Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction / Big O Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction / Digimon Fan Fiction / Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction / Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction ❯ ANIME DEATHMATCH!!! ❯ This Is Just Insane... ( Chapter 15 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Starcatcher: Hello, everyone! I'm the host of Anime Deathmatch(echo).

Vulpes: And I'm Vulpes, the be-a-u-tiful co-host!

Starcatcher: We're all very sorry this took so long to get out. We've been having problems with our computer…

(At Starcatcher's house…)

Sparky: STUPID COMPUTER!!! (Smashes computer with a comically large mallet) DIE COMPUTER DIE!!!

(Back at the show)

Kat: Anyways, sorry for the delay. And now, today's fight will feature-as promised-Spike VS Shiro Armada…without their shirts on!

Ladies in audience: YEAH!!! WOO-HOO!!! (Cheers, yells, screams of delight)

Andy: I say that this is SICK!!!

Blade: Nobody cares what you say!

Ridge: Aren't you supposed to be at the hospital?

Kat: I nursed him back to health! (Squeezes Blade) He's MINE Cuby!

Ridge: When will they stop fighting?

Vulpes: Probably when Blade finally makes his decision…

Blade: HEY! I may be evil, but I'm NOT stupid!

Starcatcher: (Rolls eyes) Oh, brother!

Sparky: (Pops up) Yes?

Kat: It's just a figure of speech!!!

Blade: What a moron!

Sparky: HEY! Don't be cruel!

(Suddenly, something breaks through the wall and crashes into the arena, accidentally stepping on someone…)


Starcatcher: WOO-HOO!!!

Vulpes: You don't like him very much, do you?

Starcatcher: No, but isn't it a little early in the show for Andy to die?

Kat: Yeah…

Sparky: *SNIFF* I'm gonna miss the little guy…

Everyone: (Stares and sweat drops)

Ridge: How did that happen?

Blade: Maybe it has something to do with the gigantic Barney rampaging through the studio?

Everyone: (Stares in shock as the Barney runs amok and destroys things)



Kat: Well…he is evil. He's been trying to turn little kids into mindless zombies with his show for years!

Sparky: Oh! Of course! Now I remember! He was one of my earlier experiments to take over the world!

Blade: Thanks a lot, Sparky! Now it looks like he's going to try to destroy the studio and kill everyone inside it!

Ridge: (Stares, confused) But…why?

Vulpes: Maybe it's because we've made fun of him, had him killed, and used him as an example of the ultimate evil?

Everyone: (Glares at Sparky)

Sparky: I never said I made him perfect!

Everyone: (Shrugs)

Ridge: Is THAT all?

Starcatcher: (All in one breath) OR it could have something to with the fact that the giant Barney that's scaring and trying to kill all our audience members is really a robot being controlled by Dr. Fakenstein, who wants to kill us for always stopping his evil plots to take over the world?

Dr. Fakenstein: (From inside the Robo-Barney, with a fake French accent) ZAT IZ IT ROBO-BARNEY! CRUSH ZEM! CRUSH ZEM ALL!!! DIE ANIME DEATHMATCH DIE!!!


Everyone: (Simultaneously) How DOES she do that?

Kat: No clue…

Sparky: But it's cool how she can say it all in one breath!

Ridge: Shouldn't we do something?

(Just then, three Zoids appear to face the evil Robo-Barney. It's the Champ Team. Harry's piloting the Dark Horn. Sebastian and Benjamin are both using Cannon Tortoises.)

Vulpes: HEY LOOK! It's the Champ Team from Zoids! It looks like they're going to try to stop Robo-Barney!


Sparky: (Raises eyebrow) You're kidding…

Ridge: The Champ Team? (Reads their profile on the computer) But they're the worst team out there! They don't stand a chance against Robo-Barney!

Starcatcher: (Smiles evilly) We know…

Kat: (To Ridge) She's hated them ever since Harry tried to hit on her.

Ridge: Oh…

Vulpes: You know…we could always-

Starcatcher: Try it and I'll trap you in Master Roshi's house with Melvin!

Melvin: (Pops up) Hi Vulpes! (Hearts appear in his eyes)


(But just then, the inner Sailor Scouts appear. Lita gives Melvin an atomic wedgie and the others drag him away.)

Ridge: Uh…what was that?

Vulpes: I have no idea…

Kat: Hey Vulpes? Didn't the inners promise to keep Melvin away from you if he bothered you enough in exchange for giving each of them a Gundam?


Sparky: (Grumbling) Five Gundams that you STOLE FROM ME!!!

Blade: HEY! We saved you from the REAPWWTAEJACFSR Company by giving the girls those Gundams!!!


Everyone: (Stares)

Vulpes: Oh yeah! Now I remember!

Sparky: It's just a good thing I installed a self-destruct safety mechanism…BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!

Starcatcher: Try it and you'll have to face the wrath of every single fan of any of the Sailor Scouts in the world. Of course, the people who absolutely hate them, or at least hate the inners and favor the outers MAY try to protect you, but I really don't think they would.


Sparky: Uh…nevermind…

Ridge: Can we PLEASE get back to the fact that there's a GAINT ROBO-BARNEY IN THE STUDIO!?! WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING!!!

Blade: You're probably right, but first, let's watch the Champ Team get their butts kicked.

Kat: Sounds like a good idea to me!

(In the arena…)

Harry: Hey you big Robo-meanie! I won't let you get away with trying to harm these innocent people!

Blade: (Rolls eyes, sarcastically) Ooooh…what an insult…

Dr. Fakenstein: Who are you?

Bit: (Watching the whole thing from his seat in the audience) That was a mistake…

Harry: I am…(dramatic pause that really isn't so dramatic) HARRY CHAMP! The man destined to become King!

Bit: King of what?

Harry: BIT! Be quiet! You're making me look bad!

Darien: Hey! I'm a King too! I'm gonna be the King of Earth!

Everyone: (Stare and sweat drop)

Starcatcher: I knew it…they're related…

Sparky: Gee…ya think?

Serena: (Rolls eyes) Yeah right…in your dreams Darien!

Darien: I WILL BE KING!!! I AM-

Serena: You're a total and complete wimp! Your only weapon is a rose and you can't even use THAT!

Darien: Yes I can! I'm the best at using a rose for a weapon!

Gohan: *cough*looser*cough*

Darien: I AM THE BEST!!!

Hiei: No you're not. Kurama uses a rose more effectively than you.

Darien: DOES NOT!

Hotaru: You barely even leave a SCRATCH on the enemy, then you give a stupid hour-long speech then run off and leave the fighting to us girls! At least HE can actually fend for himself!

Kurama: (Blush)

Darien: SHUT UP BRAT!!!

Amy: (Looking at her Mercury Computer) Actually, there's a 99.9999999999999999% chance of Kurama beating you, Darien.

Darien: Oh yeah! Your computer's busted or something! I can beat Kurama in a match and I'll prove it! (To Kurama) I CHALLENGE YOU!!!

Kurama: Fine! If it's the only way to make you shut up!

Starcatcher: Well…you've heard it folks! The next fight is between Tux Boy and Kurama!

Everyone: YAY!

Starcatcher: Oh wait! I almost forgot! The next episode is the Anime Deathmatch Pandemonium (echo)! We're going to have three fights in one episode!

Audience: (Cheers, yells, screams of delight)

Ridge: Hey…isn't that a spin off of Celebrity Deathmatch Pandemonium?


Everyone: (Stares)

Blade: So? What's your point?

Ridge: Isn't that considered illegal?

Kat: As long as the fans are happy, it really doesn't matter.

Ridge: (Scratches head) I'll never get this…

(Meanwhile, back in the arena, the Champ team is trying to defeat the evil Robo-Barney, and they're failing miserably!)

Sparky: What did you expect? They're the worst team out there!

Harry: ARE NOT!!!

Sparky: ARE TOO!!!

Lena: Be careful Harry!

Brad: Oh shut up Lena! Everybody knows you don't really like him; you're just using him because he's madly in love with you!

Lena: HEY!

Jamie: Or at least he USED to be. I heard he's got a crush on that host now.

Sparky: WHAT!?! (Faints)

Lena: WHAT!?! (To Starcatcher) YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!!!

Starcatcher: Wait a minute! I don't even LIKE Harry!

Lena: SHUT UP @#%&!!!

Starcatcher: Ooh…you did NOT just call me that…


Bit: Really Lena…one would think you would learn to keep your big mouth SHUT by now!


Sparky: (Wakes up) Huh?

Bit: *SIGH*

Brad: I'm beginning to wonder why Harry ever liked her…

Lena: Because I'm so irresistible!

Sparky: Or it's because he's desperate! (Pause) Or insane…

Lena: WHY YOU-!!! (Grows bigger, eyes go white, and flames are seen in the background, making her look scary)

Sparky: EEP!!!

Bit: You really think that every guy who looks at you will go crazy for you?

Lena: (Forgets about Sparky) Can I help it if I'm just so beautiful that men keep falling for me?

Sparky: And when did THAT ever happen?

Lena: I had Bit and Harry fighting for my heart!

Vulpes: (Getting angry) HEY! Bit only did that because he wanted to battle! HE NEVER LIKED YOU! NO ONE DOES!!!

Starcatcher: Except for the Lena fans who are most likely going to flame us for this episode!

Lena: (To Vulpes) At least I can get a guy!

Everyone: (Wince) Ooh…

Blade: (Slaps forehead) That was smart…

Sparky: It's official. She's either stupid, over-confident, vain, arrogant…

Kat: Or she has a death wish…

Sparky: That too…

Vulpes: (Glares) Oh…you are SO gonna pay for that!!!


(But at this time, the Robo-Barney, who was still fighting and tearing up the Champ Team, causes the horn of the Dark Horn to fly off and stab Lena in the back, hitting her heart, or at least it would if she had one.)

Lena: (Shrill scream that shatters glass)

Everyone: (Clutches their ears in pain)

Vulpes: (Pulls out a golf club and golf ball and sets them up) FORE!!! (Smacks the ball, causing it to go flying and hit an anvil that was teetering on a beam right over Lena's head, causing it to fall and crash down on her, then the ball falls to the ground and goes into a hole that just happened to be there)

Starcatcher: Whoa! A hole in one!

Lena: (Smashed by anvil and dies)

Bit: Lena…she's…dead…WOO-HOO!

Brad: BIT! Have you even considered the Doc's feelings!?! He must be so upset!

Jamie: He looks pretty happy to me…

Dr. Torros: (Playing with two new models) Whee!

Bit: Hey Doc! Where'd you get those?

Dr. Torros: Gifts from the cast!

Everyone: (Stare)

Kat: Well…we had to make it up to him somehow…

Blade: Man that guy's easy to please…

Bit: Uh…riiight…

Brad: (Looking up at the beam) But how do you suppose that anvil got up there?

Jamie: (Whistles innocently)

Everyone: JAMIE!?!

Jamie: What!?! She was driving me INSANE!!! I had to do SOMETHING!!!

Brad: Well…no one can blame you, but I still can't believe YOU were the one to do it…

Kat: Think she was related to Andy somehow?

Ridge: (Looking at the records) Actually, she's a distant relative.

Blade: But…Harry is related to Darien, who's related to Andy…

Kat: But that would mean…


(At that, several audience members turn green and grab the gag bags located on the back of every audience member's chair.)

Ridge: Now where did all those bags come from?

Kat: Swipe them from airline storage.

(Meanwhile, at the airport…)

Attendant #1: Hey…where are all our airsickness bags?

Attendant #2: All the tiny bags of peanuts are missing too!

(Back to the show…)

Kat: (Munches on peanuts until she notices everyone staring at her, then hides the tiny bag of peanuts behind her back) Heh heh?

Starcatcher: Kat!

Vulpes: (Also eating peanuts, notices Starcatcher glaring at her and holds out the tiny bag of peanuts) Want some?

Starcatcher: VULPES!!!

(Suddenly, a tiny bag of peanuts falls to the ground right in front of Blade.)

Blade: (Picks up the tiny bag of peanuts) Is it just me, or does the announcer's box seem smaller than it used to be?

Kat: (Innocently) What ever do you mean?

(The cast looks around the announcer's box and notices that the walls are closer than they used to be. A creaking sound can be heard.)

Sparky: What the-?

(The walls burst open and thousands of tiny bags of peanuts flood the room, reaching each cast member's waist.)

Kat: You know what this means…PEANUT POOL PARTY!!! (Dives into the tiny bags of peanuts)

Vulpes: (Get up on her chair and dives into the tiny bags of peanuts)

Blade: (Moving around with his eyes closed) Marco!

Kat and Vulpes: Polo!

Blade: Marco!

Kat and Vulpes: Polo!

Sparky: (Screams like a little girl) AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! I'M ALLERGIC TO TINY BAGS OF PEANUTS!!! (Runs off)

Starcatcher: (To Ridge) Remind me to keep a tiny bag of peanuts around for whenever Sparky comes back.

Ridge: Shouldn't we be more concerned about how to stop the Robo-Barney!?!

Starcatcher: It depends…is the Champ Team still standing?

Ridge: Their Zoids have been reduced to scrap metal, and Benjamin and Sebastian don't look like they're going to make it.

(In the arena…)

Harry: (On his knees on the ground next to what's left of Benjamin and Sebastian) NO!!! MY LOYAL AND FAITHFUL SERVANTS AND FRIENDS!!!

Sebastian: Actually, I never liked you. (Turns off)

Benjamin: Oh my sweet judge…I'll never see you again… (Does the same)

Harry: (Sits there, staring in shock)

Sparky: (Goes over to Harry and waves his hand in front of Harry's face) Hello? (Knocks on Harry's head) Anyone in there?

Blade: Well…if I had a heart, I'd almost feel sorry for Harry…maybe…if I was stupid…

Dr. Fakenstein: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! (Starts destroying the studio)

Kat: (Still eating peanuts) So…*MUNCH* is there anything that can beat him?

Ridge: It doesn't look like it…

Starcatcher: Well…we could use the Gundams, Magic Knights' Spirits, Outlaw Star, Blitz Team, Goddesses, or Big O.

Sparky: Is THAT all!?!

Starcatcher: (Glares) OR we COULD always get the MEGAZORD!!!

Sparky: Uh…never mind…

Vulpes: That wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you got whipped by the Pink Ranger, would it?

Sparky: (Glares)

Dr.Fakenstein: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! (Steps on Shiro and Spike)

Everyone: (Looks at what's left of Shiro and Spike, then up at Starcatcher)

Starcathcer: OKAY! THAT'S IT…time to call in the professional!!! (Pushes a big green button)

Sparky: Huh? What will that do?

Starcatcher: (Evil smile) You'll see…

Ridge: (To the others) Hey guys! Any idea what that green button does?

Blade: Nope!

Vulpes: Nuh-uh!

Kat: I've never seen her use that button before…in fact, I never even knew it was there!

Sparky: C'mon! What does it do!?!

Starcatcher: You're about to find out in 5…4…3…2…1…NOW!

(Suddenly, a big steel wall opens revealing…)

Everyone: GODZILLA!?!

Dr. Fakenstein: (So shocked he drops the accent) GODZILLA!?! SHE CALLED GODZILLA!?!


Sparky: Whoa! Ten exclamation points! He's good!

Dr. Fakenstein: Oh crap! How am I supposed to beat HIM!?! HE'S GODZILLA!!! THAT'S NOT FAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Starcatcher: You should've thought of that BEFORE you squished our two fighters!

Godzilla: RRRRROOOOOAAAAARRRRR!!! (Uses his tail to trip the Robo-Barney)

Robo-Barney: (Falls to the ground)

Dr. Fakenstein: (Shakes his fist in the air) CURSES!!!

Blade: Starcatcher, how are you able to call Godzilla here!?!

Starcatcher: He owes me for saving him from being used to take over the world by Sparky!

Everyone: (Stares, then turns to sends death glares at Sparky)

Sparky: Dum dum dum…

Godzilla: (Picks up Robo-Barney and twirls it above his head, then throws the Robo-Barney through the roof and into outer space)

Ridge: Is that even possible?

Everyone: (Shrug)

Melvin: *SIGH* Looks like I'll be staying late to fix the roof again…

Vulpes: When did you get back?

Melvin: After the scouts tried to flush my head down a toilet!

Scouts: (Whistle innocently)

Blade: And who says the meek will inherit the Earth?

(Meanwhile, the Robo-Barney flies through outer space and ends up hitting a judge satellite, causing both to fall to Earth, but the Robo-Barney burns up in the atmosphere.)

Dr. Fakenstein: CURSE YOU GODZILLA AND ANIME DEATHMATCH!!! (Escapes in an escape pod as the Robo-Barney is destroyed)

(Back at the show…)

Ridge: Well…we still have a few minutes till the show's over…so what do we do now?

Starcatcher: I guess I could take this time to issue a challenge…

Vulpes: A challenge? To who?

Starcatcher: To Cupid! That damn God of Love is the main reason for Chibi Chaos and Kat fighting over Blade!


Blade: (Sweat drop)

Starcatcher: Uh…right…and lets not forget how he seems to enjoy testing his love arrows on Vulpes!

Vulpes: Don't hurt Eros! I love him!

Ridge: Here's a question: can't Cupid make Blade fall in love with either Kat or Chibi Chaos?

Starcatcher: I don't think so. Cupid's arrows affect a person's heart, and since Blade, formerly Broli, doesn't have one, I don't think Cupid can do anything to him.


Meanwhile, in a medieval-type dungeon…

Cupid: (Evilly) MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! I have just the thing to solve that!


(Back at the show…)

Ridge: (Shivers) Does anyone else have the feeling that some evil person is plotting to do evil things?

Vulpes: Probably…oh! (Smiles and holds up a sign with her phone number on it) EROS! CALL ME!!! (Blows him a kiss)

Blade: This won't end well…

Kat: *SIGH* It's so romantic…

Ridge: From the looks of it, Eros seems to like her as well.

Blade: But what about Duo?

Ridge: I thought he was with Hotaru? Or was that Mina? Or was it Quatre with Mina? No, I think she was with Trunks…but…er…uh…AAAAAAAAAAUGH!!! All these fics are confusing me!!!

Everyone: (Shrugs)

Kat: Well…I guess it's pretty clear that Eros and Vulpes will get along just fine.


Everyone: (Sighs and sweat drops)

(Just then, the judge satellite finally falls to Earth, crushing Harry and his annoying sister, Mary, who rushed to his side to help him earlier.)

Harry and Mary: (Get squashed and die)

Everyone: (Stares for a moment, then cheers)

Starcatcher: Uh…anyway, that's all for Anime Deathmatch! Come back again to see Tux Boy VS Kurama, Haruka VS Vegita, and Hercule VS Cell in the ANIME DEATHMATCH PANDEMONIUM!!! Good night everybody!


Ridge: It's time once again for the closing!

Blade: We'll make this short, sweet and to the point…we DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS! SO STOP TRYING TO SUE US!!!

(Lawyers grumble as they leave.)

Kat: We're getting tired of doing these stupid closings! You'd better hope for YOUR sakes that this will be the last time!

Vulpes: (Happily) And don't forget to review!!! And don't forget to call me for a date Eros! I can't wait to see you!

Blade: (Smiles evilly) Neither can I…(looks over various torture devices) after all, we do need a new guinea pig to…test a few new torture methods on…

Ridge: (Stares) Uh…why does he want to hurt Cupid?

Starcatcher: Well…for one thing, it's Cupid's fault that all the girls are crazy over Blade. For another thing, torturing Vulpes' crushes is Blade's hobby.

Ridge: (Shocked) HUH!?!

Kat: I would help, but I still have to make sure Cuby keeps AWAY from MY Blade!

Melvin: But isn't Cupid the reason she's trying to steal Blade away from you?

Kat: Er…on second thought, LET'S GET THAT LITTLE CREEP!!!

Ridge: Uh…Cupid, wherever you are, I suggest you keep far FAR away!