Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction ❯ Tenchi for President ❯ Kagato's interview ( Chapter 1 )
[ A - All Readers ]
By: Charles_Phipps 
What the title says!
Anime/Manga: Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 08.29.2001 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.0K | Visits: 223 | Status: Completed
What the title says!
Anime/Manga: Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Self Insertion | Uploaded On: 08.29.2001 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.0K | Visits: 223 | Status: Completed
Well in a radical departure from my interview series I am going to interview someone other than the wonderful stars of Tenchi Muyo and instead interview one of it's most memorable characters for the Jurain national Party.
Now that I've officially notified Galactic Police, called in the Tenchi gang, and instructed the United States government to nuke this particular town if they get any bizarre readings. I am now going to interview the greatest villain of Tenchi Universe…
KAGATO!
*Summons Kagato from the fiery pits of hell*
Kagato: Good evening.
Interviewer: Ummm please God don't kill me.
Kagato: I'm not your God *Kagato reaches to strangle the Interviewer*
Interviewer: We're nominating you for President.
Kagato: Hmmm sounds interesting. You have five minutes to live.
Interviewer: You see um we have these elections and stuff and every four years…
Kagato: Your not continuing to interest me.
Interviewer: Um why don't you just tell me what you would do if you were given power over my planet's largest nation.
Kagato: That might indeed prove a amusing diversion from my plotting to escape the dark abyss where I have been banished for so long.
Intervier: Right.
Kagato: Did I give you permission to speak?
Interviewer: …
Kagato: The first thing I would do, would be to clear this planet of all non-useful life. Humanity I find exceptionally weak and infertile so they would go but I'd keep a few as test subjects to measure it's effect on Jurain royal energy.
Interviewer: …
Kagato: You may speak unless it is annoying.
Interviewer: Whew….AHHHHHHHHHHHH
*Kagato lowers his hand and the electricity surrounding the interviewer stops*
Interviewer: What is up with your bad attitude anyway?
Kagato: In high school I was routinely beat up because I didn't have arms. Then I developed my psychic powers and developed my intellect to take revenge on the universe that spurned me.
Interviewer: That's it?
Kagato: I was beat up a lot.
Interviewer: Yeah but no my family was massacred by an alien invasion, love betrayal by Washu, or planet blown up by Moff Tarkin?
Kagato: It was A LOT.
Interviewer: cheap cheap.
*Interviewer is zapped again*
Kagato: Ahem now back to my story about what I shall do as President. Military concerns will be a great deal of trouble but I think once I've broken apart the planet I'll have enough metal to manufacture ships to wage war against Jurai.
Interviewer: You have a problem with Jurai I've noticed.
Kagato: They're the people who beat me up…A LOT.
Interviewer: Hmmm I see a merging of TV Kagato and OAV Kagato…AHHHHH
*Interviewer is shocked again*
Interviewer: WILL YOU QUIT THAT!?
Kagato: No.
Interviewer: Okay sir.
Kagato: I dislike the idea that the Kagato of Jurai is in any way related to me. It's a common name Kagato.
Interviewer: It is?
Kagato: DARE YOU QUESTION ME?
Interviewer: NO! No not at all.
Kagato: Good.
Interviewer: Umm so what was up with Ryoko while she was under you?
Kagato: I controlled her mind.
Interviewer: Well people want to know, was they're physical abuse? If so, what sort of sick sleaze ball are you?
Kagato: The last man who asked that has no legs.
Interviewer: Uh….
Kagato: Because I made him eat them.
Interviewer: I understand.
Kagato: I don't think you do.
Interviewer: Right! You were a wonderful father to Ryoko and showed them nasty Jurains what for. Good for you. Give you a medal we shall.
Kagato: I dislike sarcasm worse. Do not make me dissect your brain to discover what demented gene created your Ayeka loving self.
Interviewer: Hey!
Kagato: My running mate for this encounter will of course be Ryoko. Once I have tortured Washu and returned her to a state of living death, butchered and dissected Tenchi Masaki, and then done unspeakable things to the rest of those who brought about my downfall I intend of course to regain my control over her mind.
Interviewer: What about Ryo-Oki?
Kagato: I intend to roast her gently over a fire of two hundred degrees for five minutes then eat her with a delicious red wine.
Interviewer: Your truly an unpleasant individual, did anyone ever tell you that?
Kagato: She's delicious really. You just have to remove the fur, which I might note makes a wonderfully soft pair of mittens….
Interviewer: Stop it! Stop it okay!
Kagato: My minor at the Science Academy was Home Economics. I know my stuff here.
Interviewer: Great Martha Stewart for the Nazi Doctor set.
Kagato: Perhaps.
Interviewer: So do you have any idea how you intend to raise money to put yourself in office?
Kagato: Kidnap the children of America's wealthiest individuals, brainwash them to kill their parents, and then donate all their inherited money to me.
Interviewer: I see you come from the Children of the Corn school of political science.
Kagato: Really you have an academy which preaches that? Perhaps I misjudged you Earthlings.
Interviewer: Somehow that scares me more than just plain destruction would. So do you have any solutions for education?
Kagato: You'll all be dead so education becomes irrelevant.
Interviewer: Speaking of education, you have a death star powered starship you stole from Washu and god knows what else onboard that puppy. Why exactly do you need the Light Hawk wings which really look like they don't do much other than make a really cool sword and teleporter now and then.
Kagato: Actually you raise a very interesting question.
*Kagato electrically shocks him*
Interviewer: AHHHHHHHHH. WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!
Kagato: Kicks at this point.
Interviewer: Right…
Kagato: The reason I can sum up in one word, Tsunami.
Interviewer: Well then why bother with all the antiquity stuff, just grab Sasami who she merged with.
*Kagato gets an evil grin*
Interviewer: Opps
Kagato: Excellent.
Interviewer: Uh yeah, Ayeka's going to get me for that one. Why don't you go run along and play your organ while I figure out exactly how to break the news about this to her.
Kagato: MUAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA
*Interviewer sends away Kagato*
Now that I've officially notified Galactic Police, called in the Tenchi gang, and instructed the United States government to nuke this particular town if they get any bizarre readings. I am now going to interview the greatest villain of Tenchi Universe…
KAGATO!
*Summons Kagato from the fiery pits of hell*
Kagato: Good evening.
Interviewer: Ummm please God don't kill me.
Kagato: I'm not your God *Kagato reaches to strangle the Interviewer*
Interviewer: We're nominating you for President.
Kagato: Hmmm sounds interesting. You have five minutes to live.
Interviewer: You see um we have these elections and stuff and every four years…
Kagato: Your not continuing to interest me.
Interviewer: Um why don't you just tell me what you would do if you were given power over my planet's largest nation.
Kagato: That might indeed prove a amusing diversion from my plotting to escape the dark abyss where I have been banished for so long.
Intervier: Right.
Kagato: Did I give you permission to speak?
Interviewer: …
Kagato: The first thing I would do, would be to clear this planet of all non-useful life. Humanity I find exceptionally weak and infertile so they would go but I'd keep a few as test subjects to measure it's effect on Jurain royal energy.
Interviewer: …
Kagato: You may speak unless it is annoying.
Interviewer: Whew….AHHHHHHHHHHHH
*Kagato lowers his hand and the electricity surrounding the interviewer stops*
Interviewer: What is up with your bad attitude anyway?
Kagato: In high school I was routinely beat up because I didn't have arms. Then I developed my psychic powers and developed my intellect to take revenge on the universe that spurned me.
Interviewer: That's it?
Kagato: I was beat up a lot.
Interviewer: Yeah but no my family was massacred by an alien invasion, love betrayal by Washu, or planet blown up by Moff Tarkin?
Kagato: It was A LOT.
Interviewer: cheap cheap.
*Interviewer is zapped again*
Kagato: Ahem now back to my story about what I shall do as President. Military concerns will be a great deal of trouble but I think once I've broken apart the planet I'll have enough metal to manufacture ships to wage war against Jurai.
Interviewer: You have a problem with Jurai I've noticed.
Kagato: They're the people who beat me up…A LOT.
Interviewer: Hmmm I see a merging of TV Kagato and OAV Kagato…AHHHHH
*Interviewer is shocked again*
Interviewer: WILL YOU QUIT THAT!?
Kagato: No.
Interviewer: Okay sir.
Kagato: I dislike the idea that the Kagato of Jurai is in any way related to me. It's a common name Kagato.
Interviewer: It is?
Kagato: DARE YOU QUESTION ME?
Interviewer: NO! No not at all.
Kagato: Good.
Interviewer: Umm so what was up with Ryoko while she was under you?
Kagato: I controlled her mind.
Interviewer: Well people want to know, was they're physical abuse? If so, what sort of sick sleaze ball are you?
Kagato: The last man who asked that has no legs.
Interviewer: Uh….
Kagato: Because I made him eat them.
Interviewer: I understand.
Kagato: I don't think you do.
Interviewer: Right! You were a wonderful father to Ryoko and showed them nasty Jurains what for. Good for you. Give you a medal we shall.
Kagato: I dislike sarcasm worse. Do not make me dissect your brain to discover what demented gene created your Ayeka loving self.
Interviewer: Hey!
Kagato: My running mate for this encounter will of course be Ryoko. Once I have tortured Washu and returned her to a state of living death, butchered and dissected Tenchi Masaki, and then done unspeakable things to the rest of those who brought about my downfall I intend of course to regain my control over her mind.
Interviewer: What about Ryo-Oki?
Kagato: I intend to roast her gently over a fire of two hundred degrees for five minutes then eat her with a delicious red wine.
Interviewer: Your truly an unpleasant individual, did anyone ever tell you that?
Kagato: She's delicious really. You just have to remove the fur, which I might note makes a wonderfully soft pair of mittens….
Interviewer: Stop it! Stop it okay!
Kagato: My minor at the Science Academy was Home Economics. I know my stuff here.
Interviewer: Great Martha Stewart for the Nazi Doctor set.
Kagato: Perhaps.
Interviewer: So do you have any idea how you intend to raise money to put yourself in office?
Kagato: Kidnap the children of America's wealthiest individuals, brainwash them to kill their parents, and then donate all their inherited money to me.
Interviewer: I see you come from the Children of the Corn school of political science.
Kagato: Really you have an academy which preaches that? Perhaps I misjudged you Earthlings.
Interviewer: Somehow that scares me more than just plain destruction would. So do you have any solutions for education?
Kagato: You'll all be dead so education becomes irrelevant.
Interviewer: Speaking of education, you have a death star powered starship you stole from Washu and god knows what else onboard that puppy. Why exactly do you need the Light Hawk wings which really look like they don't do much other than make a really cool sword and teleporter now and then.
Kagato: Actually you raise a very interesting question.
*Kagato electrically shocks him*
Interviewer: AHHHHHHHHH. WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!
Kagato: Kicks at this point.
Interviewer: Right…
Kagato: The reason I can sum up in one word, Tsunami.
Interviewer: Well then why bother with all the antiquity stuff, just grab Sasami who she merged with.
*Kagato gets an evil grin*
Interviewer: Opps
Kagato: Excellent.
Interviewer: Uh yeah, Ayeka's going to get me for that one. Why don't you go run along and play your organ while I figure out exactly how to break the news about this to her.
Kagato: MUAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA
*Interviewer sends away Kagato*