Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ A Yami no Matsuei Fairy Tale ❯ One-Shot

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Okay. For once in my life I have a plot. *gasp* I don't own any of these characters, although if I did they'd be naked and tied up in my bedroom.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named Watari. One day the princess was walking among the sakura trees, when a bright light enveloped her, and she disappeared. Naturally people in the kingdom were concerned. After all it's not every day that a beautiful princess disappears. So the people of the kingdom chose their most popular knight to go rescue her, with the condition that he could marry her if he found her.

Sir Tsuzuki searched the area that the princess had last been seen in. There was nothing to show that anything had happened. He looked around, and everything seemed in place..... Flowering sakura trees; check. Secluded dirt path; check. Trap door off to the side; che- wait... Trap door? Sir Tsuzuki took a closer look. He was sure this trap door hadn't been there the last time he had come through. He opened the door only to reveal a bright light.

It didn't seem safe to just go through random doors without knowing what's on the other side. So naturally he called his page boy over to go first.

"Boy, come here."

"MY NAME IS HISOKA, YOU ASS! STOP CALLING ME BOY!"

Sir Tsuzuki, the bravest and most powerful knight the kingdom had ever had, reacted accordingly. He started crying. His oldest and dearest friend, who had been looking for clues further up the path, cam running over to comfort him.

"What did you do to him? Why is he crying?" he shouted.

"Sir Tatsumi, I'm sorry, but he can NEVER remember my name, and I'm getting a little sick of it."

"Eh... I understand. He called me 'Tattoo me' until we were 10. Now there, there Tsuzuki. Cheer up...."

*sniffle* "But I can't! He's so mean to me...."

So Sir Tatsumi took Sir Tsuzuki back to his apartment to 'cheer him up.' Two hours later.... "OKAY! Now, back at it. 'Hisoka,' go through the trap door."

Hisoka, ever the obedient one, did what he was told. Climbing through, he couldn't see a thing, but when he got to the other side, he saw that his surroundings were very different from where he had been. There were mountains all around, and in front of him was a giant palace.

"It's okay Sir Tsuzuki! You can come through now!"

Sir Tsuzuki, being the mature adult that he was, jumped through and landed right on top of Hisoka. "GET OFF OF ME YOU STUPID IDIOT!" was the natural reaction.

Sir Tsuzuki started crying again. "Oh for crying out loud. Why are you such a baby?"

Which made Sir Tsuzuki cry even harder. "Eeeh.....jeez....don't tell me *I'm* going to have to cheer you up this time...."

Sir Tsuzuki looked up at Hisoka with a serious face. "Would you?"

An hour later, the boys were ready to search for the princess. Sir Tsuzuki was thinking up a plan. "Well......... How about we.......attack that huge building!!!!"

"Er.... Why don't you let me plan this? I think we ought to just go and ask them if they've seen Princess Watari. If they haven't.....*then* we'll attack them."

"Okie dokie!" Sir Tsuzuki ran up to the palace gates and opened them. "HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!"

It seemed no one was home, but suddenly out of nowhere, a hand gripped Sir Tsuzuki's shoulder. "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed brave Sir Tsuzuki.

He turned around slowly, clearly terrified that he'd see some terrible beast behind him. Instead he found a lovely man with long, beautiful, blue hair, wearing old fashioned Chinese clothes. "What are you doing in my home, young man?" asked the man.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know it was your home. I'm Sir Tsuzuki, and this is my uke...err, page boy, Hisoka. And we desperately, desperately need your help! You see, the beautiful princess from our kingdom disappeared, and it's up to me to find her!"

"Well I haven't seen her, but I can make a pretty good guess as to what happened to her! I bet she was kidnapped by that dirty lecher, Hakushaku-sama! I hate that man so much that I'll do anything to help you."

(Eh... Soh Ryu probably doesn't even know who Hakushaku-sama is, but .....for the sake of plot development...)

So SohRyu called out his best guide to take the brave knight and his little cohort to Hakushaku-sama's palace.

"Oh guiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide!" called SohRyu in his lovely voice. "Could you please come heeeeeeeeere?!"

Sir Tsuzuki and Hisoka looked anxiously around for this wonderful guide, only to be glomped by a small cactus in a cowboy hat.

"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! AMIGOOOOOOOO!" he shrieked.

Sir Tsuzuki only stared, but Hisoka made a dash to hide behind SohRyu, only to bump into a cute little girl who was already hiding back there. Backing up and apologizing, he regained his composure, only to bump into the cactus, getting needles stuck in his legs. Naturally he then cursed up a storm until he noticed everyone staring.

SohRyu cleared his throat. "Sir Tsuzuki, Hisoka.....this is my best guide, Rico. He'll get you safely to where your princess must be."

Hisoka stared at him, not believing that a silly looking little cactus could really be such a great guide, but Sir Tsuzuki seemed to be ok with the idea, so he supposed he would probably make it out alive. Probably.....

***

The group slowly made it's way through a dark forest, with Rico cheerfully chattering on. Neither Sir Tsuzuki, nor Hisoka paid much attention to him until he said, "The bridge up ahead has a troll under it, so we must be careful."

They proceed with caution, and when they finally got to the bridge, a small boy with spiky black hair and adorable pointy ears popped out. "OH NO!" yelled Rico, "It's the horrible Kurikara!!!!"

"Why the hell do I have to be the troll?!"

Suddenly out of nowhere popped a little fairy with glasses and long brown hair. In a lovely, charming voice she said, "Kuri-chan-"

"Don't call me that."

*ahem* "Kuri-chan, you're the troll because you're short, and moody, and the scar makes you look almost badass-ish. And because I said so. And if you don't cooperate I'll put you in a tutu." and with that she disappeared.

"Eeh.... RAAAR! I'M A TROLL!"

Sir Tsuzuki knew this was his cue to be brave and all that crap. "WHERE IS PRINCESS WATARI?!!!!!!!!"

"Uh... Amigo... This isn't Hakushaku-sama. This is just a troll."

"JUST A TROLL!!!! I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Hey hey, calm down." said Hisoka. He knew if their guide got killed they'd never make it to the princess and he'd be stuck being Sir Tsuzuki's "page boy" for the rest of his life. It was up to him to get them through this situation.

"Kurikara..... I understand you. You're not just some stupid child. And that whole thing with you and SohRyu was just a misunderstanding. It wasn't fair that he jabbed your eye out. And it wasn't fair that he locked you away in the desert for god knows how long. Anyone would have done what you did in those circumstances. I take your side, because I know exactly how you feel." *dramatic pose*

Kurikara was stunned.... How could this miserable little page boy know so much? And... It was true. He *did* understand. No one had ever understood him. In fact... It was enough to make him cry.

"Sir Tsuzuki! NOW!"

Sir Tsuzuki bopped Kurikara on his head, knocking him out. Then they all crossed the bridge and continued on their way.

After a while, they came to a door. "Okay amigos, we go through the door. I'll be right behind you."

"Are you scared Hisoka?"

"No."

"Don't be scared........ Hold my hand. I'll protect you."

"I'm not scared."

Sir Tsuzuki gripped his hand anyway, and they made their way through the door together. They were momentarily blinded by bright light. When their eyes adjusted, they were shocked at what they saw.

"WHAT IS THIS? WE'RE RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED!" shouted Hisoka.

Indeed, they had somehow come out of the same door on the sakura- lined path at which they had started..

"Oh.... Well Hakushaku-sama's palace is right behind you."

Sure enough they turned around to see a huge palace and Princess Watari peering out a window.

"Now how the hell did we miss that?" Sir Tsuzuki said, scratching his head.

Upon arrival at the palace, they knocked on the door, which was answered by a creepy looking little guy.

"Uh....umm," stammered Sir Tsuzuki, "we're uh..here to rescue Princess Watari."

"Who?"

"The....uh... Princess?"

"Is there a problem here?" asked... well... Empty air with a mask floating in it.

Rico jumped up in the air. "That's Hakushaku-sama!"

"Oh, how lovely. It seems Brave Sir Tsuzuki has come to visit me. Won't you come in?"

Sir Tsuzuki, Rico, and Hisoka all followed him through the doors and into a huge hallway. As soon as the door shut behind them the little creepy guy locked it, and Hakushaku-sama pounced on Sir Tsuzuki. "WAAAAAAH! GET IT OFF!" he screamed.

It was rather creepy to be felt up by a person he couldn't see. "Thank you for fulfilling your part of the bargain Rico. Now you may take the princess back to the castle and marry her!"

"WAI!!!! Riko Riko Riko Riko!" he exclaimed, bouncing around the hallway.

Hisoka just stood there, stunned. Sir Tsuzuki was having his clothes ripped off by an invisible assailant, and the cactus was going to go marry the princess? Didn't anyone want to rape him anymore? He was ten times a better uke than Sir Tsuzuki. This whole situation was just wrong. "THIS ISN'T RIGHT!!!!!" he screamed.

Suddenly their surroundings disappeared, and all that was left was Sir Tsuzuki, lying on the floor half naked, Hisoka, and a weird looking fellow dressed in white, with glasses and strange silver hair.

"MURAKI!" Hisoka yelled, in the way that only Hisoka can say it. He looked around him. "It was all an illusion?"

"Ooh the boy is so smart," said Muraki in his sexy sexy voice. "You may leave now, boy. All I really wanted here was Tsuzuki. It's a shame I had to kidnap a princess and go through all that just to get him, but I think it's worth it."

"So you really captured the princess?"

Muraki smiled and nodded at him. He knew he had to think of a plan. Sir Tsuzuki *had* to marry the princess. He was the main character after all. He knew what he had to do. He ripped off his shirt.

"Look Muraki! See my thin waist? See my small ass? See my pert little nipples? Take me instead! I'm a WAY better uke! And I scream like a girl!"

Muraki seemed to consider it.

"Now Sir Tsuzuki! Go rescue the princess!"

Which he then did. Not amused that Hisoka had distracted him enough to let Tsuzuki get away, Muraki decided he had to take it out on the boy's ass. And Hisoka was pleased, because he had regained his position as top uke.....or... Something.

When Sir Tsuzuki finally got to the room where the princess was being kept, he threw open the door. There she was. The most beautiful princess he had ever seen. Well she was the only princess he had ever seen, but that wasn't the point.

"I, Sir Tsuzuki, have come to rescue you, and make you my bride."

"Oh that's great...except one thing."

The princess lifted up her skirt.

"Oh.... Even better!!!!!" Sir Tsuzuki exclaimed.

He lifted the princess off the floor and carried her all the way back to the castle, where they were promptly married and lived happily ever after and had lots of gay sex.