Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Outpour of Rain ❯ Lamentation ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is not mine, but I really wish it were. I'm merely borrowing it to satisfy the needs of my writing hands and my thinking mind.

Reminder: Sorry for the very, very long interval. I had to attend to so many things lately, that I found it quite hard to squeeze writing into my schedule. I'm really sorry, if updating will be done just once every other day or once every week at the most, I don't want to rush things up, it might turn out bad.

Another note: Sorry for making our Kenshin not himself, I will try to sweeten things up and to loosen the tensions, but you see, Kenshin and Kaoru are moving on their own and almost, as if, writing this novel by their wishes. I, myself, was even surprised to find out that what I had planned was quite far from what I was now writing. Well, so much for that, keep reading!

Chapter Two: Lamentation

Life is in itself

A suffering,

There's not time to laugh.

Only to cry.

Blood trickled from her swollen lip, the impact on her right cheek still lingers.

She touched her lower lip and stared at her crimsoned fingers for quite some time. Her eyes widened loathingly as she realized how shameful her acts had been. She acted like a whore in front of him, and she had been rejected.

"Dammit!" he shouted, vehement rising in his dry throat, "don't do that again. Damn!" He gritted his teeth and breathed heavily. He stared daggers at her pleading eyes and with clenched fists, turned his back on her tucked form and walked away.

Gasps and hiccups came in surge. She felt the need for air, and she doesn't know where to get it. Her eyes slowly blurred from the hurting pain from her swollen lip and slowly the world came to her, and darkness engulfed her…

Memories came in fleet, attacking the wary pools of his mind.

He stared at his hand, being reminded of how violent he had treated her. The rain was still mad, clobbering the roof with its winds. And the ear-splitting noise the rain made only added to the headaches he was going through.

He clenched his fist, there's no need to hurt her, came his thoughts. A gasp escaped his gaped mouth, and with the gasp came all the emotions he had been hiding for months. She was unworthy to be hurt; yet I have hurt her. What have I done?

Lost.

He laid his tormented body on the cold futon neatly unfolded on the floor. A good number of blankets were piled on the top of his clothes rack. To keep you warm. Her voice echoed in his memory, it was sweet yet at the same time haunting, terrified yet filled with love, filled with love even though everything was his fault.

Yes, he feels that everything was his doing. Everything was his fault. There's no doubt about that.

Kaoru had been but every inch the most perfect woman, always tending his need, always ready to give him whatever it is that he wants, and always ready to serve him whatever it takes.

Welcoming him to her house to live with her family is more than enough for him. It was too much kindness. It was love. Yet he never returned that feeling, he never even bothered to show her that he, for a matter of time, took care of her odd feeling.

The start of their relationship as more than benefactor and wanderer was really quite clouded for him. He can't really recall how everything had started. But he was certain of one thing, that if not for her courage, he wouldn't experience how it is to be loved by her openly.

And to be loved by her openly is something. It is something special, something heaven-sent.

She would wake him up with kisses, serve breakfast to him in his room, feeds him with sweets while he does the laundry and hugs him at the back whenever he cooks the meals. One time, when he went out to buy tofu from the market, it rained, just as it is raining now, and he didn't bring any umbrella with him. The rain got wilder and he was caught up with it, then he saw amidst the howling winds a slim form, she went out to find him, even though she knows her health is not that stable at that time.

Promise me. Promise me you'll be with me forever.

Her words sank deep in his heart as one by one images of her came swarming around him. The images made no formation as to what they want to apprehend. They simply clung to his mind, filling him with strange memories and strange words.

Do you promise me?

The images slowly formed a clear picture and that picture tugged at his brain, pleading to be recalled.

Do you love me?

He closed his eyes tightly and tried to shove the image away, but it wouldn't go.

He shook his head and mentally shouted. He wanted it to go away for if he remembers it he might thwart the wall and apologetically clean his acts. And that he must not do.

It has been barely three months since he last saw her smile, a real smile, not that of bitterness and loathing, but a real one, reflecting genuine love and happiness. He wondered at how such an innocent mind is now corrupted with loathing and feelings of obliviousness.

The answer came in swift thrust.

He.

He was the reason for her cries, he was the thief, the murderer, and he stole her life, her future, and her happiness. He killed her.

She can't remember why she is now in her room, lazed on her futon and staring blankly at the ceiling. She had been outside last night, for she decided to stay within the cold embrace of the crying rain.

The light peering through the paper-paneled doors created playful images on the floor. It was bright, tinged with a dab of scarlet for it was still early and she wondered at how her body, tired as it is, managed to wake up very untimely.

Her hair was still clammy, her eyes bulging and covered in dark circles. She doesn't want to get up. She wants to stay on that futon forever.

She closed her eyes for a while; it was then that she remembered the pain on her swollen lip. She lifted her shaking fingers to it and touched it for quite some time, feeling the odd shape it has now achieved, for a part of it was gorged with blood.

Kenshin had hurt her. The thought of it was hurtful enough to solicit another rain of tears from her eyes. He had promised, he had promised to stay with her forever. But now he's going. He will be leaving her in a matter of hours.

She breathed in deeply, remembering his scent, his features, his eyes, his lips, his face, his whole being. Everything was clear in her memory. A slight gasp escaped her mouth and tears crept slowly, and she without knowing it bit her swollen lip and she winced at the pain. But ironically, it was not at the pain of her swollen lip that she winced at but at the pain of the innumerable images attacking every corner of her memory.

"Kenshin," she blurted out, anymore unable to hide all the hurt and tears. An image made itself vulnerably visible to her; it unfolded itself and stared at her right in her eyes. It contains her; the image contains her and him. It was one of those days, two months ago when she was still sure she owns a part of him. Now she doesn't even know if she still owns herself too.

They had been happy, she had been extremely happy even though there were times when she felt like he doesn't really love her the way she loves him. But whenever that thought crosses her mind, she quickly brushes it away. Now she knows she must not have done that. She must have taken notice of it.

Seven months ago, they had been unrelated -only talking and communicating with each other as a benefactor and as a wanderer, never motioning for more intimate conversations.

She used to dream about him so much, she used to think about him day and night, whenever possible. She had loved him from the beginning. She had tried so many times to show it to him, but every time she tries he goes away, walks away, pretending not to hear, see and feel anything from whatever it is that she was babbling about.

It had been difficult, unbearably difficult that she decided to end this frigidity once and for all. Gathering her courage had been quite intricate, complex at the most for she was not of that kind. Yes she has courage -that is when it comes to using the bokken. But when it comes to things of that sort, things involving the heart, her blood quickly leaves the veins in her face and her palms begin to sweat.

But since she had already decided to do things her way, and to take things in her hands, she pursued it.

When the first flake of snow had fallen on the bare ground of the Kamiya abode, she had been talking to him, seriousness and understandability waving in the air. She had decided to open her heart to him that night. Her voice echoed through the hall of the dojo, for everybody had gone to Megumi's to give her a visit. It was kind of awkward at first, she doesn't know if whether it was vehement that caused the night to be humidly hot or whether it was her heartbeat making her sweat. She chose the first, thinking that choosing it would most probably remove the tension she was feeling at that time.

"Kenshin," she murmured. Her eyes wandered, searching for any sign of annoyance from his face. When she didn't find any, she took it as an once-in-a-lifetime chance.

He turned his head and stared at her, "yes?"

Her mouth gaped, but words were stuck in her throat, unable to escape, unable to free their selves from the crushing bind of shame.

"What is it?" his voice was pleasant, encouraging, urging. He stared right through her azure eyes and she felt her melting point coming towards her.

"Uhmm…I was just wondering…uhmm-you see…I was thinking if…" her voice faltered, unable to bring out whatever it is she really wanted to say.

"Go on," his voice was enough to tell her that she may continue, that she must free herself from the bind, and that she must do this whatever it takes.

Long silence. Long, deafening silence.

He stared expectantly at her, and she wondered if it was just because of her imagination that she thought he had smiled to her.

She bit her lip and looked down on the floor, then released her lip and finally blurted out, "I love you."

Another smile formed itself on his lips and she wondered again if it was true or if it was just a product of her hoping imagination. No it's true. Her mind raced with her heart and she noticed him getting up from having been seated on the mat with her for quite a long time. She looked up, peering from under her eyelids and from under her thick bangs to see him going away and disappearing into the hallway.

Failure.

The playful light pulled her from her reverie, and she again winced at the pain. Kenshin is not hers anymore. Her life is not hers anymore too. She was lost. And she would be forever wandering; looking for that part of her that was torn, broken and burned, and left blown and tossed by the wind.

She cried, that's all she could do.

Last Note: Thanks to the reviewers, I really appreciated it. I'll try to include some things you have suggested. I am happy that you had given a liking to my story. Thank you so much! Thank you so much! Thank you so much! By the way, you may also directly give me your comments through sessha1849@yahoo.com. Thanks!