Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ To Be Human ❯ Zelgadis by the Campfire ( Chapter 6 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Chapter 6

Zelgadis by the Campfire

By evening, I was feeling well enough to actually walk around without passing out. I even managed to eat some of Lina's fish-on-a-stick. Not much, but, then again, when you eat with Lina and Gourry, unless you want to join in the fight for your dinner, you won't get much anyway.

"You know, Zel," Lina said, once she and Gourry had finished decimating the fish population of the area, "for a knight in shining armor, you sure are pathetic. We come charging in after you, expecting to see you fighting the bandits or wrapping up the situation on your own, and we find you naked, lying on a table, half-dead."

"Shut up, Lina." I told her. "It could have gone better, but I did do what I set out to."

"Why'd you do it anyway?"

"Do what?" I said, not quite sure what it was.

"It wasn't like they held you down and tried to poison you. Amelia said they gave you a choice. Her life or yours."

"They were going to start a war..." I said half-heartedly, hoping she'd buy that as my excuse. Lina, why can't you stop asking questions, especially ones I don't want to tell you the answers to? Bad enough that Amelia managed to catch me off guard... I don't want everybody and their dog knowing my personal problems.

Lina, however, was a better judge of my character than I thought. "Since when do you care about local politics? You're a wanderer. Besides, those people wanted to dissect you, and I doubt it was for the betterment of mankind."

"It wasn't" I grimaced at the memories she was bringing up. The choice had been the right one, I knew that, but I still had felt so... so detached about it. Like it was happening to someone else. That had just fueled my depression and despair -- if I couldn't be bothered about my own death, how could I show any sort of human emotion at all? "They were planning on using whatever they learned to try to go into the chimera-making business. Mostly as foot soldiers for armies."

"Could they do that?" Gourry asked. I hadn't even realized he was listening. "If it were that easy, wouldn't we see more people like Zel running around?"

"I don't know." I told him. "I've never found any information on how Rezo created my body. Whatever notes he left were lost when Kopii Rezo destroyed Sairaag and Rezo's lab there. It has to be relatively difficult, though. That two-bit sorceress they had trying to dissect me would never have figured it our on her own. Not without years of research." I said the last bit with a cocky half smile, trying to boost my mood out of the depression of the memory.

"And if she did?" Lina asked. "You're full of it, Zel... you have no idea how much she knew about chimera-making. So what if she did know what she was doing? You never shut up about how much you hate being a chimera. So, you'd be willing to give those people the knowledge to duplicate your fate a thousandfold?"

"It's better than seeing people die... which is what would happen if Sailoon and Xoana fought a war. Don't let my talk fool you, Lina -- living as a monster may be an awful fate, but it's better than dying. If I agreed, only one person had to die, and it was the one person I could speak for."

"I didn't think you were the self-sacrificing type, Zel," Gourry said.

"Yeah, whatever happened to the cold-hearted sorcerer swordsman we all knew and loved?" Lina asked snidely.

"Maybe I finally found something worth dying for," I retorted.

"Or someone," Gourry said, in that off-hand way of his.

Lina smirked. "Thought so."

"You two are seeing things," I told them.

"Really?" Lina asked, a skeptical look on her face. "Why else would you do that?"

"I told you already," I said impatiently.

"Like I believe that," Lina said, with a sound of disgust, as if there was no way she'd fall for a story that simple. "You gave the kind of answer that comes right out of the stereotypical hero textbook. Something you are most certainly not."

I sighed. She wasn't going to let me drop the subject until I told her. "You wouldn't understand. You're human."

"Try me, Zel. You know Amelia -- she'll be convinced you did it because you've been hiding feelings of true love from her. Amelia's a romantic. And if you can't convince me, you'll never convince her."

I sighed. Lina was right -- Amelia would think that. And it had been for Amelia, even if it wasn't out of love, but a desire to make my life... or at least, my death... mean something. If I had known I was going to survive, I wouldn't have kissed her. It's just going to make an already difficult situation worse. Thinking about it, it would have been easier if I had died. "Fine. I'll tell you. Amelia already knows this." I sighed again. How to say this. Best just to be direct. "I think I'm losing my humanity."

"You still look the same," Gourry pointed out. "You haven't grown any extra rocks or anything."

"Not physically. Mentally. Emotionally."

Lina stared. And stared. Then she burst out laughing. She slapped me on the back -- very carefully, so she didn't hurt her hand -- like I had told a sidesplitting joke. "Sure, Zel."

"It's not funny!" I practically screamed at her. "Here I am, turning into something no better than a demon or mazoku and all you can do is laugh your head off? Some friend you are. Help me out here, Gourry." I looked towards the swordsman, trying to enlist his aid in getting Lina to see the seriousness of the situation.

"Don't you think you're overreacting, Zel?" Gourry asked. So much for that idea.

"No." I turned my back on them. I thought these people would understand -- they were supposed to be my friends... I mean, I've complained about some stupid things before, but when I'm actually seriously concerned over something, I'd expect at least a hint of sympathy. Stupid Lina... stupid Gourry... at least Amelia was sympathetic when I told her. Instead of laughing, she went out of her way to help me. "I told you two you wouldn't understand."

"You know, Zel," Lina shook her head, "you can be a real moron sometimes."

"And what do you mean by that?" If I wasn't still recovering I'd leave them both here and walk off. Hell, I was tempted to do it anyway.

Gourry stood up. "I think I'm gonna go for a walk. I thought I heard something. Cheer up, Zel."

Seeing he was gone, Lina took another fish from the coals of the fire and bit into it thoughtfully. "You know, Zel, it's only natural for the living to wish to remain so... Milgasia told me that when we were looking for the Clair Bible. About the most altruistic you get is defending one's family. Except for humans."

"What about mazoku? I've seen Xellos endanger his life in fights plenty of times," I pointed out.

"Because he was forced into it... or his mistress ordered him to. Blood ties... or whatever passes for mazoku blood. Only humans are selfless enough to die for someone or something they love."

"So, what exactly are you saying? That I love Amelia?" I asked, trying to pin her down to a direct statement. Damn it, Lina, if you have something to say, say it!

"Idiot..." Lina sighed. "Why do you think you did it? Sometimes, Zel, I'd rather deal with Gourry. At least he understands what goes on in his own head, even if I wonder sometimes if he understands anything else."

"Because," I closed my eyes contemplatively. "Because I couldn't stand the thought of her dying. She has so much to live for. I have nothing."

"So... you would let that woman take you apart, reduce you to your most basic components until there was nothing left of the human Zelgadis Graywords, all in the name of keeping Amelia alive, and yet... and yet you won't admit that the possibility even exists that you have feelings for the girl?" Lina was practically screaming at me... I'm sure Gourry heard it. Hell, Amelia probably heard it from Sailoon. She sat down again... hard. "MEN!"

I stood up. "Hey, Zel. Where are you going?" I didn't answer her. I needed to think about what she had said. As much as I hated to admit it, she had a point. Her words struck a chord with me. Was it possible Amelia had kindled feelings I never knew I had? True, she was a kind, supportive and giving person, and accepted me as I was... and had a crush on me... and was good-looking, rich and royalty to boot.

I nearly ran into Gourry on my way outside of our campsite. He looked like he had been listening... probably to see when it was safe to come back to the campsite once Hurricane Lina had blown itself out. "Hey, Zel, where are you going?" he repeated the question Lina had asked me.

"I need to think," I told him. I was about to walk away, but something was nagging me. "Hey... Gourry?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you bet against Lina? About the reason I came back to Sailoon?"

"Well," Gourry snuck a guilty look back towards the campsite. "I thought it was about time. You could use some female company, Zel." He grinned, almost innocently, but there was a gleam in his eye. Probably why he didn't want Lina to hear. "Like you and Lina, you mean?"

Gourry laughed, almost embarrassedly, "I guess so. All I'm saying, Zel, is that if you find someone that you want to protect... so much you are willing to give up your life, your stuff, everything... you should stay with them."

"I see... thanks, Gourry." I turned around and headed into the night.