SD Gundam Fan Fiction ❯ 'Twas the Massacre of Christmas ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Hands down. This is more gay than Zero buttsexing Baku. If you don't seem to think that way, I damn well wanna know why.

(I'm gonna put this on deviantart *demandincompensation's account* and maybe do more songs over there. :O)

Twas the Massacre of Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the land
Not a creature was stirring according to the scan
The stockings were hung by the computer chairs,
In hopes that Neotopia's safety would not be ensnared;

The robots were nestled all snug in their boards,
While calculations proceeded, without dictating lords;
My protector's drawings lay a strewn by my feet,
I had nestled in for a long due, wishful sleep;

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day, fooling birds to crow;
When, what else my wondering eyes should discover,
But a strange vehicle emitting an angry mutter;

Onboard stood feisty the figure in red,
His raving vulgar mouth shot off his head;
Making such a racket I knew he was my foe,
He yelled at the green marching figures below;

"Get moving you lame bucket of rusted bolts!
Ruining Christmas'll be easy with these sleeping dolts!
Going house by house, box by box,
We'll slip outta here faster than any fox!"

I stepped back and gasped with a great amount of fear,
The Dark Axis invasion was finally here!
The villains had chosen such a sacred night
To come and spread evil within their flight!

Quicker than they, I dashed to my room
And snatched out a radio in the shape of a spoon;
Sending out a signal to my dear closest friends,
I stood by the door, waiting vigilantly to defend.

They bust down the door, and into the tree,
Presents smashing under, it caught into me;
With a cry of despair, I became pinned under,
As the blue clawed robot began to ponder.

"This boy has been a cause of great nuisance
Being a part of the gundams ever since
But now that we have him it could go much smoother!"
The purple robot cried out, "Let's make big boomers!"

Amid my struggle, they had me bound
Head to toe, laying on the ground;
But I didn't give up, to hope it were a dream
Around the white cloth, I let out a scream:

"Captain, Captain, help me save Christmas Eve!
Before these scum make Santa have to leave!"
And just on cue, as if by a chime
Captain Gundam emerged, in the nick of time.

"Put down those stockings and withdraw at once!
I have permission to mow down you little runts!"
A tear came to mine eye, my hero had arrived!
And opened a can of buttwhoop- Dark Axis derived!!

With a shrill war cry, the battle ensued
From daggers to cannons, everything was used
The staggering violence made my house shake
The spoils would be for the winner to take

The clashing of steel, the cry of the Zako minions
Were taken down easily with many kick spins
His light saber cutting through them like butter
He pwned the commander's face and used it as a rudder

And after shrapnel nearly took my head clean
I peeked out from under the gasoline Christmas gleam
There stood my only, the hero, emerging from the smoke
The smell of gore and lifeless corpses was enough to choke

"Captain," I cried, my bindings falling free
"You saved Christmas and our tree!"
I ran and hugged him tightly but not too tedious
Since everything else was destroyed in the radius

After checking me for injuries, he smiled back
And next to us the others did show up to attack;
Baku still waving his swords in the air
At invisible enemies who just weren't there...

"Dear Shute, you're alright," My knight friend exclaimed
"'Twas a glorious battle, they were hardly worth the game."
I stared in wonder as he flicked his cape back;
And I frowned in recalling he had gotten sacked

"Did you even do anything?" My question struck a nerve.
He looked at me in scorn, as if not worth to serve.
"Of course my dear lad, I was here all along!
"Protecting this creature who did not belong."

He motioned in hand to one reindeer, no, two-
Suddenly, with a sleigh, there was hardly more than a few.
I clasped my hands in glee, the time had arrived!
For Santa's presents must have surely survived!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
He turned to our ragged tree in which Baku held upright
My samurai friend stared suspiciosly at St. Nick, uptight.

"What are you," He asked, still untrusting,
But my joy of his arrival was nearly busting.
I bounded over to Baku, filled with holiday glee
And explained that he was Santa Claus, putting presents under the tree.

Captain cleared his throat and recalled the story
The tradition of giftgiving in Christmas love and glory.
Baku let go of the tree, the needles fell astray.
He shrugged, saying he was buddist anyway.

Santa blinked at my friends and sadly said
"Too bad then, I guess it's off to go to bed."
And in a magic gust of glitter and soft winter glow
He took off in the sleigh, singing "Ho ho ho!"

I watched as he waved taking off in the sky,
And fell to my knees, beginning to cry.
Captain touched my shoulder, Zero let out a sigh.
"Nice way to ruin Christmas, Baku. That was real fly."

Baku frowned, not knowing what he did wrong.
"We stopped the Dark Axis, after fighting so long!
Victory is better than material possessions!"
My bitter anguish fell into another procession.

"I still wanted to get something from Santa," I whined.
"That's not what's important; we're all live and fine."
Zero shook his head, "Well then let's go inside to warm our bones."
And in the base we huddled, over hot marshmallow co-cos.

I stared emptily at the Charley Brown special, haunted.
"This Christmas totally sucked, I got nothing I wanted."
Zero poked at Baku with blame. "It's all your fault, you know."
Baku huffed, "Then just call me Char-roo-lee Boo-rah-no!"

"It's Charley Brown, you mindless underling..."

"Like I could tell from your incessant POKING!"

"Okay, you know what, stop rhyming already. If I wanted Dr. Suess, I'd go to a library."

"We're in a library actually, Shute."


"I hate Charley Brown."