Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ I didn’t need to do what I did last Halloween. ❯ Read me! ( One-Shot )

Sweet notes: Living in Australia, a very new, weird, odd- hell, I was stunned- thing happened to me. I found out that for us down under pagans, this year all hallows eve is on Beltane. So, for me, this is for both Samhain and Beltane. A pointless little fact I thought I should note. Now, the story! I'm not very well practiced at spoofs, but I hope you guys like this. *snuggles schu-schu* Gut merschweinchen!

Warning: Yaoi implications Brad/Schu. Spoof! R-rated. An author returning to a favourite fandom.

Disclaimer: Don't own em. Nope. Not at all. No, sorry, no ownership here. None. Nadda. Gomen. ^^

~

I didn't need to do what I did last Halloween.

2003 Sweetdeily's Beltane fanfiction.

~

Schuldich had 'the look.'

'The look' meant a number of things, depending on different circumstances, the time of year, the phase of the moons and how much pocky the telepath had consumed.

None of the things 'the look' was were good. All of them were very bad things. Very bad things.

It was Halloween. 'The look' could only mean two things tonight.

"No." Bradley said the moment 'the look' crossed Schuldich's face.

"But-"

"No."

You had to be firm with the German, he was a lot like a puppy dog, he'd try it, back off a little and then try again, and if he didn't get the message the second time you had to repeat it until it was very clear. Unfortunately, he didn't often get the message the second, eighth or 30th time.

Bradley was not going through the last Samhain trauma. Hell would freeze over before he *willingly* went through THAT again.

"But Bradley-"

"No. I said n-o, nein, Rei percento, nicht, nadda, nope, not happening, and never."

"Bradley-"

"My name is Crawford and no."

"You haven't even-"

"I don't want to."

"But it's-"

"No."

"What if-"

"No."

"I'll-"

"Not even for that."

"But-"

"N dot O. NO."

"I-"

"I said no."

"Okay, okay, I get the message."

Schuldich huffed, glaring at the American for a few moments and stomping his feet in annoyance before a look of savage determination crossed his face.

"Was-"

"Nein."

"Es-"

"Neeeeiinnnn."

"Bradley!"

"No."

"This isn't fair!"

"Of course not. It's not happening Schuldich. I don't care what it is. The moment that expression crossed your face it wasn't going to happen."

"Ano, Crawford-san?" Nagi interrupted. Crawford shifted his gaze to the kid and frowned, Nagi had his bishounen eyes ™ in place. He hated it when Schuldich dragged the kid into these spats.

"No, Nagi."

"Nani?"

"Iíe. Rei. No. Not Happening. Janaie."

"Demo-"

"Iíe."

"Ano-"

"Iíe."

"WHY AREN'T YOU LETTING ME ASK???" Nagi erupted, terrified. He was unused to Crawford's total refusal to hear him out.

"I saw Schuldich's face first. And I gave him the same answer. I realize you weren't there last time it happened, but I didn't need it to happen. Farefello didn't need it to happen. We don't want it to happen again. It's not happening. Goodnight." To emphasize his point he opened the newspaper on his mahogany desk and began to raise it.

Schuldich and Nagi exchanged looks.

"Fine." They both said. "Just perfect." The sullen tone and glare of 'this isn't over yet' gave Crawford a vision of himself sprawled on his bed somewhere past three and a glass of mostly empty water and a missing half-packet of aspirin on his drawer.

They turned on their heels and left Crawford's study.

There was thick silence for a minute or so.

THUMP!

SQUEAK!

THUMP!

SQUEAK!

THUMP!

SQUEAK!

THUMP!

SQUEAK!

THUMP!

SQUEAK!

Crawford rested his head on his heads. Pain stirring in his forehead.

"I SAID NO!"

THUMP!

SQUEAK!

"NO GODDAMNIT! NO!"

A scarred face popped into the doorway. "You know, I know, what day it is. Just tie the red head up for a few hours and save him. God will be happy if I kill him. And I'm going to make him happy soon if you don't tie him up."

Perfect logic. "You're not killing him before I kill him. He wants a repeat of last year."

Farefello paled fear sliding into his single eye. It took a lot to scare Farefello. Dancing purple dinosaurs was his threshold for panic.

"I'll be in my room, in the closet, with knives and straight jacket. If anyone asks, I went home to make amends for my sins. Call me some time in a day or two." With that the psycho fled.

THUMP!

SQUEAK!

THUMP!

SQUEAK!

"HITOMI OKORUSU!" The American screamed.

THUMP!

SQUEAK!

SQUEAKKK!

"H-honto?" A shaky voice called, the springs pausing for a moment.

"Yes. And no one will ever find the bodies. Except for you Schuldich, I'll shove you in a pink tutu, and give photos to the press of you floating upside down in the Nara Lake!"

"You're lying, Brad! You wouldn't really do that to me!"

Bradley stood and stalked out of the room dark oak wood door slamming in his wake, opening the lounge room and staring at the man and the boy who stood still on the couch Crawford settled the telepath with a dangerous look.

"You keep pushing it and we'll see if red pigtails really do go nice with pink, frills, bows, and ribbon shoes."

Schuldich adopted 'the look times 2'. 'The look times 2' was a powerful bargaining chip, rarely seen outside of strip poker games and used to make people squirm and promise anything.

Nagi adopted Puppy Bishounen Eyes ™ and Bradley felt his insides try to squirm out his throat.

"No! I said NO! Don't you understand? NO! I am not doing it! WE are not doing it! IT ISN'T HAPPENING! NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER AGAIN!" There was a wild, almost hysterical pitch to Crawford's voice as he tried to drive the point home. They'd tried to coax Farefello away from his room for several weeks; even the most expensive psychiatrists hadn't been able to help much.

"Please?"

"Kudesai?"

"No."

"Goddamnit Bradley!" the springs squeaked as Schuldich stamped his foot again, finally resorting to anger.

"Do you remember last year?" Crawford asked.

"Yeah…" Schuldich replied dreamily.

"So do I. It. Isn't. Going. To. Happen. Again. Understand?"

"But…"

"Kami-sama help you Schuldich because I won't! We are not watching Barney reruns until midnight and then invoking ancient Wicca gods and bringing that goddamned dinosaur back to life in the house! You remember the carpet stains after you feed it chili? And Farefello- Need I remind you what that monstrosity did to Farefello? I myself am still flinching whenever I see the toy department. DO YOU REMEMBER THE TOY DEPARTMENT?"

A twitching finger pointed to a brown stain on the red carpet that was about the size of a bench.

Nagi blinked. "I thought it was just drinking vodka and listening to some techno."

Bradley's face was a deep crimson colour, bordering on purple, with rage. "We aren't doing that either." He snapped.

"But this time I want to-"

"You want to what?" Bradley's left eye was twitching very violently and very quickly.

Schuldich blinked at being invited to finish his sentence instead of the usual reply. Bradley was like a cow, the more you ate of his ass, the less there was of the cattle prods rammed up there.

"Uhh…Make pumpkin head cookies."

"With what kind of ingredients?"

"The pre-made cookie dough in the fridge and the new pumpkin head cookie cutter…"

"What kind of procedure does the cooking involve?" there was a loophole somewhere, he knew it.

"Cutting the dough and putting it on the baking tray and then cooking it for 15 to 20 minutes…"

"How does Nagi fit in?"

"He heats the oven. And makes sure they don't burn."

Crawford covered his eye to stop the twitching. "WHY did you need to go to that trauma to tell me this?"

Schuldich smirked, his annoying, sexy little smirk. "I just thought it'd be interesting to see how you reacted."

WHOMP!

BANG!

THUD!

Nagi jumped off the couch just as the American tackled Schuldich. The couch went over backwards, and the two grown ups followed.

Sighing and shaking his head the Japanese boy drifted into the kitchen to start on the cookies. By the time Schuldich and Crawford were done, he and Farefello would have eaten all the cookies. He liked it when setting Bradley and Schuldich up worked out.

Farefello was already in the kitchen and pressing the dough flat with a spatula.

"They trying to kill each other yet?"

Nagi nodded. "Yeah. Halloween as usual. I estimate twenty seconds before they're humping like rabbits in heat."

"Yes. As usual... I give them a minute."

From the other room the sound of moans and groans began to drift out. Farefello sighed and gave the Japanese boy the usual amount of money.

~ Owari.

Sweet notes: mm, did I do okay? It's been a while since I wrote a WK ficcy… reviews?