
Ah, how many times had he heard that one? He had to pay attention
to these two, they'd stuck around for nearly eight years. If they
made it to junior high, maybe he'd even give them names.
"What did I tell you about using ultimate killing techniques on your
siblings?"
"Only use them against the Saotome kids from across the street?"
"Exactly! That's my girl!" Ryouga reached back and ruffled her
hair.
The car careened off the road again.
"Hey, where's your baby brother?" Ryouga scratched his head. The
little boy pointed beside him at a little blue bundle that was
bashing a rattle against the car door, creating large dents in the
frame.
"Ah that's good. Thought we were going to have to replace that one
too."
"Daddy! I'm hungry!" The little girl waved her hands around
obnoxiously. "When are we gonna eat somethin?"
The toddler created a few more dents in the door.
"We're going to stop at a rest stop soon and Mommy's gonna fix us
some okinomiyaki."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" was the collective response from the
children that could talk. The baby just sat and drooled some. He
WAS just a baby after all.
"But we have okinomiyaki everyday!"
"Please don't make us eat it again!"
"Anything but that!"
"Shhh!" Ryouga glared and then looked warily at the woman driving
next to him. Luckily, she was too busy being consumed with road
rage and cussing out the passing cars to notice any sacred Hibiki
family law being broken.
"How dare you cut off a beautiful business owner like me?! I'm an
okinomiyaki chef damn it! Yeah you better speed up! I don't even
have to get out of the car to kick your ass! I'd just have my kids
do it for me!"
Phew, it was a good thing she didn't hear the kids talking, or she
coulda REALLY gotten angry...
"Ow! Stop it! . . . Ow! . . . Ow! Dad! He won't stop slapping me!
Make him stop! . . . Ow! Make him stop!"
Ryouga growled and turned around again.
"Hit your sister one more time and your not getting any food next
time we stop."
The little boy opened his mouth to reply and shut it quickly. Not
having food was worse than death! Or having the Saotome girl steal
your pudding cups and push you in the mud everyday! Not that those
things happened . . . cause they didn't. And if he didn't eat he'd
shrivel up and his stomach would cave in and the pressure would
like...do stuff and he'd explode!
The little boy made a solemn vowel to be good until he had eaten.
His sister glanced up at her parents to see if they were watching.
Satisfied that they were both watching the road, she brought her
palm up to her arm and . . .
SLAP!
"THAT'S IT! NO FOOD FOR YOU, MISTER!"
"But I . . . But I . . ." The little boy turned in shock to see his
sister smiling sadistically at him.
Oooooh so that's how she was going to play the game eh? Well fine.
Be that way. The family didn't need a girl child. He would bide
his time. He would have his revenge, yes he would. He would be the
top child in the family. None of them would be able to stop--
"Aaaaaaaaah! The baby's biting me! Make him stop!"
The little boy yanked his hand free and glared at the baby. Stupid
baby! The little boy glared at the toddler next to him. The baby
just smiled. The boy glared harder. The baby pointed a chubby
finger to his temple as his smile turned sinister . . .
"Aaaaaaaaah! Switch me places sis! The baby's freaking me out
again!"
"No way! He bites." The little girl looked thoughtful for a moment.
"Ya now, he hasn't been the same ever since we accidentally left
him in that temple with those guys with black hoods." She shrugged.
"Daddy?" The little girl put on her, 'look at me I"m so cute, I
never do anything wrong it's always my brother's fault' look. "Are
you sure we can't go to McDonald's or something?"
The room fell suddenly silent.
She had said...THE WORD.
"I don't want to hear you speak profanity like that in this car!"
"S-sorry Daddy." She implored the 'I'm the cutest little girl in
the world with pigtails' look agian.
"Aww, it's ok honey."
The little boy glared. The baby...just clasped his fingers together
and mumbled to himself.
Silence was sent down by the Gods for 4.6 seconds...wonderful
wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful
wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful....wonderful silence. But
the gods didn't say it multiple times because they knew it would
only make the word sound odd until authors of the world would look
at the word 'wonderful' and wonder...is it REALLY a word?
"Dad! Do the wonderful thing!" The little girl put on her cutesy
overdose-on-sugar-eat my-heart-out-chibi-usa-cute look again.
Ryouga blinked. "Wonder-what?"
"Nevermind! You know, the glowy thing!"
"But I just showed you an hour ago, kids and--"
"Pleeeeeease?" The little girl elbowed her brother in the ribs.
The little boy looked up. "Eh? Um...yeah right! Do the thing Dad!
It's so amazing and uh cool!"
"You're the coolest dad ever!" The little girl smiled.
"Yeah, we're in awe of your awesome and god-like skills."
"Eh, I don't know about God-like." Ryouga blushed. Aww, maybe the
kids weren't so bad after all.
The little boy and girl smiled.
Just a little more and he'd give them ten extra bucks to spend at
the park!
The car swerved off the road again, hit a mailbox, and then righted
itself.
"Ahhhhhhh!" was the response from everyone but the driver.
"But we didn't even say anything this time!" The little girl
sniffled.
"Someone cut me off!" Ukyou growled in the 'I am mom hear me roar,
no cookies before supper' kinda way that makes children throughout
the world tremble in fear.
"Oh no!" The little girl pointed. "It's those snooty amazons!"
And sure enough, like the death star coming into view, a brand new
minivan pulled alongside the Hibiki station wagon. It's sides
gleamed like new, 'cause it was. The thing of newly polished evil
shone brightly in the daylight. But that meant nothing compared
with what was inside, three evil triplet mini shampoo's (travel
size). The little girls in identical Tommy Hilfilger outfits rolled
down the window and stuck their tongues out at the Hibiki kids.
"Nyahh! Nyaah! The Hibiki's are real dirty! They're mom is over
thirty! They can't find their way, even to the top of their bootay!"
"...Ahhhh! they're almost as bad as the Saotome girl!" No one was as
bad as the Saotome girl, the little boy knew that from experience.
No one knew the true horror of the red haired demoness...
"Almost?! Lather, Rinse and Repeat are pure evil! They knock your
tree houses down! They're pure evil! I've seen hell because of
them! Kill um mom!" The little girl pushed her brother over and
rolled down the window. "Prepare to die Amazon bimbo brats!"
Ryouga, despite feeling a nice sense of nostalgia stil felt he had
to do the parent thing so he turned around. "Calm down." Yes, that
sounded like a very parenty thing to say.
"But they're wearing Tommy Hilfiger! They HAVE to be evil!"
True. Ah, such smart children he raised. Well, sorta raised.
Television did most of the work.
"Honey, they're only children and--" Ryouga was cut off by another
older voice coming from the Amazon mini-van.
"Stupid spatula girl car look like it fall apart yes? Get too
crowded and finally decide to take pig family out to bigger mud hole
to graze?"
...
"GET THEM UKYOU!"
"RUN THEM OFF THE ROAD MOM!"
"MAKE THEM WISH THEY NEVER WERE BORN!"
The baby gurgled something that sounded remotely like 'redrum'.
And thus, Ukyou sped up in a highspeed family drag race with
dazzingly special effects, harrowing near death experiences, and
losta other stuff which looks too damn hard to type out. It was
really uh...wonderful.
Boom! Crash! And stuff.
"Yeah mom! We ran them over the railing!" The little girl cheered.
"That's what you get form messing with the Hibiki's!"
The baby bashed his rattle against the door like a gorilla who has
just snapped an unsuspecting tourists neck. You know, all savage
like.
Ryouga looked over at Ukyou. "Should we be worried we raised
heartless and ruthless children?"
Ukyou shrugged. "Nah."
"Let's go have fun at the amusement Park!" The little boy cheered.
He was happy too. That's why he was cheering.
Little did the Hibiki's remember that after their really cool car
chase their car was lying in the middle of the road. Aka. the
middle of traffic. Where other cars can hit it.
And so one did.
Recycled Generic Boom! Crash!
And so, the Hibiki's family vacation ended like most family vacation
do: by their stationwagon carreening off a cliff that then fell into
a bed of sharp rocks, and promplty bursting into flames.
Somewhere in the Saotome family car...
Akane turned around. "Eh, did you hear something? I thought we
just hit something."
Ranma shrugged. "Couldn't have been very important." He glanced
over his shoulder. "Hey kid, where'd you get all that pudding?
A redheaded little pigtailed girl in the back giggled. "I
dunnoooo...."
THE END
I wrote it this summer.
----
Disclaimer: Don't own Ranma. Like big duh there huh? Ah what the
hell I cannot lie to you! I AM RUMIKO TAKIHASHI! Pay
me!...BWHAHAHHAHA...hey...who are those masked guys at the door? Oh
they're selling Avon! Of course! Silly me. Better let them in...
---
THE EVIL SUMMER SPOOF FIC
The Hibiki family were on vacation. Yes, the Hibiki family. Ukyou
and Ryouga got married after a life changing adventure of epic
proportions that changed the very fabric of time and space and gave
perfectly plausible reasons for why they were not with Akari and
Konatsu.
Which everyone has heard before, so no reason to go over it again.
Oh and Tsubasa died, for no reason at all.
Eh what the heck, Happosai did too. No one liked him. In fact,
everyone had a big party to celebrate him kicking the bucket. Which
would have been really morbid and mean had Happosai not been hated
so much.
Anyways, Ryouga and Ukyou were now a family according to a piece of
paper from the government. And so, as people are naught to do after
they get hitched, they had a couple of brats to liven up the place a
little. Unfortunately, they lost the receipts and were unable to
take them back after they had begun talking.
Big bummer there.
After that, some other stuff happened and then they decided to go
on vacation. It was after all, the thing families did for some
reason.
"Daddy! He's looking at me funny!"
"Stop bothering your sister!"
The eight-year-old boy who just went by boy (Why bother to keep
giving the kids names if they just got lost before you could invest
any time in them?) scooted closer to his younger sister.
"Mwhahahahha! Prepare for your death! Dad taught me a new
technique! The ultimate . . . touch of death!" He pointed his
index finger and waved it in front of his sister face.
"No he didn't!" The girl said. 'Cause you know, her name was just
girl.
"Ultimate Baksai Tenkillyu!"
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH! MU-OM!"
The station-wagon swerved violently off the road, falling on it's
side for a moment, and then righting itself. It was an old vechile,
but it worked...sorta...sometimes....once in awhile...
Ryouga turned calmly around from the front seat.
"Now children be good or Mommy might accidentally kill us all."
"But Dad! He tried to make my face explode!"
Ah, how many times had he heard that one? He had to pay attention
to these two, they'd stuck around for nearly eight years. If they
made it to junior high, maybe he'd even give them names.
"What did I tell you about using ultimate killing techniques on your
siblings?"
"Only use them against the Saotome kids from across the street?"
"Exactly! That's my girl!" Ryouga reached back and ruffled her
hair.
The car careened off the road again.
"Hey, where's your baby brother?" Ryouga scratched his head. The
little boy pointed beside him at a little blue bundle that was
bashing a rattle against the car door, creating large dents in the
frame.
"Ah that's good. Thought we were going to have to replace that one
too."
"Daddy! I'm hungry!" The little girl waved her hands around
obnoxiously. "When are we gonna eat somethin?"
The toddler created a few more dents in the door.
"We're going to stop at a rest stop soon and Mommy's gonna fix us
some okinomiyaki."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" was the collective response from the
children that could talk. The baby just sat and drooled some. He
WAS just a baby after all.
"But we have okinomiyaki everyday!"
"Please don't make us eat it again!"
"Anything but that!"
"Shhh!" Ryouga glared and then looked warily at the woman driving
next to him. Luckily, she was too busy being consumed with road
rage and cussing out the passing cars to notice any sacred Hibiki
family law being broken.
"How dare you cut off a beautiful business owner like me?! I'm an
okinomiyaki chef damn it! Yeah you better speed up! I don't even
have to get out of the car to kick your ass! I'd just have my kids
do it for me!"
Phew, it was a good thing she didn't hear the kids talking, or she
coulda REALLY gotten angry...
"Ow! Stop it! . . . Ow! . . . Ow! Dad! He won't stop slapping me!
Make him stop! . . . Ow! Make him stop!"
Ryouga growled and turned around again.
"Hit your sister one more time and your not getting any food next
time we stop."
The little boy opened his mouth to reply and shut it quickly. Not
having food was worse than death! Or having the Saotome girl steal
your pudding cups and push you in the mud everyday! Not that those
things happened . . . cause they didn't. And if he didn't eat he'd
shrivel up and his stomach would cave in and the pressure would
like...do stuff and he'd explode!
The little boy made a solemn vowel to be good until he had eaten.
His sister glanced up at her parents to see if they were watching.
Satisfied that they were both watching the road, she brought her
palm up to her arm and . . .
SLAP!
"THAT'S IT! NO FOOD FOR YOU, MISTER!"
"But I . . . But I . . ." The little boy turned in shock to see his
sister smiling sadistically at him.
Oooooh so that's how she was going to play the game eh? Well fine.
Be that way. The family didn't need a girl child. He would bide
his time. He would have his revenge, yes he would. He would be the
top child in the family. None of them would be able to stop--
"Aaaaaaaaah! The baby's biting me! Make him stop!"
The little boy yanked his hand free and glared at the baby. Stupid
baby! The little boy glared at the toddler next to him. The baby
just smiled. The boy glared harder. The baby pointed a chubby
finger to his temple as his smile turned sinister . . .
"Aaaaaaaaah! Switch me places sis! The baby's freaking me out
again!"
"No way! He bites." The little girl looked thoughtful for a moment.
"Ya now, he hasn't been the same ever since we accidentally left
him in that temple with those guys with black hoods." She shrugged.
"Daddy?" The little girl put on her, 'look at me I"m so cute, I
never do anything wrong it's always my brother's fault' look. "Are
you sure we can't go to McDonald's or something?"
The room fell suddenly silent.
She had said...THE WORD.
"I don't want to hear you speak profanity like that in this car!"
"S-sorry Daddy." She implored the 'I'm the cutest little girl in
the world with pigtails' look agian.
"Aww, it's ok honey."
The little boy glared. The baby...just clasped his fingers together
and mumbled to himself.
Silence was sent down by the Gods for 4.6 seconds...wonderful
wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful
wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful....wonderful silence. But
the gods didn't say it multiple times because they knew it would
only make the word sound odd until authors of the world would look
at the word 'wonderful' and wonder...is it REALLY a word?
"Dad! Do the wonderful thing!" The little girl put on her cutesy
overdose-on-sugar-eat my-heart-out-chibi-usa-cute look again.
Ryouga blinked. "Wonder-what?"
"Nevermind! You know, the glowy thing!"
"But I just showed you an hour ago, kids and--"
"Pleeeeeease?" The little girl elbowed her brother in the ribs.
The little boy looked up. "Eh? Um...yeah right! Do the thing Dad!
It's so amazing and uh cool!"
"You're the coolest dad ever!" The little girl smiled.
"Yeah, we're in awe of your awesome and god-like skills."
"Eh, I don't know about God-like." Ryouga blushed. Aww, maybe the
kids weren't so bad after all.
The little boy and girl smiled.
Just a little more and he'd give them ten extra bucks to spend at
the park!
The car swerved off the road again, hit a mailbox, and then righted
itself.
"Ahhhhhhh!" was the response from everyone but the driver.
"But we didn't even say anything this time!" The little girl
sniffled.
"Someone cut me off!" Ukyou growled in the 'I am mom hear me roar,
no cookies before supper' kinda way that makes children throughout
the world tremble in fear.
"Oh no!" The little girl pointed. "It's those snooty amazons!"
And sure enough, like the death star coming into view, a brand new
minivan pulled alongside the Hibiki station wagon. It's sides
gleamed like new, 'cause it was. The thing of newly polished evil
shone brightly in the daylight. But that meant nothing compared
with what was inside, three evil triplet mini shampoo's (travel
size). The little girls in identical Tommy Hilfilger outfits rolled
down the window and stuck their tongues out at the Hibiki kids.
"Nyahh! Nyaah! The Hibiki's are real dirty! They're mom is over
thirty! They can't find their way, even to the top of their bootay!"
"...Ahhhh! they're almost as bad as the Saotome girl!" No one was as
bad as the Saotome girl, the little boy knew that from experience.
No one knew the true horror of the red haired demoness...
"Almost?! Lather, Rinse and Repeat are pure evil! They knock your
tree houses down! They're pure evil! I've seen hell because of
them! Kill um mom!" The little girl pushed her brother over and
rolled down the window. "Prepare to die Amazon bimbo brats!"
Ryouga, despite feeling a nice sense of nostalgia stil felt he had
to do the parent thing so he turned around. "Calm down." Yes, that
sounded like a very parenty thing to say.
"But they're wearing Tommy Hilfiger! They HAVE to be evil!"
True. Ah, such smart children he raised. Well, sorta raised.
Television did most of the work.
"Honey, they're only children and--" Ryouga was cut off by another
older voice coming from the Amazon mini-van.
"Stupid spatula girl car look like it fall apart yes? Get too
crowded and finally decide to take pig family out to bigger mud hole
to graze?"
...
"GET THEM UKYOU!"
"RUN THEM OFF THE ROAD MOM!"
"MAKE THEM WISH THEY NEVER WERE BORN!"
The baby gurgled something that sounded remotely like 'redrum'.
And thus, Ukyou sped up in a highspeed family drag race with
dazzingly special effects, harrowing near death experiences, and
losta other stuff which looks too damn hard to type out. It was
really uh...wonderful.
Boom! Crash! And stuff.
"Yeah mom! We ran them over the railing!" The little girl cheered.
"That's what you get form messing with the Hibiki's!"
The baby bashed his rattle against the door like a gorilla who has
just snapped an unsuspecting tourists neck. You know, all savage
like.
Ryouga looked over at Ukyou. "Should we be worried we raised
heartless and ruthless children?"
Ukyou shrugged. "Nah."
"Let's go have fun at the amusement Park!" The little boy cheered.
He was happy too. That's why he was cheering.
Little did the Hibiki's remember that after their really cool car
chase their car was lying in the middle of the road. Aka. the
middle of traffic. Where other cars can hit it.
And so one did.
Recycled Generic Boom! Crash!
And so, the Hibiki's family vacation ended like most family vacation
do: by their stationwagon carreening off a cliff that then fell into
a bed of sharp rocks, and promplty bursting into flames.
Somewhere in the Saotome family car...
Akane turned around. "Eh, did you hear something? I thought we
just hit something."
Ranma shrugged. "Couldn't have been very important." He glanced
over his shoulder. "Hey kid, where'd you get all that pudding?
A redheaded little pigtailed girl in the back giggled. "I
dunnoooo...."
THE END