Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Malarkeys and Mayhem ❯ Near Fatal Fun for Chibis ( Chapter 3 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

A/N If it’s written like this it means it’s telepathic communication.



Schu flung open his bedroom door, wielding one of those gigantic metal flashlights you can beat people with menacingly. He shined it around until he found the light switch on the wall (Herman, a hairy something-or-other that molded himself to flat surfaces, had been covering it). The room was lit.

Between a mound of laundry and a mound of general garbage and filth, the creatures had set up a large piece of plywood. Nagi was bound and gagged with duct tape and lying in the center of it. A large hairy something was sharpening the butcher knife Nagi had brought in with him. The lamp eyed creature was nearby, trying to light a match.

“Lampy, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Schu asked exasperatedly.

Holding a feast in your honor, oh great bringer of life. Now go away. The lamp eyed creature answered, glaring at Farf suspiciously.

“Can I kill them?” Farf asked.

“No. Listen Lampy, you can’t cook my roommate. I’ll get you a steak or something, just untie Nagi.”

Nagi began inching his way towards the side of the plywood, with his captors now distracted.

But a steak would never do for a sacrificial feast. We need to kill the meat ourselves. Lampy argued.

“Well…I’ll buy you something from the pet shop then. Rabbit? Dog? Cat?” Schu asked.

Lampy considered. I think a human sacrifice would work best.

“I don’t think you get this. You’re doing this sacrifice thing in my honor, right? And I’m here telling you I don’t want you to do it. Are you really all that eager to contradict and piss off your God? Because it would be a setback for me if Nagi were to die. We’d have to go out and find another telekinetic kid, and it might take awhile. Besides, Nagi’s all nice and trained up. It would be an unnecessary hassle.” Schu explained.

But he came in here to attack you! The hairy one put in.

“Yeah, we do that sometimes.” Schu said dismissively.

The creatures considered.

I think…that the bringer is not the only god, and they are vengeful warrior gods. Look at the knives the scarred one commands. Lampy theorized, pointing its antennae towards Farf.

A muffled scream and a thud were heard as Nagi toppled off of the plywood and onto the floor. Schu walked over and pulled off the duct tape covering Nagi’s mouth. Nagi tried to speak a few times, but nothing came out except inarticulate sounds of rage and fear. The hairy creature and the lamp eyed creature turned to face him, smiling at him with their jagged, uneven and bloodstained fangs. Nagi paled.

“We’ve decided to let you live as you must also be a God. Congratulations, we shall feast on this day for generations to come in honor of this discovery.” The hairy one explained, once again not in Japanese, and as its voice was very gruff and threatening sounding, Nagi got even more scared.

“Right. So I’ll get you guys some steak. C’mon.” Schu picked Nagi up, duct tape cocoon and all, and they exited his room.

Even after they cut him from the duct tape cocoon, Nagi still hadn’t spoken. He wasn’t moving much either.

“I think he’s gone catatonic.” Farfarello muttered, poking Nagi, who wasn’t blinking enough to be comfortable.

“Eh. Serves him right for going in my room without permission.” Schuldig said, taking position in Nagi’s desk chair at Nagi’s computer and playing Nagi’s computer game.

Farf left Nagi on the bed next to Crawford, who was still having fever induced hallucinations. He kept whimpering something about rainbows and souls.

ELSEWHERE

“You guys, Manx is here.” Omi called through the bedroom door.

“You already tried that one and it didn’t work.” Ken answered.

“Yeah. See, when I ‘tried that one’ she was actually here, and it’s been an hour and she’s still here and she’s getting pissed off.” Omi added. He waited a few minutes, but he got no reply. “Are you even listening to me anymore?!” He shrieked. He pressed his ear to the door.

“Feed Omietta, we’re being neglectful!”

“She won’t eat. That’s it, I’m taking the door out of the nursery.”

Omi had reached his breaking point. He was a pretty cheerful little guy, but he could only be pushed so far. Here they were ignoring the fact that they had a mission and calling Omi a liar, locked into the little bedroom staring in front of a laptop and fighting with each other. Drastic measures had to be taken.

But first he had to deal with Manx, who actually was sitting in the mission room and had been for an hour, and was getting pretty annoyed at being ignored.

LATER

“Is it just me or does Ken-Sim have an unhealthy interest in Omietta?” Yohji noted.

“They just hang out a lot. I mean, your two Sims are…closer, so our two Sims got closer.” Ken argued.

“No, he’s got a point. Look. Omietta’s at school and Ken-Sim is in her room touching all her things.” Aya pointed out.

“Oh Christ, he’s sleeping in her bed. Aya, send him to his own bedroom.” Yohji directed.

Then the screen suddenly went black.

“What just happened?” Yohji asked, while Aya growled, “What did you do?”

“You assume one of us did this?” Ken asked, as he uselessly flicked the power switch.

Of course, they were so absorbed in the computer game they didn’t happen to notice that the power had gone out in the rest of the house, nor did they hear the thuds on the ceiling.

Meanwhile, Omi was holding on to a loose shingle for dear life. He’d climbed onto the roof to cut the power lines to the house. The thunderstorm he’d noticed earlier had strengthened, and the winds were absolute murder.

He cursed as he noticed the other houses in the neighborhood grow dark, meaning that he’d climbed onto the roof and endangered his life for no real reason, the storm had finally managed to knock the power out.

The shingle he was holding onto came up and Omi tumbled across the roof. He fell over the edge and grabbed on to the gutter, clinging for dear life. He started pulling himself back up onto the roof, and had just managed when another particularly strong gust of wind sent him back over the edge again, and this time he caught the gutter with his foot.

He was now hanging in front of his bedroom window. He could see the others, all gathered around the blacked out computer screen. He began pounding on the window with his fist.

“GUYS!! HELP!! KEN!! YOHJI!!! AYA!!!”

And inside the three Bishi took no notice of Omi’s plight. They continued staring at the computer and playing with the power switch. Aya inspected the back to see if any wires had come loose.

“Hey wait, the light went out.” Yohji noted. “The power must have gone out.”

“That makes sense.” Aya said slowly. “Why would the power go out?” He looked to the window, intending to check the weather, when he finally noticed Omi dangling upside down in front of the window. His eyes widened and he dove towards the window.

“What’s going-holy shit!” Yohji followed Aya over as he too noticed Omi, and Ken finally followed suit.

“What do we do? If we open the window, we’d have to push out the screen, and he’d probably fall.” Aya assessed. He was met with silence. He turned to face his companions, an eyebrow raised.

“I was just thinking…it might be…a trick.” Ken said slowly, not looking Aya in the eye.

“A trick. You think Omi is dangling from the roof as a trick.” Aya said flatly. “Putting his life in danger.”

“Well…I mean why would he be out there anyway? I mean, he’s gonna get into the room now.” Yohji pointed out, backing Ken.

Omi got the gist of what was going on from outside, and he began beating against the window in a frenzy. “Lemme in! I don’t wanna die!”

Aya fixed one of his more leveling glares on Ken and Yohji. “You’re both dumb.” He then reached for the window, and Ken and Yohji grabbed his arms and pulled him away.

While the battle to open the window raged inside, Omi heard a very, very unfortunate sound. The sound of a gutter creaking as it prepared to detach itself from the rest of the house, for gutters are not made to support the weight of teenage boys, even if they are rather short and skinny.

Omi began waving his arms frantically trying to get their attention, but to no avail. The gutter groaned again, and after a dramatic pause, snapped free of the house, sending Omi flying into the next door neighbor’s rose bushes.

Aya freed himself from Ken and Yohji just in time to watch Omi drop into the next yard. The three bolted from the room, down the stairs, out the door, leaped the fence and found Omi twitching and thorn covered in a pile of roses.

“I’m guessing it wasn’t an evil plan-” Yohji started.

“It was not an evil plan.” Aya all but growled.

“But it could’ve like…just gone wrong.” Ken said meekly. Aya let out a very low growl, and Ken and Yohji quickly and carefully carried Omi out of the rose bushes and into the house.

LATER

“So Manx really was here?” Ken asked guiltily, dabbing at one of Omi’s many scratches with a hydrogen peroxide soaked cloth.

Omi had stopped talking to Ken and Yohji after the incident, so he turned his gaze to Aya, who was peeling band-aids out of their wrappers for him.

“Aya, Manx was here while you were all ignoring me, or rather, convincing yourselves I was plotting against you. She had a mission for us, but since none of you came down, she just left all of the information with me. She wasn’t very happy about it either.” Omi explained coolly.

Yohji came in from the kitchen with a cool drink for Omi. Ken and Yohji were doing their best to make him comfortable, both out of guilt for almost killing him, and because Aya was sending them the most horrible glares and really, focusing on Omi kept them from having to look at that. Even while trying to be mean to them, Omi still came off as cute. He even said thank you to Yohji when he handed him the drink, then remembered he was mad and tried to glare again (it was a pout).

“What was the mission?” Aya asked.

“Kritiker found out where Schwarz is.” Omi explained. The other Weiss all gaped at him. “Apparently they’ve been sloppy or let their guard down or something. We suspect that they’re recovering from some type of near fatal injury since they haven’t been up to much lately, and we’ve actually figured out where they’re operating from. So they want us to break in and kill them while they’re still recovering from their injuries.”

“All right…so we’ll go on a mission…but we can still play Sims when we get back, right?” Ken asked.

Omi opened his mouth to protest, but Aya beat him to it. “Of course we’re playing Sims when we get back.”

“We should leave now then. I’m already going into Sims withdrawl and this Schwarz thing might take awhile. How far away are they?” Yohji asked Omi.

“Wait, we have to research this first!” Omi yelled.

“Oh, is that really necessary. They’re injured, they’ll be easy to kill.” Ken said dismissively.

“But that was just a theory! They could be waiting for us! They could have planned this! They’re dangerous!” Omi pleaded.

MEANWHILE

The very dangerous members of Schwarz were once again gathered around the computer monitor, excepting the littlest, who was once again sitting outside his bedroom door.

At the first signs of recovery from his catatonic state, Schuldig and Farfarello had tossed (literally) Nagi from the room, in a very cheerful manner all things considered.

Crawford had slowly recovered from the lamb, and to Farf’s disappointment, had done nothing retaliatory to Schu as of yet. He was going to wait until he was at his full strength. The retaliation would be cruel, and without mercy. In the meantime, he consoled himself by torturing the Schu-Sim, as he was now seated at the power chair. He sent the Schu-Sim to touch the bug-zapper repeatedly.

“Let me in…” Nagi said weakly, dragging his finger nails against the door. By his count it had now been four days. Four days of continuous Sims-playing. He could have been off a couple hours, considering he’d gone catatonic for a bit, but still. It was far too long to sit at a computer screen without food or sleep. Granted, in a sense Crawford had eaten and slept, but it hadn’t done him any good (all the lamb had come back out anyway).

Nagi was now feeling very sleepy. Knowing that sitting by the door would do him no good anyway, he dragged himself into the living room where he’d set up a sleeping bag on the couch. He sent a final livid glare at his bedroom door, and then curled up on the couch.

He was just starting to drift off when the sound of breaking glass and the door being ripped off its hinges awakened him. He looked up and saw four scary-looking assassins break into the living room. Realizing he was once again without the use of his powers, he curled up in a little ball and held the covers over his head.

Weiss didn’t notice him immediately, and during this time he realized that help was very nearby. He sprinted off the couch, and before anyone could stop him, began pounding on his bedroom door.

“Weiss is here! Weiss is here! Help! They’re here to kill us!” Nagi screamed.

“Yeah right! You could at least come up with a better story!” Schu yelled back at him. “They’ll never figure out where we are!”

“They’re here you fucker! They’re going to kill me! Give me my powers back!”

“So you can break in the door and take the computer back? I think not! I foresaw nothing!” Crawford yelled irritably. “Now shut up, you’re giving me a migraine.”

“He doesn’t have his powers…” Yohji’s voice trailed off. “This is going to be easy.”

Nagi whimpered, and slid down the door into a little ball. The four Weiss advanced on him. Omi raised his darts, ready to throw them, when he heard three thuds behind him.

He turned around and let out a string of very un-Omi like swears as he saw his team passed out on the floor.

Nagi raised his head, aware that he most likely was not going to die.

“Who the hell was that?” Schu asked, referring to Omi’s very loud swearing. He got up from the computer (it wasn’t very much fun watching one’s simulated self being electrocuted anyway) and opened the door a crack. “Hey guys, he wasn’t lying.”

He opened the door wider, and the three stepped out of the room.

Nagi rose to his feet, very much aware that the tables had turned. Omi grasped this too, as he began to tremble.

Omi backed away a few paces, eyes wide with terror, when he noticed how very bloodshot the eyes of his opponents were, and how little they were moving. He very meekly reached out a hand and nudged the Schwarz nearest him (Farfarello) and watched in amazement as Farf toppled to the side, into Schuldig, who fell into Crawford. The three fell to the ground in a heap, just as unconscious as the other members of Weiss.

It was Nagi’s turn to let out a string of curses, though these suited him more than they had suited Omi.

“God damn those mother-fucking fuckers, fuck-fuckity, fuck-fuck, Barbara Streisand-tampon Popsicle, shit eating-WAIT!!!” It then occurred to Nagi that his bedroom door was open, and Crawford, Schuldig and Farfarello were unconscious on the living room floor. He leaped over their bodies, dove for his desk and promptly ejected the Sims from the computer. He then broke it in half and tossed it out the open window.

It occurred to Nagi then that he had left his teammates unprotected with one fully conscious assassin, who was clutching a handful of poisoned darts no less. He would be sure not to mention that to any of them if Omi hadn’t snuffed them.

As Omi hadn’t, and had instead followed Nagi into the bedroom to see what he was doing and saw him chuck the Sims out the window, Nagi made sure to shield the thought lest Schu stumble upon it later and alert the others as to his complete disregard for their lives.

“The Sims?” Omi asked sympathetically.

“They threw me out of my room. They stole my computer. My life was endangered twice while they were playing this moronic game and they wouldn’t believe me both times!” Nagi yelled.

“Me too!” Omi exclaimed. “Well, I mean only once on the life thing. See all these scratches? I fell off the roof into rose bushes!”

“Ouch. I was almost ritualistically slaughtered by the monsters Schu’s been growing in his bedroom.”

“You win.” Omi ceded.

The two stood in an awkward silence for a few minutes.

“What do we do now?” Nagi asked.

“I think the idea is we have an epic battle to decide the fates of our assassin teams.”

“Yeah…”

“But…”

“Do you really want to?” They both asked at the same time.

“No fucking way! I want to go get my room back while they’re still passed out!” Omi said eagerly.

“Me too!” Nagi put in. “Let’s call a ceasefire. We say it was a draw when they wake up. You leave peacefully. Deal?”

“Deal!” Omi chirped. They shook on it. The two then raced into the hallway.

Nagi started dragging the trash bags containing his personal possessions back into his room. Omi picked up Ken’s legs and started dragging him towards the door.

“Wait a minute. I’m gonna have to make multiple trips to get them all back to our place. I can’t fit more than one of them on my bike at once.” Omi pointed out.

“I promise not to kill anyone then.” Nagi said. “Wait a minute!” Nagi ran into the bathroom and grabbed a bottle of sleeping pills from the medicine cabinet. He ran over to Schu and stuffed a handful into his mouth.

“You’ll overdose him if you do that!” Omi objected.

“He can handle it. I’ve seen him eat Tylenol like M&Ms after he’s been clubbing.” Nagi said dismissively. “Last thing I need is him waking up while I’m halfway through reclaiming my room. Come to think of it…” He drugged Farf and Crawford too.

Omi was now lingering by the door. “Can I have some of those too?”

“Sure.” Nagi tossed him the bottle and Omi drugged his teammates before leaving.

LATER

“What happened?” Ken asked groggily, waking up on the living room floor back at the Koneko.

Aya and Yohji were coming to next to him. Omi was seated on the couch, loading files back onto his laptop. He watched the groggy assassins rub the bruises on their skulls (he’d been a little less than gentle as he’d dragged them down the five flights of stairs in the apartment building Schwarz lived in).

“You all passed out. Left me alone to deal with all four members of Schwarz. Who were not injured.” Omi stated cheerfully.

Ken, Yohji and Aya all looked horrified.

“How are we still alive?” Yohji asked.

“I took care of it.” Omi said dismissively, turning back to his computer.

“You…you took care of it? By yourself?” Ken asked in amazement.

“Are you implying something?” Omi snapped.

“No. I mean, I couldn’t take all four of them.” Ken said quickly.

“Well I didn’t exactly take them. They’re still alive. But I got us out of there. No thanks to any of you.” Omi watched them over the top of the computer screen. They all looked very, very uncomfortable. He cleared his throat loudly. None of them said anything. “An apology…?”

“We’re sorry.” Ken said lamely.

“Sorry.” Yohji muttered. Aya nodded his head at Omi.

“Accepted!” Omi said brightly. “But if you ever go near my computer again, you’ll all be pumped so full of poison darts you’ll look like pincushions.”

ELSEWHERE

“What happened?” Crawford asked dazedly as he came to on the living room floor. Farfarello woke up next to him.

They looked around and saw Nagi sitting on the couch, watching them with interest. He looked particularly evil, with a very disturbing smile on his face.

“Nagi? What happened? Weiss was here…”

“Yes they were Crawford. And you all left me alone with them.” Nagi said dangerously.

“Three of them were passed out.” Farfarello pointed out.

“Not at first.” Nagi growled.

“Where’s Schuldig?” Crawford asked uncomfortably.

“I tossed him into his room. I think I might have overdone the sleeping pills this time. Either way he won’t wake up any time soon to clamp down on my powers.” The look on Nagi’s face was pure, sadistic evil. He let out an evil laugh.

Crawford and Farf inched towards the doorway, very much uncomfortable with the situation.

That was when the butcher knives flew out of the kitchen and pinned them to the walls.

Nagi paced back and forth in front of them.

“If you ever have the urge to take over my bedroom and steal my computer again, I want you to remember this night.” Nagi began slowly.

THE END…of chapter three

There’s more Malarkeys and Mayhem to come! Unfortunately with the end of chapter three comes the end of Weiss being anything close to main characters. I just have an easier time writing with Schwartz. Aya and Ken go away almost entirely because I have such a hard time writing with them. Yohji and Omi pop in though. I dunno…from here on in the fic mostly stars Schuldig and Nagi. So, have fun and please review! It doesn’t take very long and it makes me so very happy…