Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Soldier's Duty ❯ Chapter 23

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Chapter 23, A Soldier's Duty

omake at the end.

You can get the disclaimer elsewhere. Otherwise you know the drill.

"I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him." -Booker T Washington

"If a vegetarian eats only vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?" - Anonymous

---------

Setsuna loved tea.

She could identify Yamamotoyama's "Special Occasion Green" from "Hubei Silver Tip" to "Temple Of Heaven" to all of their variations and Western equivelants. To Setsuna Meiou, a really good cup of tea was a balm for the soul and a healer of the body. She could list the benefits of green tea readily, and could bore the socks off of almost anyone given a chance to speak about tea.

If one were to get Setsuna Meiou speaking with Belldandy and Kasumi Tendo about tea, most likely they'd still be comparing notes and (gently) arguing about varieties and blends several days later.

The person across from her was in many ways an enigma, and that was something that Setsuna could not allow to continue. If Crystal Tokyo were no longer a concern, then there were still other reasons for her to know more of this one she had fought alongside the previous night.

Honey Kisaragi was unflappable as she looked back at Setsuna, with a quite credible poker face of her own in place.

"So, Kisaragi-san." Setsuna pondered which question to ask first.

"You're screening the fiancees to see who is the best match, then you'll press your own claim but also be ready to put forward your own favorite in an attempt to subtly influence things," guessed Honey.

Setsuna blinked. "How?"

"I'm doing the same thing," explained Honey, leaving out that while she was sorely tempted by the possibility of having children, and she did like the boy - she didn't think she could love him. Any feelings on her part, she was uncertain of the honesty of. "So, android to cyborg, what can I do for you?"

Setsuna wasn't used to be caught offguard but rallied quickly. "Your masters in the government..."

Honey interrupted quickly. "Sorry, but I can't stand that implication. The government rebuilt me from a particularly nasty fight, but the whole 'Master' concept is not applicable. I'm an independent agent as far as *that* goes. My path and theirs diverges when the interests of the people are no longer their first concern."

"That often, eh?"

Honey nodded with a wry expression.

"Well, uhm," Setsuna was *really* not sure of how to deal with this change of plans.

"Personally, I thought Ami and Grey made a good couple, but that's pretty much past now," said Honey. "I think Minako *might* be too upbeat, Hotaru too prone to gloominess, Rei is too tempremental, and Makoto - now that the love spell's been dispelled she's back to looking for taller or cuter boys."

Setsuna smirked and leaned forward, a playful light in her eyes as she considered. "Sakura is slightly technophobic from what I've seen. That albino ninja scares him."

Honey couldn't help interrupting again, winking at the former Senshi. "Guess he's got a survival instinct in there somewhere. Girl, she scares anyone with any sense. Maybe we could get her fixed up with that Obsidian guy."

Setsuna got out a notepad and pencil and scribbled that down quickly. She remembered the Knight Of Fear. Actually, if she could find Coral (a mercenary and mischievous girl who'd been a confidante of Princess Mars) then Obsidian would likely mellow out quite a bit. Ayane + Obsidian? It might actually mellow both of them a little.

While Setsuna wrote, Honey speculated. "That other girl-ninja, whatsername, has a kind and innocent quality to her, which is odd considering her line of work."

"Kasumi," supplied Setsuna. "And I think most ninja nowadays are engaged in corporate espionage and working for the government."

"Well that and Ninjaburger," added Honey, looking at just such an establishment across the street.

"Ninjaburger, Pizza Ninja, Kunoichi Fried Chicken, Samurai Steak House, oh sorry, don't count that one. Ninja Mountain Theme Park..." Setsuna rolled her eyes. "Ninja *used* to be the bad guys, when did they become so PC and trendy?"

Honey shrugged.

"Phobos and Deimos are too small... why are you shaking your head like that?"

"You left before the whole thing came to an end." Honey Kisaragi made a face. "They were hit by that little pixie-girl's attack."

"Oh?" Setsuna thought about it for a moment before she winced. "Not like Kaioh-san, are they?"

"Oh, you mean 'ze petite mam'selle Michiru?'" Honey parodied Michiru's new accent briefly. "Not quite. Though with that and the pixie choice, everybody (except Haruka) had figured out that when she was in 'Peter Pan' the enemy managed to get an influence into her. Even Sailor Moon figured it out. Queen Serenity and Sailor Moon double slammed her with healing blasts, she's back to human and a little crispy around the edges but she'll be fine."

"Good," Setsuna shuddered at the thought of being 'French Maid'ed. Though it might actually be fun for brief periods, say a nice mountain cabin with a certain fiance and all the doors and windows nailed shut. "So how did they end up?"

"Well, they're..." Honey tried to find a polite way to put it. She'd actually seen this before, looking at timelines briefly while out of the simulation. There had been one Moon Kingdom where the atmosphere was more "1001 Nights" than "Magical Japanese Schoolgirl" flavored. Where Mamoru Chiba was attended by several female genie, and Beryl an ancient sorceress who sought to bind those genie to her will.(1) "They're, uhm, exotic dancers."

Setsuna winced again. Though it also might be fun for brief periods, alone with a loved one.

Honey was thinking around similar lines, but added that she wished that that Queen Serenity had been hit by one of those bursts. A transformation to a polite and demure French Maid sort would have actually been an improvement, at least in Honey's opinion.

-------

Queen Serenity sneezed briefly.

"My Queen, are you sure about this?" Luna's tone of voice left little doubt that she was *not*.

"Of course, Sailor Uranus is one of Our soldiers, as is Sailor Neptune." Queen Serenity looked quite queenly. Except for the bags under her eyes, that is. "Restoring them both to normal and bringing them under Our enlightened rule is within Our duties."

"..." Artemis hung his head for a moment, trying to find the most politic way of stating this. "My Queen, what if it is a trap?"

"Hush, Artemis," gently chided the Queen. "This enemy is not of the ancient Kingdom and is therefore of little consequence. When both Our Daughter and Ourselves combined Our strengths, We were easily able to erase the taint on Sailor Uranus, were we not?"

"That was *two* ginzuishou, combined attacks, and Sailor Uranus is still flat on her back babbling about her lover and chocolate syrup," mumbled Luna.

Queen Serenity heard and frowned slightly, but Luna was still trying. Unlike traitorous Basalt who consorted with not only her own Senshi but common women after their little misunderstanding.

There was the transformed Sailor Neptune, currently wearing her little black dress with the white fluffy apron, smiling and standing like a target right at the enterance of the shrine. Queen Serenity raised her clenched hand, and when she opened it, the light of a Ginzuishou (there being currently three of them due to the vagaries of time travel: Serenity, Usagi, and Chibiusa all had one) shone forth.

A ravening white light sped towards the unmoving figure just as Artemis began to voice concern over the fact that she *was* completely unmoving.

The Wizard had learned something of how anime universes functioned. A mirror would only reflect light attacks, and even then would distort from the heat and shockwave from a really powerful laser. In an anime universe, however, it was sometimes possible to reflect other attacks by such means. So he had deployed this little measure when he had felt the enchantments on Haruka Ten'ou being broken, knowing that Michiru Kaioh would be the next target. An image, then a magical lens to change the energies that should have dispelled the transformation into something more in his specialty, then a magical mirror to send the energies back to their source.

Though he'd expected to catch Sailor Moon, not two cats and some Sailor Moon otaku.

Queen Serenity, unlike her daughter, had a lot more experience with the Ginzuishou. The moment the blast started twisting around, she dropped the stream and began shielding herself.

Magic met magic, and merged. Queen Serenity fought to impose her will and retain her power, knowing this would be an attempt to steal the Ginzuishou. The altered blast attempted to convert her into a preset template - based on the Wizard's perverted tastes.

The energies fused and enough bleedover energy was transformed into a concussive blast to leave a bomb crater where the steps to the shrine had stood.

The backlash smashed the mirror, shattered the lens, knocked out two mooncats and a Queen, and had enough sympathetic energy to throw the distant Wizard into a wall. Said Wizard went into slumberland immediately.

---------

What do you do with a living dinosaur? A Triceratops that wanted to follow Usagi Tsukino wherever she went? A herbivore weighing 6 tons, 8 meters long, with meter long horns and an intelligence level roughly equivelant to a dumb horse?

"Waiii! Giddyap!"

"Step right up, ride the trihorn!" One of the dwarves gestured towards the howdah on the back of the large herbivore. "Courtesy of the Hino Shrine!"

"GRONK!" Gronk's entire point of view was, of course, fairly simple. The little two-legs washed her down regularly, fed her some tasty greens, and were otherwise slightly annoying but tolerable. There was no member of the herd here, but then there were also no big predators trying to eat Gronk. In the relatively tiny brain of the massive herbivore, this last was deemed worth putting up with the odd thing on the back and the occasional rider. Actually, various riders weren't *that* atypical. Small insectivores and the like would land on the back of members of the herd regularly. These were just slightly different ones.

The dwarves weren't *too* unhappy. The Shrine was empty at the moment, but a nearby field had proven a good place to set up for this. They'd have preferred people pay in gold or silver to "ride the pony" but apparently that just wasn't feasible. Still, the Shrine *did* need the money, and this had been one of the more feasible concepts.

An explosion caught their attention, and battlesign conversations were carried out. How to investigate without panicking anyone or letting those newspaper reporters get too close. (At the first flashbulb, it had been decided that letting them do *that* near a nondomesticated (even if fairly easygoing) multiton animal was not an option.)

One of the dwarves gestured to one of the "fiancees" who had actually thought this was all a fine idea.

Nuku Nuku listened briefly, nodded, and then set out. Maybe it was one of her old playmates!

------

The SRU Wizard had prepared elaborate spells and powerful ones. He was used to turning college students of the male persuasion into brainless female prostitutes or strippers or something similar and in such a way that anyone nonmagical would remember that the individual had always been like that. Records and memories, whether electronic or organic, changed to fit the new reality.

If the Wizard had realized exactly *what* he had accomplished, he would have been alternately frightened and ecstatic. As it was he was just plain unconscious, with blood matting his hair to his scalp, and not available for comment.

The changes continued to backtrack and escalate because a pivotal individual in the Silver Millenium (Queen Serenity I) had been altered.

He would have been ecstatic to find that even though the idea had only occurred to him after seeing what had happened to the two handmaidens, his latest trap had worked as well as it had. Terrified - because the template he'd tried to force on the rescuers had been altered by the magical forces and determination of the Queen. The two mixing and mingling into something else that neither the Queen nor the Wizard would have tried for, but which would have made internal sense to either as a compromise.

And as it was a potentially dangerous compromise, the Wizard would have been frightened but would have done his level best to gain control of this remade Queen.

So, really, it was just as well that the Wizard was comatose.

------

Outside a simulation, in a room that combined aspects of a garden and a computer center, a shy but cute and cuddly kitten was quite upset.

"He's MY Grey-chan! I grew up with him, he was always there for me, I was always there for him! Since we were children, we were together until Gendo!"

Celeste was unconcerned. "That was a temporary timeline, one that was unstable from its formation and eventually collapsed in on itself. Neither his nor your memories of that time are real now."

Amieow's fur bristled. This failed to intimidate anyone. Especially as her disembodied spirit had been put into the form of a little blue kitten for convenience sake. "Then what about my first timeline? I grew up with Grey there too, though he was Minako's pet cat 'Orion' most of the time."

"Another temporary line, and that one has *also* merged retroactively with another timeline." Celeste raised an eyebrow at the little kitten. "Any other objections?"

"Well, since that is the timeline where Ami would return," asked Serafita as he tried to play peacemaker, "if she fails here, that is. What happens to her there?"

"She *has* failed here, the only reason she isn't there is because her friends are still active." Celeste brought up a display with a gesture over a sensor plate. "Typical Sailor Moon - Silver Millenium timeline as far as Sailor Mercury is concerned. Ami Mizuno becomes Sailor Mercury, eventually giving up on all of her childhood dreams to become one of Crystal Tokyo's guardian soldiers."

The kitten was shocked. "What?! I don't become a doctor? What about all that studying? What about a boyfriend?"

"Studying didn't matter, there were no lives outside your duties as a Senshi. As for romance: brief flings but nothing lasting. The closest you came was your relationship with Sailor Jupiter and that was initiated by a need to bear a single child to be your heir."

Amieow was stunned. "But I have less in common with Makoto then I do with Grey!"

"You have *some* qualities in common with Makoto," hedged Serafita.

The kitten snarled. "Marriage may be about sharing, but sharing the same gender as my spouse is not one of the things I look for."

"You'll get used to it," advised Celeste.

"I don't *want* to get used to it!"

"You'll forget all about Grey," tried Celeste.

"Don't want to! Don't want to!"

"You're acting like a child!"

"You're acting like you think you're a goddess or something!"

Celeste blinked. "But I *am* a goddess."

"You know what I mean!"

"Does anyone? Know what you mean, I mean."

Serafita watched the argument developing, made a Wisdom Check, and quietly sat on the sidelines with a large panda sign reading [I am *not* getting involved.]

--------

Nuku Nuku had been puzzled by finding these three people, but had known from comments made over the past few days that if you found injured and unconscious people lying around - you took them inside and put them on a futon.

So she did exactly that, with typical Nuku Nuku enthusiasm.

During that time, Artemis went from "Lightly Stunned" to "Heavily Unconscious" but Nuku Nuku learned that you can't carry three people through a door at the same time.

"Mam'selle Natsume? What eez going on?" Michiru looked over the three patients with some concern. "I heard ze commotion, but was een ze toilette. Are these friends of vous?"

Nuku Nuku blinked a couple of times as she deciphered Michiru's thick accent. "Don't know. The one with silver hair looks kinda familiar."

Michiru nodded thoughtfully. "Now that vous mention it. Oui. Something familiar about mam'selle. She look a bit like Usagi, non?"

"Kinda..." Nuku Nuku allowed.

Michiru nodded. "Well, Mam'selle, if you want to return to zee park, Michiru can keep zee eye on zese patients." She suspected that as she was still able to draw mana as if she were Sailor Neptune, she could do something if these turned out to be enemies. Perhaps not a "Deep Submerge" but she wasn't helpless.

Besides, she was concerned about that big lizard trying to go off and find Usagi again. Ah, what a mess that beast could make!

---------

The word circulated. Grey had gone out with Ami. Ami had sworn off men. Grey had gone out with Rei. Rei had dropped him and Makoto had likewise crossed her name off the dating schedule.

Umino posted a list:
fiancees:
Ami Mizuno---------quit (sworn off men)
Makoto Kino--------quit (pining after Mizuno?)
Morrigan Aenslad---quit/moved away
Eudial Katsuragi---moved away
Maya Tono----------quit
Rei Hino-----------quit (swearing off men?)
Ayane Fuma---------quit

Which meant that guys were warning Grey not to come anywhere *near* their girlfriends. Grey was getting quite a reputation among the students, and by inference, all Americans.

Which meant that he still had three older girls pursuing him (the school nurse Setsuna, some woman named Serenity, and Miss Honey) one young girl who used to be older (Misato Katsuragi, homeroom teacher), one younger girl (Hotaru Tomoe), and a few girls just slightly older (Kasumi, Minako, Nuku Nuku, Phobos, Sakura, Deimos) and some guy(?) named Haruka.

"Haruka's a crossdresser not a guy," pointed out Naru to Umino when she saw the list. "They're lax about that sort of thing over at some schools."

"From what I hear," Umino said, tapping a name with a pen, "Aino-san is being transferred to a school far away, and I'll have to cross her name off too. Miss Misato and the three older girls are also unlikely. Nuku... she missed school today, didn't she?"

It was a little unkind, but Naru couldn't help but make the observation. "It's not like she's all there even when she's at her desk."

Umino blinked, not having noticed this. Like most of the male population of the junior high. Bouncy, perky, and cute had been distracting enough that he'd missed noticing what her grades were like.

Naru Osaka looked over the list that Umino had compiled. "What kind of names are 'Fear' and 'Terror' for girls?"

--------

Minako twitched as the rumor reached her, then more so when it was confirmed. She suppressed the desire to switch to werecheetah form and chew on her tail.

Her mother had begun the paperwork as well as throwing a curve ball that *nobody* had expected. Minako would be packed off to a reform school where there were no boys, no fun, no videogames, no TV! No kidding.

Minako whimpered at the thought of being trapped in a strict school. No phone, no lights, no motorcar. Not a single luxury. Just Minako, in desperate misery.

She would be pulled from her friends, from her duties as a Senshi, and forced to live in a...

"sort of an Iraqi convent. Actually it looks pretty nice," said her mother as she held up a brochure. "It used to be a prison at one point. Now it's a 'School For Wayward Girls' where girls are schooled in proper behavior. Look, they've got a school uniform."

Minako looked at the indicated picture. Shapeless, covered everything except the eyes. Another whimper tried to escape.

Minako's mother smiled at her daughter. "Trust me. Mother knows best. They'll be able to get rid of all these distractions and I'm sure your grades will improve."

Minako looked at the brochure, written in Arabic she was guessing, and *knew* without a moment's doubt that if she went *there* - she'd either go insane or... She wasn't sure what the "or" was as her mind was refusing to process that possibility.

She was Minako Aino, Sailor V, now Sailor Cheetah. There was one thing that was completely obvious to the frequently costumed crimefighter.

ANY path that didn't have her enrolled in that school was certainly worth consideration.

------

Grey felt an odd chill but put it off to having undergone so much blood loss lately. Instead he tried to focus on the discussion in front of him.

He had trouble with Japanese on several fronts, especially when he was hurting a lot, tired, or both as he was now. The language seemed to talk around the subject and be used to *imply* a lot. There were regional accents and there was what Grey had dubbed "cutespeak" after encountering it. Ami had done it, so had every other girl he had known since coming here.

"Cutespeak" seemed to be a sublanguage, spoken in a softer/higher voice, and had an odd cadence and odd words that he couldn't decipher within it. It was mainly spoken to non-teacher authority figures that the girl in question didn't know. What did it mean? He didn't know.

Heck, he was still trying to work out why a can of Coke cost $2.20 or so.

His attention had mainly been grabbed by what had sounded like his name.

A group of young girls in those "seifuku" uniform, speaking quickly and in full "cutespeak" mode - but he didn't see any signs of looming authority figures.

The seifuku or "sailor uniforms" had been another surprise on coming here. Boy uniforms were typically cut like military dress uniforms and apparently didn't change much from one school to the other with a few exceptions. Strict, dark, dull. The girl uniforms looked surprisingly like something out of the Silver Millenium, many were designed around a motif that looked similar to the Senshi-candidate clothing (or, as Artemis had once described, the Sailor Hopefuls) back when Serenity was going with the candidate idea instead of hereditary positions. They were often colorful, generally worked quite well with the vast majority of the girls wearing them as far as making them look fairly cute (as opposed to the guys' uniforms - which mainly seemed to make the wearer uncomfortable) though the frequently baggy socks seemed out of place. Guys typically couldn't wait to get home and change *out* of the uniform, whereas girls could and often did wear the uniform most of the day.

Contrasted to America, where there were *no* uniforms and even attempts to prohibit students from wearing "gang clothes" or obscene t-shirts was often a matter of lawsuits and public recriminations, this was quite a change.

"...shardo greylle-san..." had been enough to get his attention and cause him to stop on his walk back to the Hino Shrine. When that odd use of his name had been accompanied by a giggle fit, it caused a typical reaction: curiosity. Were they making fun of him? In America, he would expect this to be the case. In his admittedly biased opinion, based on an inadequate sampling, and just dealing with the peer group he was familiar with: his name + girls + laughing = insults if not a dirty trick about to played upon him. In Japan, who could tell?

"...buri-buri..."

Another one of those odd phrases he'd never been able to find in his translation dictionaries. Girls seemed to use these odd word-word combinations more than guys. Yet another thing that made no sense to him. And what was with "boku" vs "atashi"? Just when he thought he'd figured out the rule was that only guys used "boku", someone like Usagi would use "boku" to denote herself.

At least with Umino, Naru, and most of the Senshi, when they spoke Japanese they would speak slower and pronounce each word seperately when he was around so that he had at least a vague chance of making out most of what they were saying.

Grey tried to watch without being *too* obvious. They had little squares? One held up three fingers, another nodded and handed over three...

photographs?

of HIM?!

coming out of the shower in the men's locker room?!!

and getting one photo back...

of Takeshi "Tubby" Yamaguchi? The acne-afflicted sumo team wannabe?!

Grey shuddered again. Bad enough to have nude pictures of yourself being traded. But to have pictures traded off at a discount for someone who was grossly overweight and didn't bathe regularly?

Then the girl who'd gotten the pictures threw them away and was obviously demanding the picture of Yamaguchi-san back.

Grey turned and walked off, and tried not to whimper at this further beating of his self esteem.

---------

"Is he gone?"

Ayako smirked. "Yeah. Boy looks like he's about to cry."

"Serves him right, stringing women along like that," Michiko said.

"So you really want this picture of Yamaguchi-san? You can't see anything with his gut hanging down like that."

"Why would I want a picture of *that* lardball? I... HEY!" Michiko started looking around. "Where'd those pictures of the gaijin go?"

--------

"Tsk. Wrong shutter speed. Poor focus. Underexposed. Tsk Tsk. Definitely not even worthy of the photography club standards." Setsuna sighed deeply and put the photographs away.

"Ahem."

Setsuna shrugged and handed one of the photos to Mineko.

The furry warrior of love and justice sometimes known as Minako put the photo away for later study. "I ought to go back there and let those girls know what Sailor Cheetah thinks of tricks like that."

"You shouldn't get involved," said Setsuna quietly. "Besides, we need to talk."

"You're going to let them get away with that?!" Mineko snarled, literally.

"No. If you hadn't noticed, Cutey Honey just morphed into their gym coach and is about to make that little clique run four laps around the school with some signs proclaiming them as members of the Junior Pornography Club." Setsuna continued to walk away.

Mineko was sufficiently startled that she shifted back to Minako. "Oh... Well, what about poor Grey-san? Someone should comfort him!"

Setsuna raised an eyebrow and smiled, though she didn't let Minako see that. "Good idea. But *we* need to have this chat. Now."

-------

As Grey wandered off in severe angst, and Setsuna practically dragged Minako off to have a little chat, and Cutey Honey (disguised as a gym coach) was having a group of girls run around the school while wearing signs, other things *were* going on.

Sakura, for example, had decided that her skills still needed to be kept up. She knew the basics of wardmaking and the like, but was mainly a practitioner of the Arts Of The Sword. Her *social* skills weren't great, but she figured a sparring partner would help her keep her edge while she worked at trying to fit in. So, she was trying to find someone who was sufficiently good at fighting that they could regularly challenge each other. Unfortunately, Honey (whom she'd seen with a sword before) was *not* at the Hino shrine.

The two kunoichi *were* at the Hino shrine, currently having a mild discussion about who was the idiot and why Ayane had dissolved her engagement to Grey. Ayane called Kasumi something unpleasant in German. Kasumi called Ayane a baka. Ayane called Kasumi a sentimental fool who wouldn't know what to do with a boyfriend if she got one. Kasumi called Ayane a homicidal maniac who couldn't have a tender moment if she tried. From there it went to ninja-bombs, throwing stars, and attempts to do serious bodily harm to the other. For the two, this actually was a fairly mild discussion.

Michiru watched the battle taking place, and was considering what she could do to stop it. Her patients needed quiet, after all. Still, she was reluctant to use her special attack as it would likely have side effects she didn't want.

Sakura noticed all the explosions and sharp objects being thrown, and threw herself into this mess as it would be good training.

Michiru looked at her three patients, back at the running battle, and continued to debate using her special magical attack.

----------

Minako looked nervously around as Setsuna watched her. The former "Sailor V-Chan" was very self conscious at the moment.

*shift* *fuzz*

So self-conscious that she had just become Sailor Cheetah (or at least Mineko Aino) during her fidgeting.

Setsuna sipped a cup of Darjeeling to hide a smirk. Yes, things were looking up. Particularly if that rumor she'd heard was true. "So, how are you going to keep from transforming in the convent, MiNEko?"

The werecheetah blinked a couple of times, then held her hand up to check for fur. Upon seeing it, her expression went to crestfallen.

Setsuna couldn't let it go. "You know, in Iraq, you could face one of two problems with these accidental changes. One, they'll try to exorcise you in a painful manner. Two, you end up in someone's harem as an exotic pet."

Mineko's ears drooped even further. "I could go to Usagi or Serenity. They could remove this..."

"Yes, they could," agreed Setsuna. "Usagi *might* be able to do it. Queen Serenity certainly could do so, and restore you to being Sailor Venus. In fact, I'd expect her to think of it before much longer and use the full power of *her* Ginzuishou to 'restore to default' all of her Knights and Senshi. At least the ones who don't run or have the means and will to block it."

The thoughtful expression crossing Mineko's face was odd, when one considered the light blonde fur and dark "tear tracks" of the cheetah. "Well, 'when in Osaka, wear a pointy hat.'"

The Ifurita version of Setsuna winced at the misquote, and was privately glad that this wasn't considered an attack. There were some techniques she had no desire to acquire. "Yes, but what of... your love life?"

Mineko went back to crestfallen then brightened. "What if the Queen removed Danburite's curse using the Ginzuishou?!"

"She might be able to do that," conceded Setsuna. "However, you must remember that Serenity has her *own* agenda and removing a curse that causes you to focus on your duties as a Senshi is not a curse by *her* standard. If you'll recall, she banned her Consort from the Royal Court because she felt that her feelings for that Consort could interfere with her duties to her kingdom."

The werecheetah winced at that and began tracing out a pattern on the table with a fingernail. Back to nervous and thoughtful.

"At the very least, she won't want to draw too much power at once, and will try to keep from depleting the Crystal's reserves." Setsuna looked at it logically, based on what she remembered of Serenity. "If you approach her right, and renew your oaths, she'll restore you as Sailor Venus. That's actually a *minor* thing. Removing the werecheetah transformation is a little more difficult but if you're actually willing it could be done without any major problems. A dying curse can be trickier and Serenity will want to wait until she's certain that no major problems will occur that could threaten her plans."

"She can still do it?" Mineko tried to shift back but apparently had exhausted the number of transformations she could do per day.

"Yes. She'll want to wait until *after* Crystal Tokyo has been established and the Freeze has occurred, and you'll have to give up your engagement to Basa... Grey-san. It might take a thousand years but she *would* eventually break that curse for you."

Mineko's eyes went wide and her tail stuck straight out. "A thousand years?!"

"You'd be the normal human equivelant of 27 or 28 by then," reminded Setsuna. "One of the advantages of Sailor Venus over Sailor Cheetah is a lifespan measured in centuries. A thousand years for Sailor Venus is equal to five for Sailor Cheetah. That brings its own problems though. Even if you find love as a member of the Senshi, your duties will always be first, and you may only have one child - a daughter who will eventually inherit the role of Sailor Venus from you. Sailor Cheetah, though, may suffer no such restrictions." There it was, she'd laid the cards out on the table. She could see the thoughts turning over in the girl's head. Minako could choose a shorter life and love, and in time perhaps her children would become Senshi, or she could once again become Sailor Venus and remain the lonely Sailor of Love.

Would she choose the nearly eternal youth of a Senshi, watching her few non-Senshi friends growing old and dying in what seemed like a day's passing? Those who were of the Senshi rarely made friends or had relationships beyond the Royal Court itself. Partly this was because of the omnipresent duty to their Queen. Partly this was due to the hurt on constantly getting to know people, and then their inevitable death, and their children's deaths, and so on. One could go on a quest or mission for the Queen, return, and find that your friend's great grandchild were dust in their grave. Minako would likely have a number of trysts with young and cute guys, only to watch them grow old after a few carefree summers, and then constantly try not to get emotionally attached to any of them.

Would she choose her current opportunity for love? She could get together with Basalt, remain a werecheetah, and live a normal human lifespan. She could have love. If Basalt were chosen by Minako, and it was explained *what* she had given up, most likely he would choose her as well. In time, Setsuna could see the two falling in love and having a mostly happy relationship. Of course, her friends and the other Senshi would remain eternal. Cheetahs had their litters (was that kits or pups?) and Minako would prove likely to be a clumsy but enthusiastic mother. Setsuna didn't require futuresight to see a large family eventually. One, of course, would find herself becoming the next Sailor Venus - fate worked that way. Besides, she'd been contacted by her younger self and gotten glimpses into the three futures of Minako Aino resulting from her choice here today.

Going off to the school her mother had chosen was not a likely choice.

"Mina-chan," Setsuna said gently, deliberately choosing Minako's real name. "It is not fair, it is not good, but you must choose. Soon. If you do not, the choice will be made for you. If not by your mother, the Queen will make the choice. If neither of them, then someone else. It is simply the way things work. I may no longer be the Senshi of Time, but I am still sensitive to it. Time is running out and events will come to the crisis point soon. Are you ready to make a decision?"

Minako nodded, suprising herself as tears were running down her muzzle. "Yes. I suppose I must. I choose..."

--------

Grey, being a 15 year old boy who had known nothing but rejection back in America, did *not* have Ranma-levels of self-confidence. Basalt was a little better (having decades of success in things not related to how things went in his love life) but it was mainly Grey at present.

"Shard-san?"

So several successes in combat (he *had* managed some rescues recently) and the overwhelming rejection from Ami had given him some serious thinking to do.

"Shard-san?"

What *was* his place in life? What purpose was there to his existence? Was he Basalt or Grey? Was he just a minor supporting character in Queen Serenity's story?

"Grey-san?"

HAD he been such an unsatisfactory boyfriend that he had driven several girls to swear off boys for life? That HURT.

"Grey-san, that's a..."

Sometimes he felt as if he had no control over his life and less value than most of his peers back in the States. THEY all had relationships. THEY all managed to get decent grades without a psychic cheat. THEY all had better health. Not one of them had ever had to deal with perverted wizards or cyborgs or

"Grey-san! Watch out!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!" *SPLASH!*

...falling down a manhole that someone had removed the cover from.

Nuku Nuku blinked a couple of times at the sight.

---------

Sakura Shinguchi was a samurai, but hardly qualified as stoic.

Oh, she obeyed the tenets of bushido well enough. For the most part, at least.

After several days of putting up with all the fuss and bother of a big city, the curious weirdness of typical city dwellers, and the problems of all the flash and glitter that she was not used to. (Not to mention feeling pretty useless in the recent set of adventures - the only thing she'd killed had been that "big bad wolf" though those three pigs had come close to getting the business end of her sword as well on more than one occasion. And frankly, she thought the wolf had been badly overrated. Garden variety werewolf, and not a particularly clever one.)

Plus, as courageous as she was on the field of battle, having a gaijin fiance had made her feel a bit anxious. (Not afraid. No, definitely not. She'd rather battle her way through an army of hungry kuei before she'd admit to anything approaching THAT word. She'd rather have open heart surgery performed on her without the benefit of anesthetic. She wasn't afraid of anything! Much less some guy she could defeat with both of her legs imbedded in concrete and one hand tied behind her back.)

So, a fight was welcome. No, more than that. It was NEEDED.

Which partly explained her grin as she moved her bokken (it wasn't her demonslayer sword, these weren't worthy targets) quickly to block a number of needles thrown by the albino. Or the RELIEF she felt as she leapt over the explosion of an eggshell grenade. (Though the pink smoke was a bit distressing.)

Though after a few moments she felt the tingle as her body changed. It was just a pair of cat ears and a tail that were visible, but she *felt* her speed and flexibility increase. Leaping up high enough to clear the peak of the temple roof, then do a handspring from one of the tori to avoid a mass of shuriken. It was invigorating.

Another handspring, this time using the white-haired girl's head, got their attention. The redhead started laughing, and the albino got heavily ticked. Landing on the ground, Sakura kicked a stone which struck Kasumi in the face and stopped the laughter. Perfect. Now they'd start taking her seriously.

She leapt again, dodging some sort of ninja-bomb thrown by the albino. Uh oh. "Maid-san, move! That's a..." *BUKAN!* "...bomb."

Well, at least that maid girl (Kaio-san?) wasn't hurt. Though what she was doing brandishing that feather duster was another question.

"Neptune Power. Maid Up!"

What the heck?!

--------

Naru Osaka looked at her boyfriend and gave silent thanks to the gaijin. Despite the disruption of lives, or perhaps because the routine *had* been disrupted, Umino had gotten closer to her. Particularly after that last conversation, Naru felt that she understood Umino's position a bit better.

"So he just fell in?" Umino asked the girl.

"Nuku Nuku not understand this at all."

Naru politely refrained from saying that she thought this the usual state of affairs for Nuku and nearly anything. Not that she was jealous about Umino spending time with the buxom young lady. Not at all. She put her arm around his just because it seemed a proper time to do so.

Nuku shoved in on the boy's belly, trying to pump the water out. He groaned again.

"I don't think he actually swallowed any water, Nuku-san," pointed out Umino. Actually, he thought that Shard-san had just looked kind of stunned until the pink-haired girl had tried to administer first aid.

"So what is a fiancee supposed to do in this sort of thing?" Nuku wasn't sure about any of this. Throwing him up and out of the manhole had seemed appropriate. She'd bandaged up his wounds. Sort of. She'd managed to get some rubbing alcohol from a drugstore and clean out the wounds. For some reason Shard-san had woken up yelping, and in the process of holding him down she'd somehow knocked him out again.

Naru considered the girl briefly, then the comatose patient. Would he survive if Nuku continued to try and nurse him back to health? Shard-san had enough problems as it was, wouldn't it be better if Nuku Nuku had a clue as to what she was doing? "Atsuko-san, I think we need to talk."

---------

Setsuna had watched as the battle was waged within the heart of Minako Aino.

Would she embrace the path of Mineko and maintain cordial relations with her father, keeping her friends for a normal human span of years before passing on? Incidentally leaving behind a big family. Setsuna had momentarily contacted her younger self at the Time Gate, and THAT Setsuna had reported back that if Minako became Mineko and therefore Sailor Cheetah, she had six kids in her future: the first pair of twins being born a mere year and a half from now.

Would she choose to stay by her friends' side? Renew her oaths of fealty and return to being Sailor Venus, and thereby abandoning her claim to the Knight Of Duty should *he* reclaim his post likewise. Even if Basalt did not, once Minako chose Sailor Venus she would have chosen to disobey both parents and to put any chance of love off for a thousand years. Still, if she *did* choose it, she would have a familiar role and the support of her friends.

Unlikely as it seemed, there was even a chance she'd bow to her mother's ideas and go off to the convent/reform school. It meant keeping a relationship with her mother, balanced against the very real problems she'd face there and seperation from her friends and familiar environs.

Setsuna could see the decision making process come to an end. Mineko's wide blue eyes went slowly from darting about to focussed, her jaw set and she stopped chewing her lip. As she *was* still currently in her werecheetah form, her tail stopped nervously flicking around and her ears perked forward as well.

Mineko nodded. "I've decided."

"Yes?" Setsuna asked, anxious to hear this. No matter which road the perky young girl chose, it wouldn't quite be over. Mineko would still have win Basalt's trust or at least affections. Sailor Venus would have to apologize to the Queen and convince her of her sincerity. Minako would have the worst of the lot, at least three years of harsh schooling.

"I'll have the tuna melt!"

Setsuna Meiou fell off her chair.

---------

Serenity groaned slightly as she sat up. Something had happened but what?

"Oh this is *just* great," came a very sarcastic voice.

"Oh, shut up, Artemis. It could be worse," responded another voice.

"I'm a *girl*, exactly how much worse can it get?"

Serenity focussed on the two speakers.

"You still remember who you were, and you're not helpless," responded a young girl of about 16, coal black hair falling like a cape around her. "Actually, you're kind of cute like that."

The white haired girl *glared* at her darkhaired twin. "THAT is not comforting."

"Luna, Artemis," Serenity said as she gathered herself. "What is going on?"

"Other than we look like something from a hentai 'Arabian Nights' dojinshi? Other than *I'm a girl*?!" Artemis usually would never speak this way to the Queen. He wasn't quite himself at the moment. Herself at the moment. Whatever.

Serenity stood and looked over herself. She was as she always remembered herself. She was even dressed in her usual outfit, the bikini top with matching vest, baggy pantaloons and silken slippers. Her hair was in its usual braid, running down her back to end just above her ankles. She still wore her bracers, linked by a thin chain to her rings. What exactly was different? Artemis and Luna had always been her handmaidens.

Luna blinked and shook her head. So Artemis was a girl. Big deal. He was always so melodramatic.

Artemis whimpered as she got her first good look at herself. "And *what* is with these clothes?!"

"What's wrong with these clothes?" Serenity double checked. Normal work clothes.

Luna and Artemis spent a moment staring at their Queen.

"Queen Serenity?"

"Yes, Luna?"

Luna looked at the ceiling for a few moments, obviously thinking. "Errr, Your Majesty, would you humor me for a moment and tell me what you remember of the Silver Millenium?"

Serenity smiled and sat back. "Ah, the Silver Millenium. A wonderful time it was, wasn't it, Luna? A time of unfettered magic where I was Queen Of All The Djinn."

"Excuse me?" Artemis said as soon as her jaw was working again.

Serenity made a dismissing little gesture in the air. "You are excused, Artemis. It *was* a wondrous era, and it is quite forgiven to miss that era."

Luna was frowning thoughtfully. "Yes, My Queen, but uhm, how did it end?"

Serenity's expression darkened. "The evil sorceress Beryl, given powers by her dark goddess Metal Lia, discovered a way of binding us. She began sealing away the djinni - so that her dark troops led by the monster Invincible Shadow could destroy the ins with whom we coexisted. Mine own daughter, and her beloved ins, died. A last wish, however, would gather us together ten times ten thousand years later."

Luna nodded. "Oooo kay. That explains it."

"WHAT?! WHAT explains WHAT?!" Artemis was almost literally beside herself. "That's completely wrong!"

Luna delicately reached out with a hand and gently slammed the back of Artemis' head into a wall. "Hsst! Pay attention to something besides your own problems!"

"I wish I understood," said Artemis, rubbing the back of her head.

Serenity looked thoughtful for a moment then nodded and folded her arms in front of her. "Normally, it requires the wish of an ins for a djinni to work more than the most basic of magics. A simple healing spell should work to clear your memories... My word, I never knew Artemis to run so fast."

--------

Sailor Pluto, a teenage Setsuna Meiou, the current Senshi of Time, sat before the Time Gate and reflected on one basic fact. Duty at the Time Gate was boring. Dull.

If the older and more experienced Sailor Pluto had been present or even been able to become Sailor Pluto, things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand. As it was, however, things quickly escalated.

The Wizard's magic altered things so that whatever change he imposed was "as things had always been." Alter the male Captain of the High School Football Team into a blonde bubble-headed girl, and no records or memories remained of the Captain. And most likely the former Captain was now one of the cheerleaders. He'd actually done this a few times and found it quite amusing, a joke that never quite went out of style.

The Wizard's spell altered Serenity, but instead of overriding her magic, it merged with it. Instead of being some scatterbrained harem girl, Serenity had fought and the directives had found a Neutral Ground and then rewritten her existence into this compromise. And in order to alter it so that Serenity had always been of the Djinni, the Kingdom had been altered.

If it hadn't been for the use of the Ginzuishou, this would likely have ended with an overdrawn power and only minor changes. As both directives utilized the nearly infinite power of the crystal to form the compromise...

The Djinn of Time slowly got to her feet and considered the Gate Of Time. Something was different, but what? Adjusting her veil, Pluto decided to sit down and contemplate this.

And wonder if she could get her older self to bring by a pizza.

------

Several Senshi in civilian guise felt *something* change but weren't sure what.

Usagi brightened as she spotted something. "Look! Look! A new store!"

Mamoru groaned as he saw what *kind* of store. "Uhm. Well. I don't have that much money."

"Oooh, cakes and pies, cream horns and delicious teas," said Makoto, practically drooling.

"If only Minako were here to see this," Rei remarked. "Or Ami. What the heck happened to Ami, anyway?"

"I don't know, she wasn't at school." Usagi spent a moment worrying. "C'mon. Cake! Pie! Buy one get one free!"

"Hmmmm. 'Desserts R Us'? Well, let's take a look at it, at least." Makoto helped Usagi drag Mamoru into the store. It sounded like just the thing to help recover from everything that had been going on of late.

-------

"So *that* is what a fiancee does?" Nuku was astonished, it sounded really complicated to go through all that just to make kittens.

"Yes, exactly," said Naru. She was glad to see that Nuku had been paying attention.

"I still don't think she's got it," remarked Umino, who hadn't known that all of *that* was required of a fiancee.

Nuku looked over the notes she'd taken. Maybe when she got some of this down, the actual making of kittens could take place. Why did humans have to complicate things?

"By the way," Umino felt compelled to point out, "isn't that Shard-san sneaking away at a high rate of speed?"

Nuku was relieved. She knew *this* game at least. The chase was on!

-------

Sakura was running. So were Kasumi and Ayane. So was Michiru. And in heels like those, that was quite an accomplishment.

*SHOOOM!*

Sakura rounded a corner inches ahead of another "Magical Maid Mindwash" attack. Kasumi and Ayane were already wearing the fishnet stockings and frilly aprons and were obviously none too pleased with the cumulative effects of Michiru's attacks.

There ahead of her was Shard-san. Also running for some odd reason.

What was odd was that Nuku Nuku, whom Sakura knew from seeing her "morning jog" was *much* faster than Shard-san, was pursuing, carrying what seemed to be a large supply of surgical gauze, tape, manacles, and chains. She hadn't known that Nuku-san was into that sort of thing.

Sakura felt the slight pressure wave preceding another attack and spun to the side. The blast hit a small office building, and screams resulted from within. Not good. How many of those blasts did Michiru have anyway? Didn't she have to reload or something?

-------

Kasumi gasped. She wasn't used to running in high heels but she really didn't want to get hit with a *second* blast. The first one had changed her ninja battle costume into something out of Frederick's Of Roppongi. A second exposure? Heck no! Finally Kasumi decided to leap into the air, kick the ridiculous shoes off, grab them in her hands, and run in her stockings.

Ayane had done a high kick, missed (she blamed the ridiculously short skirt, ridiculously high heels and ridiculously tight stockings), but the kid had gone down with a nosebleed anyway. So Ayane had commandeered the skateboard as it was a lot easier than running in these heels. Though if she could get closer to Kasumi, she'd trip the other ninja and observe what happened when you got hit with more than one blast.

Michiru gasped, that was her last full strength blast. She'd have to catch that pesky girl. And then finish their conversion.

Serenity flew along, pursuing a white haired girl in similar clothing to herself.

Luna pursued Serenity, mainly to make sure the Queen didn't do something more embarassing than wearing the little outfit.

Artemis didn't like being a girl in the first place. What was worse for the formerly male mooncat was that he felt his own memories altering. Alongside images of the Silver Millenium Moon Kingdom were images of the Djinn Kingdom. He didn't like the idea of being a handmaiden, even a magical one, and felt this would seriously alter his relationship with Luna.

A crowd of girls in maid outfits poured out of a small office building, saw the parade, and promptly began giving chase. Someone at the very least needed to explain this!

--------

Mineko happily finished her tuna melt.

"*Now* do you have a decision?" asked Setsuna.

"Hmmmm?" Mineko asked in return, wondering what decision Setsuna was talking about.

"Bas... Grey-san?" Setsuna asked, a little exasperated. At this point she was seriously thinking of checking into Sakura's background some more.

Licking her lips briefly, and wondering *why* tuna tasted *so* darn good when she was in her cursed form, Mineko Aino remembered her previous conversation. "oh yeah."

Screams and the sound of shattering glass interrupted Setsuna pounding her head against the table.

Mineko was out the door in a flash, sniffing the air, then racing along to where the screams had seemed to originate from.

Setsuna followed, a bit slower though her flight speed wasn't really that slow except in comparison to something like a werecheetah.

There was a large crowd, including what looked like a heavily bandaged Grey, and standing nearby were a group of three sailorsuited parodies of the Senshi and another woman who had a mask...

"Sailor Aluminum Siren," introduced the girl with the long hair.

"Sailor Aluminium Siding?" Nuku frowned. That sounded really silly.

"That's SIREN! Aluminum SiREN," yelled back the Sailor, wondering if one of these were the reason they were three Animates short of a full team.

"Aluminum Siding," Nuku repeated, still not getting it.

"SIREN! I said SI-REN!" The villain frowned. "Oh blazes. I'll let you play with the Phages."

"I thought those were Farces?" Nuku wasn't sure about this at all.

"Phages!" "Farces!"

"Siren!" "Siding!"

"Let's call the whole thing off," sang Setsuna, drawing curious looks from everyone. "Never mind."

"Sailor Guts!" "Sailor Pretty!" "Sailor Shibari!"

"Eeeew," went the crowd as the three Phages (Farces) stepped forward. As was understandable. Sailor Guts was a muscular guy in a sailor suit. Sailor Pretty wasn't very pretty at all, in fact she was rather disgustingly overly cutesy. Sailor Shibari was wearing a harness of ropes and had a rope in her hands.

"Megawatt... laser." Smirking, Setsuna leveled her staff and fired off a quick burst that flattened Sailor Guts and left him looking a little crispy.

Not wanting to be outdone, Sailor Cheetah (looking a little tousled from having performed a change of clothes at high speed) dodged a spiked microphone slung by Sailor Pretty. "Cheetah - One thousand punches!"

"Hey, that was only eight hundred punches," protested Sakura. "And thirty of those were kicks!"

"I'm still working on it, okay?" Sailor Cheetah grumbled a little at how some people overobsessed on the details.

"SHIBARI!" The rope wielder attacked the crowd, managing to tie up Nuku and Sailor Aluminum Siren as well.

"Ecchi," indicated Sailor Cheetah, who had dodged.

"-i am really beginning to dislike some aspects of Japanese culture,-" said Grey, who had also dodged but unfortunately not done as good a job. "-What's shibari, anyway?-"

Not wanting to say that it was rope-bondage, as this wasn't an aspect of Japanese culture likely to be attractive to Grey, Setsuna kept silent and prepared to dodge again. She didn't particularly want to learn *this* attack either.

"This is NOT acceptable!" Sailor Aluminum Siren was not terribly happy about being tied up like this. Especially in this kind of pose. Maybe alone with Lead Crow...

Nuku wondered exactly how some ropes were able to hold her in place. She knew her strength level was sufficient to shred these, but somehow they held.

Sakura was a samurai, and knew the basics of the art of hojo jitsu (the samurai martial art for tying up one's enemies)(2). Being tied up was a temporary problem, as a small knife tucked into a sleeve (for just such an emergency) was quickly put to work.

Setsuna aimed carefully, power building around the end of her staff.

Mineko, however, didn't wait. Stepping up to "Sailor Shibari" she unleashed what would have been a "Sailor V Kick" if it hadn't been performed at speeds you'd normally need a bullet train for. "That. Is. Enough!"

The ropewielding farce slammed through a wall. She was just getting to her feet when Sailor Cheetah made her presence known again.

"This is not a good time!" Sailor Cheetah struck the Farce another two hundred times, this time confining the target area to the face. "I have to make some really hard decisions and YOU aren't helping!" Another four hundred punches, this time to the stomach area. Sailor Shibari began to crumble. "I am sick and tired of all this!"

As Sailor Shibari crumbled to the ground, reverting to some older woman, Sailor Aluminum Siren felt her bindings lose their unbreakable nature. "NOW you fools shall fall before..."

"NUKU NUKU PUNCH!" *WHUD!*

Picking herself up, Sailor Aluminum Siren decided to get THAT girl's Star Seed immediately. "Your Star Seed is..."

"SHUT UP!" Sailor Cheetah abruptly appeared and began slamming hundreds of punches per second into the girl. The girl with long blue hair slid across the ground and didn't get up.

"Hmmm," hmmmed Setsuna. She doubted that Sailor Venus could have done that any easier.

Mineko panted as she looked down at the monsters of the week. "I just wish I knew what to do!"

Serenity had clapped her hands in front of her and summoned the magic. It had sounded like a good wish to her, and might benefit her people. Since she was a Queen of the Djinni and this was not one of her genie, it was all right.

*BLINK!*

Mineko Aino staggered. She KNEW what would happen now. She understood the three choices she could make, and how each would end up.

She could go to that school her mother had enrolled her in. Her werecheetah transformation would fade. So would she, in a manner of speaking. After three years, she would not much resemble the Minako Aino she had been OR the Mineko that she currently was.

If she chose to go to Serenity NOW, she would become a genie named Venus. Eventually Serenity would be restored to herself, all it would take was a properly worded wish, and she could resume her duties as Sailor Venus. Sure enough, 1100 years later, the curse would be removed. At that point, however, it would essentially be too late. The only peer group she could identify with or form any sort of relationship with would be her fellow senshi. No cute boyfriend. No boyfriend at all. A brief tryst with Makoto to produce the next generation of Sailor Venus, but that was it. No singing career. Art and the appreciation of it dying with the Great Freeze. Eventually dying in combat against yet another Threat.

If she chose to follow her father's advice, she would die. In roughly seventy five years. In the meantime...

Mineko Aino noticed where Grey was still struggling in his ropes, not having the strength or flexibility to get out on his own. "How nice, gift wrapped!"

Grey stopped. That had sound ominous.

Mineko reached down, grabbed Grey by a handy rope, tossed him over a shoulder, and ran off, giggling furiously.

"HEY!" Grey was entirely uncertain about this latest development.

There was a large scale simultaneous blink as everyone (that was conscious, that is) watched the werecheetah heading for the horizon.

"HEY!" That also was in an odd unison.

---------

The sign on the bus read quite simply: "Benny Hill Tokyo Tour". It was strange, in some ways his program was considered tame in these parts. Still, it would boost ratings in Japan quite a bit if he filmed a few scenes locally and put them into his regularly scheduled bits.

"Well, we'll end with the typical chase scene, I think. Though we'll need something really unusual to stick out from what we did last season," Benny explained.

"Heh," said one of the local talent. An agent of sorts, he specialized in finding things for foreign television people. "That's why I've got them. Fifteen sumo, twelve armored samurai, and some Yakuza types. They're all actually actors. Well, except for the sumo - they're makkuchi or apprentice sumo wrestlers on loan from a local sumo-beya."

"They're big," agreed the aging comedian and considering the problems of what would happen if something breakable got in the way of *this* crowd while running in a chase scene. "Though I really wanted something outrageously radically different for this scene."

*ZOOOOM!*

"Are we rolling?"

At the nod, Benny grinned. "After that, err..."

"...catgirl..." supplied the local talent.

"Yes," said Benny. "Oh, and cue the chase music!"

The music began to play.

--------

Mineko slowed down, not only because she was tired and carrying someone, but because she couldn't believe what she saw following her:

Setsuna, Serenity, Phobos, Deimos - all flying at high speeds. Despite that Phobos & Deimos now looked completely human and the two former crows and the Queen were flying without wings and wearing "I Dream Of Jeannie" costumes?

Sakura, Nuku Nuku, Kasumi & Ayane (wearing maid outfits?), Michiru in HER French Maid outfit (except that some of the material seemed to be missing), and thirty other girls in the same sort of outfits, all a few yards behind the fliers.

Behind the fliers came 15 young sumo types, wearing black mawashi sumo belts. Alongside *that* heavy division there were a number of armored samurai? Behind them were what looked like Yakuza thugs: tattoos, Italian sunglasses, and all.

Behind *them* was a bus, playing music from loudspeakers, and apparently filming the whole thing.

"You know, Grey-chan, Mineko didn't see *this* coming," said the werecheetah.

The music continued to play as Mineko ran. She *did* know, however, where she had to go.

A Japanese tour group spotted the procession, and as they felt left out, joined in.

--------

"Miyuki!"

"I see them! I don't recall any parade permits being issued today. Let's go Natsumi!"

And so two police officers in their mini patrol car also joined the procession.

The chase went through a public bath that had been reserved for the use of the Martial Arts Cheerleader Competition. The results were predictable. And so fourteen cheerleaders gave chase.

-------

Mikado Sanzennin looked up and was instantly smitten. Yes, that girl would be perfect to add to his list of conquests!

"Rafael!" The overly cutesy companion of the skater declared, pointing at the furry girl in the lead. "It's my little Rafael! Come to little Azusa!"

*THWAM!* *TRAMPLE!* *TRAMPLE!* *WeeeOOO WeeeOOO!* *THUMP!* *SMASH!* *WHAM!* *THUD!*

Looking up at the little stars dancing around her head, Azusa immediately gave them all French names.

Mikado, on the other hand, was chasing after the policewomen.

Ken Nakajima, the White Hawk of Bokutoh Precinct, saw this and immediately began his own pursuit. Of Mikado.

And where was that music coming from?

------

Mineko saw it. Finally. 'Desserts R Us' - now she could let Usagi and the others know what she had decided!

And hopefully someone would turn off that music finally.

============

(1) - reference to "Dreaming Moon" by Purrsia Press.
http://corwin.anifics.com/ranma.html

(2) - yes, this is real. They had a martial art for this too.

===========

omake omake omake omake OMAKE

Display: Chronos' Bet Entry
SimLine: RN-MK-201310

"...recently they crossed into China," said Soun.

"Wow! China!" Nabiki exclaimed. China was neat!

"What's so great about China?" Akane said with a hmph. The Chinese weren't so hot. If they were, they'd be Japanese.

"Is he cute?" Nabiki said with a grin. Cute would earn her overlooking a lot of little problems with the situation.

"I don't know about this, father. Aren't we too young?" Kasumi, the ever practical one, fretted. Just her luck it would turn out to be some old man.

"What kind of boy *is* this Ranma?" Nabiki and Kasumi chorused while Akane played with one of her toys.

"Don't have a clue," laughed Soun. "No idea."

"'No idea'," said Nabiki, disbelievingly.

"I've never met him," admitted Soun.

A few moments later, a panda had brought a young girl in and set her before the four Tendos. However, Akane's reaction was a lot more positive.

"Wai wai, panda! Wai wai, a panda! Giddyup, Panda-san!"

Such as straddling the panda's neck with her legs while repeatedly hitting the panda with a plastic shovel. Which lasted until the stranger girl got tired of all this, went into the kitchen, returned with a kettle of hot water and doused the panda.

"Okay, Pop, what the heck were you thinking when you came up with *this* plan?" Ranma wanted to know.

Tendo looked at the panda-turned-man. "Uhm, Saotome, can you explain this?"

"What about you Tendo?!" Genma gestured at the three girls.

"After we talked, well," Soun shrugged. "Kimiko and I decided to wait on having children. Ranma, these are my three daughters. Kasumi, she's fourteen. Nabiki, she's twelve. Akane, she's ten. Pick anyone you like. She'll be your new fiancee."

"He's a hottie," proclaimed Kasumi, not really knowing what the term meant.

"He's a girl?" Nabiki reached up and squeezed. Felt like a girl.

"Please don't do that," Ranma groaned. He couldn't believe this. Well at least marriageable age in Tokyo was 16. He had at least two years to find a way out of this.

"Okay, then *she's* a hottie," declared Kasumi, glomping on and emitting serious cuteness rays.

Akane scowled up at Ranma. "You better not try to be my Mommy!"

Ranma scowled as the littlest Tendo started kicking him in the shins. "I'm a guy damnit."

One demonstration of Jusenkyo curses later.

"NEAT!" Nabiki said, a glass of hot water and a glass of cold water in each hand. "I wonder what would happen if I hit you with both at the same time, would you be a boy and a girl?"

"I'm not instant ramen, you know," grumbled Ranma.

Kasumi splashed water around in the bowl as she tried to make tea.

-----click-------

"Ranma, you, you," Ryouga looked at the little girl hiding behind Ranma, "you *pedophile!*"

"Hey, it ain't like that! Our fathers came up with this weird idea!" Ranma stopped abruptly. "What's a pedophile?"

Nabiki sighed. "Later, Ranma. Fight now, expository dialogue later."

"Oh. Right."

Kasumi stalked forward. "You big meanie!"

"Excuse me?" Ryouga found himself backing up before this girl's wrath.

"Stop picking on my Ranma!" Kasumi stood under five feet. She somehow managed to loom over the taller Ryouga.

"Uhm, Kasumi, this is my fight." Ranma gave a helpless look towards Ryouga.

Ryouga misinterpreted that look. "So Ranma, you hide behind helpless little girls!"

Akane twitched and stalked forward. "HEY! Who are you calling helpless?!"

"Uhm," Ryouga hedged. "Well, it's nothing personal. I mean you're just a little kid..."

Akane twitched some more. "KID?! KID! You're saying I'm some weak little girl?!"

Ryouga put his hand down on the ten year old's head as she windmilled her arms in an attempt to hit him. "Uhm. Shouldn't you be playing with your dollies or something?"

At that moment Akane filed Ryouga under "people whose butt I will kick when I get older".

Ranma shrugged. Maybe he could run into Ryouga somewhere away from the kids. They tended to steal any scenes they were in.

----click----

Herb groaned. "And I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for those meddling kids."

Akane stuck her tongue out and pulled back one eyelid. "Beeeeee DAH!"

"I don't wanna pose," Ranma said, sulking.

Kasumi reached into her pack. "Would you do it for a Ranma-snack?"

===========