SD Gundam Fan Fiction ❯ A cameo, a curse, and an endless stream of noncannon nonsense ❯ In which things get a little serious for a while ( Chapter 4 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Chapter four: In which things get a little serious for a while; unless you count the thermonuclear yolk explosion, but how was I supposed to know that chicken was loaded?!
Well, almost two years after I went on hiatus, here it is: Chapter 4 of ACACAAESONCN.
I'm sorry for the wait, but what with schoolwork, a minor mental breakdown, the Writer's Block of the millennium, and my brother's evil new cat, Bruce, I've found it nigh-impossible to work on any of my stories. Hopefully, this chapter will be good enough for the wait. I've improved my writing skills, somewhat, so I hope you like.
(P.S.: As before, I do not own SDGF or its characters/locations/etc.
P.S.S: Forgot to mention; Leslie and Jade both belong to me. Sable belongs to a friend of mine. Please don't use them in your story/stories without my permission.)
When we last left the Dark Axis Trio, they had disguised themselves as very pretty humans in order to gather information about a recent attack on the SDG by Tallgeese and Ganondorf, who launched a surprise assault on Captain, Shute, Zero, and Bakunetsumaru, seemingly for the sole purpose of testing out the random spell, which caused pigs to fall from the sky and Captain was cursed to turn into a plush doll of himself whenever hugged or kissed. Why am I even telling you all this again? I dunno. It's like there's an unwritten rule for webcomic/fanfic-authors that, after a hiatus of two weeks or more, it is necessary for a recap of previous chapters/comics. Kinda seems weird if you ask me. It's not as if it's necessary, since, after all, the readers can just read the previous chapters for themselves to see what's going on in the story, so why-
Daishogun: GET ON WITH IT!!!
Okay! Fine! Sheesh…
So, anyways, since the last chapter, three hours had passed in the story (somehow). Within that time period, Gouf wandered off in disgust and promptly got lost, Zaku and Dom went to look for him with Sayla and co., Zero changed Captain back into a Gundam and locked himself in one of the base's many bathrooms, where he had been thoroughly washing his mouth out with soap and water for about an hour and a half, and an odd distortion in the dimensional walls appeared then disappeared on the SDG's sensors.
We now join Dom in downtown Neotopia, where he had somehow managed to get himself separated from Jade and Leslie (Sayla was with Zaku) as they searched for Gouf.
Dom: (in an annoying sing-song tune)Buttons buttons buttons buttons I like buttons buttons and pie with sausage toast on top…
???: Oi, you!
Dom stops abruptly and looks around in mild confusion.
???: Over here, Squeaky! On the sidewalk!
He looks to his right and sees a scantily dressed hippie-lady with tanned skin, medium-brown hair and a really great figure sitting on a colorful rug on the corner, a tin can full of coins beside her.
???: Hey, Squeaky, nice to see you know English!
Don: I not is “Squeaky”. My name Dom!
???: Meh. (stands up) I give everyone nicknames. And since you have such cute purple clothes, I'm calling you “Squeaky”, Squeaky.
Dom considered for a few moments, then decided he didn't have any idea what she was talking about, so she had to be a smart person.
Dom: I guess that's res-… ru-… good. What you name, smart lady?
Sable: The name's Sable. I'm Neotopia's one and only professional crazy hobo! I even have business cards!
She hands Dom a card-sized piece of cardboard with the words “Sable Daleford; Making Neotopia Interesting” scrawled on in messy writing.
Dom: Sable Del-… Daw-… Duh-…
Sable: Hey, don't break yourself, Squeaky! You don't have to say it all! (Takes the card back) Where you from, anyway? Dirkadirkastan?
Sable: Sorry. Bad joke. Hey, since I'm done ranting insanely for the day, why don't I get us some dinner? Y'all look starved!
Sable: If you're into second-rate convenience store hot dog and frozen sugar-highs in a cup.
Dom: Duhhh, okay!
Sable: Wonderful! Then, onward, my dear Squeaky! To the fantastic kingdom of 9-12 that totally isn't a reference to 7-11s which we can't mention in this story because the company president might sue us!
Sable: Just follow me.
Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the city center, Gouf was standing around several teenaged boys who were lying on the ground, a couple unconscious, some awake and in obvious pain, and all had bruises, cuts, and various other minor injuries.
Gouf: WHO'S NEXT?!! WHO WANTS SOME???!!!!
Random Injured Guy: What the hell, girl?! I just asked if you wanted to see a movie!
Gouf: (In a really creepy tone, and holy s**t, dude, if looks could kill!) What was that…?
Random Injured Guy: O.O Nothing, mistress…
Gouf: Good. (Semi-normal tone) Now, I will say this once. I am looking for two guys, one is in his late teens, with red hair, green eyes, and tanned skin. The other is a pre-teen with purple hair and clothes. Has anyone seen them?
Random Stupid Injured Guy: What? Are they your S&M slaves, or something?
Gouf: (Creepy tone back in full force) WRONG ANSWER!!!!!
Censored for extreme violence.
Bystander 1: Ouch.
Bystander 2: That one won't be able to stand for a week.
Gouf: Screw this. Why am I even asking help from organics anyways?
Bystander 3: (aside) You know what they say about rhetorical questions?
Bystander 1: (aside) Well, um, no.
Bystander 2: (aside) Do you?
Bystander 3: (aside) No, that's why I was asking you.
Gouf: …… *twitches* Imbeciles….. (walks of with a confused/furious/somewhere in between expression on his face)
Meanwhile, in yet another area of Neotopia, Zaku and Sayla were wandering around looking at the sights. Both had gotten distracted from their search and Sayla decided, since Zaku was obviously a foreigner and not an evil red cycloptic robot whose mission was to eliminate all lifeforms in the area, that he should be given a guided tour of the city.
Zaku: So, lemme get this straight. The flower shop owner turned out to be an evil alien cyborg who had come to the city to enslave the minds of the citizens using the magic potion in the flowers that turned anyone who smelled them into his mindless slaves?
Sayla: And, once Vivia discovered his evil plot, she used her powers of light and love to destroy the evil Dervin and free the people under his spell, and then Gunsword the Hunter and her finally got to go out on their ice skating date!
Zaku: And that was just six episodes in? Sounds like a really cool show to me!
Sayla: Hyper Mega Gundam Princess Vivia has always been my favorite!
Zaku: I'll bet! So, what else wa-oh shoot!!!
Shute, Baku, Juli, and Captain had just come around the corner.
Shute: …like I told Chief Haro, the corn attacked me! How could I not defend myself?!
Baku: And I saw everything, too! It leapt right for his neck! How dare that man chase us out of the store?!
Juli: Because the two of you were throwing corn at people and yelling “attack of the Cob Monsters” at the top of your lungs. You're lucky the manager didn't press charges.
Sayla: Hello, everyone!
Shute: Hey, Sayla! Who's that guy?
Zaku: (inwardly) Oh crap it's the Gundams! I am going to get killed so much…
Sayla: This is Zacharias Laestra. He's visiting Neotopia with his brother and sister.
Captain: A pleasure to meet you, Zacharias.
Zaku: (inwardly) ….unless they don't even recognize me in the first place… (out loud) Um, hi. Its, err, nice to meet you, too…
Juli: Aw, he's so shy… and such a cute young man! Where are you from.
Zaku: Uh…. (inwardly) ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap……
Sayla: Well, obviously he's from Spain! I was guessing maybe… Seville. Am I right, Zackie?
Zaku: Er, yeah. That's right! How'd you guess?
Juli: It's a very warm city, and you've got quite the tan, so I'd have guessed the same.
Sayla: Huh? What are you talking about? I just like saying that word! Sevillevillevillevilleville…
Random Drunk Lady: Heeeeey, it's the Rickster! (stumbles up behind Captain and starts hugging him) How've ya been, man? (Gives him a very loud kiss on the faceplate)
A big cloud of pink smoke envelopes Captain and the drunk lady. When it clears, the drunk lady is staring dimly at a plush doll of a gundam in her hand.
Juli: Oh crap.
Random Drunk Lady: Whoooaaahhh… Cool, man! That is the most awesomest magic trick I've ever seen!
Juli: Uh, yeah. Right. A magic trick.
Sayla: Yay, magic!
Random Drunk Lady: (hands Captain to Juli and gives her a couple coins.) Tell the robot-guy that was cool. (wanders off and starts having a slurred conversation with a garbage can down the street)
Juli: Er, we should get going. Very busy today! Seeya! (grabs Baku and Shute and starts walking off quickly)
Meanwhile, back at the SDG base…
Haro: Hey, Kao Lyn, I've just thought of something; How did you know Captain would transform by those specific triggers, anyways?
Kao Lyn: AH! Well, that is- ummm…. I mean… I have to go see Juli about her, uhhhh….. scooter! Very urgent! Kthxbye! (runs off at sub-sonic speeds)
Bellwood: (checks his watch) Woah… he just beat Gunbike's land-speed record. Who'da thought th' old guy could run so fast!
Meanwhile, on a bench somewhere in the Neotopia Central Park…
Daishogun: Hey, wait! That's it?!
Wiz: Ummm…. Well, yeah, I guess.
Daishogun: But what about the title?! You said there'd be a therma-nuckle something-or-other!
Wiz: Ummm…. It happened yesterday…?
Daishogun: Nice try.
Wiz: (sighs) Fiiine. (Takes a small black detonator out of her pocket and presses the big red button)
In the direction of the Neotopia agricultural district, a loud explosion sounds and a mushroom-shaped cloud of smoke appears above the treeline.
Random Park-Goer: Holy crap! Bob's chicken farm just blew up!
Daishogun: (turns to look at Wiz) You are a very evil woman.
Wiz: Hey, you wanted it, so I delivered. Happy now?
Daishogun: ….oddly enough, yes I am…
Hope you liked this chapter. Please read and rate.