Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Soldier's Duty ❯ Chapter 17

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Chapter 17, A Soldier's Duty
Fourth Labor

DISCLAIMER: Warning: the sturgeon general has determined that the following fanfiction contains elements from other authors/artists. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Well, mainly innocent. The rest of this mess by metroanime@mindspring.com

"The ability to speak does not make you intelligent." - Qui-gon, a Jedi.

------

Queen Serenity had sensed some danger to her daughter. She had teleported, completely forgetting how draining and disorienting it could be to teleport under your own power, without the various aids that had existed 10,000 years ago. Which was not the best condition to be in upon entering a dangerous area. Especially without your guards.

Mamoru Chiba had sensed his princess was in danger. He was the noble Prince Endymion riding in to rescue his Princess, the Knight Of Hope and guardian of Earth who sought to assist the magical warriors of love and justice. Well, sort of. He'd also gotten his butt kicked regularly, and his power level wasn't nearly what one of the Senshi was. So, he'd gotten a bit cautious after a few battles that hadn't gone well *at* *all* (the instance where Beryl had kidnapped and brainwashed him figured in his nightmares regularly) and tended to play cheerleader and take shots at the enemy from a distance where feasible.

Okay, it wasn't terribly heroic or spectacular. Using an energy disruption field on a rose and hitting the big bad monster from *way* far away wasn't exactly the role he'd prefer. The problem that he'd confronted some time ago was quite simple. If he tried to be the big brave hero and frontline fighter against an awful darn lot of their enemies, Usagi would be a widow before she got into high school much less marriageable age.

Not acceptable. If he actually stood a chance of lasting more than a few moments, even actually beating the 'monster of the week' - great. He'd lock ranks with Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Mars and they'd protect Sailor Moon. Okay, he was a good shot with thrown roses. Also yoyos, toy tops, and a number of other objects. As a thrown rose was his most potent attack, Tuxedo Mask had learned caution.

He was putting that caution to use now. Where Queen Serenity had popped in with her own lightshow, he had come in at the edges quietly and snuck in, a rose held to be thrown at whatever trouble lurked. Where Queen Serenity had been confident in her power, Tuxedo Mask was quite aware that there were yoma that could wipe the floor with him without raising a sweat.

Of course, this did mean that he took a *lot* longer to get into position. This was a gamble, as he could arrive too late for a last minute rescue, but if he never arrived at all it could be worse. He had faith in his "Usako" but he had more faith in her if he could help.

The overwhelming amount of silence indicated that he was, indeed, too late. Except that he *felt* absolutely sure that Usagi was still alive and unhurt. He cursed this latest enemy who seemed to be a bit less interested in following a set pattern. Even with the sleepless nights and problems they'd brought, most of their enemies had followed a single modus operandi and stuck to it.

Mamoru Chiba entered the shrine office/study area and noted the set of throwing knives imbedded in the wall. Now he really began to worry. He couldn't remember much about the Silver Millenium, but he HAD remembered a little bit about the Shade Knight. He didn't like him, didn't trust him, would prefer that Obsidian had *stayed* a dim memory of long lost times, but could respect the barbarian's talent for surviving and causing widescale nastiness.

Endymion the noble Prince, Hematite the studious Squire, Basalt the reliable Soldier, Onyx the gentle giant, Obsidian the barely leashed Barbarian. Obsidian had never gotten along with Endymion. He'd once stated that the Knight Of Hope was a political appointee, granting him the title as a sop for the earthbound who couldn't rise to power on their own merit.

No, Hope and Fear were quite incompatible. That didn't mean that Endymion couldn't appreciate the times that Obsidian could have come in handy. He suspected that if Obsidian had awakened back in the time of that mess with Beryl, likely the generals would have been found in a power struggle following Beryl having an untimely "accident."

The knives had a faint charge to them, similar to what he did with roses. If Obsidian had thrown weapons, they would have hit. If Obsidian had thrown only three of them, he hadn't had much time. If Obsidian had left the knives in the wall, this did not bode well.

"-GIVE AMI BACK, YOU FILTHY LITTLE #$$@!-"

Tuxedo Mask blinked. Shard-san was yelling and throwing something? Well, at least he had an idea of where to look now.

What Tuxedo Mask *expected* to find in the shrine office was a typical mostly-female looking yoma. Fighting the guy who currently could not transform into Nebula and therefore have even a snowball's chance of winning.

Seeing Shard-san grappling some odd looking sort of not-there/there shape-uncertain creature, the single arm not involved in keeping in place had Rei's favorite baseball bat and was repeatedly thwacking any target of opportunity.

"Oy. Would'ja cut it out! You're not cooperating boyo!"

"DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!" (Whack-whack-whack-whack-whack-whack)

Tuxedo Mask spent a brief moment staring and then sent a single rose into the barely visible monster. It went through without meeting any resistance until it connected with Shard-san's leg.

"Eeep!" Shard slipped as his leg lost its death-grip. Followed by the thing throwing him through the wall. It looked like he was more hurt than the wall.

Drawing his cane and extending it, Tuxedo Mask tried a quick bashing attack. No effect, he might as well have been slashing air.

"Now for you," said the thing, looking towards the prince. "Need to get the full set, eh?"

--------

Hotaru wondered where she was and what had happened.

One minute she had just put her stuffed toy down for just a minute because she'd heard someone scream. Then *poof* she was here in this forest. She was also ten years old, wearing really old style peasant clothing, and with a pair of sandals that were nearly worn through.

Then Hotaru Tomoe saw the house and gasped. Gingerbread roof and walls, candy cane decorations, pink sugar windows, the works.

Going up to the house revealed that the peppermint trim looked and smelled real. Likewise the various other bits of candy used to construct the house all appeared quite authentic.

Then, being a good little Japanese girl, Hotaru knocked on the door. Maybe she could get directions.

The door opened, revealing a beautiful woman with long red hair. Hotaru repressed a shudder as the woman reminded her a *lot* of Kaolinite.

"Excuse me, miss," said Hotaru with a bow. "I appear to have gotten lost somehow. Can you tell me how to get to Hikawa Shrine in Azabu Juuban in Tokyo?"

"My, such a polite and well refined young lady," said the woman after looking vaguely surprised. "Won't you come inside for a bite while I try to find a map?"

---------

Tuxedo Kamen had backed up into the hallway, keeping his eye on the vaguely shaped creature.

"Mamo-chan?! Aaaaaaaaa!"

"Chibiusa?" Mamoru blinked. This had to be an illusion right? Chibiusa was back in the future, wasn't she? She also normally didn't look as dirty, frazzled, or tired as she did now. Her usual hairstyle had fallen apart and was now a rumpled mass. It *looked* like Chibiusa though.

The vaguely seen beast moved, a ripple forming from it as it seemed to form a cube of space around the pink-haired girl and then twist it in some odd fashion. Chibiusa vanished and a book fell to the ground.

Two roses went through the beast without effect, as if the creature were simply not present for the attack.

*THWUD!* A thrown rock impacted the beast as if it were a rock hitting a solid object.

"You again? Let's try this one more time, ye "

*THWUD!* *THWUD!*

An idea formed in Mamoru's mind. Picking up a chair, he slammed it into the attacker with a satisfying *Thwack!*

"That's it, boyo," again the Beast turned back towards Tuxedo Mask. "I'm gonna stick you in a Stephen King novel."

Tuxedo Mask shifted, becoming Mamoru Chiba again. He had a chance now. This yoma was immune to magical attacks. Even a chi blast or magically charged weapon would pass through it without ever actually touching it. So, all he'd have to do is attack it with enough force to crush its defenses.

*THWUCK!*

It was the nature of the genre to remember powers at time of need. The same thing went for going beyond one's limits. The problem being is that going beyond a certain point one reaches and there simply aren't any reserves left to draw on.

So Grey, having managed to draw on those reserves and keep moving, managed to throw one final object before collapsing.

Tuxedo Mask looked at the twitching body of the Beast, a naginata blade from a display in the shrine having been thrust the entire length of its body from behind, to the limp form of Grey, and back.

Letting out a deep breath, Mamoru reminded himself that cleaning up messes (whether it was from Usagi's well-intentioned efforts in the kitchen or yoma battles or something else) was something he had gotten lots of practice at and was getting very good at such.

The Beast twitched, trying to move forward despite its wounds, and Mamoru Chiba got an *enormous* amount of satisfaction beating its head in with a chair.

-----------

Usagi Tsukino was one of the friendliest beings in existence. Something, she had learned, that she got from her Daddy. Her looks were due to her mother, enough that she looked like her mother's twin sister. She wasn't sure where she'd gotten her cooking skills or clumsiness from, though she'd noticed some tendency of the clumsiness from Basalt/Nebula.

When she'd started out as Sailor Moon, she'd been easily frightened and extremely clumsy. Okay, the entire identity of Sailor Moon had been a screwup by Luna. As the Princess she hadn't been ever expected to be a frontline fighter. She wasn't as calm, dignified, or scholarly as Princess Serenity II had been. (The name caused her to smile, remembering Ami speculating at one point if there had been a Queen Tranquility, Queen Crisium, or some similarly named ancestors in her past.)

Usagi was fairly powerful as Sailor Moon. With the Ginzuishou, she could be enormously powerful, though using the Crystal was a two-edged sword.

Usagi had looked up from attempting to inhale an entire bag of pork rinds, to see some yoma, and had found her hand on her transformation pen in a heartbeat. Usagi Tsukino might be helpless, but repeated successes as Sailor Moon made her a *little* braver than the girl she had once been.

Unfortunately, she immediately found herself *here*. Where 'here' was, now that was the problem.

A thatch hut, one with several fairly short beds? Some kind of nursery or something? Odd, she thought she'd seen something like this before.

A knocking at the door interrupted her attempts to remember.

"Excuse me, young lady," said the old woman at the door. "Can I interest you in some lovely red apples?"

---------

"-i hurt in places i didn't know i had,-" groaned Grey.

"-I'll bet,-" said Mamoru. "-When I was moving you, I noticed that you're showing signs of extreme fatigue.-" Privately he was surprised that Grey was awake after an hour. Throwing water on him earlier hadn't managed to rouse him.

"-i could use another sixteen hours sleep, i think.-" Grey tried to get up. Unfortunately, that level of muscular shutdown isn't easily ignored.

"-The others, they've all been turned into books.-" Mamoru was a little alarmed that killing the yoma hadn't restored everyone.

Grey was still a little out of it. "-What kind of books?-"

"-Usako is 'Snow White',-" said Mamoru holding up a book where the cover clearly showed seven dwarves surrounding a crystal coffin. Inside of which was Usagi Tsukino.

"Unnnn," managed Grey for the effort of craning his neck up.

"-The thing is, I can *feel* Usagi is still OK.-" Mamoru looked puzzled.

"-That's because the creature actually encapsulated them in pocket virtual realities. The book is actually the physical protrusion into our reality.-"

Mamoru blinked. "-Sounds good. Whatever gave you that idea?-"

"-Rei's teddy bear told me,-" said Grey, his voice trailing off to nothing as he passed out again.

Mamoru looked at Grey, then at the stuffed bear. Then back again. ~He's in worse shape than I thought.~

----------

Queen Serenity was miffed. She'd given up being ticked when it was apparent what had happened.

Manifesting the ginzuishou and throwing out a destructive bolt hadn't done anything except tire her further. Well, that and scorch the back of her dress as the space curvature brought the beam back to its source.

Though mystic probes weren't her specialty, Serenity manifested some simple ones to determine the nature of her prison.

She was in a pocket dimension some two miles across. It wasn't quite real, however. A sufficiently applied combination of power and will could overwrite whatever this was. Rather like the Dream Sculpture Chambers that some of the nobility of the Silver Millenium had been known to favor.

Queen Serenity frowned ever so slightly, not liking the current situation but not seeing a way out. There would be a way of shutting it off from the outside, and if it was anything like the Dream Chambers, she'd have to solve an internal problem to find the key to break the enchantment. There would also be an evaporation point, when the dimension became unstable and ejected her.

Which meant she was stuck here for the time being. The reason that she disliked it so badly, other than someone deciding on restricting her freedom, was that she had to rely on someone else to free her.

For a member of the Imperial Family, for a Queen, this was intolerable. Her mother, Irium, had stressed repeatedly: a ruler could *never* rely on another person. A ruler had to be able to sacrifice *anything* for the good of the kingdom.

With a deep sigh, Serenity adjusted her flimsy dress (currently a backless gown due to the energy burst she'd used earlier) and tried to identify her surroundings.

A large castle on a mountain? Good enough place to start, especially with it getting dark.

--------

Snuggles would be among the first to admit that she had *no* practical training or experience in being a shikigami. Heck, she had first thought of the job as being a "guardian angel" which sounded fairly cool and useful. And as Snuggles was a nature spirit (Class 6, Air Elemental) this was a definite step up. Providing she could get the hang of it.

A stubby little stuffed leg quivered.

Snuggles was finding herself wishing that there was a manual. Just moving this body seemed to be a trick of tapping into mana currents, translating it into a static TK field, and tying the whole thing into the body as a form of enchantment. Of course, as an air elemental, she could tie into those flows easier than another element.

One of the white little stuffed paws flexed and shifted.

Unfortunately, those paws lacked fingers, so being able to deal with a keyboard or something was out of the question. She *did* have that little heart-shaped pocket on her belly. Maybe one of the girls around here could rip out the seams and sew it on properly.

Her powers as a shikigami were largely based on her experience as an air elemental. She could sense magical flows and energies, was quite aware of the wind and weather patterns, could manifest fresh air by telling it to drop impurities, and could listen to the wind for information. She could also do a few other minor tricks with wind and air, but she *was* only a Class Six.

An ear twitched.

Snuggles wondered if maybe she ought to get a different owner. Phobos and Deimos seemed to already have the shikigami role down for Rei "Bambi" Hino. Maybe that tall girl?

The teddy bear watched the scampering stuffed dog as it tried to get Grey to wake up and free its owner from an illustrated faery tale. There was a brief stab of jealousy, but then Snuggles supposed that a dog-spirit in a dog body had an easier time of some things. The dog, a floppy white mutt, whined briefly then seemed to go to sleep. The shikigami knew that it had merely exhausted itself by remaining animated for that time.

Snuggles finally rocked to her feet, then tried to get the legs to support her. For a brief moment she stood triumphantly on Rei's dresser.

Then fell over into the waste basket.

Snuggles cursed briefly and very eloquently.

----------

Ami struggled awake as a rough tongue went over her face. "Unggh."

"Well nyow, rrrrr, about time you stirrred," said an oddly familiar voice.

Ami's eyes shot open to meet a pair of feline pupils staring right back at her. "AAAAAA*urk*!"

This last was caused by someone placing a mouse in her mouth. Not something she had anticipated.

"hurr hurr hurr hurr myew hurr hurr hurr!"

When Ami had finished choking, she regarded the snickering creature which had done this. "Excuse me, but why did you do that? And who are you?"

The humanoid cat rubbed tears away from her eyes and grinned. "Nyi'm you."

"Excuse me," Ami said.

"Ameow Mewzuno," proclaimed the catgirl, holding up a clawed finger. "Sometimes known as the Senshi of exams and cuddling, Sailor Purrcury!"

Ami blinked twice. "Excuse me?"

The delighted look shifted to annoyed. "Funny, Nyi don't remember being this slow. OK. I'm you. You'rrre me. We'rre both parts of the whole. You'rre the exam ace, borrring little shy girrl."

Ami winced as if she'd been slapped. Mainly because this was a private dread of hers coming out.

"Grrrey-chan going to get borrred with you, drrrop you like stale rice," Ameow made a dismissing gesture. "Nothing in common with you, going to lose interrrest cause Ami Mizuno is borrring."

Ami shook her head from side to side.

Blue furred fingers grabbed the neck of Ami's dress to bring her close. "BULL PUCKEY!"

Ami blinked and wondered what a 'puckey' was. She'd heard the expression before but was uncertain as to the meaning. Then couldn't help but notice that this weird image of herself was baring fanged teeth as she leaned closer. "Uhm?"

"Nyow herrre this," said Ameow. "Nyi'm part of you. Nya."

Ami looked over the catgirl. A short thick blue fur was her only clothing, there was a slight muzzle, a slightly darker mane of hair in her own style. It was *exactly* like the card she'd seen in that dream the night she'd lost being Sailor Mercury. "Which part would that be exactly?"

Again that grin. "The friendly, fun-loving, often rrreprressed, thorrroughly sensual and cuddly side of us, that's who!"

"Oh," said Ami, finding herself smiling back for some odd reason. Despite that she was dealing with some manifestation of an obviously chauvanistic cultural attitude which had resulted in a *smack*

Ameow glared at her other self, having just lightly slapped the girl to get her attention back. "Nyi know that look. Don't overranalyze! We'rrre only seperated because you rrrefuse to acknowledge therrre's a savage beast within. Or at least a purrrfectly worrrking cute and rrromantic beast, nya! Besides, we still got to get out of here."

Ami looked around at the forest. "Where are we, anyway?"

Ameow sniffed the air a couple of times, then growled. "Frrrom what Nyi saw earrrlier, we're in Wonderrrland. Less the Disney version and not the orriginal drawings by Tenniel. Hopefully it's not the CLAMP verrrsion. Especially as Nyi smell playing cards."

"So you're the Cheshire Cat, that would make me Alice," realized Ami. "Which means..."

"I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" A girl in a bunnysuit ran by at high speeds.

Ami blinked rapidly. "Was that?"

Ameow shook her head. "Rrrr? Looked like Usagi. Scent was completely different. Shall we go?"

Smiling and nodding at this weird other version of herself, Ami smoothed out her dress then adjusted her glasses. "Let me try something first. Computer, arch! Computer. Exit Program!"

"Already trrried that," indicated Ameow.

"So we need to find a physical exit." Ami nodded again. "We'll just have to avoid the Red Queen."

--------

Grey and Mamoru looked down at the books.

"This could be bad."

"Very bad."

"'Hotaru & Gretel,'" Mamoru read off one. "So how do you think we get them out?"

Grey groaned as he struggled up. "Hmmmm. Let's see if this works."

"What works?" Mamoru blinked. Grey's eyes still had a tendency to cross and he still looked very shaky.

"The bear tells me i can cast clerical spells," Grey mumbled. "So here goes..."

Mamoru was even less confident at this revelation.

Grey focussed, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, then something seemed to change about him. His stance grew more confident, the shakes vanished, and his voice was different - deeper and more commanding.
"Ariel, Uriel, Raphael, Michael,
By Force of Word and Will,
i ask thy help in matters dire,
break this prison with magical fire!
Cage bound with forces fell,
i ask you its magic - now DISPEL!"

This last was shouted and accompanied by a crackling electrical discharge that accomplished absolutely nothing.

Mamoru remembered to breathe and looked at Grey with a bit more respect. It might not have worked, but it had clearly done *something.*

Then Mamoru noticed the teddy bear was attempting to free itself from where it had landed headfirst in the wastebasket, and decided he needed a good strong cup of tea. It had been a long day and it looked as if it would be a long night.

--------

Jared poked his head into the monitoring room. "Hey, Celeste, ya busy?"

She looked up skeptically from her control monitors, currently covered with anti-bimbo wards, and wished she had a few against rampaging meddlers, too. Though that *last* category would stop so many people half the Goddess Relief Office wouldn't be able to use their own control center.

Possibly including her, though she would rarely admit it.

Reluctantly, she pried herself away from the boards. "Make it short." No need to give him any more reason to intervene in this, she didn't need any more snowballing screwups.

"I'm sorry you feel that way about me." He said flatly, and she jerked, realizing that he'd somehow found how to sidestep the guards against mind reading against gods.

"No." He sighed, coming in and sitting down. "I just read body language. People up here seem to think that if you stop a few spells you can be bloody obvious about stuff and no one will know about it anyway." He sighed again. "But skipping for a moment your low opinion of me, I was
wondering about something."

She blinked, but there was this unwritten rule about gods being bested even in small things owing their bester a favor in proportion. She relaxed a trifle, busying herself clearing away a stack of music CDs while he talked. "Shoot. But aren't there people you'd rather ask? I mean, my portfolio is Japanese pop music - hardly something I'd think you'd touch on."

He shrugged. "Makoto Jupiter has taken the whole fiancee crowd over to her world for training. Shan is having the time of her life... Edema seems to have given up. I don't have all that many people to talk to at present."

"Okay." She tuned in with puzzled ears while he talked.

He directed his look inward, face turned away from the monitors. "It was about something Grey did that's been puzzling at me ever since. He drew away spell points from me, right?"

"Yeah." The goddess of J-pop wondered where this was going. "You primarily, Bast, and Toltiir to a lesser extent."

Jared understood that Bast probably provided the catgirls, Toltiir would have gotten involved just to be different. That meant he was the primary influence. "And he did it to cast priestly spells?"

"Yeah." A smirk. She'd had a look at his file and he was in for a whopping surprise if something like *that* creeped him out.

The god of crossovers directed a troubled gaze toward her. "Wouldn't that make him technically a worshiper? At least for now? And, if a worshiper, wouldn't that put him under my authority?"

By answer Celeste touched a key, bringing up Grey's current stats and highlighting a phrase at the middle -Priest: Crossovers, Felines, Pratfalls-. "Yes, technically though his core reality is an Aramarian dragon, so it's more a matter of walking a philosophical path or cause than worship. So what?"

Jared nodded at the confirmation, drawing breath to say something. "Well, in that case, I think I'm supposed to make up Rules for the priesthood, right?"

An X-Japan CD fell out of Celeste's nerveless grasp.

*****

Chibiusa ignored the little men.

She ignored the gaijin guy with the frizzy blond hair who was saying something about not eating.

There was food! Food! She hadn't eaten in way too long. At least a day! Following that dumb Ryoga guy, getting lost, getting beaten up by that muscular vampire guy. Then he'd tried to drain her, spat blood up and pronounced her too damn sacchirine, then took off with her Cutie Moon Rod! How rude!

Finally she'd found her way to the Hikawa Shrine. Then she'd gotten teleported to this weird playground. But finally she had found FOOD!

The man in the top hat and strange clothes continued to say in a quiet monotone something about how terrible it was, and she really ought to stop eating.

Then the flavors started exploding in Chibiusa's mouth. Roast Beef! Mashed potatos and gravy! Peas (yech). Oh! Blueberry pie! She loved blueberry pie! Uh oh.

Willie Wonka shook his head as the girl with this odd pink hairstyle rapidly expanded into spherical form. "What a horrible waist. Oh, the humanity of it. Take her to the squeezing room."

"Squeezing room full," grunted a short man. "Tour bus. Terrible Tragic Story."

"Oh well, roll her off to a corner until we've got an opening." Mr Wonka shrugged expressively. "Children these days."

The short man gestured to the other short men, and they quickly began rolling the currently round and blue Chibiusa off to the side. And, as they were wont to do, they began singing.

"Oompa Loompa, diddly di dude,
Putting it bluntly: you really are screwed.
Oompa Loompa, diddle di dee,
If you are wise, now listen to me.
Oompa Loompa, a blueberry tart,
Heed your elders, it'd sure be smart.
Oompa Loompa, diddle di doo,
Just like Oompa Loompa, diddle di do!"

"Waaaaaaaaaaa!"

----------

They were survivors. They had survived by being tougher and meaner and nastier than anything that crossed their path. They were also *huge* - before the nuclear and bacteriological weapons had been launched they had been big. Now they had become monstrously huge due to the bacteria's effects. It had also tended to make them dumber than dirt and aggressive as hell.

"Hah, little one want to 'dance'," said one big ogrish fellow, his mohawk flopping about as he tried to toss his head invitingly, "yeah?"

"I think she wants to dance with all of us," said another cracking his knuckles.

Rei looked up. It was a good thing she was still dreaming. Otherwise she couldn't do this.

"Shuuuuuuuuuu SHOU!"

Noticing the little girl had landed on the other side of their formation, the three grinned.

"Now little girlie, you can make this easier on yourself by... URK?!" Two of the giants came apart in neat little slices.

"The name is not 'girlie.' You now face Rei, practitioner of the Southern Cross style!" Rei spun, going into an offensive stance easily. "Where is my groom, you morons?"

"g-g-g-groom?!" The mohawk wearer looked even more shocked. This was not in the script.

Rei knew the basics, she was just taking liberties. This was *her* dream, after all. "My groom was kidnapped. Now I am going to get him back. Here."

The leader saw two copper coins flipped up briefly by the raven-haired woman, then she shot them forward at such speeds that they seemed to make a cracking noise in the air. Then he whimpered.

"Oh. Sorry about that." Rei winced. Beating guys over the head was one thing. "I meant that to be two pennies, you know, like fare for the ferryman. Charon. That sort of thing. I was aiming for your FACE."

The leader whimpered again and fell over in a fetal position.

"Guess I need to work on that, don't I? I thought I had it this time." Rei shrugged. "Oh well."

--------

"Fee fi fo fum!
I smell the blood of an Englishman!"

"Wrong on both counts," interrupted a wry feminine voice.

"Be he alive or be he dead,
I'll grind his bones to make my bread."

The long haired woman estimated the one-eyed giant as being thirteen feet in height. "It would be prudent to reconsider."

"You can't get away from me," said the giant while thumping its chest. Then it began reaching for the much shorter woman.

"Oh bother," Setsuna whipped her staff around briefly and discharged an energy blast. "You don't know Jack, otherwise you wouldn't mistake me for an 'Englishman'."

The energy blast was relatively mild. The giant was thrown off his feet and came to rest four body lengths away. His, not hers.

Setsuna glanced at him with scarlet eyes. "You're the third faerie tale villain I've run into since coming here. This is some sort of Dreamscape or Dream Chamber obviously. Now, are you going to tell me what's going on, or should I get rough? And don't think playing dead is going to do you any good."

"Oh phooey," said the giant. "I'm sorry, you must be one of the evil witches from one of the other stories. My bad."

Setsuna inclined her head, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. Privately, she doubted this lummox knew what was going on. Anyone who could mistake her for an Englishman named Jack was either blind or an idiot. However, as his threat potential (to her at least) was laughable she didn't feel right about simply blasting him into a fine spray of gory bits. At least without confirming that this *was* some sort of enforced dreamscape.

------------

"Uhm, what do you mean you don't want an apple?" The old woman said after devoting fifteen minutes to her sales pitch.

"Nope," chirped Usagi cheerfully. "Oh, I'll buy a couple. (Give one to Reichan sometime when she's being a meanie! Mamoru can kiss her awake, he's a prince. On second thought, maybe not.) Don't like apples, though."

The apple saleswoman blinked. "Oh I see. Maybe some pretty ribbons and lace?"

"Nope," said Usagi, slightly more tempted but not that much. She'd placed the old woman almost instantly and wasn't sure about why or how but didn't think buying *anything* from the transformed Evil Queen would be good. Besides, if she fell for something like that, Rei would be unmerciful. Heavens, even AMI would probably say something uncomplimentary.

The woman seemed perplexed, as if she just couldn't quite grasp what was going on. "But you have to have an apple."

"Nope." Usagi decided that a break from Rei was not worth her getting a kiss from Mamo-chan. If indeed he was the Handsome Prince. With *her* luck it would turn out to be Umino.

The old woman grimaced and grumbled something that didn't sound at all polite.

"Bye bye, obaasan!" Usagi closed the door and looked over the place. Seven short little beds, check. A curtain drawn to seperate one area with a bigger bed, check. Little old lady trying to sell her apples, big check. She *knew* where she was. She was just glad she wasn't stuck as "Inaba the White Rabbit" and having to use sharks as stepping stones and the like.

There was a brief glow from outside the front door.

Usagi frowned, reached over, and slid a bar into place.

The door rattled a moment later. "LET ME IN! LET ME IN!"

Usagi shook her head at the woman's voice, which sounded a lot like Queen Beryl for some reason. "Not by the hair of my chinni-chin-chin!" Usagi could hear the face-fault despite the intervening door. "Not that I have hairs on my chin. Eh heh."

Beryl growled at the door. "Let me in, or I'll Lightning Bolt the door open!"

"You're supposed to do something with huffing and puffing, aren't you?" Usagi asked from her place of protection.

Beryl frowned. "I do NOT huff and puff!"

"Look, it's the Evil Queen!"

Beryl turned and glared at the seven short bearded fellows. "If you don't scram right now, this'll be 'Snow White and the Seven Toads', capiche?"

The Seven Dwarves looked at each, pulled axes and picks out, and argued the point that in close quarters at least - dwarven steel and a fine disregard for royalty were quite capable of ending arguments with powerful mages.

This wasn't the Disney version, after all.

---------

Minako had looked over the three bowls and had made a face. "Porridge. Yech!"

There were three chairs, none of which particularly appealed to the hyperactive little werecheetah, and three beds. Well, sleeping in a strange bed didn't happen to have that much appeal, though she *was* tired.

So, she merely waited outside the home. That they'd left food out indicated they were probably still around.

Imagine her surprise when three talking bears showed up!

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" The biggest bear growled menacingly.

"Oh, sorry. I am the crusader for love and catnip, Sailor Cheetah! I seem to have gotten lost and was looking for a map or directions to the Hikawa Shrine in Azabu Juuban." Minako bowed politely. They might be fearsome looking bears, but this *was* apparently their house.

The bears, menacing a moment ago, went to confused. "Oh," said the largest bear.

"Well, at least she's polite," said the largely mollified second largest bear.

The smallest bear peeked from around his mother's leg and looked at the furry girl. "Kitty!"

Minako smiled and waved, radiating cute and perky.

The three bears looked at each other. While she *was* Goldilocks, at least as far as that thick mane of hair, this wasn't going at all in a manner they had somehow expected.

"You're not from around here, are you?" The big gruff-looking bear asked, then shook his hairy head. "No, you just said you were lost. Look, I don't know where As A Blue Jewbun is, but I suspect it isn't around here."

"Look dear, why don't you come in and have some tea while we try to figure out which story..."

"PUSS IN BOOTS!" The youngest bear started jumping up and down excitedly.

The two older bears blinked while Minako frowned slightly. There was something impolite about referring to her as a 'puss' she was sure.

"You know, that's gotta be it," said Papa Bear, slapping a fist into the other paw.

"Of course," agreed Mama Bear. "Oh my, you *are* rather lost, aren't you. Don't worry, my dear, we'll check my maps and get you to the right story in just a tiff."

---------

Grey continued to read from the book. "And so, Goldilocks had tea with the Three Bears while they figured out how to get her home."

"That isn't *at all* how I remember the story," argued Mamoru.

"It's still got a moral, in this case 'Don't trespass' or 'Politeness is a darn useful skill' or something like that," replied Grey.

"So we've got Ami in Wonderland with her twin Cheshire catgirl sister," Mamoru pointed out, "Rei is in 'Fist Of The Northstar', while Usako is fending off the Evil Queen in 'Snow White' and Chibiusa met a misadventure at Willie Wonka's Chocolate Factory..."

"You *do* realize that if you don't go rescuing Usagi first, she's going to be awfully upset with you. And i wouldn't blame her a bit." Grey pointed out helpfully.

"But Chibiusa is a giant blueberry right now," Mamoru said, wincing because he knew darn well the other was right.

"Yeah, but otherwise not in any immediate danger. Usagi isn't either, though according to that one section, it sounded like Beryl had a Contingency spell handy." Grey shrugged.

"You're going to have it worse, I think," Mamoru indicated. "You're the one with all the fiancees. Thank kami."

"Huh?"

"Better you than me. MUCH better you than me."

Grey looked over the various books. "Actually, there's not a difficult choice. THIS one is in the most danger. Followed by this one, and this one. Minako isn't in any danger at all."

"You don't think Queen Serenity is going to be upset at you rescuing someone else first?"

Grey winced LOTS. "Well, we'll just cross that bridge..."

=============

Ami in Wonderland?
Chibiusa in the Chocolate Factory?
Hotaru with no Gretel in sight?
Minako Aino, Puss In Boots?
Obsidian in Ruroni Kenshin?
Rei of the Southern Cross?
Setsuna & The Beanstalk?
Sleeping Beauty, starring Queen Serenity?
Usagi White & The Seven SD characters?
who will Grey rescue? And will he get in more trouble doing the rescuing?

===========