Slam Dunk Fan Fiction ❯ Sapphire Illusion ❯ Sapphire Illusion ( One-Shot )

Warning: Too much OOC-ness... gomen nasai~

A/N: This is my first finished fic on slam dunk, so please be gentle... ^_^; I don't own either of the characters mentioned in this fic and I don't intend to make them mine, so please don't sue me... eheh. Comments are welcome. Please don't hurt my feelings too much (n.n)

 

Sapphire Illusion

 

If I would describe my life with a color, I'd say it's blue. Blue for sadness, angst and depression buried within a masked exterior. Blue for the ocean of tears that I seemed to have drowned in. Blue for insanity driving me to the edge of dark skies. Blue for eyes that haunted me since we first met. Do I need to further explain why I feel like this?

 

I gaze at you with loving eyes, but all the while I show hate and despise without even knowing why I do so. Is it even possible to hate and to love a person at the same time? The complexity of the feeling is too much that I'd rather choose to lose all form of emotion than feel this.

 

Love, hate, love, hate. Sometimes its hard to distinguish which I am feeling at the moment. I could start a day feeling resentment towards you, and in a split second, it could change into reverence with just the shallowest reasons that I could grasp.

 

I show indifference, and yet when you're away I constantly look for you. It's almost maddening to try to understand how I feel.

 

Most see me as a stupid, careless idiot... a self-proclaimed tensai. Whether they admit it or not, I know that I AM great. Isn't there enough proof already? See? I'm doing it again. Unconsciously sensationalizing myself out of habit, just to fool others to think that I am nothing other than what I make others think, which is undoubtedly that I am a stupid, no-good tensai. Funny how it contradicts.

 

I hide my weak self. This side of me which I am showing right now. I doubt that you know that I could express myself this way. Seems too out of character, doesn't it? I hide my sensitive side so that you wouldn't see. So you wouldn't feel how I long for you. For years now I watched your graceful form from afar, admiring your catlike movements as if they were the most charming acts I've ever seen. For in fact they are. You are the most beautiful person, and I love you.

 

Do you even know how hard it is to suppress everything inside? To force myself to throw insults at you, when all I want to say is how much I love you. To show that I hate no one else greater than you, when in fact I feel the exact opposite. I love you, I love you, I could go on forever just saying this... but I know that I have to be contented with just telling it to myself.

 

Blue eyes. I see them once again. In the far end of the court I can feel them burning my skin. Before I could stop myself I told you to get away from my sight. 'Kitsune' as I call you, and I don't even know if you're insulted with that. Kitsune's a nice name. It suits you perfectly.

 

I hate letting myself drown in this fake romance. It isn't romance anyway. Illusion best fits what I'm experiencing... a hopeless illusion that may never change at all. It's impossible that you may ever feel something close to what I feel and I don't want to remain in false hopes anymore. Why then can't I let go of dreaming to be with you?

 

~souji 03/12/2005 10:33:23 PM