Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Fan Fiction ❯ Bad Places III: Ruin ❯ Chapter 4

Apologies for taking so darn long to post. Leonardo didn't want to talk and Raphael was a little too nervous to push, so we both had to wait until Leo finally broke. Which was a couple nights ago. Raph finally got his stuff together tonight and I just finished this chapter. Thanks for not giving up on me!

Part 4

The darkness of his room took the edge off his headache, but he still groaned as he sat up, one hand gingerly touching the bandages on his shoulder. At least the wound wasn't bleeding anymore, but it pulled painfully with the slightest movement. A little light trickled in from downstairs, effectively blinding him, so he sighed and lowered his head, quietly listening for the sounds of his family and friends moving around. Instead he heard light breathing very close by and realized he wasn't alone. He didn't have one of his masks on so he couldn't see, but he recognized the sound and rhythm of his sibling's heartbeat.

"Raph, is that you?" he whispered.

"Yeah." From his seat on the floor against the far wall, Raphael yawned. "Everyone's asleep but us and Don. It's pretty late. Or early, I guess."

"Why's he awake?" Then he heard the clanging and harsh whine of a blowtorch along with loud splashes of water. "He's not done yet?"

"Two more sections to go. We were lucky, we found some spare gridiron in his workshop so we didn't have to go out. I'm pretty sure it'll hold if something tries to break in." Raphael saw his brother's look and smirked. "Quit worrying. If Mike could hold one back, then I'm sure welded iron can, too."

Leonardo didn't look convinced, but he didn't argue.

"Don and me was talking while you were asleep," Raph said. "He found something weird in your DNA."

Smothering a groan, Leonardo turned his head away even though he couldn't see his brother. "Now what?"

"He compared yours with Mike's and mine, and...well, seems your body changed a hell of a lot faster than ours did."

"I fell in the pool of bodies in the staircase, remember?"

"Yeah, see, that's what I told him so he wouldn't get too suspicious. But let's be honest here." Raphael narrowed his eyes and stared hard at his sibling, certain that even blind, Leonardo could still feel his glare. "You weren't in there for long. Not long enough to affect you nearly as bad as what you've gone through."

Leonardo gave a bitter laugh, but he felt his breathing start to race. Raphael suspected something, he was sure of it. "What, you're a scientist, too?"

"Don't have to be. Donatello knows science. I know my brothers, especially since I had to take over for you for a year or so." He spotted one of Leonardo's numerous art books on the floor and picked it up, flipping through the pages. It gave him something to do with his hands and helped calm him down. He didn't want his brother knowing how nervous he was. Leo already had too many advantages. Maybe with the pages flipping, he wouldn't hear his heart pounding.

"And since I know you," Raph said, not looking up from the book, "I figure you're still hiding something."

Silence. Neither of them spoke. The only sound came from the pages as they slowly turned, one by one. Even downstairs, Donatello was quiet. A minute passed. Then two.

"I've never lied to you," Leo whispered.

"True. But..." An old painting of a battle caught his attention and he looked at the knights on horseback for a moment. "I remember something out of one of your books. 'Kill with a borrowed sword', I think. You really take those teachings a lot farther than the rest of us."

Leonardo didn't answer, so Raphael kept going.

"I mean, when I read it, I first thought it meant quickly grabbing your enemy's sword. Later I thought it might be more, y'know, subtle? Framing someone else for something you did. It wasn't for a long time that I figured out that it was a lot more abstract than that. It's just a metaphor. I mean, yeah, use someone else to do your dirty work, that's obvious. But...it wasn't 'till later, when we were farm, that I saw how you were using it."

"And how was I using it?" Leo asked softly, head down, already knowing the answer.

"You don't lie. But sometimes you keep so quiet that it's like the silence is lying for you."

A twisted sense of pride welled up in Leonardo's heart. He recognized the feeling from many months ago, when he was losing himself and his family turned against him, trying to stop him from seeking Stockman a second time. He'd felt betrayed by their willingness to fight him, but at the same time he felt proud that they could face him, finally standing on their own without him to lead them. And now Raphael had learned how to bend these lessons against him.

"I don't want to talk about this."

"You don't have a choice." Raphael looked over his shoulder at the door, partly to make sure no one was listening but mostly because he was tired of Leo's dark room. "Unless you want me to get Splinter and--"

"Don't you dare!" Leonardo growled.

The outburst startled Raphael and he reflexively put a hand on a sai. Even more surprising, Leonardo didn't seem unnerved by his sudden flash of anger and just looked away again. Okay, Raphael thought, so he still has some Splinter issues. File that little bit of information away for later. He decided to try a different line of reason.

"Leo, have I told anyone about what happened in Stockman's dimension, when we were all alone and about to come home?"

Reluctant to answer, Leonardo finally gave a quick shake of his head.

"You know I can keep a secret. I won't tell anyone, but I have to know what you're hiding."

"Why?" Leo winced at how pathetic he thought he sounded. "I'm getting better. What does it matter?"

Raphael's voice turned flat. "You know why."

Thoughts ran wild in Leo's head. Because I'm still changing. Because he knows I'm not fighting anymore. Because I've hidden it all and the last time I hid anything, I nearly killed myself and my entire family. Because-- Leonardo forced himself to stop thinking. If he was going to do this, he couldn't let himself think about it.

"Leo--"

"You have to understand we didn't have a choice," he said in a rush. He knew if he stopped, he wouldn't be able to start again. "We could barely stop long enough to sleep, we were all exhausted and then we lost Chanta and it was just Felix and me, and we started getting so caught up in killing that we didn't care anymore--"

Surprised, Raphael sat still and kept his mouth shut, afraid that if he said anything Leo might stop. Or worse, break down. His voice grew tighter with every word.

"--and after a week or two weeks or I don't know how long, we couldn't tell, everything around us was just blood or something to be killed or destroyed and Stockman didn't leave anything in those tiny supply rooms, not nearly enough to keep us alive. We just stopped caring about anything but getting out and if it was the only way...we didn't even stop to think about it 'cause if we did...if we did..."

As his voice trailed off, Raphael worried that he'd never get him started again. "What? What is it?"

"Raphael...there was never enough to eat."

Several seconds went by before he understood exactly what Leonardo was telling him. The book slipped from his hands as he tried to say something but couldn't. He'd known there was a monster in his brother's genetics, but he'd never suspected... All this time, he'd believed that his brother's fixation on blood and death was due purely to the monster's lust for violence. Now...

"When I fought Saki, I felt it again," Leo whispered. "I don't mean that it ever went away. Before, it was always there, but there was always that feeling of disgust. No matter what I was eating, it felt like I was still in the game, still..."

A wave of nausea passed over Raphael as he remembered his short exposure to feeders and screamers tearing each other apart as they ate, but he forced the sick feeling down. "Is that why you're stuck on apples and soup?" he asked. "They're not meat?"

"That has nothing to do with it," Leo said softly. " Everything's... Anything hard, that's bone. Anything soft, that's muscle. Anything liquid, blood. That's why I can't eat. Everything feels like...I can't even think about it without feeling sick."

Now Raphael wished he hadn't asked, and he only felt worse because he had to keep asking questions. "Then how do you eat at all?"

"It's...it's been going away, a little. Like how I don't zone out in the middle of practice anymore. I don't feel as sick as I did before."

When Leonardo stopped again, Raphael fought down a growl of frustration. Questioning his brother was like pulling teeth, and just as painful. Reminding himself that he simply couldn't shake the answer out of him only made this more aggravating. "But why is going away?"

Leonardo took several seconds to answer, trying in a moment to reason out all his feelings of the last year. "I...do you remember what you said when I woke up after killing him? When you told me I almost died?"

"Died?" A cold feeling sank in Raphael's' stomach as he remembered staying up with Leonardo those few days after the attack on Saki's tower. "Yeah, I remember. I said something about our blood screwing you up."

"'Pulled in two directions'," Leo said. "Your blood pulling one way and...screamer blood...pulling the other. I don't know which one let me eat again."

Neither spoke after that. Raphael drummed his fingers on the floor as he thought. Was his brother really getting better, or was he turning quietly into a monster that no longer minded the thought of eating other monsters? He desperately hoped his brother was improving and just giving into his damn martyr complex as usual. If his body wasn't developing claws or anything, there was a chance Leo was just being hardheaded again.

And if he was right, and his brother was getting better, then telling this secret to the whole family would just make his brother feel worse. Especially now that April was treating him like a person again.

"Well..." Raphael started, considering his options. "I said I can keep a secret, so I won't tell anyone about this as long as you're getting better, okay?"

With a small sigh of relief, Leonardo nodded. "Thanks."

"But," Raphael continued, and now he started to smile. "Since this whole 'not eating thing' is in your head--" he ignored his brother's indignant look "--we're gonna see exactly what you can and can't eat. Got it?"

"Wait...what?"

For the first time in his life, Raphael had to suppress his laughter at his big brother, but it was a near thing. Leonardo looked as nervous as the first time Splinter had caught them going above ground.

"Come on." Raphael stood up and headed to the door, pausing to look over his shoulder at him. "Or would you rather do this when everyone's awake?" As he went downstairs, he didn't have to turn to know his brother was following after him.

I don't care what he says, Raphael thought. Ordering people to do things is a major perk of this job.

"Lucky, looks like Donnie went to bed. Have a seat," he said as he passed the living room.

"Where's April and Casey?" Leo asked. "I thought they'd be sleeping over here."

"Nope, I got 'em settled with a spare mattress in the garage. Y'know, in case they wanted a little privacy. Now don't wander off anywhere, this shouldn't take long. We've got a ton of leftovers in the fridge right now. Just gotta nuke 'em all."

"We have a microwave?" Leo asked.

Raphael glanced back at him. "...yeah. For awhile now. When was the last time you were in the kitchen?"

"Um..."

"Never mind. We've had it for a couple months. Didn't you ever ask Splinter what he was doing with what you're earning?"

"'Earning'?" Leo tilted his head, and then his eyes widened in recognition. "You mean the paintings?"

"Duh. April never told you what they cost? Dude, each one runs like--"
"No, don't tell me!" Leonardo held his hand up to stop him.

"Why not?"

"If I know what they cost, I'll never be able to do a single mural again."

Raphael just looked at him as if he was insane. "Dude...you are weird." He turned to head into the kitchen, but he turned back for a second. "Don't take off, you hear me? You're gonna find out what you can eat whether you like it or not."

Biting back a sigh, Leo nodded and watched him disappear into the kitchen. After a few minutes of listening to the cabinet doors opening and the microwave humming, he left the living room and walked over by the bridge. Donatello's tools lay scattered about, meaning he probably wasn't done welding the gridiron down, but the entire stream was covered as far as Leo could see. He watched the water flow beneath him, clearer than usual, and with a glance around the lair to make sure no one was watching, he knelt and touched the steel coverings. He gave them a light tug and felt a little relieved when they didn't move.

"Damn, you're paranoid," Raphael said, coming back in with two trays filled with small bowls. "Try to relax, will ya? We're safe down here. And besides, it ain't like you're going topside for awhile."

When Leonardo saw what his brother had prepared, he stood in mute surprise. Rather than large portions, Raphael had made a little of everything and spread it out in separate like a sampler. He'd even gone so far as to set out different drinks.

"What?" Raphael asked, smiling at Leo's face. "Did you think I was gonna force feed ya?"

"Something like that," he admitted, sitting down and facing the food as if he were facing his worst enemy. "Raph...what if I...?"

"Can't keep anything down?" Raph asked softly, as if he'd anticipated the question. "Leo, do you remember way back when we were six, and me and Mike and Donnie got the flu real bad?"

Leo smiled to think about it, but at the time it was anything but laughable. "That was a rough month. You all got it a few days from each other and Splinter couldn't watch all of you so I had to help."

"Yeah, and I went and upchucked dinner that one time, and most of it missed the trash can." Raphael didn't mention where most of it had ended up. Leo's face told him he remembered. "I felt so damn embarrassed, I wished the flu would just kill me off. And you said it wasn't anything, it wasn't my fault and you were just taking care of me. So now I'm returning the favor."

Silence. Leo didn't trust himself to answer. He dutifully closed his eyes and steeled himself, and with a deep, shaky breath, he started.

Two messes, one coughing fit and thirty bowls later, he broke his self-imposed diet and discovered his genetics didn't have such a firm hold over him after all.

TBC...