Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Oh, Deer! ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

 

“Mind telling me why we are in the middle of the American wilderness, aka back of beyond? Not to mention wearing vests that match your hair. Freezing our arses off,” Farfarello complained as he tromped through the snow on Schuldig's heels.

 

“Patience, my friend. It will be worth it in the end,” Schuldig assured him.

 

“Depends on if I get to kill you at the end,” Farf mumbled under his breath.

 

Schu smirked at him over his shoulder. “I heard that.”

 

“So. You never answered my question.”

 

“What question was that?”

 

“Why the bloody friggin' hell are we here?”

 

“Let's just say I feel the need to punish stupidity.”

 

Farfarello shrugged and followed for another five minutes. They came to the edge of the forest where a clearing was in view and stopped for a moment. Farf blinked and shook his head, not certain of what he was seeing.

 

“Schuldig?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Why is there COW painted in huge orange letters on both sides of a creature that is obviously a bull?”

 

“Phoenix said they tried BULL last year but it didn't work. She said evidently they were confused about what a bull was so COW was decided to be a bit simpler.”

 

“What the hell are you talking about?”

 

Schuldig sighed. “Evidently, those wonderful and oh so brilliant people from the city, feeling the need to shoot at something other than one another, come down every year to go deer hunting. The main problem is that they will shoot at anything, including and especially each other and the vast majority of them have never seen a deer in their life.”

 

“Hence the painting of COW on the livestock,” Farfarello said smirking.

 

“Exactly!”

 

“Idiots.”

 

“Right again.”

 

“That still doesn't explain why we're here.”

 

“We are hunting the hunters.”

 

“Now I'm mildly afraid to ask.”

 

“Since when are you afraid of anything?”

 

“Never. Carry on, oh clueless leader.”

 

Schuldig smirked over his shoulder and continued on through the woods. He paused a few minutes later and checked his gun to make sure it was loaded properly before literally bouncing into the nearest tree. Farf shrugged and followed him up, tracing Schuldig's line of vision he saw the tree stands and the hunters in them. Three out of the five were already well on their way to being drunk at six a.m.

 

Okay, this has to be done right the first time because we won't get another chance at it.

 

I know, I know. Farf said, checking his own weapon to make sure it was working.

 

Ready? Go!

 

They both fired off several shots at the group. Catching three in the back, head and behind and the other two in the sides. They dropped out of the tree and were sprinting toward the Jeep before the great hunters could do more than blink.

 

In the vehicle they both paused to regain breath from both running and laughing.

 

“Oh, damn, that was fun.”

 

“Wish I could see `em when they find the deer.”

 

“Huh?”

 

 

Somewhere in the woods five very confused hunters splattered with paint stood staring at a full deer carcass. The deer had a paintball gun superglued to it's hooves and a sign around it's neck that read: Revenge Is Sweet.

 

 

*******************************Author's Notes*************************************

 

I started writing this just before hunting season, drawing on my experience helping my sister paint the livestock for the occasion and my idiot friends who really DID go out hunting the hunters with paintball guns. I'm frankly stunned that none of them ended up shot.