Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Choctoberfest special ❯ Choctoberfest special ( Chapter 1 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: TheVulpineHero1 
A Choctober fest special
Non Anime: Sonic Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 04.17.2007 | Pages: 10 | Words: 7.6K | Visits: 644 | Status: Completed
A Choctober fest special
Non Anime: Sonic Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 04.17.2007 | Pages: 10 | Words: 7.6K | Visits: 644 | Status: Completed
Now is a very special time of the year, because in England, where I live (as opposed to ‘Nowhere’ or ‘My house’ or even ‘The Bowcave’) the time of festivity, joy and happiness that is Choctoberfest has arrived. The Chocowagon is coming round, and, as usual, vandals are pelting eggs at it. Yup, it’s Easter. So, without further a doo-doo (ha-ha), I present to you, my ugly, ugly public, the Choctoberfest Mischievousness Parade, or the Easter OC Insanity Bonanza!
Oh, wait. The legal stuff. Alright then. Sonic, Knuckles, Tails, Amy, Rouge, Cream, Vanilla, Espio, Vector, Charmy, Big the Cat, Blaze the Cat, Silver, Shadow, Omega (he doesn’t get enough publicity), Metal Sonic, Metal Knuckles and Tails Doll are all property of the SEGA corporation. Raze the Fox, Ai the Hare, Soots the Tern, Arid the Fox, Ivory the Cat, Gerald the Rat, Gunther the Tap-Dancing Raindeer, Samson the Pink Elephant, Gary the Ferret, Cap’n Duckbeard, Guy, Gal and TheVulpineHero1 are all products of my warped little imagination- I own them! Scoot, Vulcan and ScootTH are owned by TheRealScootTH. Jecht the Tiger and Eleanor the Hedgehog are both co-owned by me and TheRealScootTH. And, finally, making a special guest appearance, is Silk the Hedgehog, along with her creator/owner, j320! Yay!
Oh, and watch out for the secret, unnamed OC who resides in this story, without knowledge of the co-writers! (He/She/It belongs to me, by the way.)
Now, it really is time to start the Choctoberfest special. So, away!
(Our sponsors are actually in this story, so I can’t give you a sponsors’ segment for this fic…)
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The Choctoberfest Mischeviousness Parade
Or
The Easter OC Insanity Bonanza!
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TheVulpineHero1: Hello, unhappy misfits.
ScootTH: Shut up. This is my friend, j320. She lives in America!
j320: Hello, strange people from the land of the humongous headed politician. How are you doing? Why are you sitting outside of that curiously noisy building?
TheVulpineHero1: Well, it’s Choctoberfest, and the people inside are having a Choctoberfest PAAAAAARRRTAAAAY.
j320: What’s Choctoberfest?
TheVulpineHero1: Ha. Hahaha. You really don’t know what Choctoberfest is?
j320: Nope. I don’t know what skalchengammot is either, but I bet you’ve made that up as well.
ScootTH: Note to self: make up a meaning for the word skalchengammot.
TheVulpineHero1: Choctoberfest is Easter! Except in the form of a huge PAAAAAARRRTAAAAY all across the globe! Look!
(In Alaska)
Guy: Happy Choctoberfest, viewers!
Gal: Why are we here again?
Guy: We’re looking for the Abominable Bowtie, said to reside within the confines of a little known Alaskan dungeon!
Gal: Groan…
(In Downtown Nowhere)
j320: That was the weirdest thing I’ve ever experienced.
ScootTH: You have no idea…So, why are you not in the party with all the normal freaks?
TheVulpineHero1: Our old friends the Sonic Team, plus our OCs are in there! All of mine, and all of yours, and one of j320’s, and one from my keys!
j320: So, why are you not in there?
TheVulpineHero1: Raze told me not to go anywhere. He said ‘Stay the fricking hell away from me or I’m going to invert your innards.’ I don’t know what that means, but it sounds painful!
ScootTH: I wonder what’s really going on in there…
(The PAAAAAARRRTAAAAY)
Sonic: So, I says to Tails, ‘WHY DIDN’T YOU GET ANY MUSIC?’ and he says ‘Cus you only told me this morning, and I had to get the invites out and everything!’ and I says ‘Is that why there’s a load of freaks here?’
Raze: You’re boring, ugly, and you’ve mistaken me for someone who cares. Get out of my face.
Jecht: Who’s that guy?
Ai: That’s Raze.
Jecht: Oh.
Knuckles: Who are you people?
Metal Sonic: We’re the Robot team!
Tails Doll: Yeah! Youse suck!
Knuckles: I didn’t know he could talk.
Shadow: Oi! If it ain’t fluffy!
Raze: Fairy, why are you here? There’s a perfectly good gay bar across the street.
Shadow: I got barred. I mean, I’m not a fairy!
Eleanor: And who are you?
Silk: Name’s Silk.
Eleanor: Really? Hmm. Well, you’re…good looking…
Silk: And?
Raze: She’s scared you’re gonna poach her boy toy.
Silk: And you are?
Raze: Bored. Angry. Confused. I’m going through a lot of things right now.
Gerald: Good evening. I’m a rat, who just popped up in a particular fanfic for a couple of lines, and hasn’t appeared since.
Charmy: Yay! I’m four years older than I should be, and I have no idea why!
Arid: Good evening, all. I brought some of my pals along too.
Ivory: Got any booze?
Soots: Hey, baby. Do you like my suit?
Silk: It’s alright.
Soots: I don’t really like your clothes. I think you should take them off.
Silk: I think you should back off, before I teach you some manners.
Raze: Arid? I’ll kill you, you wrinkly old git!
Arid: We’re at a…um…Choctoberfest party. Can’t you leave the killing out for a couple of hours?
Tails: Hang on. We need to introduce each other. Line up!
(Outside)
ScootTH: How do you think they’re getting on?
TheVulpineHero1: What? With Raze, Knuckles, Arid, Jecht and Eleanor keeping the peace, how could anything go wrong?
j320: He’s right. We DO need rifles.
(The Gay Bar)
Big: Duhhh…How are you doing, Joe?
Joe: Fair to middling. The usual?
Big: Uhhh-huh…
Gunther: I’ll have what he’s having!
(The PAAAAAARRRTAAAAY)
Tails: Right. Start from the right.
Sonic: That’s you, Tails.
Tails: …I’M SHY! I’LL GO AT THE END!
Cream: Me too.
Sonic: I’m the world’s fastest hedgehog. I love justice, peace and that one special girl!
Shadow: I’m-
Raze: Gay.
Shadow: Shut up. As I was saying, I’m the world’s ultimate life form. I’m also-
Raze: Butt ugly.
Shadow: Shut up!
Sonic: Sorry Shaddy, but he’s telling the truth.
Shadow: Shaddy? I’m really, really-
Raze: Thick.
Shadow: -angry!
Tails: Skip him!
Amy: I’m a sweet, innocent-
Raze: Pyromaniac.
Amy: Hey!
Rouge: I’m a-
Raze: Whore.
Soots: And a bunny boiler! She HURT me!
Cream: EEK!
Espio: I’m ashamed of the company I keep.
Vector: Me too.
Charmy: Not me! I love you guys!
Soots: I’m a-
Raze: Bigoted, narcissistic, butt ugly occasional character.
Silk: Sounds about right.
Ai: My name is-
Raze: Dirt.
Ai: Shut up! I’m Ai, and I travel with Mr. I-Don’t-have-any-manners here!
Knuckles: No you don’t.
Jecht: I think she was talking about Raze.
Knuckles: Really?
Jecht: Now that I think of it…
Raze: You’re all losers.
Tails: That isn’t really an introduction.
Raze: Yes it is. I’ve said in one sentence what you freaks have been proving your entire lives.
Jecht: Imatiger. Ha, Raze didn’t get me!
Arid: I’m a-
Raze: Dirty, rotten, god-awful murderer with no friends and a really bad dress sense.
Arid: In short, yes.
Ivory: I’m an attractive woman who keeps in shape all year round, and is willing to try anything once.
Raze: Rubbish.
Shadow: Is that the best you could do?
Raze: What I meant to say is bullsh-
Vanilla: Raze! There are women and children present!
Raze: Children, yes, but the only woman here is Shadow.
Shadow: I’ll kill you.
Raze: Says you. I’m more worried about Cream killing me, to be honest.
Cream: Wha?
Arid: Guess that puts Cream up to 10000-1.
Cream: What are you people on about?
Arid: We take bets on the people we think are going to kill us.
Ivory: Yeah. You’re about 15000-1 on everyone except Tails, and you’re 5-1 to kill him.
Cream: Why?
Arid: We think that when he’s an old man, you’re going to trigger a heart attack for him.
Cream: Why would I do that?
Raze: You’re a rabbit. Do the maths.
Silk: On with the introductions.
Everyone:……………
(Outsid e)
TheVulpineHero1: Everything’s gone quiet.
ScootTH: What do you think is going on in there?
j320: I don’t know, but I’m calling an undertaker, just in case.
TheVulpineHero1: The hell? They’ll be alright. We’ll help ‘um out by being the bouncers!
ScootTH: Has anyone noticed that what we’re guarding is not a party but the house of an innocent old man?
TheVulpineHero1: O.O
(The PAAAAAARRRTAAAAY)
Raze: Can I go now?
Ai: No. Now, who wants to play pin the tail on the donkey?
Raze: I’ll have a shot.
Amy: OWWW!
Ai: Raze? That was Amy.
Raze: Guess that means I win then.
Shadow: Amy, don’t worry. I’ll get you a plaster.
Raze: Don’t worry, Shaddy. Cream has your favourite type of plaster.
Shadow: Not the teddy bears again…
Sonic: Hey, Elli. Is the nibbles good?
Eleanor: Don’t call me Elli. And yeah. Who got the nibbles?
Vanilla: Me! They’ve all been pickled in alcohol. That reminds me, I should make sure to stop Tails, Cream and Charmy eating anything.
Tails: Too late. Cream and Charmy are already half-drunk!
Charmy: Hey, Espio, you wanna see my moonwalk?
Espio: I always knew that you wanted to be like Michael Jackson.
Cream: Michael Jackson? Where? I’m in danger!
Tails: Michael Jackson was acquitted. That means that they reckon he’s not guilty. Besides, shut up. You wanna get us sued?
Scoot: Hiyas! We woulda been here earlier, but we kinda got lost in the pub next door…
Vulcan: Where are we? I wanna go to water world!
Old Dude: That’s great. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW!
Ai: Aww! Where’s your Choctoberfest spirit?
Arid: It flew to Las Vegas and lived happily ever after. Man, I love that story.
Raze: More importantly, shut up.
Old Dude: I’m serious! GET THE (BLEEP) OUT OF MY (BLEEP) HOUSE, YOU (BLEEP)!
Ivory: What’s with the bleeps?
Raze: (BLEEP) Hey, I’m doing it!
Tails: ARRRRGGGHHH! ATTACK OF THE ANGRY CENSORS!
Ai: Hey. Good old Vulcan’s idea sounds great to me. Why don’t we go to water world after all?
Old Dude: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
(Water world)
Raze: Geez. This is so boring.
Ai: Why don’t you just go and wrestle a whale?
Raze: Sonic’s doing that.
Sonic: I FEEL ALIVE AGAIN!
Eleanor: SO?
Scoot: One ice cream please.
Vendor: We don’t serve ice cream.
Scoot: One ice cream please.
Vendor: We don’t serve ice cream.
Scoot: Walnuts to you!
Vendor: What did you just say?
Scoot: Walnuts!
Vendor: DIE, DAMN YOU!
Rouge: Hey, why don’t you and me go out together one time, and…
Curator: Madame, please restrain from seducing the goldfish.
Cream: Tails, what are you doing?
Tails: Sabotaging the electricity supply.
Cream: Why?
Tails: So the guy who feeds the eels gets a little surprise.
Vulcan: So, as I was saying, who are you again?
Silk: For the three-hundred-and-tenth time, Silk the hedgehog!
Knuckles: I’m lonely…No one wants to play with me!
Jecht: Why don’t we play ‘Let’s push Knuxsie into the shark tank?’
Raze: Sounds good to me. Ladies first though. Shadow, you’re up.
Shadow: Hey!
Arid: So, you hang around with Raze?
Ai: Yup.
Arid: Does he snore?
Ai: Yup.
Arid: Does he treat you like a kid?
Ai: Yup.
Arid: Does he get food for you?
Ai: Yup.
Arid: Man, is Ivory gonna be jealous.
Ivory: Whu?
Soots: I can’t believe it. We go all the way to water world, and there aren’t even any hot mermaids. I want my money back!
Gerald: Gary?
Gary: Yes, Gerald?
Gerald: Do you need the bathroom?
Gary: No, Gerald. What makes you think that?
Gerald: Because you’re urinating in a cup of coffee.
Gary: Shut up.
Blaze: Hi all! I got the word that the Choctoberfest PAAAAAARRRTAAAAY has been moved to water world!
Silver: Yeah. We got all dressed up. I’m even wearing clothes!
Blaze: At last…
Silver: Check out Blaze’s dress! Isn’t it great?
Blaze: I just wish you would stop using your psychic powers to lift it up.
Silver: That was the wind!
Blaze: Yeah. The wind lifted my dress up and looked at my panties 356 times in the last two minutes.
Raze: Busted. Don’t worry. Knuckles has the same problem.
Knuckles: I’M NOT BORED, I’M NOT BORED! NO, NOT THE WAX! STAY AWAY!
Vanilla: You know, this is surprisingly fun.
Cream: Mother, why have you abducted Knuckles, Shadow and Sonic?
Vanilla: Because they have too much leg hair. It’s a bad example. Shadow should know better, he’s one of the girls.
Shadow: I’M NOT A WOMAN!
Vanilla: Then why are you wearing women’s knickers?
Shadow: I like the feel of silk against my bottom, alright?
Silk: I’ve never touched your ass, you pervert.
(Outside)
j320: Oi! Author guy! STOP ABUSING MY CHARACTER! DON’T MAKE ME GET OUT THE FLAMING TRUNCHEON! I’M WARNING YOU! AND YOU, AT THE COMPUTER! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE LOOKING AT?
TheVulpineHero1: Stop breaking the fourth wall! It takes me forever to put it back up!
ScootTH: Maybe that’s because your fourth wall is made of macaroni art.
TheVulpineHero1: Shut up, before I get my peeps on you!
ScootTH: I have better peeps than you!
j320: I have better peeps than either of you!
TheVulpineHero1: We’ll see about that!
j320: I summon my ‘Tiny Tots Of Terror’ Squadron! (Tiny Tots Of Terror Squadron appears)
TheVulpineHero1: Good, but not good enough! I’ll summon the greatest evils ever to have existed in this world! (Summons Hitler, Stalin and Tony Blair)
ScootTH: That’s nowhere near as powerful as my monster! I call ye forth! (Summons a giant mothball) Muhahahahahaha!
TheVulpineHero1: FIGHT! SUMONAKA!
(At water world)
Raze: Scoot, I can’t believe you got us thrown out of that hell hole. I was gonna get us thrown out of that hell hole!
Knuckles: My poor legs…Tails, do you have any spray on fur?
Raze: What, you mean that stuff Shadow sprays on his armpits?
Shadow: My legs hurt too much for me to kill you at the moment. Normal service will be resumed tomorrow.
Ai: Tomorrow has been discontinued due to lack of interest, and a continued hangover experienced by the management.
Arid: Well, it’s probably a good thing that we left the rat and the ferret in there. They were disgusting.
Ivory: Raze, I can’t believe you’re cheating on me!
Raze: We’re not going out.
Tails: That ought to beat that wise-cracking idiot at his own game.
Cream: Who is this ‘wise-cracking idiot’? It’s me, isn’t it? TAILS, YOU HURT MY FEELINGS!
Tails: Cream, you haven’t cracked wise in your entire life.
Cream: Oh, I’m so happy!
Sonic: Look at the time! I need to be somewhere right now!
Tails: Where?
Sonic: To Worcestershire. I need to pick up some…err…personal items.
Raze: Sounds like someone’s got a rash.
Sonic: How did you know?
Ai: Well, we might as well go with you. After all, we haven’t got anything better to do.
Raze: Other than commit suicide.
Ai: Other than commit suici…hey, wait…
Vanilla: Tails, time for a waxing! You have too much leg hair!
Tails: Quick, let’s go!
Sonic: In what?
Arid: In the Bow-Minivan, which was mysteriously stolen from TheVulpineHero1’s house this morning.
Vanilla: Tails, where are you?
Tails: GO, GO, GO!
(Nowhere)
TheVulpineHero1: I can’t believe I lost to a giant moth-ball.
j320: Yeah. How could he beat the Tiny Tots Of Terror Squadron?
ScootTH: Sore losers.
TheVulpineHero1: What!?!?!? I would have won if Tony Blair wasn’t such a wimp!
j320: That’s it! I’m going to summon a creature of even greater evil!
TheVulpineHero1: Yeah, right.
j320: Creature of infinite annoyance, come forth and serve me! (Summons a door-to-door salesman)
TheVulpineHero1: Geez. She’s good.
ScootTH: I’m better! Eat this! (Summons a plate of Semolina Pudding)
j320: Always with the one-upmanship, isn’t it?
TheVulpineHero1: That’s it! I’m going to summon a creature of ultimate and unparalleled evil!
ScootTH: He’ll do it! He knows Satan!
TheVulpineHero1: Come forth! (Summons Michael Jackson)
j320: ARRGHHH! THE WORST EVIL EVER TO HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY! RUN!
ScootTH: ARRGHHH! SUMMON BIN LADEN, BATMAN, EVEN GEORGE BUSH, BUT NOT MICHAEL JACKSON! RUN!
TheVulpineHero1: I’VE CREATED A MONSTER! RUN!
Michael Jackson: Awww…
(The Gay Bar)
Big: Gotta go, Joe.
Gunther: Aren’t you gonna walk me home?
(The Bow-Minivan)
Ai: 9,999 bottles of beer on the wall, 9,999 bottles of beer, if one of those bottles would happen to fall, there’d be 9,998 bottles of beer on the wall!
Raze: 9,998 bottles of beer on the wall, 9,998 bottles of beer, you take one down, you pass it round, 9,997 bottles of beer on the wall!
Arid: You’ve got to give them credit for starting from a million.
Tails: Quit poking me!
Cream: Quit poking ME!
Ivory: As one gal to another, am I pretty?
Silk: Sure, why not.
Scoot: Pant!
Vulcan: Good dog impression. Now stop sticking your head out of the window.
Scoot: Never!
Sonic: Question. Where’s Shaddy?
Amy: Iunno. What’s up with the engine? It keeps swearing.
Raze: Shadow was jammed inside the engine after being attacked by a mysterious assailant.
Ai: Raze! Why did you shove him in the engine?
Raze: It wasn’t me this time! I might hate the guy, but TheVulpineHero1 paid me not to let anyone wreck his no-claims bonus!
Ai: He doesn’t have a no-claims bonus! He’s a teenager! Besides, if Shadow really was attacked by a mysterious assailant, and you were being paid to protect the no claims bonus, why didn’t you stop the mysterious assailant?
Raze: I paid myself £20,000 to stand there and watch.
Rouge: Jus’ one question. A: Where’s Knuxsie-wuxsie? B: Who’s driving?
Tails: Knuckles is tied on to the front of the van. We’re using him as a cow-catcher. He’s pretty good at it actually. We’ve already hit five cows, seven sheep and three small buses.
Rouge: Who’s driving then?
Cream: I put cruise control on.
Rouge: Cream, you are aware that the cruise control on this bus doesn’t actually steer the bus, but keeps it at the same speed without any input from the driver?
Cream: Ummm…So that’s why we’re about to drive off the pier!
All: ARGGHHH!
Raze: Ah what?
(Nowhere)
TheVulpineHero1: Phew. We got away just in time!
j320: Bad nut job! BAD!
TheVulpineHero1: ^.^
j320: The puppy dog eyes smiley won’t work on me!
TheVulpineHero1: Dammit. Time to resort to plan B.
ScootTH: You have a plan B? That’s a first. What is it?
TheVulpineHero1: I’m insulted. Of course I have a plan B! I always have a plan B! And it’s always the same one!
ScootTH: Which is?
TheVulpineHero1: Violence, of course.
j320: Hey…Is that Big the tw- er, cat?
ScootTH: Yes, it is Big the tw- er, cat.
TheVulpineHero1: Yup, it’s big the tw-cat, all right.
j320: Where’s your grammar?
TheVulpineHero1: That loser doesn’t even deserve a capital letter. He’s a paedophile!
ScootTH: Yeah. On Sonic Heroes, there’s actually a cheat which lets Big the Cat look up Cream and Amy’s knickers!
j320: Yet another reason to pound his ass. You got the weapons?
ScootTH: My pool cue thirsts for blood.
TheVulpineHero1: The baseball bat is at the ready.
j320: Let’s go.
(Outer Worcestershire)
Jecht: Hey! I GOT THIS GIANT NOVELTY HITCH-HIKING THUMB FOR A REASON! SOMEONE, PICK ME UP! MY UGLY, UGLY FRIENDS ABANDONED ME! STOP! (The Bow-Minivan pulls up) Finally!
Raze: What was that about being ugly?
Jecht: Uh-oh.
(Five minutes later)
Jecht: You’ve beaten me up, insulted me, even took my lunch money!! What more can you do to me?
Raze: Let me get started…
Tails: Bad news! Vanilla’s chasing us! She seems to be riding on some sort of small, round craft!
Cream: Tails, that’s a wheel. My mother is chasing us in a giant tractor wheel. I think this officially means that I’ve had a traumatic childhood.
Arid: Got any fours?
Ivory: Go fish.
Arid: I thought we were playing poker?
Ivory: I thought we were playing Chase the Ace!
Raze: Good news. We’ve figured out what we’re going to do with you.
Jecht: I’m dead.
(30 seconds later)
Jecht: This is inhumane! You can’t do this to me!
Raze: You said that when I wouldn’t let you borrow my batteries.
Jecht: ARRGHHH!
Vanilla: NO! CUT DOWN IN MY PRIME BY A FLYING MASS OF BODY HAIR!
Sonic: That’s another two friends disposed of.
Amy: Sonic, I WUV YOU! Huh? Wha? ARRGHHH!
Eleanor: Oh dear. There goes another one.
Sonic: I’m fairly sure that you just kicked her out of the door.
Eleanor: And?
Tails: Who’s complaining?
Cream: Not me!
Tails: Uh, Cream? What are you doing?
Cream: Knitting you some nice woollen sockies.
Scoot: Hah! He wears sockies knitted by his stalker!
Vulcan: You wear sockies knitted by that hobo at the bus stop, and no one complains!
Arid: Hey, isn’t that the shop?
Sonic: Yeah! Let’s go in and get my rash powder! I mean, personal items!
Tails: Geez…
(Nowhere)
TheVulpineHero1: Die, damn you!
ScootTH: Yeah, you monster!
j320: I’ll break your noggin!
Guy: What did I ever do to you?
TheVulpineHero1: Nothing, pal. We’re just practicing for that big, ugly lump of blubber over there.
Gal: Is that Big the Cat? Let’s get him!
Guy: Yeah!
Passer By: Count me in!
Old Dude: Yeah!
Samson: Me too!
(Three minutes later)
TheVulpineHero1: Good news! ‘Kill Big the Cat-ism’ is now a registered religion with over 800,000 members!
ScootTH: Can’t argue with the statistics. Plus, the big lump only just waddled across the street!
j320: Alright men, women, children and indiscriminates. Don’t fear death! Die fighting for your faith and you will be rewarded with an MP3 player! Let’s go!
TheVulpineHero1: BONZAIIIIIIIII!
Big: I just wanna be loved!
(Worcestershire)
Raze: Can we go now? My senses tell me that there’s a fight going on, and I’m not in it!
Ai: Geez. What a muscle head. Have you let Shaddy out of the engine yet?
Raze: No, as in hell no, as in go to hell.
Knuckles: Can I stop being the cow-catcher now? There’s a large lorry heading this way, and I’m feeling kinda nervous.
Arid: Meh.
Knuckles: Free at last! FREE! NO MORE VANS, NO MORE COWS, NO MORE PAI-(Splat) Help…me…
Tails: Well, you shouldn’t have been dancing in the middle of the road when a truck was coming, should you?
Cream: Tails, you’re one to talk! What about you and the lads down the leisure centre?
Tails: Uh-oh…
Cream: I remember it well…
(Flashback)
Tails: Hey guys, watch me stop this bus.
Lad: Alright then.
Tails: I’M A HOOLIGAN IN THE MDDLE OF THE ROAD! STOP! (Splat) OH, THE PAIN! I’LL NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS AGAIN!
(End Flashback)
Cream: And next week…
(Flashback)
Tails: Hey, is that a Star Trek convention?
Lad: Looks like it.
Tails: Watch this. (Runs into the convention) CAPTAIN SPOCK WAS A GAY TERRORIST!
Trekkie: Get him!
Trekster: Phasers on full! Zap his ass!
Treknoid: LIVE LONG, WITH BROKEN BONES!
Tails: OH, THE PAIN!
(End Flashback)
Cream: And the week after that…
(Flashback)
Tails: Hey, is that a wind tunnel?
Lad: Apparently so.
Tails: Watch this. (Run into wind tunnel) IS IT OKAY TO COME IN HERE WIH AN UMBRELLA?
Scientist: NO!
Tails: Good! (Gets blown away) WHEE! I CAN SEE MY HOUSE FROM HERE! DAMMIT, WHAT’S A CACTUS PLANTATION DOING IN LESSER SURREY?!? OH, THE PAIN!
(End Flashback)
Cream: And the week after that…
(Flashback)
Tails: Okay, this seems dumb even to me.
Lad: Do it, or those pictures are going to be all over the Internet.
Tails: But it’s crazy! Stark raving bonkers! Only a lunatic would do it!
Lad: Do it!
Tails: Okay…Amy? Sonic says you’re a fat, ugly retard with no fashion sense, a big nose and garbage scented skin.
Amy: Wait right there. I’m gonna go find Sonic.
Cream: Hey, it’s Tails! GET HIM!
Tails: OH, THE PAIN!
(End Flashback)
Cream: Yup. We still have tufts of fur in our lockers from that incident.
Tails: (shudder)
Ivory: Shouldn’t we be getting back?
Arid: Hey, all! Look at these dolls I found! They remind me of someone, but I don’t know who…
Scoot: Kinda looks like my mom.
Sonic: No, it looks like Vulpy.
Vulcan: This one looks like his mom as well.
Tails: That’s one of ScootTH.
Raze: That one looks like Shadow.
Tails: Uh, Raze? That doll is of a girl.
Raze: I know.
Ai: Looks like that chick j320...
Silk: You mean that chick my owner.
Raze: You’re still here?
Scoot: Apparently so. She’s here, and I hope she’s not queer, because she’s hot!
Silk: You don’t mean that…
Vulcan: He does. He always did have weird taste.
Raze: Hmm. I wonder…
(Nowhere)
j320: OWW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!?!?
TheVulpineHero1: It wasn’t me! It’s like my leg had a mind of its own!
ScootTH: OWW!
TheVulpineHero1: It wasn’t me! I swear it!
ScootTH: OWWW!
TheVulpineHero1: Okay, it was me that time.
j320: YOU PERVERT! YOU GROPED MY ASS!
ScootTH: It wasn’t me!
j320: EWW! AN ETHEREAL PRESENCE GROPED ME!
ScootTH: We have ghosts? What shall we do? Who shall we call?
TheVulpineHero1: A plumber?
j320: The Easter bunny?
TheVulpineHero1: Your momma?
j320: Pac-man?
TheVulpineHero1: I know who we’ll call!
ScootTH: Who?
TheVulpineHero1: Wait right there. (Dashes into a phone booth) (Rustling) (Dashes out) MAJOR MUFFIN!
j320: Um, you’re wearing exactly the same thing as before.
TheVulpineHero1: Yeah, I’m not a fan of leotards.
ScootTH: What were you doing in the phone box then?
TheVulpineHero1: Calling the Easter bunny! Duh!
(Worcester)
Raze: Why are we still standing here with these retards?
Sonic: We’re right here.
Raze: That’s kinda the point.
Ai: Someone stole the bus!
Raze: Is it a bus or a van?
Tails: There are some things that we are simply not supposed to know. Hang on, Shadow’s still in the engine!
Knuckles: So?
Silk: So, you wanna go and see a movie?
Knuckles: I’d love to.
Scoot: DIE, DAMN YOU!
Eleanor: Hey. I’m back from the pound shop.
Sonic: Elli? How did you get three fish, a curtain pole, the entire works of Archimedes and a monster truck from the pound shop?
Eleanor: Amazing what you can find, isn’t it?
Raze: Monster truck? Sounds like we’re going after Shadow in a monster truck then.
Eleanor: Who says I’ll give you permission?
Arid: Me. I stole the keys whilst you were talking.
Ivory: He also stole your wallet, and saw what size your panties are!
Sonic: You. Me. After school. Behind the statue. BE THERE.
Arid: Sorry. I’m seeing a girl there and then.
Sonic: Whom?
Ivory: Your mom. Can we go now?
(Above Nowhere)
j320: Tell me why we’re here again.
ScootTH: Yeah. I’d really like to know. WHY THE HELL ARE WE HERE?
TheVulpineHero1: Because I was the 300,000,000th caller and I won free skydiving lessons for twenty-five people.
j320: Where are the other twenty five people then?
TheVulpineHero1: I signed me up, then you two up, then signed my name another twenty-two times, because I love my signature so much.
ScootTH: This is how sad he is. Complete insa-
j320: WOW! THIS IS THE BEST SIGNATURE I’VE EVER SEEN! I’M GOING TO SELL IT ON eBay AND GET £1000000 FOR HAVING THE SIGNATURE OF SOMEONE SO TECHNICHALLY INSANE THEY SHOULDN’T EVEN BE ABLE TO SIGN THEIR NAME WITHOUT JUMPING THROUGH A WINDOW AND I’M RUNNING OUT OF BREATH AND HEY, WHERE’S VULPY?
ScootTH: He already jumped.
j320: Second question. Why are there FBI ninjas in the plane?
ScootTH: I have no idea. But, seeing as an FBI ninja’s shuriken just whizzed past my left ear, I think we should follow Vulpy on this one.
j320: ARRGHHH!
ScootTH: ARRGHHH!
TheVulpineHero1: Wheee! I can see Big’s house!
ScootTH: REALLY?
TheVulpineHero1: Yeah, I just saw the dump.
j320: ARRGHHH! HEY, HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT NEARLY EVERYONE IN THIS ENTIRE FANFICTION HAS THE SAME SCREAM?
TheVulpineHero1: Hey, we’re landing!
ScootTH: ON A MONSTER TRUCK? ARRGHHH!
j320: OWW! I LANDED ON MY BOTTOM!
ScootTH: OWW! MY BACK!
TheVulpineHero1: DAMMIT! I SCRAPED MY KNEE! DAMN YOU PEOPLE!
Eleanor: OI! SCRATCH MY PAINTWORK, FACE MY BOY TOY!
Sonic: YEAH! Wait…
Tails: Keep it down, I can’t hear the radio!
Raze: Yeah. This song’s pretty good. I like it.
Ai: You would. It’s a punk rock song.
TheVulpineHero1: Oh, I love this song! It’s House of Cards!
Raze: Huh. Maybe I should get the CD.
ScootTH: Hello? j320’s broken her bottom- there’s a crack in it- and I’ve hurt my back. Not only that, but angry FBI ninjas are descending upon us at terrifying speed.
FBI Ninja Tom: ARRGHHH! MY ONE WEAKNESS! HITTING FAST MOVING TARMAC AT OVER 170 MPH!
FBI Ninja Dick: Remember me as a peacemaker, and someone who died in a noble attempt at assassinating the leader of a crackpot religious cult!
FBI Ninja Harry: I will avenge thee, my fallen comrads! FIGHT!
TheVulpineHero1: It’s time for my favourite sport- Curtain Pole Kung Fu!
Eleanor: Then, it’s very lucky that I picked up a curtain pole.
ScootTH: No! DON’T GIVE IT TO HIM!
TheVulpineHero1: Muhahaha! TAKE THIS!
Tails: Wait. You’re in the back of the truck. How the hell did you manage to smash the light bulb from there?
TheVulpineHero1: Dammit. That’s the third one this week.
FBI Ninja Harry: Hah! Take my tie-up-the-enemy-in-rope technique!
j320: I DIDN’T DO IT, YOU PAEDOPHILIC, BIG THE CAT SUPPORTING SLIPPER WARMER!
ScootTH: OWW! WHY DO I KEEP GETTING HURT?TheVulpineHero1: OH NO! THE AUTHOR LEFT CAPS LOCK ON!
Mystery OC: I’ll save thee!
TheVulpineHero1: Hey, it’s…
ScootTH: It can’t be! I don’t believe it! Psst, who is that guy?
Raze: Oh, hey. How’s the sister?
Mystery OC: Raze, I’m kinda in the middle of something he- (Gets knocked unconscious)
FBI Agent Harry: HAH! I BEAT YOU ALL! I am the champion! Everyone sucks but m- ARRGHH!
Cream: Hey! It’s my cousin to the rescue!
j320: Taken down by the Easter bunny. How humiliating.
Cream: Hey, Liquorice! I didn’t know that you had super strength!
TheVulpineHero1: Of course he has super strength! He’s the Easter bunny!
Arid: Dumb FBI van at 6 o’ clock.
Tails: We’re in a monster truck. I don’t care.
Sonic: How will we stop the FBI, and catch the Bow-Minivan at the same time?
TheVulpineHero1: Iunno. Hey, Easter Bunny! Can I borrow your rifle?
Cream: My cousin has a rifle?
TheVulpineHero1: Of course he has a rifle! He’s the Easter bunny!
(FBI Van)
Agent Sunday: Sir? There appears to be three figures on the back of the truck.
Agent Split: What are they doing?
Agent Sunday: There’s a boy pointing a rifle at us, the Easter bunny puffing on a fag, and a blue hedgehog mooning us.
Agent Glory: They can moon all they like. They can’t stop us, for we are the FBI desert trio!
(The monster truck)
TheVulpineHero1: Cease mooning offensive. I’m taking the shot.
Easter Bunny: But what if you miss? I might drop my fag!
TheVulpineHero1: Don’t worry. I’ve shot enough things in my life to be able to aim properly.
Tails: TAKE THE SHOT! I NEEDS THE BATHROOM!
(FBI Van)
Agent Split: Hah, he missed!
Agent Sunday: No, he got you in the arm.
Agent Split: Yeah, but the laser scope dot was pointed at my crotch.
Agent Sunday: No, that was Agent Glory with his laser pen.
Agent Split: Damn.
(The monster truck)
TheVulpineHero1: Whatever happened to those two?
Easter Bunny: Who too?
TheVulpineHero1: Scoot, and Silk. And that Vulcan guy, too.
Mystery OC: Hey, I need a name, you know!
Raze: Shut up, Locke.
Lock: Oh yeah. I forget.
Tails: How do you know him, anyway?
Raze: Oh, I used to be a sailor at one point, but I left because I didn’t like the biscuits. Lock was one of my shipmates.
Locke: Yup! I was a real “Sea wolf”!
Raze: He was always making that dumb joke back then as well, when he was a deck swabbing wolf.
Ai: You have an…interesting social circle.
Arid: Hey. Nice to meet a new foe. Happy Choctoberfest, by the way.
Easter Bunny: Has anyone noticed that we, like the van in front of us, are going to hit that curiously positioned amphitheatre?
Tails: Of course. But, my donut fell under the seat, and I can’t abandon it!
(Curiously positioned amphitheatre)
Silk: I wanted to see a movie, not a frickin’ chariot race between the Nugget King and Happy McDougals franchises.
Knuckles: Yeah. And what’s with these seats? These are NOT fit for royalty!
Scoot: Why are you here then? Get lost, so (cool voice) I can make my move.
Vulcan: What, you want privacy so you can fart?
Scoot: Why are you here?
Vulcan: Because. I’m lonely and need company.
Silk: Hey. Does it not seem strange that a van/bus and a monster truck just went through the wall of the stadium?
ScootTH: HI ALL PEOPLE AND ANIMALS AND MICROOBES!
Vulcan: Oh yeah. I wanted to have a word with you. GET ME A NICE GIRLFRIEND, BEFORE I START POACHING OTHER PEOPLE’S! I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO BESTOW UPON MY LOVE! STRONG IN THE ROMANCE I AM! NEED THERAPY FOR TALKING LIKE YODA, I DO! CHEESE, NOW I NEED!
ScootTH: Shut up, need you now…to…do…Damn, how to I talk like that?
Raze: CAN I GO HOME NOW?
Ai: YOU DON’T HAVE A HOME!
Silk: Wow. Great going, little miss Sensitive. Now he’s going psycho.
Raze: I would go psycho on your butts, but that might contain a story spoiler.
Vulcan: Breaking the fourth wall you must stop! Need anger management, do you! Seashells sells she the by seashore the!
Scoot: ARRGHHH! I’M LIVING IN STUPID LAND!
Tails: Yup. You’ve already earned citizenship.
Ivory: OI! YOU TWO! IN THE BUSHES! EITHER KEEP IT PG, OR VIDEO IT SO THE REST OF THE WORLD CAN SEE!
Sonic: Shut up! We’re playing Scrabble!
Tails: And I thought he had a life.
Eleanor: I’ve got idiots, noodles, jerks, general gits, nutcases, roasted almonds, why, are, we, here, werewolves.
Locke: I’m fairly sure that that’s against the rules.
Tails: Raze, you’re friend is now officially uncool. No one cool as ever been able to play scrabble.
Silk: Hey! Losers! Can we now actually do something?
j320: Maybe?!? Locke, boring, maybe…ScootTH, say something!
ScootTH: Muffins!
TheVulpineHero1: Muffins?
ScootTH: Now I’ve got your attention, can we go somewhere else?
Tails: Vulpy, why are you looking at me like that?
TheVulpineHero1: Tails, get ready. We’re going to lint-land.
Cream: Lint land? What’s lint-land?
Tails: Lint-land is a magical place, only reachable from inside one’s own naval.
Shadow: Hey, fluffy! Someone jacked your ride!
Raze: Shut up. Knowing Shadow, there’s gonna be pink lint in lint-land.
(Lint-Land)
Raze: If we all went inside our own belly-buttons, why is ‘Lint-land’ the same for everyone?
Sonic: It’s best not to think about it too hard.
Locke: Dude, why is Lint-land so, like, weird?
Knuckles: Why is Lint-land shaped like a mansion?
TheVulpineHero1: Iunno. But, you get a discount if you’ve been here before.
ScootTH: That’s all we need- a discount. Geez.
j320: Hey. If the lint-mansion has bricks, then what’s the cement?
Cream: It appears to be earwax.
Shadow: Hey, look! There’s this cool spiral staircase! And it has a great view from the top! Wha- OWWWWWWWWWWW!
Scoot: That was satisfying.
Sonic: It’s always satisfying to push people down stairs.
Shadow: OOOOOWWWWWWWW- OOOOFFFFF!
Scoot: Hey! He flew back up!
Sonic: How?
Raze: Hey, are you guys up for round two or what?
(Five minutes later)
Sonic: One last time.
Scoot: SHOVE AWAY!
Shadow: OWW! MY SPLEEN!
Tails: Eat ring bomb, jerk!
Cream: How about my ‘Chao dung grenades‘?
Shadow: OWWW! EWWW! MY FACE!
Arid: Take a spear to the noodle crusher, jerkass!
Shadow: OWW, MY NOODLE CRUSHER!
Ivory: BURNING COFFEE ATTACK OF ULTIMATE FURY AND RESENTMENT!
Shadow: OWW! MY LUNGS!
Locke: That’s for being a big shot, know-it-all pea brain!
Shadow: OWW! MY PEA BRAIN!
j320: Silk, I forbid you to bully my Shaddy-waddy!
Silk: Goeth to helleth.
Shadow: OWW! MY LEGS!
Ai: You’re fun to hit!
Shadow: OWW! MY NOSE!
ScootTH: Damn right!
Shadow: OWW! I’M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO SCREAM ABOUT!
TheVulpineHero1: Face my curtain pole, you idiotic, narcissistic, butt ugly, stupid, god-awful rodent!
Shadow: OWW! MY GENERAL ORGANS!
Raze: Alright, Fairy. Now you can start screaming.
Shadow: (Whimper)
Omega: I got put in this illogical fan fiction FOR ONLY ONE LINE! NEED BETTER AGENT, NOW!
Metal Sonic: And, with possible disaster averted and no real ending in sight, the government has paid us several hundred thousand pounds to save the general public from this story. So, we’ll be doing the ending bit now.
Tails Doll: Yup.
Metal Knuckles: Hey, what was Knuckles doing in all this?
Knuckles: Hey, guys, I kinda made a mess in the bathroom….
Metal Knuckles: Oh, yeah.
Ending Credits:
============================================================== ==
Sonic got an honours degree in shennanagenary, and spent the rest of his days making superhuman crime fighting tables
Tails was abducted by Cream, and was severely traumatised because of cute overload
Knuckles had to pay expensive cleaning bills for the toilet, and the robots sued his ass for being an idiot
Amy was picked up by a passing truck driver, and has subsequently toured the world selling plugs
Rouge was arrested for burning down water world
Cream gave Tails a heart attack
Shadow had plastic surgery following his injuries, and feels comfortable with himself
Raze was of the opinion that Shadow looked better with his face beaten to a pulp, and decided to rectify the error
Ai kept annoying Raze until he shut her in a closet
Soots never scored once in his life
Arid got old and died
Ivory cracked corn and no one cares
Gerald the rat and Gary the ferret founded their own sitcom, which involved tying random people up with masking tape
Big is a rapist- deal with it
Blaze and Silver enjoyed a brief romance until their house got burned down, for some unknown reason
Eleanor got lost on the way to Lint-land, because she has an outie belly button
Jecht wuz ere, 2007
Vanilla lived a long and pointless life after becoming a vigilante against leg hair
Gunther and Samson founded a rock band named I.C.U.P
Cap’n Duckbeard swears vengeance on all your butts
Locke went back to wearing an eye patch and shouting ARRRRR at regular intervals
TheVulpineHero1 started his own internet terrorism website- 3 hits, and counting!
Scoot was not harmed in the making of this thingy
Vulcan isn’t good at chess, narf
ScootTH needs a flea bath
Guy 4 Gal, pass it on
Silk returned to her own fanfic, having stolen nuclear weapons plans from the back of the fridge
j320 came downe withy a svere casedc of ther Typos
They had many more adventures, and holy hell, what are you people reading?
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So, we reach the end of the Choctoberfest special. It was one hell of a ride, wasn’t it? Do you actually know how long this is? In size twelve, my writing size, it’s 20 FRICKIN’ PAGES. That might not seem a lot to you, but normally I don’t go above the fifteen page boundary. I’m only doing two of these a year. Now, to more important matters, like the contents of my refrigerator. Oh, and YAYNESS! I didn’t have to resort to karaoke in that whole fic! YAY!
Oh, wait. The legal stuff. Alright then. Sonic, Knuckles, Tails, Amy, Rouge, Cream, Vanilla, Espio, Vector, Charmy, Big the Cat, Blaze the Cat, Silver, Shadow, Omega (he doesn’t get enough publicity), Metal Sonic, Metal Knuckles and Tails Doll are all property of the SEGA corporation. Raze the Fox, Ai the Hare, Soots the Tern, Arid the Fox, Ivory the Cat, Gerald the Rat, Gunther the Tap-Dancing Raindeer, Samson the Pink Elephant, Gary the Ferret, Cap’n Duckbeard, Guy, Gal and TheVulpineHero1 are all products of my warped little imagination- I own them! Scoot, Vulcan and ScootTH are owned by TheRealScootTH. Jecht the Tiger and Eleanor the Hedgehog are both co-owned by me and TheRealScootTH. And, finally, making a special guest appearance, is Silk the Hedgehog, along with her creator/owner, j320! Yay!
Oh, and watch out for the secret, unnamed OC who resides in this story, without knowledge of the co-writers! (He/She/It belongs to me, by the way.)
Now, it really is time to start the Choctoberfest special. So, away!
(Our sponsors are actually in this story, so I can’t give you a sponsors’ segment for this fic…)
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The Choctoberfest Mischeviousness Parade
Or
The Easter OC Insanity Bonanza!
--------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------
TheVulpineHero1: Hello, unhappy misfits.
ScootTH: Shut up. This is my friend, j320. She lives in America!
j320: Hello, strange people from the land of the humongous headed politician. How are you doing? Why are you sitting outside of that curiously noisy building?
TheVulpineHero1: Well, it’s Choctoberfest, and the people inside are having a Choctoberfest PAAAAAARRRTAAAAY.
j320: What’s Choctoberfest?
TheVulpineHero1: Ha. Hahaha. You really don’t know what Choctoberfest is?
j320: Nope. I don’t know what skalchengammot is either, but I bet you’ve made that up as well.
ScootTH: Note to self: make up a meaning for the word skalchengammot.
TheVulpineHero1: Choctoberfest is Easter! Except in the form of a huge PAAAAAARRRTAAAAY all across the globe! Look!
(In Alaska)
Guy: Happy Choctoberfest, viewers!
Gal: Why are we here again?
Guy: We’re looking for the Abominable Bowtie, said to reside within the confines of a little known Alaskan dungeon!
Gal: Groan…
(In Downtown Nowhere)
j320: That was the weirdest thing I’ve ever experienced.
ScootTH: You have no idea…So, why are you not in the party with all the normal freaks?
TheVulpineHero1: Our old friends the Sonic Team, plus our OCs are in there! All of mine, and all of yours, and one of j320’s, and one from my keys!
j320: So, why are you not in there?
TheVulpineHero1: Raze told me not to go anywhere. He said ‘Stay the fricking hell away from me or I’m going to invert your innards.’ I don’t know what that means, but it sounds painful!
ScootTH: I wonder what’s really going on in there…
(The PAAAAAARRRTAAAAY)
Sonic: So, I says to Tails, ‘WHY DIDN’T YOU GET ANY MUSIC?’ and he says ‘Cus you only told me this morning, and I had to get the invites out and everything!’ and I says ‘Is that why there’s a load of freaks here?’
Raze: You’re boring, ugly, and you’ve mistaken me for someone who cares. Get out of my face.
Jecht: Who’s that guy?
Ai: That’s Raze.
Jecht: Oh.
Knuckles: Who are you people?
Metal Sonic: We’re the Robot team!
Tails Doll: Yeah! Youse suck!
Knuckles: I didn’t know he could talk.
Shadow: Oi! If it ain’t fluffy!
Raze: Fairy, why are you here? There’s a perfectly good gay bar across the street.
Shadow: I got barred. I mean, I’m not a fairy!
Eleanor: And who are you?
Silk: Name’s Silk.
Eleanor: Really? Hmm. Well, you’re…good looking…
Silk: And?
Raze: She’s scared you’re gonna poach her boy toy.
Silk: And you are?
Raze: Bored. Angry. Confused. I’m going through a lot of things right now.
Gerald: Good evening. I’m a rat, who just popped up in a particular fanfic for a couple of lines, and hasn’t appeared since.
Charmy: Yay! I’m four years older than I should be, and I have no idea why!
Arid: Good evening, all. I brought some of my pals along too.
Ivory: Got any booze?
Soots: Hey, baby. Do you like my suit?
Silk: It’s alright.
Soots: I don’t really like your clothes. I think you should take them off.
Silk: I think you should back off, before I teach you some manners.
Raze: Arid? I’ll kill you, you wrinkly old git!
Arid: We’re at a…um…Choctoberfest party. Can’t you leave the killing out for a couple of hours?
Tails: Hang on. We need to introduce each other. Line up!
(Outside)
ScootTH: How do you think they’re getting on?
TheVulpineHero1: What? With Raze, Knuckles, Arid, Jecht and Eleanor keeping the peace, how could anything go wrong?
j320: He’s right. We DO need rifles.
(The Gay Bar)
Big: Duhhh…How are you doing, Joe?
Joe: Fair to middling. The usual?
Big: Uhhh-huh…
Gunther: I’ll have what he’s having!
(The PAAAAAARRRTAAAAY)
Tails: Right. Start from the right.
Sonic: That’s you, Tails.
Tails: …I’M SHY! I’LL GO AT THE END!
Cream: Me too.
Sonic: I’m the world’s fastest hedgehog. I love justice, peace and that one special girl!
Shadow: I’m-
Raze: Gay.
Shadow: Shut up. As I was saying, I’m the world’s ultimate life form. I’m also-
Raze: Butt ugly.
Shadow: Shut up!
Sonic: Sorry Shaddy, but he’s telling the truth.
Shadow: Shaddy? I’m really, really-
Raze: Thick.
Shadow: -angry!
Tails: Skip him!
Amy: I’m a sweet, innocent-
Raze: Pyromaniac.
Amy: Hey!
Rouge: I’m a-
Raze: Whore.
Soots: And a bunny boiler! She HURT me!
Cream: EEK!
Espio: I’m ashamed of the company I keep.
Vector: Me too.
Charmy: Not me! I love you guys!
Soots: I’m a-
Raze: Bigoted, narcissistic, butt ugly occasional character.
Silk: Sounds about right.
Ai: My name is-
Raze: Dirt.
Ai: Shut up! I’m Ai, and I travel with Mr. I-Don’t-have-any-manners here!
Knuckles: No you don’t.
Jecht: I think she was talking about Raze.
Knuckles: Really?
Jecht: Now that I think of it…
Raze: You’re all losers.
Tails: That isn’t really an introduction.
Raze: Yes it is. I’ve said in one sentence what you freaks have been proving your entire lives.
Jecht: Imatiger. Ha, Raze didn’t get me!
Arid: I’m a-
Raze: Dirty, rotten, god-awful murderer with no friends and a really bad dress sense.
Arid: In short, yes.
Ivory: I’m an attractive woman who keeps in shape all year round, and is willing to try anything once.
Raze: Rubbish.
Shadow: Is that the best you could do?
Raze: What I meant to say is bullsh-
Vanilla: Raze! There are women and children present!
Raze: Children, yes, but the only woman here is Shadow.
Shadow: I’ll kill you.
Raze: Says you. I’m more worried about Cream killing me, to be honest.
Cream: Wha?
Arid: Guess that puts Cream up to 10000-1.
Cream: What are you people on about?
Arid: We take bets on the people we think are going to kill us.
Ivory: Yeah. You’re about 15000-1 on everyone except Tails, and you’re 5-1 to kill him.
Cream: Why?
Arid: We think that when he’s an old man, you’re going to trigger a heart attack for him.
Cream: Why would I do that?
Raze: You’re a rabbit. Do the maths.
Silk: On with the introductions.
Everyone:……………
(Outsid e)
TheVulpineHero1: Everything’s gone quiet.
ScootTH: What do you think is going on in there?
j320: I don’t know, but I’m calling an undertaker, just in case.
TheVulpineHero1: The hell? They’ll be alright. We’ll help ‘um out by being the bouncers!
ScootTH: Has anyone noticed that what we’re guarding is not a party but the house of an innocent old man?
TheVulpineHero1: O.O
(The PAAAAAARRRTAAAAY)
Raze: Can I go now?
Ai: No. Now, who wants to play pin the tail on the donkey?
Raze: I’ll have a shot.
Amy: OWWW!
Ai: Raze? That was Amy.
Raze: Guess that means I win then.
Shadow: Amy, don’t worry. I’ll get you a plaster.
Raze: Don’t worry, Shaddy. Cream has your favourite type of plaster.
Shadow: Not the teddy bears again…
Sonic: Hey, Elli. Is the nibbles good?
Eleanor: Don’t call me Elli. And yeah. Who got the nibbles?
Vanilla: Me! They’ve all been pickled in alcohol. That reminds me, I should make sure to stop Tails, Cream and Charmy eating anything.
Tails: Too late. Cream and Charmy are already half-drunk!
Charmy: Hey, Espio, you wanna see my moonwalk?
Espio: I always knew that you wanted to be like Michael Jackson.
Cream: Michael Jackson? Where? I’m in danger!
Tails: Michael Jackson was acquitted. That means that they reckon he’s not guilty. Besides, shut up. You wanna get us sued?
Scoot: Hiyas! We woulda been here earlier, but we kinda got lost in the pub next door…
Vulcan: Where are we? I wanna go to water world!
Old Dude: That’s great. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW!
Ai: Aww! Where’s your Choctoberfest spirit?
Arid: It flew to Las Vegas and lived happily ever after. Man, I love that story.
Raze: More importantly, shut up.
Old Dude: I’m serious! GET THE (BLEEP) OUT OF MY (BLEEP) HOUSE, YOU (BLEEP)!
Ivory: What’s with the bleeps?
Raze: (BLEEP) Hey, I’m doing it!
Tails: ARRRRGGGHHH! ATTACK OF THE ANGRY CENSORS!
Ai: Hey. Good old Vulcan’s idea sounds great to me. Why don’t we go to water world after all?
Old Dude: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
(Water world)
Raze: Geez. This is so boring.
Ai: Why don’t you just go and wrestle a whale?
Raze: Sonic’s doing that.
Sonic: I FEEL ALIVE AGAIN!
Eleanor: SO?
Scoot: One ice cream please.
Vendor: We don’t serve ice cream.
Scoot: One ice cream please.
Vendor: We don’t serve ice cream.
Scoot: Walnuts to you!
Vendor: What did you just say?
Scoot: Walnuts!
Vendor: DIE, DAMN YOU!
Rouge: Hey, why don’t you and me go out together one time, and…
Curator: Madame, please restrain from seducing the goldfish.
Cream: Tails, what are you doing?
Tails: Sabotaging the electricity supply.
Cream: Why?
Tails: So the guy who feeds the eels gets a little surprise.
Vulcan: So, as I was saying, who are you again?
Silk: For the three-hundred-and-tenth time, Silk the hedgehog!
Knuckles: I’m lonely…No one wants to play with me!
Jecht: Why don’t we play ‘Let’s push Knuxsie into the shark tank?’
Raze: Sounds good to me. Ladies first though. Shadow, you’re up.
Shadow: Hey!
Arid: So, you hang around with Raze?
Ai: Yup.
Arid: Does he snore?
Ai: Yup.
Arid: Does he treat you like a kid?
Ai: Yup.
Arid: Does he get food for you?
Ai: Yup.
Arid: Man, is Ivory gonna be jealous.
Ivory: Whu?
Soots: I can’t believe it. We go all the way to water world, and there aren’t even any hot mermaids. I want my money back!
Gerald: Gary?
Gary: Yes, Gerald?
Gerald: Do you need the bathroom?
Gary: No, Gerald. What makes you think that?
Gerald: Because you’re urinating in a cup of coffee.
Gary: Shut up.
Blaze: Hi all! I got the word that the Choctoberfest PAAAAAARRRTAAAAY has been moved to water world!
Silver: Yeah. We got all dressed up. I’m even wearing clothes!
Blaze: At last…
Silver: Check out Blaze’s dress! Isn’t it great?
Blaze: I just wish you would stop using your psychic powers to lift it up.
Silver: That was the wind!
Blaze: Yeah. The wind lifted my dress up and looked at my panties 356 times in the last two minutes.
Raze: Busted. Don’t worry. Knuckles has the same problem.
Knuckles: I’M NOT BORED, I’M NOT BORED! NO, NOT THE WAX! STAY AWAY!
Vanilla: You know, this is surprisingly fun.
Cream: Mother, why have you abducted Knuckles, Shadow and Sonic?
Vanilla: Because they have too much leg hair. It’s a bad example. Shadow should know better, he’s one of the girls.
Shadow: I’M NOT A WOMAN!
Vanilla: Then why are you wearing women’s knickers?
Shadow: I like the feel of silk against my bottom, alright?
Silk: I’ve never touched your ass, you pervert.
(Outside)
j320: Oi! Author guy! STOP ABUSING MY CHARACTER! DON’T MAKE ME GET OUT THE FLAMING TRUNCHEON! I’M WARNING YOU! AND YOU, AT THE COMPUTER! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE LOOKING AT?
TheVulpineHero1: Stop breaking the fourth wall! It takes me forever to put it back up!
ScootTH: Maybe that’s because your fourth wall is made of macaroni art.
TheVulpineHero1: Shut up, before I get my peeps on you!
ScootTH: I have better peeps than you!
j320: I have better peeps than either of you!
TheVulpineHero1: We’ll see about that!
j320: I summon my ‘Tiny Tots Of Terror’ Squadron! (Tiny Tots Of Terror Squadron appears)
TheVulpineHero1: Good, but not good enough! I’ll summon the greatest evils ever to have existed in this world! (Summons Hitler, Stalin and Tony Blair)
ScootTH: That’s nowhere near as powerful as my monster! I call ye forth! (Summons a giant mothball) Muhahahahahaha!
TheVulpineHero1: FIGHT! SUMONAKA!
(At water world)
Raze: Scoot, I can’t believe you got us thrown out of that hell hole. I was gonna get us thrown out of that hell hole!
Knuckles: My poor legs…Tails, do you have any spray on fur?
Raze: What, you mean that stuff Shadow sprays on his armpits?
Shadow: My legs hurt too much for me to kill you at the moment. Normal service will be resumed tomorrow.
Ai: Tomorrow has been discontinued due to lack of interest, and a continued hangover experienced by the management.
Arid: Well, it’s probably a good thing that we left the rat and the ferret in there. They were disgusting.
Ivory: Raze, I can’t believe you’re cheating on me!
Raze: We’re not going out.
Tails: That ought to beat that wise-cracking idiot at his own game.
Cream: Who is this ‘wise-cracking idiot’? It’s me, isn’t it? TAILS, YOU HURT MY FEELINGS!
Tails: Cream, you haven’t cracked wise in your entire life.
Cream: Oh, I’m so happy!
Sonic: Look at the time! I need to be somewhere right now!
Tails: Where?
Sonic: To Worcestershire. I need to pick up some…err…personal items.
Raze: Sounds like someone’s got a rash.
Sonic: How did you know?
Ai: Well, we might as well go with you. After all, we haven’t got anything better to do.
Raze: Other than commit suicide.
Ai: Other than commit suici…hey, wait…
Vanilla: Tails, time for a waxing! You have too much leg hair!
Tails: Quick, let’s go!
Sonic: In what?
Arid: In the Bow-Minivan, which was mysteriously stolen from TheVulpineHero1’s house this morning.
Vanilla: Tails, where are you?
Tails: GO, GO, GO!
(Nowhere)
TheVulpineHero1: I can’t believe I lost to a giant moth-ball.
j320: Yeah. How could he beat the Tiny Tots Of Terror Squadron?
ScootTH: Sore losers.
TheVulpineHero1: What!?!?!? I would have won if Tony Blair wasn’t such a wimp!
j320: That’s it! I’m going to summon a creature of even greater evil!
TheVulpineHero1: Yeah, right.
j320: Creature of infinite annoyance, come forth and serve me! (Summons a door-to-door salesman)
TheVulpineHero1: Geez. She’s good.
ScootTH: I’m better! Eat this! (Summons a plate of Semolina Pudding)
j320: Always with the one-upmanship, isn’t it?
TheVulpineHero1: That’s it! I’m going to summon a creature of ultimate and unparalleled evil!
ScootTH: He’ll do it! He knows Satan!
TheVulpineHero1: Come forth! (Summons Michael Jackson)
j320: ARRGHHH! THE WORST EVIL EVER TO HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY! RUN!
ScootTH: ARRGHHH! SUMMON BIN LADEN, BATMAN, EVEN GEORGE BUSH, BUT NOT MICHAEL JACKSON! RUN!
TheVulpineHero1: I’VE CREATED A MONSTER! RUN!
Michael Jackson: Awww…
(The Gay Bar)
Big: Gotta go, Joe.
Gunther: Aren’t you gonna walk me home?
(The Bow-Minivan)
Ai: 9,999 bottles of beer on the wall, 9,999 bottles of beer, if one of those bottles would happen to fall, there’d be 9,998 bottles of beer on the wall!
Raze: 9,998 bottles of beer on the wall, 9,998 bottles of beer, you take one down, you pass it round, 9,997 bottles of beer on the wall!
Arid: You’ve got to give them credit for starting from a million.
Tails: Quit poking me!
Cream: Quit poking ME!
Ivory: As one gal to another, am I pretty?
Silk: Sure, why not.
Scoot: Pant!
Vulcan: Good dog impression. Now stop sticking your head out of the window.
Scoot: Never!
Sonic: Question. Where’s Shaddy?
Amy: Iunno. What’s up with the engine? It keeps swearing.
Raze: Shadow was jammed inside the engine after being attacked by a mysterious assailant.
Ai: Raze! Why did you shove him in the engine?
Raze: It wasn’t me this time! I might hate the guy, but TheVulpineHero1 paid me not to let anyone wreck his no-claims bonus!
Ai: He doesn’t have a no-claims bonus! He’s a teenager! Besides, if Shadow really was attacked by a mysterious assailant, and you were being paid to protect the no claims bonus, why didn’t you stop the mysterious assailant?
Raze: I paid myself £20,000 to stand there and watch.
Rouge: Jus’ one question. A: Where’s Knuxsie-wuxsie? B: Who’s driving?
Tails: Knuckles is tied on to the front of the van. We’re using him as a cow-catcher. He’s pretty good at it actually. We’ve already hit five cows, seven sheep and three small buses.
Rouge: Who’s driving then?
Cream: I put cruise control on.
Rouge: Cream, you are aware that the cruise control on this bus doesn’t actually steer the bus, but keeps it at the same speed without any input from the driver?
Cream: Ummm…So that’s why we’re about to drive off the pier!
All: ARGGHHH!
Raze: Ah what?
(Nowhere)
TheVulpineHero1: Phew. We got away just in time!
j320: Bad nut job! BAD!
TheVulpineHero1: ^.^
j320: The puppy dog eyes smiley won’t work on me!
TheVulpineHero1: Dammit. Time to resort to plan B.
ScootTH: You have a plan B? That’s a first. What is it?
TheVulpineHero1: I’m insulted. Of course I have a plan B! I always have a plan B! And it’s always the same one!
ScootTH: Which is?
TheVulpineHero1: Violence, of course.
j320: Hey…Is that Big the tw- er, cat?
ScootTH: Yes, it is Big the tw- er, cat.
TheVulpineHero1: Yup, it’s big the tw-cat, all right.
j320: Where’s your grammar?
TheVulpineHero1: That loser doesn’t even deserve a capital letter. He’s a paedophile!
ScootTH: Yeah. On Sonic Heroes, there’s actually a cheat which lets Big the Cat look up Cream and Amy’s knickers!
j320: Yet another reason to pound his ass. You got the weapons?
ScootTH: My pool cue thirsts for blood.
TheVulpineHero1: The baseball bat is at the ready.
j320: Let’s go.
(Outer Worcestershire)
Jecht: Hey! I GOT THIS GIANT NOVELTY HITCH-HIKING THUMB FOR A REASON! SOMEONE, PICK ME UP! MY UGLY, UGLY FRIENDS ABANDONED ME! STOP! (The Bow-Minivan pulls up) Finally!
Raze: What was that about being ugly?
Jecht: Uh-oh.
(Five minutes later)
Jecht: You’ve beaten me up, insulted me, even took my lunch money!! What more can you do to me?
Raze: Let me get started…
Tails: Bad news! Vanilla’s chasing us! She seems to be riding on some sort of small, round craft!
Cream: Tails, that’s a wheel. My mother is chasing us in a giant tractor wheel. I think this officially means that I’ve had a traumatic childhood.
Arid: Got any fours?
Ivory: Go fish.
Arid: I thought we were playing poker?
Ivory: I thought we were playing Chase the Ace!
Raze: Good news. We’ve figured out what we’re going to do with you.
Jecht: I’m dead.
(30 seconds later)
Jecht: This is inhumane! You can’t do this to me!
Raze: You said that when I wouldn’t let you borrow my batteries.
Jecht: ARRGHHH!
Vanilla: NO! CUT DOWN IN MY PRIME BY A FLYING MASS OF BODY HAIR!
Sonic: That’s another two friends disposed of.
Amy: Sonic, I WUV YOU! Huh? Wha? ARRGHHH!
Eleanor: Oh dear. There goes another one.
Sonic: I’m fairly sure that you just kicked her out of the door.
Eleanor: And?
Tails: Who’s complaining?
Cream: Not me!
Tails: Uh, Cream? What are you doing?
Cream: Knitting you some nice woollen sockies.
Scoot: Hah! He wears sockies knitted by his stalker!
Vulcan: You wear sockies knitted by that hobo at the bus stop, and no one complains!
Arid: Hey, isn’t that the shop?
Sonic: Yeah! Let’s go in and get my rash powder! I mean, personal items!
Tails: Geez…
(Nowhere)
TheVulpineHero1: Die, damn you!
ScootTH: Yeah, you monster!
j320: I’ll break your noggin!
Guy: What did I ever do to you?
TheVulpineHero1: Nothing, pal. We’re just practicing for that big, ugly lump of blubber over there.
Gal: Is that Big the Cat? Let’s get him!
Guy: Yeah!
Passer By: Count me in!
Old Dude: Yeah!
Samson: Me too!
(Three minutes later)
TheVulpineHero1: Good news! ‘Kill Big the Cat-ism’ is now a registered religion with over 800,000 members!
ScootTH: Can’t argue with the statistics. Plus, the big lump only just waddled across the street!
j320: Alright men, women, children and indiscriminates. Don’t fear death! Die fighting for your faith and you will be rewarded with an MP3 player! Let’s go!
TheVulpineHero1: BONZAIIIIIIIII!
Big: I just wanna be loved!
(Worcestershire)
Raze: Can we go now? My senses tell me that there’s a fight going on, and I’m not in it!
Ai: Geez. What a muscle head. Have you let Shaddy out of the engine yet?
Raze: No, as in hell no, as in go to hell.
Knuckles: Can I stop being the cow-catcher now? There’s a large lorry heading this way, and I’m feeling kinda nervous.
Arid: Meh.
Knuckles: Free at last! FREE! NO MORE VANS, NO MORE COWS, NO MORE PAI-(Splat) Help…me…
Tails: Well, you shouldn’t have been dancing in the middle of the road when a truck was coming, should you?
Cream: Tails, you’re one to talk! What about you and the lads down the leisure centre?
Tails: Uh-oh…
Cream: I remember it well…
(Flashback)
Tails: Hey guys, watch me stop this bus.
Lad: Alright then.
Tails: I’M A HOOLIGAN IN THE MDDLE OF THE ROAD! STOP! (Splat) OH, THE PAIN! I’LL NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS AGAIN!
(End Flashback)
Cream: And next week…
(Flashback)
Tails: Hey, is that a Star Trek convention?
Lad: Looks like it.
Tails: Watch this. (Runs into the convention) CAPTAIN SPOCK WAS A GAY TERRORIST!
Trekkie: Get him!
Trekster: Phasers on full! Zap his ass!
Treknoid: LIVE LONG, WITH BROKEN BONES!
Tails: OH, THE PAIN!
(End Flashback)
Cream: And the week after that…
(Flashback)
Tails: Hey, is that a wind tunnel?
Lad: Apparently so.
Tails: Watch this. (Run into wind tunnel) IS IT OKAY TO COME IN HERE WIH AN UMBRELLA?
Scientist: NO!
Tails: Good! (Gets blown away) WHEE! I CAN SEE MY HOUSE FROM HERE! DAMMIT, WHAT’S A CACTUS PLANTATION DOING IN LESSER SURREY?!? OH, THE PAIN!
(End Flashback)
Cream: And the week after that…
(Flashback)
Tails: Okay, this seems dumb even to me.
Lad: Do it, or those pictures are going to be all over the Internet.
Tails: But it’s crazy! Stark raving bonkers! Only a lunatic would do it!
Lad: Do it!
Tails: Okay…Amy? Sonic says you’re a fat, ugly retard with no fashion sense, a big nose and garbage scented skin.
Amy: Wait right there. I’m gonna go find Sonic.
Cream: Hey, it’s Tails! GET HIM!
Tails: OH, THE PAIN!
(End Flashback)
Cream: Yup. We still have tufts of fur in our lockers from that incident.
Tails: (shudder)
Ivory: Shouldn’t we be getting back?
Arid: Hey, all! Look at these dolls I found! They remind me of someone, but I don’t know who…
Scoot: Kinda looks like my mom.
Sonic: No, it looks like Vulpy.
Vulcan: This one looks like his mom as well.
Tails: That’s one of ScootTH.
Raze: That one looks like Shadow.
Tails: Uh, Raze? That doll is of a girl.
Raze: I know.
Ai: Looks like that chick j320...
Silk: You mean that chick my owner.
Raze: You’re still here?
Scoot: Apparently so. She’s here, and I hope she’s not queer, because she’s hot!
Silk: You don’t mean that…
Vulcan: He does. He always did have weird taste.
Raze: Hmm. I wonder…
(Nowhere)
j320: OWW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!?!?
TheVulpineHero1: It wasn’t me! It’s like my leg had a mind of its own!
ScootTH: OWW!
TheVulpineHero1: It wasn’t me! I swear it!
ScootTH: OWWW!
TheVulpineHero1: Okay, it was me that time.
j320: YOU PERVERT! YOU GROPED MY ASS!
ScootTH: It wasn’t me!
j320: EWW! AN ETHEREAL PRESENCE GROPED ME!
ScootTH: We have ghosts? What shall we do? Who shall we call?
TheVulpineHero1: A plumber?
j320: The Easter bunny?
TheVulpineHero1: Your momma?
j320: Pac-man?
TheVulpineHero1: I know who we’ll call!
ScootTH: Who?
TheVulpineHero1: Wait right there. (Dashes into a phone booth) (Rustling) (Dashes out) MAJOR MUFFIN!
j320: Um, you’re wearing exactly the same thing as before.
TheVulpineHero1: Yeah, I’m not a fan of leotards.
ScootTH: What were you doing in the phone box then?
TheVulpineHero1: Calling the Easter bunny! Duh!
(Worcester)
Raze: Why are we still standing here with these retards?
Sonic: We’re right here.
Raze: That’s kinda the point.
Ai: Someone stole the bus!
Raze: Is it a bus or a van?
Tails: There are some things that we are simply not supposed to know. Hang on, Shadow’s still in the engine!
Knuckles: So?
Silk: So, you wanna go and see a movie?
Knuckles: I’d love to.
Scoot: DIE, DAMN YOU!
Eleanor: Hey. I’m back from the pound shop.
Sonic: Elli? How did you get three fish, a curtain pole, the entire works of Archimedes and a monster truck from the pound shop?
Eleanor: Amazing what you can find, isn’t it?
Raze: Monster truck? Sounds like we’re going after Shadow in a monster truck then.
Eleanor: Who says I’ll give you permission?
Arid: Me. I stole the keys whilst you were talking.
Ivory: He also stole your wallet, and saw what size your panties are!
Sonic: You. Me. After school. Behind the statue. BE THERE.
Arid: Sorry. I’m seeing a girl there and then.
Sonic: Whom?
Ivory: Your mom. Can we go now?
(Above Nowhere)
j320: Tell me why we’re here again.
ScootTH: Yeah. I’d really like to know. WHY THE HELL ARE WE HERE?
TheVulpineHero1: Because I was the 300,000,000th caller and I won free skydiving lessons for twenty-five people.
j320: Where are the other twenty five people then?
TheVulpineHero1: I signed me up, then you two up, then signed my name another twenty-two times, because I love my signature so much.
ScootTH: This is how sad he is. Complete insa-
j320: WOW! THIS IS THE BEST SIGNATURE I’VE EVER SEEN! I’M GOING TO SELL IT ON eBay AND GET £1000000 FOR HAVING THE SIGNATURE OF SOMEONE SO TECHNICHALLY INSANE THEY SHOULDN’T EVEN BE ABLE TO SIGN THEIR NAME WITHOUT JUMPING THROUGH A WINDOW AND I’M RUNNING OUT OF BREATH AND HEY, WHERE’S VULPY?
ScootTH: He already jumped.
j320: Second question. Why are there FBI ninjas in the plane?
ScootTH: I have no idea. But, seeing as an FBI ninja’s shuriken just whizzed past my left ear, I think we should follow Vulpy on this one.
j320: ARRGHHH!
ScootTH: ARRGHHH!
TheVulpineHero1: Wheee! I can see Big’s house!
ScootTH: REALLY?
TheVulpineHero1: Yeah, I just saw the dump.
j320: ARRGHHH! HEY, HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT NEARLY EVERYONE IN THIS ENTIRE FANFICTION HAS THE SAME SCREAM?
TheVulpineHero1: Hey, we’re landing!
ScootTH: ON A MONSTER TRUCK? ARRGHHH!
j320: OWW! I LANDED ON MY BOTTOM!
ScootTH: OWW! MY BACK!
TheVulpineHero1: DAMMIT! I SCRAPED MY KNEE! DAMN YOU PEOPLE!
Eleanor: OI! SCRATCH MY PAINTWORK, FACE MY BOY TOY!
Sonic: YEAH! Wait…
Tails: Keep it down, I can’t hear the radio!
Raze: Yeah. This song’s pretty good. I like it.
Ai: You would. It’s a punk rock song.
TheVulpineHero1: Oh, I love this song! It’s House of Cards!
Raze: Huh. Maybe I should get the CD.
ScootTH: Hello? j320’s broken her bottom- there’s a crack in it- and I’ve hurt my back. Not only that, but angry FBI ninjas are descending upon us at terrifying speed.
FBI Ninja Tom: ARRGHHH! MY ONE WEAKNESS! HITTING FAST MOVING TARMAC AT OVER 170 MPH!
FBI Ninja Dick: Remember me as a peacemaker, and someone who died in a noble attempt at assassinating the leader of a crackpot religious cult!
FBI Ninja Harry: I will avenge thee, my fallen comrads! FIGHT!
TheVulpineHero1: It’s time for my favourite sport- Curtain Pole Kung Fu!
Eleanor: Then, it’s very lucky that I picked up a curtain pole.
ScootTH: No! DON’T GIVE IT TO HIM!
TheVulpineHero1: Muhahaha! TAKE THIS!
Tails: Wait. You’re in the back of the truck. How the hell did you manage to smash the light bulb from there?
TheVulpineHero1: Dammit. That’s the third one this week.
FBI Ninja Harry: Hah! Take my tie-up-the-enemy-in-rope technique!
j320: I DIDN’T DO IT, YOU PAEDOPHILIC, BIG THE CAT SUPPORTING SLIPPER WARMER!
ScootTH: OWW! WHY DO I KEEP GETTING HURT?TheVulpineHero1: OH NO! THE AUTHOR LEFT CAPS LOCK ON!
Mystery OC: I’ll save thee!
TheVulpineHero1: Hey, it’s…
ScootTH: It can’t be! I don’t believe it! Psst, who is that guy?
Raze: Oh, hey. How’s the sister?
Mystery OC: Raze, I’m kinda in the middle of something he- (Gets knocked unconscious)
FBI Agent Harry: HAH! I BEAT YOU ALL! I am the champion! Everyone sucks but m- ARRGHH!
Cream: Hey! It’s my cousin to the rescue!
j320: Taken down by the Easter bunny. How humiliating.
Cream: Hey, Liquorice! I didn’t know that you had super strength!
TheVulpineHero1: Of course he has super strength! He’s the Easter bunny!
Arid: Dumb FBI van at 6 o’ clock.
Tails: We’re in a monster truck. I don’t care.
Sonic: How will we stop the FBI, and catch the Bow-Minivan at the same time?
TheVulpineHero1: Iunno. Hey, Easter Bunny! Can I borrow your rifle?
Cream: My cousin has a rifle?
TheVulpineHero1: Of course he has a rifle! He’s the Easter bunny!
(FBI Van)
Agent Sunday: Sir? There appears to be three figures on the back of the truck.
Agent Split: What are they doing?
Agent Sunday: There’s a boy pointing a rifle at us, the Easter bunny puffing on a fag, and a blue hedgehog mooning us.
Agent Glory: They can moon all they like. They can’t stop us, for we are the FBI desert trio!
(The monster truck)
TheVulpineHero1: Cease mooning offensive. I’m taking the shot.
Easter Bunny: But what if you miss? I might drop my fag!
TheVulpineHero1: Don’t worry. I’ve shot enough things in my life to be able to aim properly.
Tails: TAKE THE SHOT! I NEEDS THE BATHROOM!
(FBI Van)
Agent Split: Hah, he missed!
Agent Sunday: No, he got you in the arm.
Agent Split: Yeah, but the laser scope dot was pointed at my crotch.
Agent Sunday: No, that was Agent Glory with his laser pen.
Agent Split: Damn.
(The monster truck)
TheVulpineHero1: Whatever happened to those two?
Easter Bunny: Who too?
TheVulpineHero1: Scoot, and Silk. And that Vulcan guy, too.
Mystery OC: Hey, I need a name, you know!
Raze: Shut up, Locke.
Lock: Oh yeah. I forget.
Tails: How do you know him, anyway?
Raze: Oh, I used to be a sailor at one point, but I left because I didn’t like the biscuits. Lock was one of my shipmates.
Locke: Yup! I was a real “Sea wolf”!
Raze: He was always making that dumb joke back then as well, when he was a deck swabbing wolf.
Ai: You have an…interesting social circle.
Arid: Hey. Nice to meet a new foe. Happy Choctoberfest, by the way.
Easter Bunny: Has anyone noticed that we, like the van in front of us, are going to hit that curiously positioned amphitheatre?
Tails: Of course. But, my donut fell under the seat, and I can’t abandon it!
(Curiously positioned amphitheatre)
Silk: I wanted to see a movie, not a frickin’ chariot race between the Nugget King and Happy McDougals franchises.
Knuckles: Yeah. And what’s with these seats? These are NOT fit for royalty!
Scoot: Why are you here then? Get lost, so (cool voice) I can make my move.
Vulcan: What, you want privacy so you can fart?
Scoot: Why are you here?
Vulcan: Because. I’m lonely and need company.
Silk: Hey. Does it not seem strange that a van/bus and a monster truck just went through the wall of the stadium?
ScootTH: HI ALL PEOPLE AND ANIMALS AND MICROOBES!
Vulcan: Oh yeah. I wanted to have a word with you. GET ME A NICE GIRLFRIEND, BEFORE I START POACHING OTHER PEOPLE’S! I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO BESTOW UPON MY LOVE! STRONG IN THE ROMANCE I AM! NEED THERAPY FOR TALKING LIKE YODA, I DO! CHEESE, NOW I NEED!
ScootTH: Shut up, need you now…to…do…Damn, how to I talk like that?
Raze: CAN I GO HOME NOW?
Ai: YOU DON’T HAVE A HOME!
Silk: Wow. Great going, little miss Sensitive. Now he’s going psycho.
Raze: I would go psycho on your butts, but that might contain a story spoiler.
Vulcan: Breaking the fourth wall you must stop! Need anger management, do you! Seashells sells she the by seashore the!
Scoot: ARRGHHH! I’M LIVING IN STUPID LAND!
Tails: Yup. You’ve already earned citizenship.
Ivory: OI! YOU TWO! IN THE BUSHES! EITHER KEEP IT PG, OR VIDEO IT SO THE REST OF THE WORLD CAN SEE!
Sonic: Shut up! We’re playing Scrabble!
Tails: And I thought he had a life.
Eleanor: I’ve got idiots, noodles, jerks, general gits, nutcases, roasted almonds, why, are, we, here, werewolves.
Locke: I’m fairly sure that that’s against the rules.
Tails: Raze, you’re friend is now officially uncool. No one cool as ever been able to play scrabble.
Silk: Hey! Losers! Can we now actually do something?
j320: Maybe?!? Locke, boring, maybe…ScootTH, say something!
ScootTH: Muffins!
TheVulpineHero1: Muffins?
ScootTH: Now I’ve got your attention, can we go somewhere else?
Tails: Vulpy, why are you looking at me like that?
TheVulpineHero1: Tails, get ready. We’re going to lint-land.
Cream: Lint land? What’s lint-land?
Tails: Lint-land is a magical place, only reachable from inside one’s own naval.
Shadow: Hey, fluffy! Someone jacked your ride!
Raze: Shut up. Knowing Shadow, there’s gonna be pink lint in lint-land.
(Lint-Land)
Raze: If we all went inside our own belly-buttons, why is ‘Lint-land’ the same for everyone?
Sonic: It’s best not to think about it too hard.
Locke: Dude, why is Lint-land so, like, weird?
Knuckles: Why is Lint-land shaped like a mansion?
TheVulpineHero1: Iunno. But, you get a discount if you’ve been here before.
ScootTH: That’s all we need- a discount. Geez.
j320: Hey. If the lint-mansion has bricks, then what’s the cement?
Cream: It appears to be earwax.
Shadow: Hey, look! There’s this cool spiral staircase! And it has a great view from the top! Wha- OWWWWWWWWWWW!
Scoot: That was satisfying.
Sonic: It’s always satisfying to push people down stairs.
Shadow: OOOOOWWWWWWWW- OOOOFFFFF!
Scoot: Hey! He flew back up!
Sonic: How?
Raze: Hey, are you guys up for round two or what?
(Five minutes later)
Sonic: One last time.
Scoot: SHOVE AWAY!
Shadow: OWW! MY SPLEEN!
Tails: Eat ring bomb, jerk!
Cream: How about my ‘Chao dung grenades‘?
Shadow: OWWW! EWWW! MY FACE!
Arid: Take a spear to the noodle crusher, jerkass!
Shadow: OWW, MY NOODLE CRUSHER!
Ivory: BURNING COFFEE ATTACK OF ULTIMATE FURY AND RESENTMENT!
Shadow: OWW! MY LUNGS!
Locke: That’s for being a big shot, know-it-all pea brain!
Shadow: OWW! MY PEA BRAIN!
j320: Silk, I forbid you to bully my Shaddy-waddy!
Silk: Goeth to helleth.
Shadow: OWW! MY LEGS!
Ai: You’re fun to hit!
Shadow: OWW! MY NOSE!
ScootTH: Damn right!
Shadow: OWW! I’M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO SCREAM ABOUT!
TheVulpineHero1: Face my curtain pole, you idiotic, narcissistic, butt ugly, stupid, god-awful rodent!
Shadow: OWW! MY GENERAL ORGANS!
Raze: Alright, Fairy. Now you can start screaming.
Shadow: (Whimper)
Omega: I got put in this illogical fan fiction FOR ONLY ONE LINE! NEED BETTER AGENT, NOW!
Metal Sonic: And, with possible disaster averted and no real ending in sight, the government has paid us several hundred thousand pounds to save the general public from this story. So, we’ll be doing the ending bit now.
Tails Doll: Yup.
Metal Knuckles: Hey, what was Knuckles doing in all this?
Knuckles: Hey, guys, I kinda made a mess in the bathroom….
Metal Knuckles: Oh, yeah.
Ending Credits:
============================================================== ==
Sonic got an honours degree in shennanagenary, and spent the rest of his days making superhuman crime fighting tables
Tails was abducted by Cream, and was severely traumatised because of cute overload
Knuckles had to pay expensive cleaning bills for the toilet, and the robots sued his ass for being an idiot
Amy was picked up by a passing truck driver, and has subsequently toured the world selling plugs
Rouge was arrested for burning down water world
Cream gave Tails a heart attack
Shadow had plastic surgery following his injuries, and feels comfortable with himself
Raze was of the opinion that Shadow looked better with his face beaten to a pulp, and decided to rectify the error
Ai kept annoying Raze until he shut her in a closet
Soots never scored once in his life
Arid got old and died
Ivory cracked corn and no one cares
Gerald the rat and Gary the ferret founded their own sitcom, which involved tying random people up with masking tape
Big is a rapist- deal with it
Blaze and Silver enjoyed a brief romance until their house got burned down, for some unknown reason
Eleanor got lost on the way to Lint-land, because she has an outie belly button
Jecht wuz ere, 2007
Vanilla lived a long and pointless life after becoming a vigilante against leg hair
Gunther and Samson founded a rock band named I.C.U.P
Cap’n Duckbeard swears vengeance on all your butts
Locke went back to wearing an eye patch and shouting ARRRRR at regular intervals
TheVulpineHero1 started his own internet terrorism website- 3 hits, and counting!
Scoot was not harmed in the making of this thingy
Vulcan isn’t good at chess, narf
ScootTH needs a flea bath
Guy 4 Gal, pass it on
Silk returned to her own fanfic, having stolen nuclear weapons plans from the back of the fridge
j320 came downe withy a svere casedc of ther Typos
They had many more adventures, and holy hell, what are you people reading?
--------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------
So, we reach the end of the Choctoberfest special. It was one hell of a ride, wasn’t it? Do you actually know how long this is? In size twelve, my writing size, it’s 20 FRICKIN’ PAGES. That might not seem a lot to you, but normally I don’t go above the fifteen page boundary. I’m only doing two of these a year. Now, to more important matters, like the contents of my refrigerator. Oh, and YAYNESS! I didn’t have to resort to karaoke in that whole fic! YAY!