Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Fallacious Façade ❯ The Pain Never Fades ( Chapter 1 )

Fallacious Façade

By Spawn of Hell

 

 

In such a short amount of time so many things happened to Fujimiya Ran and he took it pretty hard. His whole family was dead. He had long ceased to entertain childish illusions that his sister was one day going to wake up. His family had been cheated, disgraced, and then murdered by one man, Takatori Reiji. He had longed for so many things; he had longed for his family to be brought back to him, for his sister to wake up and still love him no matter what he had done, for the never-ending nightmares to end, for himself to attain peace… He had longed for the impossible. He realized that, only too late. His family was indeed still dead and here he was, here was Ran still alive and more alone than ever. No. Not Ran. Ran had barely survived his familial tragedy and died the moment his katana slashed open his first victim.

Ran had never wanted to kill, never wanted to become this aloof icy man. Which undoubtedly meant he no longer was Ran, ne? Then who was left? What was left? An angry bloodthirsty murderer who for the right amount of money gave up his soul and accomplished what no one had the right to do… A murderer… Aya…

But to say Aya was unfeeling would be a lie. He may not be a nice person but he still felt. Maybe too much. Maybe his attitude was in a way a manner of protecting himself from harm. Maybe not. But more than that maybe Aya was weary of this constant searing pain. He knew from experience that time doesn't heal anything. Each failure, each wound hurts deeper than the one before reminding him how much he had already bled and how much more still awaited him. The pain doesn't fade away into oblivion. It may be possible to be distracted from it for a blessed moment but it will always, always catch up never loosing in intensity. All the sufferance accumulates only giving more strength to new hurts. The pain doesn't fade.

How can you heal from having your family disgraced then killed? How can you forget the humiliation of living after seeing them die? How can you not think about how pathetically miserable and alone you were after that? And most of all how can you forget you murder people just because someone tells you to in exchange for a fat amount of money?

Aya had become the team's leader. It would forever be on his head if anything would happen to the members. He was responsible for their success, their lives, and their survival; he had to make it work. But how? It seems to be when you try your best that nothing seems to do it… You're failing again… You are a failure… Aya would've wanted to die on the battlefield with honour but on that particular battlefield there was none to have. He had to be tough. But it took so much strength already just to hold up the façade always; these walls were the only things keeping him from collapsing.

Aya wasn't strong. Aya was weak. That's why he knew that cutting his wrists was the perfect end for him. That's how he knew Weiss didn't need him to survive. They would go on. His death a mere glitch in the constant overpowering maelstrom of blood that had become their lives. Life is not meant to be tainted so. Life is sky blue or grass green. Life is sweet and warm. It's not crimson red; it's not bitter; and it's not cold.

And as Aya stared at the scarlet liquid pool around him he sighed. It was over. Even when Yohji found him and called the ambulance; even when his teammate pressed towels on his wounds desperate to stop the insistent bleeding; even then, he knew. He was going to be free. Release was only a few minutes away.

Somehow Yohji knew too. Maybe from having been so often in contact with dying people. Maybe because he saw it in the redhead's eyes. He knew but couldn't keep himself from chanting in a frantic whisper:

It can't be… no… no… This can't be happening… Oh my gawd… It is… But why? Why? No… He's not…I mean… you're not… you can't die… no… no… Oh please don't… don't…

But he did. Aya felt the pain dissolve into a feeling of contentment he had never thought possible. All Yohji could do was watch in fascination the wondrous smile etched on his friend's face, a sight he never got the chance to marvel at before this horrendous moment. Aya closed his eyes and let go of the existence he had always dreaded.

Holding the warm body of his friend close to him realization struck Yohji: Aya was finally happy.

 

 

 

Owari

 

 

Author's note: Thank you for reading this. I'll be most grateful if you take a few minutes of your time to review this story. More importantly I want to say this isn't a pro-suicide fiction. Suicide is not the answer and I believe life is worth living even if it sometimes sucks big time. Living's good.