Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ I Don't Care ❯ I Don't Care ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

I Don't Care
By: RedHairRurouniFan
Author's Notes: Heya! Yes, this fic is called I Don't Care, but those words are so significant in Ruroken. They are the three words that make Kenshin feel accepted in this world. We all use the words without a second thought, but they just play such a big part in Rurouni Kenshin. Happy reading! Kenshin's POV.
Disclaimer: Ruroken does not belong to me. If it did I would be so happy and not writing an angst fic.
I Don't Care.
Those three little words give me so much hope. Both Kaoru and Misao have spoken them to me. They are such milestones in my life.
“I don't care who you used to be!…”
Kaoru told me when I first saved her from Gohei. I couldn't believe that someone wouldn't care that, I, Himura Kenshin, was Hitokiri Battousai. Yet, this young woman would risk her life and not care. I was mesmerized, curious, and some other unknown force pushed me to stay. That's what I did.
The last thing I expected was to hear those very same words spoken by another young woman in Kyoto. I had met Misao and was staying at the Aoi-ya with her and the rest of the Oniwabanshu. After she found out that I was Hitokiri Battousai, I left. But, just before my departure, she said to me defiantly,
“I'm not the type to care about people's pasts. Whoever you are, the man I met wasn't hitokiri, but just the rurouni, Himura.”
When she spoke, my back was turned so she couldn't see my face, but my heartbeat quickened and my mind froze. My eyes were wide with surprise, regret, and… memories of the one I left behind. I couldn't move. All I thought was… Kaoru. Her words were ringing through my head. She said that to me, and I've never forgotten. I mentioned to Kaoru what she told me when I left her, but I don't think she grasped the full meaning of those words… or the effect they had on me. She changed my life forever. Something inside me awakened, that I thought was long gone when I heard Kaoru's words. She did that to me. She was like the warm spring that melted away the cold, bitter winter inside of me. It was the first time that I felt forgiven, felt free. When I snapped out of my reverie, I chuckled. My sad, slightly bitter chuckle. Misao got mad at me so I told her why I laughed. I simply told her,
“Someone left behind in Tokyo said the very same thing. To hear it again, here in Kyoto, was not… expected.”
When I looked back at her, I saw her stunned and slightly bewildered face and felt a flash of sadness. I saw Kaoru's smiling face flash on Misao's for a fleeting moment. That one moment gave me a feeling that I thought I would never feel, that I was never supposed to feel. Homesickness. I missed Kaoru terribly. She was what gave me strength in life, the one that woke me from my silly mission. I denied myself happiness, now Kaoru showed me the way. It was as if she switched on a light in a darkened room. That darkened room was my life. She finally gave me a way out, a way to forgiveness.
(Misao's POV)
“… was not… expected.”
When I heard him finish that sentence and turn to look at me, I was stunned, no, I was beyond stunned, I was… well, I don't know. But then I saw an expression on his face that frightened me a little. It was a strangely… haunted, look. Sort of sad, sort of glad, and he looked like he wasn't really seeing me, but instead looking at someone else. He looked like he desperately needed something, or someone. He needed to find escape. It was written clearly in the very depth of his eyes. I saw it all. That raw feeling. I finally understood that his life was not something for us to understand. There were scars in his heart that would never heal, just like that cross-shaped scar on his left cheek. I stopped begging. I let him go. Himura was a man that had an infinite amount of layers; he needed to find his own happiness. And I knew that my words of not caring had struck a sensitive spot. I just hoped he would realize what that meant.
(Back to Kenshin)
I Don't Care.
Small words, big meanings.
End Notes: Well, sorta angsty, I know. Has the title begun to make sense now? This is just so significant a part that I had to write about it. Misao and Kenshin never really show how they feel, so I had to do something about that. I mean, no one can be so happy-go-lucky like Misao all the time. I know I might have made Misao seem a little too understanding, but I feel that she could really understand. She conceals her feelings beneath a cheerful mask, and Kenshin behind his rurouni façade. You first get a glimpse of Misao's not always cheerful side during Jinchuu in book 24. She was sitting on the well, crying and saying, “We said we'd spend time to together, you said you'd be waiting, Kaoru-san.” It was at night after everyone was asleep, I'm sure it was because she didn't want anyone to know how she really was. On a more cheerful note, I sort of took a line from Fruits Basket. Anyone willing to guess which? Leave me a review with your guess and I'll get back to you. BTW, the line isn't an exact quote, it is revised, but it's similar. Just so you know, as I was writing, that line just struck me as perfect. (Hint, Hint. It's from the second book.) Ta!