Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ Gossamer Wings and Sweet Tasting Things ❯ Mort ( Prologue )

Lynda: Eheheh... ^_^;; You had to expect it, really. I'm in the depths of obsession here. Oh, be forewarned, this is an Alternate Reality piece.

Kuroneko: Mya.

Lynda: Meaning, dear readers, that this story takes an Alternate spin on what goes on in the anime. My story begins BEFORE the events of the series, which means none of the main characters know each other, etc etc. And, unfortunately, I hold the basic assumption here that you've seen all the series and know all the big spoilers. If not, proceed at your own risk!!
Well, onwards!

Vash the Stampede, the Humanoid Typhoon and all round feared dangerous criminal tapped miserably on the glass light bulb that encased him, tears streaming down his already soggy face.

'Come on, Mr! You don't REALLY want that $$60 000 000 000 reward, do you?' he whined, voice hitting a pitch hitherto unexpected to emerge from a grown man. The scientist who was typing away at the plant computer looked up at the tall, blubbering gunman stoically, eyebrow raised.

'Noooo...' he replied sarcastically, then pointedly threw a lever.

'GEH!!' Vash managed, as light flooded the giant glass bulb. He was dodging the little lances of lightening as he attempted to construct a coherent sentence in-between the evading.

'THIS - IS - NOT - HOW - YOU - TREAT - PEOPLE!!!' he screamed, albeit being a little distractedly. The scientist scratched his bald head.

'Why don't you die?!' he snapped. After an especially big lightening bolt, Vash stumbled to a halt, turned and held his chin in his hand in what he thought was a cool, calm and dashing manner.

'My pursuit for the Elusive Mayfly of Love cannot be interrupted by the petty event of my dea- AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIII!!!!'

Bored, the scientist turned up the power input. Vash had been in the middle of his speech by the time the lightening struck his head. Looking crispy and smoldering slightly, Vash coughed once, a puff of smoke being expelled from his lips. He shook his head, clearing away the ash.

'If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to KILL me!!' he shouted angrily.
Not that he wasn't used to it. Not a week went by without some person trying to kill him to become rich. And, even after all his long years of existence, Vash fell for their stupid traps time after time again. He really needed to work on that. Today's trap consisted of donuts and a pretty girl.

'How is it that the Humanoid Typhoon such a dumbass?!' replied the incredulous scientist, staring down quizzically at the console.

It hadn't been too hard for him to lure Vash the Stampede into the technician room and into the plant-bulb. The man was an absolute idiot. And now all he had to do was raise the power input until Vash the Stampede became comotose.

Then, finally, I will be rich! the scientist thought happily.

'Will you let me out now? Please?' Vash tried again, resorting back to whining.

'No.'

'Please?'

'No.'

'Pretty please?'

'No!'

'Pretty please with sugar on top?'

'NO!'

'Pretty please with sugar and a cherry on to-'

'NO, GOD DAMMIT, NO!!!'

'Awww, MAN.' Vash whined, sliding his back down the glass and sitting down in a sprawled and annoyed manner, lightening dancing around him unnoticed. The scientist glared at the equipment.

'Why aren't you dead?! No human can survive that much energy!' he said, switching his scowl to the sulking man in the plant-bulb. The power that was crackling through the glass seemed to be completely useless. A normal human would be in a coma by now. So why was that idiot just sitting their sulking, completely unphased by the energy?

Maybe... The small balding man thought, No, that's overkill... But it might just work... The plant would be useless afterwards... But, come on! $$60 000 000 000!!

Resolutely straightening his white lab coat, the scientist cracked his knuckles.

'Prepare to be creamed!' he shouted up to the man lounging around inside the bulb. Vash looked down.

'Creme?! What kind of creme?! You see some donuts are REALLY good with creme, but I've, personally, found that on a whole-'

To save himself the pain of another pointless bout of rambling, the scientist hurriedly changed the circuit breakers and transferred the power rate into the one bulb. Vash was in mid drool by the time the glass had filled with intense light, his image fading away in the glow that was slowly beginning to throb.

'AHAHAHAHAH!!!! THE SIXTY BILLION DOUBLE DOLLARS IS MIIIINE!!! AHAHAHAHAHAH!!!' shouted the scientist maniacally, doing nothing to sheild his eyes from the glare.

Then the entire plant exploded.

Death and Fate picked their way quietly through the smouldering remains of the plant. It was an absolute mess. Somehow the town would just have to survive without it. Death doubted that they could. Despite the noises of the dying plant and the constant crackle of unharnessed electrical voltage, the strange pair were having a conversation.

'I can see where you are coming from,' Death said critically, turning to his partner, 'but is meddling in these affairs really our business?' Fate turned her eyes on him.

'Oh, not your's.' she replied, 'No matter what happens, your job is always the same, right? But what of the rest of us?'

'You do realize that you are making my job 10 times more difficult with this. There will be a mountain of paperwork in which I am not too thrilled about filling out.' Death continued, leaning on his scythe.

'It's for a good cause.' Fate prompted, stopping as the pair reached a twitching form on the ground. Death regarded it stoically, nudging it with the end of his scythe.

'What happens with this one?' he asked, looking up at Fate. 'Do I take him?' She stared in mild amazement at him.

'I thought you knew everything?'

'I don't do life.' he replied in monotone. 'And if we are going to switch who dies and who does not, how am I supposed to know?!' She shrugged and stared into the distance.

'His fate...He will be picked up in a day by 3 people, at the ages of 29, 28 and 33. One of the men has a finger missing on his left hand. He will be taken to a mental institution where he will be nursed back to mental health over a 4 year and 3 month period by a nurse named Jenny, age 53. She has a husband who is working at an oil mine. He is 59. After that the man will journey to December where he will open a pizza store. The items on the menu are-'

'Alright, alright, alright.' snapped Death, waving his hands to silence the woman. 'You've made your point. This one lives.' She took the hint and shut up.

'Anyway, he's not the one.' she continued shortly, not wanting to push her current companion too far. They continued through the rubble until they came to another form, much less battered and sleeping peacefully, curled protectively into a ball. Death motioned to it.

'This has to be him.' he stated firmly.

'Yes, this is the one.' Fate replied, leaning down and brushing the blonde strands from the form's forehead. Death looked bemused.

'I can see why you were interested. The perfect quirk of circumstance.' he said, regarding the sleeping form with new found respect. He then turned to Fate. 'I am not sure if my scythe will work. He is not normal.'

'Oh, just try it. It can't hurt anybody. Except, of course, him, but that doesn't count.' she shrugged.

'This was not meant to happen to him.' he murmured in lamentation. 'I hate meddling...'

Death, however, swung his scythe.

Later that week, when what was left of the town tried to clean up the plant, some survivors pulled out a rambling man from the rubble. He was claiming that he had killed Vash the Stampede and he could buy all the scalpels in the world, due to the fact that he was now an billionaire. They put him away so as to not hurt himself.

Just in case, however, the citizens checked the the plant. Sixty billion double dollars was sixty billion double dollars, after all. But try as they might, they never found the body...

-----AUTHOR'S NOTES-----

Lynda: Short prologue, and a little whackier than I intended. O_o;

Kuroneko: Mya.

Lynda: Unlike my other stuff, I'll be posting this as I write it. Now, I am FULLY aware at how random and non-sensical this is. Don't fear. Read on. Things make sense.

Thanks for your patience! *^_^*

Kuroneko: Mya mya... =^T_T^=