X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Courtyard Observations ❯ Courtyard Observations ( One-Shot )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Droplets of freezing snow flutter past my face as I watch them move across the courtyard towards the large, double doors leading into the school that I'm well aware of by now. Friendly faces slide into my range of sight as they glide back and forth, their laughter drifting to my hiding place, their fake smiles being exchanged like a disease.

I can't remember a day when I used to smile like these people are doing so effortlessly. Their eyes lighting up as they see a familiar face. The two of them are walking close together; her stumbling in the thick snow, he with a gentle hand resting on her upper arm to prevent her sure descent towards the ground.

Snow catches in her wavy hair, caressing her eyelashes. Slipping down cheeks that still hold a decent amount of childish remains. Her eyes curve into delicate slits while peals of soft laughter dance across the courtyard as she slips and his arms catch her. To see such friendship between them touches the place where my heart used to be. For a brief moment, my dark life is lifted into a beautiful paradise of light and love.

A place I haven't seen since I was a child and I had them to turn to.

I wish I could turn back the clocks of life so we were children again, running around their front yard, playing games only kids can truly appreciate. She would always meet up with me, grabbing my hand and tugging me away where we would crouch behind a tree like I'm doing right now and wait until he accidentally steps on a twig to announce his presence.

I would tug her along as we broke into a run, him chasing us: best friend and sister.

Somehow, we would always end up at the end of the yard, hitting the ground and rolling down the small hill leading to the driveway. We would laugh at the rough transition between grass and concrete, and the front door would slide open.

"You'll ruin your clothes!"

And we always did. The concrete would tear through our small barriers, and rub against our skin so we'd have to go inside and get band-aids for our fresh "battle wounds". Their mother would laugh as she scolded us, telling us that she can't wait for us to grow out of the playing stage of life so she could stop treating our cuts and bruises.

And now that we're grown, I doubt that this is the situation she would have expected out of her children and their shy, best friend. I don't think she would have dared dream about the obstacles that are now in our lives. Of the pain I would bring if I ever were to show up again.

So, I stay in the shadows.

Backstage.

Never able to see or communicate with them like I used to. Never able to hug them on birthdays now spent alone. Never able to run to them just to see their eyes light up and their faces transform with a huge smile directed at me.

Life has changed, and so have I.

I've changed, and my childhood friends have, too.

The only difference is that they managed to keep their strong bind, but I was the one broken off of the system. I was the loose tie to our brutal equation, and now there's no way I could possibly save the fractured end. I can't just pack up and push myself back into their normal world.

I couldn't live if I allowed my complex world to mesh with theirs.

I know that if I showed up, they would want to help me... try to save me...

... but I don't even think they can save me from myself.