The Legend Of Zelda Fan Fiction ❯ Link and the Mullet ❯ Nova of Disonia ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Link and the Mullet
By Vitanova Hayabusa

Disclaimer: Just to make things clear, I, the writer Vitanova Hayabusa, do not own The legend of Zelda, Sear�s, or the phrase �Damn straight�.

Chapter I: Nova of Disonia

One day, Link and Navi are taking a walk around Kakariko village.

Link: *whistling Old Spice jingle*

Navi: Stop whistling that SONG!

Link: I like that song.

Navi: Yeah. Cause you�re a dumbass!

Link: *begins to weep* You don�t mean that�

Navi: *sighs* Are you gonna cry again? You�re such a pussy.

Link: Hey! That�s not true! I beat Ganondorf. And I�m screwing Zelda.

Navi: So? Ganon sucks. And Zelda�s a whore.

Link: You take it back!

Navi: Why?

Link: Cause it�s not true.

Navi: It so is.

Link: �Yeah, you�re right.

Navi: You�re such a quitter.

Link: But that�s why you love me.

Navi: SHUT UP! What if someone heard you?

Link: Uhh... Are you ashamed of me?

Navi: � Yes. Yes I am.

Link: *sighs* Figures. I guess it�s been a while since my glory days, hasn�t it?

Navi: Yep. I mean, look at you. You�re fifteen and you�ve got a beard. That�s lazy.

Link: No, that�s chocolate cake. *wipes cake from face*

Navi: Ew.

Suddenly, a portal appears before them.

Link: What�s that?

Navi: Is this is a Hayabusa fic, it�s the start of a new journey.

Link: Who�s Hayabusa?

Navi: I�ll tell you later.

Voice: Link and Navi, enter the portal.

Link: I don�t know. It looks scary.

Navi: Just go, you fucking fag!

Navi and Link enter the portal. They emerge in a forest.

Link: Where the dog shit are we?

Navi: I have no Eye-deer�

Just then, a figure in a hooded cloak approaches them.

???: Ah you made it.

Link: AAAHH! *draws Master sword* Die, monster!

Link charges at the mysterious figure and trips on a rock, falling at the stranger�s feet.

Link: Ow. I am defeated.

???: This is not who I sent for, is it?

Navi: You looking for Link, the hero of time?

???: Yeah.

Navi: Sorry, pal. That�s him.

???: You�re kidding. *growls* That�s the last time I order a hero from Sear�s! *burns Sear�s catalog* Fucking sucks. Anyway, I guess I�ll have to make do.

The stranger throws back his hood.

Navi: Oh my god! You are HAWT!

???: Huh?

Navi flies to the handsome stranger.

Navi: Hey. Are you into faeries?

???: Uh. Sorry. I make it a point to not date chicks that are 1/32 my size.

Navi: *gasps* And you know math TOO? You kick ass.

???: Uh, okay�

Link: *gets up* Who the hell are you anyway?

???: My name is Nova. And I have summoned you here.

Link: Where is here?

Nova: This world is called Disonia. And it is in peril. That�s why I called for you.

Navi: You need us?

Nova: I thought I did. But if this is Link, we�re fucked.

Navi: Don�t worry. He may not look like much, but he�s pretty impressive when he wants to be.

Nova: I sure hope so.

Link: What�s the big problem?

Nova: In Disonia, there is a power beyond imagination. It is the very essence of existence.

Navi: What is it?

Nova: The Mullet.

Link: The what?

Nova: The Mullet. A force so powerful that it cannot allow itself to be harnessed by just anyone, lest it destroy us all.

Navi: Destroy?

Nova: The one who acquires the Mullet shall be known as the �El Destruye�. and gain the secrets of the universe. As well as limitless power.

Link: I see.

Nova: Lately, there has been one who is searching for the Mullet.

Link: Who?

Nova: I think his name was Düsseldorf or something.

Navi: Ganondorf?

Nova: That�s it!

Link: Ganon�s here?! Oh hell no! I�m gonna kick his ass!

Nova: Wow. He suddenly got fired up.

Navi: He doesn�t like Ganondorf.

Link: Damn straight! I hate Ganondorf! He keeps trying to steal my woman! Hear me, Ganon? Zelda�s MY bitch!

Nova: Who�s Zelda?

Navi: Here. This�ll explain everything.

Navi hands Nova a tome titled �Legend of Zelda: The ultimate otaku�s guide�.

Nova: Ah. * reads* � So she�s a whore?

Navi: Yep.

Link: Let me get this straight. Ganon�s trying to become what?

Nova: The �El Destruye�.

Link: How?

Nova: By getting the Mullet.

Link: What�s with the Mullet?

Nova: You should fear the Mullet.

Link: Why?

Nova: It�s power comes from within.

Link: Within what?

Nova: Just within.

Link: What�s does the Mullet do?

Nova: Makes you the �El Destruye�.

Link: Who wants the Mullet?

Nova: Ganondorf.

Link: � I�m confused.

Nova and Navi fall.

Nova: *gets up* WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Link: What�s the name of this place again?

Navi: DISONIA, YOU BRAIN-DEAD LITTLE SHIT!

Link: Ohhhh. Okay.

Nova: Come on. I�ll explain more in town.

And so they begin their journey in this strange new world.

TO BE CONTINUED�

Nova: That was a headache.

Talking broom: This story rules, Nova.

Nova: Stop kissing ass and clean my fucking floor!

Floyd, Nova�s cousin: Hell yeah. That broom got served!