Teen Titans Fan Fiction ❯ A Fool's Game ❯ One-Shot

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April Fool's Day fic. A practical joker is rampaging throughout the Tower, targeting Raven most of all. Who is it and will they survive Raven's hissy fits and traps of doom? For Insomnia's Phone Number.

Non Anime: Teen Titans Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 04.01.2006 | Updated On: 04.01.2006 | Pages: 12 | Words: 9.3K | Visits: 794 | Status: Completed

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans; Murakami would enjoy my new DS too much.

Author's Note: See the dedication below for the whys beyond another stab at comedy.

Dedication: To Snarky Jargon, Insomnia's Phone Number, or whatever she calls herself at the moment. Just an early birthday present and an April's Fool piece to say “Thanks for making me laugh when I needed it”, among other things. I would do something more specialized but her tastes for fandoms are obscurer than mine, God Forbid.

Timeline: Post Season Four. I'm getting so general anymore.

Ready Go!

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The sun is shining in the bay, the birds are tweeting, and all seems so well in the giant T; with the exception of one female Titan. The Titan that everyone—and their dead Terminator—know would be off putted, agitated, and even miffed. The fact that she woke up with her bed short-sheeted would bring the day to a lovely start.

“Well, that's just peachy.” She teleported out of the bed and glanced at it.

`This is the third prank this week on me. How did he get in here? I locked the door and sealed off all the possible openings—especially the vents. How?'

Raven was positive it was a male, as the last time Starfire attempted a joke the blue mold that inhabited their fridge almost conquered the Tower. The question now is: which?

`Well, Robin has those outdated puns, plus he has as much humor as a rock. Cyborg, maybe. He can be funny when he wants to be. So the only culprit is…who else, Beast Boy. He's the only one who can transform into microscopic creatures to perform the perfect entrance and escape.'

She stared at her bed, levitated her cloak to her and walked out of the room. She walked throughout the corridors and rolled her eyes at the sun.

`You don't have to be obnoxious with the sunlight, you know. Some of us aren't morning people.'

“Why, greetings, Raven!” Starfire's ever chipper voice permeated Raven's ruminating.

“Starfire.” `And then there are the rest of us.'

“How are you this grandiose morning?”

“I had a rude awakening.”

The alien's eyes widened as she joined her friend. “You mean you had a horse of night?”

Raven suppressed the urge to roll her eyes again. “Nightmare you mean, but no, I just woke up and found my bed short-sheeted.”

“Short…sheeted?”

“The trick where you tuck in the sheets under the bed while the person you are tricking is asleep.”

The bright Titan just blinked her eyes in confusion. “Why would they perform this?”

“Because when the target wakes up, they can't get out of bed.”

“Why?” Starfire asked, childlike.

“I wish I knew. For pranks, it's rather…”

“Imbecilic?”

“That and just ancient.” Raven suddenly had a thought. `No, it couldn't be Robin. Besides, Beast Boy's jokes are just as dated.'

“Is there a reason for the jokes of practical?”

“None as far as I can tell. I think they're all idiotic. And so is this practical joker running through the Tower.” The empath hid her bitter tone.

“Well, there was the dumping of hydrogen dioxide on top of the door for Cyborg, not to mention the mâché of papier casting on his body, the blue dye of hair for Beast Boy, the transference of alum into my Zorka Berry stew, plus my current attire.” Starfire nodded down to her bare legs, her violet leggings conspicuously missing.

“What happened there?”

“My appendages adhered to the ceiling by a sticky substance. I had to use my eye lasers to free my being.”

“Don't you have another pair?”

“They all were absconded when I surveyed my cloister.”

“Closet.”

The alien shrugged the correction off. “Yes, I shall endure as I have not been joked of practical as opposed to you who…”

“I had my tea replaced with coffee grounds, the water to my shower re-routed to my sink and vice versa, and the short-sheeting.” The demon went on in her monotone.

“A trifecta. It is transparent that the joker is pursuing you.”

“Clear you mean. But yes, it's rather obvious.”

“Have you discerned a possible pattern of behavior?” Starfire questioned.

“Well, his attention is obvious but he seems to strike every two days with everyone. I wouldn't mind keeping watch on them as they sleep but I'm sure they'd all have fits.”

“You are willing to have the insomnia for this?”

“I'm a night person.” Raven deadpanned.

“Who do you think the joker of practical is?”

“The practical joker of the group as always—Beast Boy.”

“You always assume the pits in Friend Beast Boy.”

The dark Titan looked at her quizzically. `Pits?' “I don't know why you would think that.”

“Well, there was the occurrence where you banished him to another dimension…” The alien observed.

“That was one time. He was wet and shook himself all over me.”

“Then there are the multiple occurrences of insulting his intelligence.”

“Well, he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed.” The demon said, defensively.

“If that is correct, then why do you maintain your rancor and sharp to the obvious?”

“Point to the obvious. And that's because someone should warn the world of his…” The empath felt her companion's eyes on her. “I don't have a leg to stand on, don't I?”

“You do not.”

“Just call me stumpy. But I still think it's him.”

“Of course.” Starfire dismissed her.

“Well, it is.” The empath said defensive.

“Do you have the evidence?” They almost reached the living room.

“Well…I…not at the moment.”

“Then perhaps you should bestill your suspicions until you do?”

“And perhaps you should stop hanging around Robin so much.” Raven fumed.

“Raven, I believe we are conscious to the answer of your statement.” Starfire walked away to the next room.

“Pits?” Raven trudged behind her. The male Titans were making a commotion in the kitchen.

“Dude, I am not the practical joker. If I were, why I would dye my hair like this?!” Beast Boy defended as he pointed at his now neon blue hair.

“Well, who else could it be? It can't be Robin, Raven and us all saw what happened with Star and the last time she tried to make a gag. The Tower smelled of mold for two weeks!” Cyborg countered.

“Talking about the practical joker, I presume?” Raven cut in.

“Yes, they struck again last night.” Robin informed.

“They gave me a Princess and the Pea treatment.” Cyborg grumbled.

“Princess and the Pea?” The demon wondered.

“You know the gurney I sleep on? Well, someone stacked me on top of five gurneys. When I woke up, I couldn't move and they all collapsed under me. I don't know how whoever got me up there but I…hey, you two girls could easily do it. You got the powers!”

“You're blaming us?” Raven scoffed.

“Who else could have done it?”

“One) I was pranked as well; someone short-sheeted my bed last night. And Two) besides us, Beast Boy could morph into any animal with the proper strength to do it.” The demon glared at the changeling.

“No, it wasn't me. I got pranked last night too. Someone sneaked into my room and dipped my hand in cold water. I thought I had…wet the bed. I stayed in the bathroom all night.” Beast Boy was ready to jump out the window.

Cyborg was the first to laugh. “At least there is some justice in the world.”

“Darn, and I wanted to burn him in effigy.” Raven said in her monotone.

“You're always on my case, I wonder if it's a sign of latent affection…” Beast Boy waggled his eyebrows.

Raven blinked her eyes in shock and was suddenly grateful for her father's death as they began to glow. “You did not—”

“Enough. At least this didn't happen to you. Whoever cut out all my tights and replaced my boots with this. They finally got me last night.” Robin was behind the counter, walked around demonstrating his new costume change—his green tights' leggings were cut, exposing his bare legs with green elf boots as the final compliment.

The Titans restrained themselves all but a minute before collapsing in a paroxysm of laughter.

“Dude! If you want the elf appeal, get yourself the ears.” Beast Boy remarked, pointing at his ears.

“You look like a refugee from Santa's gay Christmas village.” Cyborg chimed in.

“I…I am not going there.” Raven commented.

“I believe it is most…distinguishable.” Starfire stared at his legs.

None of the other Titans were surprised by the alien's remark.

“Everyone have a good laugh? Good. Look, I could just question each and every one of you until I figure out who is the practical joker, but we're all friends here, I figured we could wait until whoever of you gets this out of your system and keep your anonymity. Besides, after the hell with Trigon and Slade, we need the change of pace.”

“And finally I have the pardon to quote the word “jocularity.”” Starfire chirped.

“So do I.” Raven tried to turn her head from staring at Robin's legs, but couldn't look away.

“Fine, now I have to go and re-stitch my tights.” Robin walked away.

“Robin? Do you need assistance? I very well could…” Starfire joined him, leaving the other three.

“Well, at least for a cover, you're doing a good job not calling attention to yourself as no one wants to be near you, bed-wetter.” Cyborg sneered at the changeling.

“Just wait till you sleep again.” Beast Boy grumbled.

“No, I won't. I learned my lesson from you and the computer virus last year.”

“Don't go there.”

”Enough. We need to calm our emotions.” The empath interrupted.

“Doesn't that sound like déjà vu?” Cyborg jabbed.

“Deja wha?” Beast Boy asked in confusion.

“Déjà vu: the sense that previous events are happening to you again. Read a book.” The half-machine groaned.

“Look, we know it's Beast Boy, so why don't you say you did it and we can move on?” Raven sighed.

“But I didn't do it.”

“Don't make me banish your brain to another dimension. Again.” She rummaged through the fridge for a cup of iced tea.

“Don't you usually drink hot tea?” Cyborg pondered.

“I would, but I need instant solace after my night, although now that I mention it, someone did replace my herbal tea with coffee grounds. Stayed up two nights too long.” She poured out the contents into the sink.

“I can understand putting that alum stuff in Starfire's berry goop, although why I'll never know as it's pointless anyway. But I think screwing around with your tea is a bit much.” The synthetic teen said, sympathetically.

“At least it's giving me an interesting form of revenge—trapped in a tea pot with the water slowly broiling.”

“A tea pot? What are you, the Penguin?”

“I think she should have kept the top hat from Mumbo, now all she needs is a laugh and a cigarette holder.” Beast Boy mused.

“Just wait till you two sleep.” She said sotto voce.

“What?” The boys asked.

“Nothing.”

“Now what do we do, Sam?” Beast Boy pondered.

“I don't know, Max. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?” Cyborg adopted a ruminative pose.

“I don't know, Cyborg, raising a chia pet just to smash it?”

Raven just rolled her eyes again and began to walk out of the living room. “Why do I bother?”

“Dude, we should plan our own revenge against this guy.” The emerald changeling schemed.

“Yeah, like how would we plan against the guy who is planning revenge on himself? That's brilliant!” Cyborg mocked.

“Dude, for the last time, it's not me!”

“Of course, it's you. You're just setting up yourself up as the…”

The empath sighed as the tricksters' echoes resonated in the corridor.

“Holy sophomoric behavior, Batman.” She deadpanned as she slinked off into the hallway.

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A quick teleport to one of Jump City's finer convenience emporiums and Raven would soon be ready for the next prank.

`I hope all this scheming won't make me into a supervillain.'

She went to the kitchen, hunting the cabinets for strings.

“Raven, what are you doing?” Robin asked as he walked by her.

The demon just sighed. “I'm hunting gold in our kitchen. What does it look like?”

“You don't need to be so testy.”

She sighed as she felt his off putted emotions. “I'm looking for string and tape.”

“Why?”

“To set a trap for a certain fly.” Raven hid her dark tone.

“Should I care to know what that means?”

“Would you want to?” She barbed in her mysterious tone.

“With you? Not really.”

“Wonderful.”

“The string and tape are over here.” He went over to the far end of the counter and pulled out the items.

“Thank you.” She grabbed them and walked away.

“Raven…?” The Teen Wonder called out.

“What?” She couldn't hide her impatience.

“You don't sound too happy anymore. I thought with Trigon dead, you'd be able to start feeling emotions.” Robin couldn't hide his melancholy feelings.

“Robin, just because I can, doesn't mean I should. I am still testing how far I can indulge myself.”

“That may be, but I do notice that of everyone with the pranks, you're the only one who hasn't really laughed at them.”

“Why would I laugh at immature jokes?” The demon scowled.

“It's not the joke itself, Raven; it's the opportunity for it. You sound like you need it.”

“If you're done in your soap opera spiel, I'm fine. I'm just in no mood for foolishness. Now, I've got a trap to set, excuse me.” She morphed out of the room for dramatic effect.

Robin just stared at the floor with a sad expression on his face.

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“It's not the joke itself, Raven; it's the opportunity for it. You sound like you need it.''

Robin's words echoed in Raven's head, an irony from her penetrating his mind not too long ago. She levitated to the ceiling of her room, taping rolls of flypaper in place and then taping up rows of strings.

`Insufferable riot. Like I need a prank to make me laugh. I can laugh just fine.' She tried to laugh but all that came out was a coughing sound.

`Well, I know what laughter sounds like anyway.' She ducked down from the hanging flypaper rolls to tie the dangling strings to the tops of more flypaper rolls. `At least I'll be ready for Beast Boy.'

“Then why do you maintain your rancor and sharp to the obvious?”

Now she recalled Starfire's statement of her apparent jihad of Beast Boy. `If I had a nickel for every voice in my head, I'd be a rich woman.'

She finished taping the strings and teleported to her bed. `And now for the final touch.' The demon levitated dozens of mousetraps she bought from an errant bag and laid them out all over the floor. Seeing her handiwork and then the now night-crested sky, Raven laid down and closed her eyes. The past week was catching up to her.

`Let's see him get through that.' She almost grinned. `Like I need to be pranked in order to feel emotions, as Robin is maintaining. In all this time, I wish Robin would get a clue. I don't need to laugh in order to feel. I can feel the normal emotions: indignation, embarrassment, the whole range just fine. Although perhaps Starfire is right—perhaps I have been too obsessed in my…rancor for Beast Boy. See? That's another emotion—remorse. Silly Boy Wonder, he could do better than trying to psychoanalyze me.'

Her breathing became shallower as she slowly succumbed to sleep.

`He's wrong. Laughing is, to bring out an old chestnut, pointless. I don't need it. I don't need anything now; I'm free, free of Father and his mind games. I'm as normal as everyone else. Perhaps better now that I've cleared myself of such nonsense. Even if I wanted to indulge, I have an image to maintain. Since Robin is busy with Starfire, I have to be the serious one. Not that I wasn't already.

`Although on an interesting note amidst all these pranks. Those elf boots on Robin are rather…'

She didn't finish her thought as she slept.

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Raven slept like a log, which unfortunately didn't do well for her when she woke up to find herself taped to the bed, in the rolls of flypaper.

`What!? How did he…?' She wiggled and struggled against the tape. The demon ripped against it, her eyes almost blazing in a ruby hue.

`I don't get it; I sealed everything off and triple checked it all. I knew I should have bought Petri dishes in case he was an amoeba. But no, I didn't want to appear too paranoid.'

She stampeded from the bed to the dresser, where she'd tossed her cloak last night, and stepped into the various mousetraps along the way.

`I forgot about those.'

The empath then levitated above the traps to the dresser, where she grabbed the cloak but felt it snagged against something. She tried to pull at it to no avail. The cloak still remained in place.

`You've got to be kidding. Why not nail my boots instead?'

Raven exerted all her strength when the cloth gave way and ripped, propelling her to the ground where she landed on one very ill placed mousetrap.

`Well, this is the most humiliating morning of my life. And the sun is almost up. The perfect start to a perfect day, I'm sure.'

She stood up and stared at her torn cloak. `It's one thing to short sheet my bed, rewire my shower, ruin my tea with coffee, tape me to the bed, and have me fall on my posterior to an awaiting mousetrap, but I draw the line with my cloak.'

The empath used her power to remove the mousetrap and put on her cloak, now reaching to her gluteus maximus. She groaned in frustration and stormed out of her room, to go down the corridor to Beast Boy's room.

`I hope his insurance is paid.'

She quickly levitated past Cyborg hopping down the corridor, glued his gurney. “Hey, Raven! What's the rush?”

The shockwave from her rapid moving levitation made him collapse on the floor.

“That girl is always in a rush to nowhere.”

Raven slowly ceased her floatation toward the corner near Beast Boy's room, when she saw a shadowed stranger lurking around in the corridor, dropping things on the floor.

`That must be him; at last, to unravel this ridiculous mystery.'

Her eyes glowed and she willed the stranger to her.

“Alright, Beast Boy, your little prankfest is over.”

“Raven, will you shut up!?” Robin whispered as his body was no longer obscure by the shadows.

“Robin?” The shock forced her to release him and he whisked her around the corner.

“You're the practical joker?” She whispered as she struggled.

“Certainly looks that way, doesn't it?”

“But…but…no offense, but you got the funnybone of a rock, you're the last person I'd expect this from.”

“Offense accepted and exactly. That's why no one thinks it's me.”

The empath's eyes flickered in epiphany. “I should have known. You were pranked the least.”

“Took you long enough to figure it out. I didn't want to prank myself but I had to do something, so I did one that no one could prove: cut my tights in order to be a red herring.”

“And in the process confirm those rumors.” She couldn't resist the jab.

“At least you're having fun there.” The Teen Wonder peered around the corner.

“Before I think of a fitting punishment, I have to ask why. And why I was pranked the most?”

“First, stop being so melodramatic, I've witnessed enough of Poison Ivy to know there can be only one super melodramatic bitch and you're not her. Second, I thought of this months ago; after Slade first returned, but with the events of the Library leading up to your father, I had no time. I did it because we needed a laugh, something to change the pace of the overwhelming dread of Trigon.”

Raven suppressed her indignation. “Way to make someone feel welcome, Robin.”

“You know what I mean. You do bring that ominous-ness.”

The demon couldn't deny the fact. “Yeah, I do. But why the clichéd pranks?”

“Oh, we're done with the “why, why, why me”?” Robin couldn't conceal his patented smirk.

“It just came to me. And stop that, being a smartass is my job.”

“Well, I thought some classic ones would make you young people appreciate the art of pranking as people didn't have high tech tricks and elaborate traps back then.” He suddenly felt a sense of pride.

“Well, your outlook does act like an anachronism. I did suspect you but Beast Boy is just as bad, if not worse. You two should get together.”

“I'm working on it. But to answer why I'm targeting you, it's like I said before—because you need it.”

“I don't need idiotic pranks to feel, if that's what you're getting at again. Look what you did to my cloak!” The empath demonstrated her tattered cloth.

“Lighten up; short capes are easier to manage. Besides, Raven, you do bring some of this on yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I notice that with you, you put on airs. You give the impression you're above them, particularly with the less…erudite like Beast Boy. That just invites abuse.” He stared into Raven's eyes.

“I am not above anyone. It's just when I see stupid, childish things, I…”

“Raven, even though I have “the humor of a rock”, I can see how sometimes people need the stupid and childish things to realize that they're human and lighten up now and then to tone themselves down. You've been so busy with your father; you apparently forgot that other half of you.”

“Please don't lecture me about that. I heard plenty from my mother.” She said, snappishly.

“You can't be all serious all the time, frankly…I've been there and I've seen it in Batman and Slade and many others. I don't want that happening to you. Look, I'll make a bet with you. I just littered the hallway with banana peels. If I don't make you laugh, then I'll stop the pranks.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. Here.” He handed her a receiver shape device. “It's a synthesizer, leftover parts of when I made Red X's. I set it to Cyborg's voice. Press this button and yell “BB, I made some free tofu! Come and get it!”

“Alright, but prepare to be disappointed. But two more questions first. How did you sneak in my room and be so quiet? I was so meticulous.”

“I'm the leader of the Titans and Batman's protégé; there is no place I can't get into without drawing attention to myself. That should cover the security protocols and the agility with your little trap last night.”

“My other question…”

“That's three now.” He joked with her.

“Stop that. I noticed you do just slapstick here, nothing really…cerebral, which is your trademark. Was that another red herring to palm off on Beast Boy?”

Robin relaxed himself. “That's more because I didn't want to be malicious about it and besides, Kurt Vonnegut said it best: someone walks out of a bus and trips into a puddle on his way off and people laugh. Physical humor is funny and doesn't have the angst or depression or signs of this EMO culture I know nothing about with the young people.”

“Is that a shot at me?”

He ignored her defensiveness. “What do you think?”

“I think you're going to lose this bet.” Raven pressed the button and spoke into the receiver. “Hey, BB! I made some free tofu for you! Come and get it!”

“1…2…3…” Robin counted before Beast Boy rushed out of his room shouting “free tofu!” before slipping into a minefield of banana peels. He shrieked like a child as the banana peels propel him to his final destination—a bucket of water waiting above him, tied up to a low string trigger, splashing his head. The bucket fell on his head to complete the gauntlet.

Raven looked at the spectacle, Robin chimed in a whisper. “You never saw these pranks yourself, did you?”

She was silent as she slowly cracked a grin. “The fool just…kept slipping along like a slug. A…green banana slug.” The grim empath's grin so progressed to a smile, soon to a chuckle.

“Raven, is that a chuckle?” The Teen Wonder smirked.

“No, it's…gas. Yes, gas.” She spoke in normal timber.

“I win the bet anyway. Enjoy the best prank of all.” He continued on, still in a whisper.

“No, you said if I laughed and I…”

“Raven! You're the practical joker!? I can't believe this!” Beast Boy looked up at the grinning demon.

“What? Beast Boy, I'm not. Robin is the…” She then noticed Robin's sudden absence.

As Raven was slackjawed, Beast Boy ran off. “Wait till I tell everyone!”

“Beast Boy! Stop!” He was out of her reach. She just stood there among the banana peels and grinned.

“There goes my image. Perhaps that was his point.” The grin turned slightly sinister.

“I have a long day ahead of me planning something fitting, and it will be an even longer night for him.”

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Have a happy April's Fool's Day, hope I made you laugh and see you in the funny papers.