Tekken Fan Fiction ❯ Kazuya Knows Best ❯ Double Impact, Part 1 ( Chapter 11 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

(Kazuya is reading the paper when Heihachi comes in)

Heihachi: Good evening, Kazuya.

Kazuya: What do you want, meathead?

Heihachi: I was just passing through the neighborhood, and I couldn't help but wonder, would you by any chance have any blood to spare?

Kazuya: Damn it, old man, I told you, I'm not giving you my DNA!

Heihachi: (holding a needle) Just a few drops, that's all the scientists would need!

Kazuya: If you want the devil gene so much, why don't you just sell your soul to the devil like I did?

Heihachi: Alright, how about the boy, I know he's got it too, it'd be really quick...

Kazuya: ...........hey, look! There's the devil right now! (points out the window)

Heihachi: Where? I don't see anything!

Kazuya: He's right over there, see.... (leans Heihachi over the edge of the window)

Heihachi: I still don't see him!

Kazuya: Just get a little closer...

(Kazuya throws Heihachi off a cliff)

(audience laughs)

(Jin comes out of his room)

Kazuya: Where you goin', boy?

Jin: To the library so I can study.

Kazuya: Study? What the heck you gotta do that for, your grandpa owns your school, you don't need to worry 'bout passing!

Jin: I'd like to earn my grades.

Kazuya: Earn it? Bah! Hard work's for suckers whose parents aren't rich, and your's are, so you put all this thought of an honest living outta your head, you hear me?

Jin: Dad, I don't want to go through life taking advantage of your accomplishments.

Kazuya: Why not? I did. Do you honestly think I started the Mishima Zaibatsu, or my old man before me? Every Mishima has gained power by overthrowing his predecessor, traditionally by throwing them off a cliff, though 'cliff' is a relative term, it doesn't really have to be a cliff, it can be a volcano, a building, the top of a really high flight of stairs, a well, of course you wouldn't throw them off the well but rather into it.... (continues on, failing to realize Jin's already gone)

(doorbell rings)

Kazuya: Who the heck would be here this late?

Kazuya: (Kazuya opens the door, and sees his own image staring back at him)

Kazuya: It's like looking at a mirror...

(Kazuya 1 raises his hand)

(Kazuya 2 raises his hand)

(Kazuya 1 stands on one leg)

(Kazuya 2 stands on one leg)

(Kazuya 1 scratches his head)

(Kazuya 2 scratches his head)

(Kazuya realizes it really is a mirror, and that he's opened the closet door)

Kazuya: .....

(Kazuya opens the front door, and sees his own image staring back at him)

Kazuya: Another mirror? Who's the meathead who put this here?

(Kazuya 1 raises his hand)

(Kazuya 2 does not raise his hand)

(Kazuya 1 stands on one leg)

(Kazuya 2 does not stand on one leg)

(Kazuya 1 scratches his head)

(Kazuya 2 kicks Kazuya 1 in the groin)

Kazuya 1: Oh, my freakin' groin!

Kazuya 2: So you're the one who replaced me?

Kazuya 1: Who the hell are you?

Kazuya 2: Why, I'm...Kazuya Mishima!

(dramatic soap opera music plays)

Kazuya 1: But that's impossible, I'M Kazuya Mishima!

Kazuya 2: Not quite! Twenty years ago I was defeated by my father and thrown into a fiery grave, which took my life....or so it was believed. My body was recovered by G-Corporation, who then created a clone of me. That clone...was you.

(dramatic soap opera music plays)

Kazuya 1: No! That's...that's impossible!

Kazuya 2: I'm afraid not. Furthermore, G-Corporation left my 'remains' unattended, certain I had long since departed this world, however, due to the devil power that resided within me, I was in fact very much alive, and so it was that I escaped.

Kazuya 1: ....do you read fanfics?

(audience laughs. at least the nerdy ones who read fanfics. or write them)

Kazuya 2: Regardless, I'm here to reclaim what's rightfully mine, my life. And I'll no longer be referred to as Kazuya 2, but Kazuya 1.

Kazuya 1: There. That's better.

Kazuya 2: But then...what happens to me?

Kazuya 1: You? I have no need for such genetic baggage. Begone with you!

Kazuya 2: You can't just replace me, my loving family wouldn't stand for it!

Jin: Bye, Dad!

Lee: See you later, Kazuya!

Heihachi: Farewell, my son!

Kazuya 2: Ju.....Jun?

Jun: (smiling) I'll miss you, Kazuya!

Kazuya 2: ........oh, like I didn't see this coming...

Kazuya 1: Yes, well, so long! (kicks Kazuya 2 out the door)

Kazuya 2: .....................shit.

Announcer: What shall become of Kazuya now that he's lost his family? Will the original Kazuya's plans go unfoiled? And can Batman stop the diabolical Penguin's scheme? Tune in next week, same bat-time, same bat- channel!

*End Of Chapter 10. I think. Is anyone else keeping track of this?*

Don't worry, Kazuya, Jun, and Baek aren't gone. Believe me, I tried to start the story from where the last chaper left off. It didn't go so well.

Lee: (comes out from the kitchen) Damn it, Ogre, not again!

Ogre: (covered in blood) ........ (acts like he doesn't know what Lee's talking about)

Lee: You can't murder all of our guests, that's not how it works!

Ogre: ........

Lee: Look.......just.......the next time a woman's over here, sleep with her first!

I'm realizing that I don't have what you would really call 'talent'. I can't do serious stuff, first of all. Comedy? As long as there's no continuity or actual plot involved, sure. This is all just random crap coming into my head. I suppose I could do sketch comedy. Hey, I could make Saturday Night Live funny again! Assuming that was possible."