Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Pain, Joy, Life ❯ He Hates Me ( Chapter 14 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Pain, Joy, Life


Chapter 14
He Hates Me





Joji-






Joj i got out of jail on bond, using his earring to pay. It had been a gift from Yoko on the last anniversary of the day they'd met, though how Yoko had ever gotten her hands on it, Joji really didn't want to know. It was jade, worth nearly two thousand dollars with a pure gold stud, and Joji hated to part with it. 'Yoko would rather I help those boys than hold onto her earring.' That thought made it easier for him to hand it over and sign all the necessary papers. It was made easier for him with the fact that the police officers only witness to Yoko's murder was Shit Face and, of course, he hadn't bothered to show up to give his statement once he'd made a clean get away. Joji was still expected to show up for his court day, in all honesty, though, Joji didn't expect to make it.

Walking out of the police station, Joji realized he had no idea where to go. With the shelter closed down, Ryo could be anywhere and God only knew where Touma was. For a long moment, Joji stood on the sidewalk, watching the cars and people pass him by, thinking.

'It's been so long since I've been without Yoko.' He thought, almost frightened by the possibility of a life without her. Joji couldn't even remember why they started hanging around each other in the first place, only that it felt right to be with her and now that she was gone, Joji could feel a terrible ache in his heart.

Joji thought back to everything he knew about Ryo and Touma, about everything he could remember them telling him. There was nothing in his memory that would tell Joji where the boys might have gone, so he turned his thoughts to the cause of his problems: Shit Face.

Shit Face had never told anyone where he lived, but it wouldn't be hard to find him. The pimp always hung around the streets where his girls and boys turned tricks, so all Joji would have to do was to scout around the streets he knew Shit Face used.






Ryo-





' It's cold.' Ryo thought when he woke up and there was a distinct feeling of emptiness next to him. It took him a minute to wake up properly, rubbing his eyes and blinking away the sleep that still clung to him. He realized at once that Byakuen hadn't returned from his hunting, yet. Normally, when Byakuen came back, he would curl up around Ryo and snuggle in to sleep. But tonight, Ryo was freezing cold, the fire having gone out while he was asleep.

With a thought, Ryo brought life back to the fire, stirring it up with almost no effort at all. Only then, when the old gas station was brightly lit did Ryo notice something very frightening. "Granma?" She was gone.





After nearly a half an hour of searching, Ryo was in tears, he was so scared. 'Seiji!' Ryo thought desperately. 'Seiji will help me!' So Ryo took off running as fast as he could for the Date home, but he had no idea what Seiji could possibly do to help. 'If I knew where Yaku-Chan was, he could sniff granma out, but Yaku-Chan is still off hunting. I don't know what to do! I'll tell the police and they'll help me, they'll have to. Maybe granma went back to the shelter, if she got confused or started forgetting again. Or maybe she went to a hospital, but didn't wake me up.' Ryo really didn't know what he was thinking while he ran, the thoughts were coming so quickly and swirled around his head wildly that he couldn't concentrate on any one thought. 'What if...what if she's hurt? What if someone hurt her and she can't get to help?'





The ice-cold rain that was falling, freezing almost on contact, and the howling wind made the cold worse. Ryo pulled his collar tighter around his throat, but kept running and he tried to ignore the pain made by the wind whipping at his face. After a quick stop into the police station to report his granma had wandered off and giving her description to the officer, Ryo ran out again. 'I'll ask Seiji to help me look and then I'll go to Shin's house and ask him and Touma to help. Xiu and his dad will help, I'm sure.' But Seiji was the first stop and Ryo was going to waste no time getting there.







Kanto-







Kanto thought she was dead, at first. She was so pale and still, sitting on the bench just outside his front door, but a quick check showed that she was still breathing.

Kanto knew that it was Seiji's fault he was wandering the halls of his own home so late at night, nearly midnight. The boy had been up so late doing something in his bedroom. 'What am I going to do with the boy?' Kanto thought as he restlessly paced the halls of his home. 'Honestly! Candles? Stones? Chanting spells? What can he be thinking? Seiji can't really believe in all that nonsense.'

But it seemed that Seiji did believe. Seiji worked furiously in his garden for herbs he said he needed for various spells that he'd tell them nothing about. He had almost two dozen books on different wicca practices and had just decided that he'd decided against joining a coven. "I prefer to work alone." Seiji told them at dinner a few nights ago, as if it was a normal, average dinner conversation.

Tonight Seiji was up late and the smell of strange incense wafted from his bedroom, making the whole house smell like spices. It was a pleasant enough smell, but not one Kanto could sleep with. He kept glancing under Seiji's door to see if the boy had put out the light, but it stayed on and Kanto was starting to think he'd never get any sleep if Seiji didn't give...whatever it was a rest soon. He had to be honest with himself when he said he had no clue what Seiji got up to when he was alone. Surely, the boy wasn't hurting himself and he certainly wasn't hurting anyone else, but other than that, Kanto had no idea. Seiji was very fixed on the notion that he wouldn't hurt any living creature, if he could help it, so Kanto wasn't terribly worried that his grandson was sacrificing anything in his room. 'But I do wish I could ask him.'

When Seiji had first come out and told them he was taking up wicca, Kanto hadn't reacted well and his reaction had started a good many blood boiling screaming matches. In the end, only Kanto promising himself that he wouldn't poke his nose into Seiji's religion had brought peace back to the household.

Still, the light under Seiji's door was on and the smell of spice seemed to only grow. Plus, now, Kanto could hear Seiji's low chanting of what sounded like a foreign language and he thought he should get away for a little while. As much as Seiji protested his faith was harmless, it made Kanto more than a little uneasy.

He had just gone into the living room when he saw the shadow of someone on his bench outside.

That was how Kanto ended up outside in the middle of the night and staring, horrified, at Akane. She was so pale; her skin was almost blue. Her hair, once done neatly in a bun on the back of her head, was hanging in limp strands down her neck and on her face. Her hands were folded primly on her lap and her head was tilted slightly to the side, where she'd fallen asleep.

"Akane?" Kanto reached out and shook her thin shoulder gently, but got no response. "Akane? Can you hear me?" Still, she didn't answer. Finally, Kanto gave up trying to wake her and, instead, picked her up. She was heavier than he remembered her being, or perhaps age was finally catching up with him, but Kanto managed to get her in the house without much difficulty. He carried her into the house and called out as loudly as he could, "Seiji! Honto!"

Seiji, since he was all ready awake, came immediately. Though the boy was barely dressed, wearing only a pair of faded boxer shorts, Seiji took in the situation as calmly as he usually did. He yelled for his mother again before running to the hall closet to grab blankets. Seiji followed his grandfather down the hall to the guest room and covered up their guest quickly before going to the thermostat and turning it up. "Will she be all right?" Seiji asked quietly, while Kanto used one of the blankets to try to dry Akane's soaking hair.

"I don't know." Kanto almost snapped. 'She can't die. Please, she can't die like this.' "Go help your mother into her chair, she'll know better than I do."

"Yes, grandfather." Seiji jumped to his feet, for once, obediently. Kanto had to give Seiji credit for that, anyway. The boy might like to fight and bicker about almost anything, but when a real emergency came about, he knew when to obey and how to keep calm.

'Right now, I need Seiji's calm. God knows I don't think I'll be able to manage my own nerves!' Kanto, now finished drying Akane's hair to the best of his ability, looked down at her sunken face. Now that she was no longer trying to look strong for the sake of her pride, he could see how terrible she looked. 'Please, don't die. I only just found you again.'





Ryo-





Ryo pounded as hard as he could on the Date front door when he reached Seiji's home, completely forgetting all the formality that Seiji's family expected. Ryo knocked again on the heavy wooden door as hard as he could before shouting at the top of his lungs, "S-S-Seiji!" 'Oh, please, they have to hear me. Someone must be awake!' "Seiji!!" Ryo screamed.

Just when Ryo was going to yell again, the door swung open and Seiji was there, dressed in boxer shorts and nothing else. If Ryo hadn't been so worried, he'd have blushed at Seiji's state of undress, but as it was, he barely noticed.

Seiji, strangely, looked almost as worried as Ryo felt. "Ryo, I was just about to come looking for you. Come in!" He grabbed Ryo's arm and pulled him into the house, hurriedly. "Mom's pretty worried."

"W-w-what?" Ryo stammered, letting Seiji pull him along. Seiji kept up an insistent pull until they came to the living room and then went down the hall where Ryo knew the bedrooms were. "What's g-going..." Ryo stopped when Seiji opened the door of the guest bedroom and Ryo saw his granma laying in the bed. At her side was Dr. Date, keeping a close eye on Ryo's granma. "G-g-granma."

"Ryo." Dr. Date motioned him to come forward and sit on the edge of the bed. "She'd want to see you, I think."

But whatever his granma wanted, Ryo would never know. She was deeply asleep and her breathing was very soft. Ryo bit his lip and felt his stomach twist itself into a knot. 'What do I do? What do I say?' "When w-w-will g-granma wake u-up?" He asked hoarsely.

Dr. Date hung her head a little. "We have to get her to a hospital, Ryo. I really can't say, I don't know enough, yet. It rather depends on how long she was wandering around, it's been so cold."

"Hospital." Ryo repeated numbly. 'Hospital was good. Yes. I should have taken her to the hospital earlier.'

Ryo dimly heard Dr. Date say, "Seiji, Kanto, I need to talk in the other room." They all left, giving Ryo a minute alone, and Seiji gave Ryo's arm a kind squeeze before he left.

'What have I done?' Ryo picked up his granma's cold hand and held it. 'Sister Jo warned me, but I didn't listen. I should have taken granma to the hospital when Sister Jo told me to.' Ryo felt his breath start to come in gasps, but he couldn't seem to switch his thoughts to something more hopeful. 'She's hurting and sick and all because of me. All because I'm to stupid to do what I'm told. I knew Sister Jo was smarter than me, but I'm not smart enough to listen. I thought I could do this.'

"It's going to cost money."

Ryo turned towards the door when he heard Dr. Date's voice. She sounded worried and Ryo moved away from his granma slightly so he could hear her better through the paper door. Dr. Date was talking to Seiji's grandfather and Ryo could just barely see their shadows through the paper.

"The hospital is so expensive." Seiji's grandfather said.

"We don't have any choice." Dr. Date said firmly. "She's got to go to the hospital or I don't think she'll live. She must have been out in that cold rain for at least two hours and her health wasn't good to begin with. I can't believe Ryo has any money to pay for it, either. He's starving just trying to stay alive. It'll take several thousand yen, at least!"

'What? How am I going to get that kind of money?!'

"Ryo? Are you going to be all right?"

Ryo looked up to find Seiji standing in the doorway, looking at him worriedly. Ryo shook his head. "No." 'How can Seiji even ask that?!' Ryo thought, almost angry with his friend. 'How could I be all right? My granma ...she might die tonight.'

"We called the ambulance just before you got here. It'll be here soon." Closing the door behind him, Seiji moved so he was sitting close to Ryo and put his hand on Ryo's shoulder. "Do you want me to sit with you for a while?"

"Y-you said you do h-healing magic." Ryo said softly. Maybe, if Seiji's magic was real then he could help. "Save her."

Seiji's hand tightened on Ryo's shoulder. "It doesn't work that way, Ryo." Seiji shook his head sadly. "Your granma is old and I can't fight nature. This is her time."

Ryo pulled his hand away from Seiji violently. "Don't!"

Seiji said nothing; he didn't seem at all surprised by Ryo's reaction, but Ryo was in no mood to think about Seiji. Seiji pulled his hand away and just waited.

"Y-you can't s-s-save my granma, you w-w-wont even try!" Ryo was so furious he could barely speak with the stutter coming back. 'Seiji's not even going to try to help! So much for his magic crap!' Ryo thought bitterly, looking away from Seiji. 'His wicca is about as much use as Christianity! All fine and good until you actually need them. Until you have to depend on them.' Tears stung Ryo's eyes. 'I couldn't trust on Bishop Brannon. Sister Jo left me. Now, I can't even depend on Seiji, either. It's all garbage! All religion! It won't save my granma.'

The fire in Ryo's mind was crackling and pushing at him, looking for a way out of the prison Ryo kept it in. It begged him, 'Let me out! Let me burn and let me take away the hurt!'

'You'll hurt Seiji.' Ryo protested, keeping his eyes on his granma's sleeping face. If he looked at Seiji, Ryo was afraid he'd let the fire have its way. 'I don't want to hurt him.'

'Yes, you do.' The voice of the fire insisted. 'You know you want to hurt him. Look at him. He's everything you wish you were and you're drowning in your envy. Since the day you met him, you wanted to be like Seiji, but you don't think you ever can. You want to hurt him. Just once, you want to make him hurt as much as you hurt everyday.'

'He's my friend!'

'But you want to make him hurt. I'm apart of you, Ryo. I KNOW you want him to hurt, so don't try to lie to me. Don't worry. I can't hurt him, even if I wanted to. He's like Shin. But I can help your pain. Let me take your pain and use it to burn this beautiful house to the ground! Let me fill this place with smoke and ash, let me burn everything he holds dear and then Seiji will hurt.' The voice was powerful, and Ryo could feel it trying to...it was hard to describe. The voice of the fire was pushing at his skin from the inside and Ryo wrapped his arms around himself. 'Let me out. Let me out. Let me out.' With every word the pressure grew and Ryo knew that as long as Seiji was here, he might not be able to control the fire.

'Leave him alone!'

'I only want what you want, Ryo. You know that. Look at him sitting there so safe and unworried. He deserves to be hurt, just a little.'

"Ryo, please," Seiji said, unaware of Ryo's inner conflict. "I will try to help your granma, but I don't think it'll do any good. Mom called the ambulance and they'll take her to the hospital. I think, in this case, that's the best place for her." His voice took on a pleading quality. "Please, I'll do anything you want me to do, I'll try my hardest to help, but..."

'He's lying, you know he is.' The fire's voice told Ryo and Ryo felt himself starting to give it. 'He doesn't care about how you feel or how much pain you're in. No one cares about you. No one except me. Let me make you happy, Ryo. Let me hurt him.'

'I have to get Seiji out of here!' Ryo realized. 'If he stays the voice is only going to get stronger! I might not be able to stop it and then Seiji AND granma will be hurt.' Ryo did resent Seiji, a little. How could he not be jealous? But Seiji was still his friend and he wouldn't let his friend be hurt because of him!





Seiji-



"Please, I'll do anything you want me to do, I'll try my hardest to help, but..." Seiji stopped talking, he could see that it wasn't helping. Seiji didn't want to hurt Ryo, but he had to tell the truth. Ryo's granma was very old and her life had made her body weak. There was a great chance that she wouldn't survive the night and Seiji didn't want to raise Ryo's hopes if he was only going to be hurt later.

Ryo looked like he was going to have a breakdown and, frankly, Seiji wouldn't have been surprised. Ryo was shaking and had just wrapped his arms around himself; halfway hunching over himself with his eyes squeezed shut. 'How can I help? I don't know what do to.'

"Ryo," Seiji inched himself closer and started to put his arm around Ryo. "Please, look at me."

Ryo's eyes snapped open and he glared at Seiji. "Go!" Ryo snarled. "Get a-away from m-me!"

"Ryo..."

But Ryo didn't stop to listen and moved away from Seiji. "You h-have your f-family and y-y-your home! Why w-would you c-care? G-get a-a-away!" Ryo was nearly yelling, and Seiji flinched away from the utter hate in Ryo's voice. He'd been hated before, by lots of people, but never by someone he considered almost a brother.

'He hates me.' Seiji thought, devastated. 'He really hates me.' Seiji reached out to Ryo. "I only want to help."

"Get away!" Ryo screamed and lashed out, slapping Seiji across the face.

Shocked, Seiji didn't have time to move and his head snapped sharply. It wasn't a hard hit; Seiji had gotten far worse injuries sparing with his grandfather, but it hurt all the same. 'He...he hit me.'





Ryo-




'This is it.' Ryo thought, watching Seiji's one visible eye widen as his hand went to his all ready red cheek where Ryo had hit him. 'He's going to hate me now and he'll leave. He'll be safe. I won't be able to hurt him.'

'He won't.' The fire's voice told Ryo. 'He'll attack you and then you'll have to let me out.' The voice laughed. 'He's to strong for you to fight alone.'

'No, he'll leave me.' Ryo answered, confidently. 'He'll be safe from you if he leaves and I can get a hold of myself again.' Ryo knew that he'd be abandoned again. This time, though, it was his choice.

Despite his confidence, Ryo tensed when Seiji leaned forward. He was ready for Seiji to attack; ready for anything that Seiji might do to him. Well...almost anything.

"It's okay, Ryo." Seiji leaned forward and hugged Ryo, putting his arms tightly around Ryo. "Everything will be all right."

Ryo froze.

"I promise I'll do everything I can, but I can't promise you miracles. I don't want to lie to you. I do care about you and about your granma, please believe me." Seiji whispered comfortingly.

Ryo felt the power of the fire's voice fade until he was able to relax against Seiji. It felt weird, letting someone hold him. But it also felt good to know that Seiji wouldn't leave him, no matter what he did.

It started with a choke and a single tear running down his face, but before Ryo could stop himself, he was sobbing on Seiji's shoulder and put his arms around Seiji for support. "I c-can't lose her. She c-can't die." Ryo wailed as Seiji patted his hair.

Seiji said nothing, just held Ryo and sat with him until Ryo ran out of tears and just clung to Seiji as if he were the last bit of sanity left in the world. Ryo felt weak and wrung out, like all the energy had been taken from him.

"I don't know what to tell you, Ryo." Seiji said when Ryo had calmed down. "I want to tell you a lie. I want to tell you your granma will be fine." Seiji reached up to wipe the tears off Ryo's face. "I should tell you the truth. But I think you all ready know the truth."

Ryo closed his eyes, as if that would save him from reality. "T-tell me...tell me this is a n-nightmare. Tell me I-I'll wake up and n-none of this has happened." When Ryo opened his eyes, though, the nightmare hadn't ended. "I'm sorry. I said those t-things..." Ryo would have started crying again, if he'd had any tears left.

Seiji gently pushed Ryo away slightly so he could look Ryo in the eyes. "I don't mind. You can hate me if you want."

"I d-don't want to."

"That's okay. You need someone to hate right now and I'm used to being hated." Seiji moved again and lay Ryo's head on the floor. "I need to talk with mom and grandfather, but I'll be right back, I promise."

So Ryo was left alone with his guilty thoughts and wondering what to do about the hospital money.

'Why did I stay at Xiu's? I'm so selfish! I should have gone back on time!' Even Ryo couldn't explain why he felt guilty about staying at Xiu's. It wasn't as if coming home early would have helped his granma at all, he just felt that he could have done something...anything. If he'd been with her to keep the fire going, if he'd brought the food back earlier, if...there were so many ifs. 'If I hadn't been born, granma would be safe somewhere else.'

Ryo felt like his whole world was ending despite Seiji's kind words and felt like crawling into a hole and dying. 'I can't just sit here. I have to do something. She's depending on me.'

"Ryo." His granma's eyes flickered open and Ryo sighed with relief, so glad that she'd finally woken up. Maybe she wasn't as sick as Dr. Date thought. Maybe everything would be all right, after all. Ryo's granma raised a hand to touch his cheek and Ryo held her other hand, so unbelievably happy that she'd woken up. "Such a good boy, my Ryo. You always take such good care of me." Her hand fell back to her chest and Ryo saw her uneven breathing. Her skin was so pale he could see the blood veins under her skin and her eyes were a sickly yellowish color. Slowly, her eyes closed again and didn't reopen.

'Dr. Date said she'd need several thousand yen, right?' Ryo leaned over and kissed his granma's forehead. "I'll be r-right back, granma." He knew how to get that kind of money. It was something he had sworn he'd never do, never let himself stoop to doing something like that. But this was for granma. Pick pocketing wouldn't do it this time; he needed a lot and fast. 'I have to do this.'

Ryo crept out to the bedroom window and into the night.







Ryo was very aware of the people who stared at him as they passed by. This late at night, there weren't to many people, but there were enough to treat him like eye-candy, drooling and staring. He saw prostitutes eyeing him up and down, trying to determine if he was a threat or not, but no one said anything to him for the longest time. It was still cold and the freezing rain drizzled down, but Ryo found a place under a store's awning to shelter in.

Ryo jumped when a hand landed on his shoulder.

It was a slightly older man in an expensive suit. He leered at Ryo with a nasty spark in his eyes. "You look like you could use a few yen, little boy. A man suggested you."

It was a fairly common pickup line for the prostitutes around here, and Ryo had heard it a few times when he'd hung around with Yoko and Joji. He'd actually been waiting to hear it for almost an hour as he stood on the streets watching the cars go by. Ryo pushed his hair back from his eyes and looked at the stranger. Very well dressed and a look in his eye that said he knew what exactly what he was looking for and that he'd just found it in Ryo.

Trying to squelch the knot of fear in his stomach, Ryo replied. "A-a-actually, I could use a l-l-lot of yen." He hoped he sounded confident.

The stranger ran a hand down Ryo's chest, down to the waistband of his jeans.
Ryo fought with himself not to run at the man's touch. This felt so very, very wrong. His mind was screaming at him to stop this, get away before you do something stupid.

'Let me hurt him!' The fire's voice screamed, furiously. 'He's not like Seiji or Shin, I can hurt him! Let me burn him! An insignificant human who dares put his hands on you doesn't deserve to live, Ryo!'

'No. I need his money and this is the only way.'

'Don't let him touch you!'

'I don't want to hurt anyone.' Ryo forced himself to look the man in the eyes. 'I really don't want to hurt anyone. You weren't able to help me the with Brannon, so I can handle this alone, too.'

"Is a hundred thousand yen enough for your night?" The man asked, keeping one hand on Ryo's chest.

Ryo froze. This was for Granma. He closed his eyes and choked out, "Y-y-yes." But a thought occurred to him. "Who suggested me?" How could anyone suggest him when he'd only been out here for a couple of hours?

The man put his arm around Ryo's shoulders and pulled Ryo uncomfortably close to his large body before pointing to a nearby street corner where Ryo could easily see a man holding an umbrella. Shit Face.

Shit Face raised a hand and waved pleasantly and Ryo felt himself go cold. But he didn't have time to wonder or worry about how Shit Face had found him. The stranger gave Ryo a slightly pull and Ryo followed where he was led.

"Don't worry, little boy." The stranger leaned down to whisper into Ryo's ear. "He said this was your first night on the streets, so I'll be real nice."






To be continued...