Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ Gomen Nasai ❯ Please Forgive Me ( Chapter 1 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Saphira112 
~What I thought wasn't mine
In the light
Was a one of a kind,
A precious pearl~
Hisoka laid back on his bed, letting out a small sigh as tears flowed down his cheeks, allowing his thoughts to wander. It had been two years since he left… two years he had been away from Meifu. Choking back a sob, Hisoka looked out his bedroom window at the world of night, the soft breeze caressing his face. ‘It’s been two years… he’ probably forgotten all about me…’
---
Tsuzuki was staying at a hotel just outside of Nagasaki. He remembered the day Hisoka left. He had woken up one morning and found a note. It had simply said: ‘Tsuzuki, I couldn’t bar the guilt for making you stay here any longer, so I left. Please be happy for me. -Hisoka’. it had been two years. Tsuzuki had searched every day for his partner, never giving up. He had a few leads here and there, but wasn’t able to locate him as of yet. In his sleep at present, tears flowed down his face.
~When I wanted to cry
I couldn't cause I
Wasn't allowed~
As morning approached, Hisoka rolled onto his side, waking up slightly to the morning sun’s earthly golden rays. He couldn’t help but stifle a sob as he remembered the day he left, leaving but a note. He bit his lip and tried his hardest not to cry, but the guilt washed over him and he buried his face in his pillow, gripping it tightly, know that he hurt because of his selfish decision in Kyoto. It was best that he left.
---
Tsuzuki woke up, feeling the wet tears on his face, as he did so many times before within the last years. He missed Hisoka so much, and although his hope of finding him thinned, he was determined to find the boy and bring him back.
~Gomen nasai for everything~
After wiping his tears, Tsuzuki finally got control of himself and checked out of the hotel, heading back out on the streets to continue his search. He didn’t know where to start though.
---
Hisoka kept his face buried in his pillow, shoulders raked with sobs as his body shook slightly. ‘He’s probably already moved on. He wouldn’t be around after I left…’
~Gomen nasai, I know I let you down
Gomen nasai till the end
I never needed a friend~
Tsuzuki continued to walk the streets. ‘Hisoka… Why is it that you left? I know how you were feeling, but… leaving like that? Did you think it was for the best? What was going through your head to think that leaving me behind, all alone would be anything… but the worst thing to do? Why did you leave me…? Why?’
---
Hisoka hugged his pillow tightly, thinking of Tsuzuki and how he must be feeling. Sadness clenched his heart as he thought what the older shinigami must be feeling. ‘He probably hates me now… but… I knew I had to leave… It was for the best… it was wrong of me to make him stay when he didn’t want to…’
~Like I do now~
Tsuzuki walked down another street, asking a few people if they had seen them, but no one had. He got no information. He felt so helpless right now. ‘Hisoka, you made me stay for you, but then… you just left…’ Tsuzuki sighed heavily, feeling tears prick at his eyes again.
---
Hisoka felt empty on the inside, a familiar feeling, knowing that he was selfish. He didn’t think he deserved anyone. Not a friend, certainly not Tsuzuki…
~What I thought wasn't all
So innocent
Was a delicate doll
Of porcelain~
Hisoka remembered when Muraki cursed him that night, when he was thirteen, and felt more tears blur his vision. ‘Why? Why did that have to happen? No one helped me…No one would ever be with me… I’m not good enough for anyone. No one…’
---
Tsuzuki looked up at the sky as the sun filtered its rays no earth. ‘Hisoka… I will find you…’
~When I wanted to call you
And ask you for help~
Hisoka looked up from his pillow and stared at his cell phone. ‘Should I call him and apologize? No, he…’ He reached over and picked up his phone, beginning to dial a number, then stops. ‘No, he’s forgotten me… I just know it…’ He put the phone back down, turning it off.
~I stopped myself~
Tsuzuki wasn’t paying any attention and he accidentally bumped into someone. “Oh, sorry!” he exclaimed, pulling a fake smile and rubbed the back of his head while the man said it was all right and walked off. Tsuzuki looked up at the sky before walking again, downhill. ‘I’m always so clumsy… and hopeless, he used to say…’ A small smile spread on his face from the memory.
~Gomen nasai for everything
Gomen nasai, I know I let you down~
Hisoka laid spread eagled on his back, staring up at the ceiling with tears at the corner of his eyes, knowing that he may have hurt Tsuzuki some when he left, but knew it was probably right that he did. He didn’t deserve anybody or anything, knowing that Tsuzuki would never forgive him and hates him now. He probably doesn’t remember the first time they had met…
---
Tsuzuki glanced around at shops as he walked past them. Each thing, no matter how small or big it was, it seemed to relate to all the memories Tsuzuki had of Hisoka, from the time they met and all the times they were together.
~Gomen nasai till the end
I never needed a friend
Like I do now~
Hisoka couldn’t remember when he last talked with Tsuzuki or what it had been about. He didn’t recall anything but his selfish outburst in Kyoto. He bit his lip again and sighed, allowing another tear to roll down his cheek. ‘Every day, I cry for him, even though he doesn’t know it… I’m weak. I shouldn’t have made him stay… He didn’t want to anyway…’
---
Tsuzuki stopped and looked up at the sun, which was now behind cloud. He glanced over to the park and saw a Sakura tree and slowly walked over to it.
~What I thought was a dream
A mirage
Was as real as it seemed
A privilege~
Tsuzuki made his way over to the tree and stood with it in front of him. A sigh and then a smile came form him as he stepped closer to I and gently put his had on its trunk as he stared at it for a moment, then looked up from its base to the many blossoms on the limbs as they reached up towards the sky.
~When I wanted to tell you
I made a mistake~
Hisoka began to recall one memory when they had just started being partners and he didn’t tell Tsuzuki anything but his name and age and tried to distance himself from the older shinigami, so he wouldn’t make any close ties. His heart began to ache.
---
A deep pain filled Tsuzuki as few tears fell from his eyes and he continued to stare up at the many blossoms growing on the tree. The rays of he sun shone down through the branches of the tree and met the grass in scattered spots and various places. ‘I wish you could see this, Hisoka.’
~I walked away~
Hisoka remembered when he was saved by Tsuzuki the first time they were up against Muraki and even then, he had tried to distance himself after that.
~Gomen nasai, for everything
Gomen nasai, Gomen nasai, Gomen nasai~
Tsuzuki, not being able to stand he memories flooding through him continued, looking at a row of apartment buildings that were across the street from the park, stops at one that seemed to have the most windows looking out to the tree in the middle of the park. For some reason, he felt he needed to go inside. He gently pushed open the door and started to look around as a young woman came up and asked him if he needed any help with anything. He shrugged and asked her if she had seen a young blonde haired boy looking to be around 16. The woman nodded and gave him a room number. Tsuzuki took the info, but figured it probably wasn't Hisoka anyway
~I never needed a friend,
Like I do now~
Hisoka felt strange mixed emotions nearing the door and his heart skipped a beat, in both fear and surprise. ‘No! it couldn’t be him! It can’t!’
---
Tsuzuki paused outside a door with the same number that the woman gave him. ‘It’s not him…there are tons of kids in this city that have blonde hair and look 16.…’ However, Tsuzuki tried to stay optimistic about the situation and he gently knocked on the door, expecting to be disappointed as always.
---
Hisoka heard a knock at his door and bit his lip, inner turmoil ripping hi up inside. ‘Should I answer it? No, I can’t… but I…’ He stretched out his empathy, hesitantly, unlocking the door without moving from his bed, lifting his head to stare at the door, ashen blonde hair falling in front of his face, his eyes slightly reddened form crying.
~Gomen nasai, I let you down~
Tsuzuki heard the door unlock, but was cautious about entering he room. ‘Strange… they didn’t open the door…’ Tsuzuki blinked, not believing what he saw, completely unable to move or speak. He never dreamed it to be possible.
---
Hisoka stared in complete shock at Tsuzuki, eyes widened in disbelief, breath catching in his throat, his body feeling frozen. ‘How? How could he have found me?!’ Hisoka looked down, unable to meet the amethyst eyes staring at him.
~Gomen nasai, Gomen nasai~
Tsuzuki looked and down and his voice, barely above a whisper, said one word. “Hisoka…”
Hisoka felt the tear roll down his face again and despite that and his shock, he needed to know. No matter how harsh he said it, heeded to know the answer. “Why did you come here?”
Tsuzuki couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He thought Hisoka would at least be a little happy to see him. His hart filled with a certain pain, but he answered the question almost immediately, now able to say what he couldn’t say long ago. “Because… I love you.”
Hisoka’s eyes widened more in shock as he felt his heart clench painfully, then disbelief covered his face before being replaced by the emotionless mask he had used for years, not noticing the tears that still ran down his face. He didn’t move from the bed and his voice was crushed and hoarse. “T-Tsu-Tsuzuki…”
Tsuzuki sighed slightly, taking a deep breath. “I’ve been looking for you every day since the day I found that note. I haven’t stopped and now… you’re right in front of me. ‘I can’t believe this…’
Hisoka’s mind filled up quickly with confusion and surprised and stared at Tsuzuki, hearing his thoughts. “You… you searched… since… since then?”
~Gomen nasai till the end~
Tsuzuki nodded slightly. “Yes.” He looked down away form him, asking the question that had haunted him the last two years. “Why did you leave?”
Hisoka wanted ot be anywhere but around Tsuzuki now, as his mixed feelings wre making his empathy push harder. He clenched his eyes shut and practically shouted, shaking his head, “It was wrong for me to make you stay! I forced you to stay here because I was selfish! I was weak! I'm not worth anything and certainly not worthy of you! That's why I..... that's why I ra-” Hisoka was cut off as another pair of lips pressed against his and his eyes widen.
Tsuzuki kissed his partner passionately, lifting a hand to the back of his neck, pulling him closer. ‘You gave me a reason to stay. You are my reason! And when you left, after giving me that reason, I couldn’t handle it! I had o find you because I knew how much I truly loved you, Kurosaki Hisoka!’
Hisoka heard his thoughts clearly and the shock takes its toll on his empathy, making him gradually weaker. ‘Tsuzuki…’
~I never needed a friend~
Tsuzuki felt anger and pain well up inside him, but it was quickly subdued when he felt Hisoka gently return to kiss, something he had been craving for the past two years. He continued to speak in his head, knowing Hisoka could hear him. 'Hisoka...I need you. I do. Don't ever think that you aren't worthy of me! Don't put that kind of label on me, or yourself! Just...'
Tsuzuki deepened the kiss, pulling Hisoka ever closer. 'Please do not do that again. I love you too much for you to just run away because you think you are not good enough for me…'
Hisoka slowly closed his eyes, relaxing into the kiss an leaning into Tsuzuki, feeling the hot tears roll down his cheeks. ‘Is this… really happening? Am I worthy of this? Worthy of him..? He just…’ Hisoka’s hands clenched the bed sheets
~Like I do now~
Tsuzuki closed his eyes gently, trying to show Hisoka what he said was the truth. He gently leaned his partner backwards against the bed, not breaking the kiss.
Hisoka gasped into the unbroken kiss as he feel the soft mattress on his back, then relaxes slightly, realizing it was only Tsuzuki. ‘Only Tsuzuki… only him…’ He closed his eyes and began to push more into the kiss.
Tsuzuki had been waiting too long for the moment where he would find and reconnect with his partner, his friend, his love… ‘I’m never letting you go again, Hisoka.’
Hisoka broke off the kiss, looking up at Tsuzuki, eyes half lidded. “I know you won’t…”
He leaned up and embraced Tsuzuki tightly, closing his eyes. “Gomen, Tsuzuki… Gomen nasai…”
----------------------------
Saphira: Done!
Yami: Yay! ^^
Saphira: So...... how was that?
Yami: Good. Good.
Saphira: Just good? Aww, man! I was hoping to make it better.... *turns chibi*
Yami: I liked it. ^^
Saphira: You did? yay! I hope other people liked it
Yami: Me too! ^^ Hehehe
Saphira: Please review. We appreciate it.
Anime/Manga: Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 07.22.2006 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.5K | Visits: 714 | Status: Completed
~What I thought wasn't mine
In the light
Was a one of a kind,
A precious pearl~
Hisoka laid back on his bed, letting out a small sigh as tears flowed down his cheeks, allowing his thoughts to wander. It had been two years since he left… two years he had been away from Meifu. Choking back a sob, Hisoka looked out his bedroom window at the world of night, the soft breeze caressing his face. ‘It’s been two years… he’ probably forgotten all about me…’
---
Tsuzuki was staying at a hotel just outside of Nagasaki. He remembered the day Hisoka left. He had woken up one morning and found a note. It had simply said: ‘Tsuzuki, I couldn’t bar the guilt for making you stay here any longer, so I left. Please be happy for me. -Hisoka’. it had been two years. Tsuzuki had searched every day for his partner, never giving up. He had a few leads here and there, but wasn’t able to locate him as of yet. In his sleep at present, tears flowed down his face.
~When I wanted to cry
I couldn't cause I
Wasn't allowed~
As morning approached, Hisoka rolled onto his side, waking up slightly to the morning sun’s earthly golden rays. He couldn’t help but stifle a sob as he remembered the day he left, leaving but a note. He bit his lip and tried his hardest not to cry, but the guilt washed over him and he buried his face in his pillow, gripping it tightly, know that he hurt because of his selfish decision in Kyoto. It was best that he left.
---
Tsuzuki woke up, feeling the wet tears on his face, as he did so many times before within the last years. He missed Hisoka so much, and although his hope of finding him thinned, he was determined to find the boy and bring him back.
~Gomen nasai for everything~
After wiping his tears, Tsuzuki finally got control of himself and checked out of the hotel, heading back out on the streets to continue his search. He didn’t know where to start though.
---
Hisoka kept his face buried in his pillow, shoulders raked with sobs as his body shook slightly. ‘He’s probably already moved on. He wouldn’t be around after I left…’
~Gomen nasai, I know I let you down
Gomen nasai till the end
I never needed a friend~
Tsuzuki continued to walk the streets. ‘Hisoka… Why is it that you left? I know how you were feeling, but… leaving like that? Did you think it was for the best? What was going through your head to think that leaving me behind, all alone would be anything… but the worst thing to do? Why did you leave me…? Why?’
---
Hisoka hugged his pillow tightly, thinking of Tsuzuki and how he must be feeling. Sadness clenched his heart as he thought what the older shinigami must be feeling. ‘He probably hates me now… but… I knew I had to leave… It was for the best… it was wrong of me to make him stay when he didn’t want to…’
~Like I do now~
Tsuzuki walked down another street, asking a few people if they had seen them, but no one had. He got no information. He felt so helpless right now. ‘Hisoka, you made me stay for you, but then… you just left…’ Tsuzuki sighed heavily, feeling tears prick at his eyes again.
---
Hisoka felt empty on the inside, a familiar feeling, knowing that he was selfish. He didn’t think he deserved anyone. Not a friend, certainly not Tsuzuki…
~What I thought wasn't all
So innocent
Was a delicate doll
Of porcelain~
Hisoka remembered when Muraki cursed him that night, when he was thirteen, and felt more tears blur his vision. ‘Why? Why did that have to happen? No one helped me…No one would ever be with me… I’m not good enough for anyone. No one…’
---
Tsuzuki looked up at the sky as the sun filtered its rays no earth. ‘Hisoka… I will find you…’
~When I wanted to call you
And ask you for help~
Hisoka looked up from his pillow and stared at his cell phone. ‘Should I call him and apologize? No, he…’ He reached over and picked up his phone, beginning to dial a number, then stops. ‘No, he’s forgotten me… I just know it…’ He put the phone back down, turning it off.
~I stopped myself~
Tsuzuki wasn’t paying any attention and he accidentally bumped into someone. “Oh, sorry!” he exclaimed, pulling a fake smile and rubbed the back of his head while the man said it was all right and walked off. Tsuzuki looked up at the sky before walking again, downhill. ‘I’m always so clumsy… and hopeless, he used to say…’ A small smile spread on his face from the memory.
~Gomen nasai for everything
Gomen nasai, I know I let you down~
Hisoka laid spread eagled on his back, staring up at the ceiling with tears at the corner of his eyes, knowing that he may have hurt Tsuzuki some when he left, but knew it was probably right that he did. He didn’t deserve anybody or anything, knowing that Tsuzuki would never forgive him and hates him now. He probably doesn’t remember the first time they had met…
---
Tsuzuki glanced around at shops as he walked past them. Each thing, no matter how small or big it was, it seemed to relate to all the memories Tsuzuki had of Hisoka, from the time they met and all the times they were together.
~Gomen nasai till the end
I never needed a friend
Like I do now~
Hisoka couldn’t remember when he last talked with Tsuzuki or what it had been about. He didn’t recall anything but his selfish outburst in Kyoto. He bit his lip again and sighed, allowing another tear to roll down his cheek. ‘Every day, I cry for him, even though he doesn’t know it… I’m weak. I shouldn’t have made him stay… He didn’t want to anyway…’
---
Tsuzuki stopped and looked up at the sun, which was now behind cloud. He glanced over to the park and saw a Sakura tree and slowly walked over to it.
~What I thought was a dream
A mirage
Was as real as it seemed
A privilege~
Tsuzuki made his way over to the tree and stood with it in front of him. A sigh and then a smile came form him as he stepped closer to I and gently put his had on its trunk as he stared at it for a moment, then looked up from its base to the many blossoms on the limbs as they reached up towards the sky.
~When I wanted to tell you
I made a mistake~
Hisoka began to recall one memory when they had just started being partners and he didn’t tell Tsuzuki anything but his name and age and tried to distance himself from the older shinigami, so he wouldn’t make any close ties. His heart began to ache.
---
A deep pain filled Tsuzuki as few tears fell from his eyes and he continued to stare up at the many blossoms growing on the tree. The rays of he sun shone down through the branches of the tree and met the grass in scattered spots and various places. ‘I wish you could see this, Hisoka.’
~I walked away~
Hisoka remembered when he was saved by Tsuzuki the first time they were up against Muraki and even then, he had tried to distance himself after that.
~Gomen nasai, for everything
Gomen nasai, Gomen nasai, Gomen nasai~
Tsuzuki, not being able to stand he memories flooding through him continued, looking at a row of apartment buildings that were across the street from the park, stops at one that seemed to have the most windows looking out to the tree in the middle of the park. For some reason, he felt he needed to go inside. He gently pushed open the door and started to look around as a young woman came up and asked him if he needed any help with anything. He shrugged and asked her if she had seen a young blonde haired boy looking to be around 16. The woman nodded and gave him a room number. Tsuzuki took the info, but figured it probably wasn't Hisoka anyway
~I never needed a friend,
Like I do now~
Hisoka felt strange mixed emotions nearing the door and his heart skipped a beat, in both fear and surprise. ‘No! it couldn’t be him! It can’t!’
---
Tsuzuki paused outside a door with the same number that the woman gave him. ‘It’s not him…there are tons of kids in this city that have blonde hair and look 16.…’ However, Tsuzuki tried to stay optimistic about the situation and he gently knocked on the door, expecting to be disappointed as always.
---
Hisoka heard a knock at his door and bit his lip, inner turmoil ripping hi up inside. ‘Should I answer it? No, I can’t… but I…’ He stretched out his empathy, hesitantly, unlocking the door without moving from his bed, lifting his head to stare at the door, ashen blonde hair falling in front of his face, his eyes slightly reddened form crying.
~Gomen nasai, I let you down~
Tsuzuki heard the door unlock, but was cautious about entering he room. ‘Strange… they didn’t open the door…’ Tsuzuki blinked, not believing what he saw, completely unable to move or speak. He never dreamed it to be possible.
---
Hisoka stared in complete shock at Tsuzuki, eyes widened in disbelief, breath catching in his throat, his body feeling frozen. ‘How? How could he have found me?!’ Hisoka looked down, unable to meet the amethyst eyes staring at him.
~Gomen nasai, Gomen nasai~
Tsuzuki looked and down and his voice, barely above a whisper, said one word. “Hisoka…”
Hisoka felt the tear roll down his face again and despite that and his shock, he needed to know. No matter how harsh he said it, heeded to know the answer. “Why did you come here?”
Tsuzuki couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He thought Hisoka would at least be a little happy to see him. His hart filled with a certain pain, but he answered the question almost immediately, now able to say what he couldn’t say long ago. “Because… I love you.”
Hisoka’s eyes widened more in shock as he felt his heart clench painfully, then disbelief covered his face before being replaced by the emotionless mask he had used for years, not noticing the tears that still ran down his face. He didn’t move from the bed and his voice was crushed and hoarse. “T-Tsu-Tsuzuki…”
Tsuzuki sighed slightly, taking a deep breath. “I’ve been looking for you every day since the day I found that note. I haven’t stopped and now… you’re right in front of me. ‘I can’t believe this…’
Hisoka’s mind filled up quickly with confusion and surprised and stared at Tsuzuki, hearing his thoughts. “You… you searched… since… since then?”
~Gomen nasai till the end~
Tsuzuki nodded slightly. “Yes.” He looked down away form him, asking the question that had haunted him the last two years. “Why did you leave?”
Hisoka wanted ot be anywhere but around Tsuzuki now, as his mixed feelings wre making his empathy push harder. He clenched his eyes shut and practically shouted, shaking his head, “It was wrong for me to make you stay! I forced you to stay here because I was selfish! I was weak! I'm not worth anything and certainly not worthy of you! That's why I..... that's why I ra-” Hisoka was cut off as another pair of lips pressed against his and his eyes widen.
Tsuzuki kissed his partner passionately, lifting a hand to the back of his neck, pulling him closer. ‘You gave me a reason to stay. You are my reason! And when you left, after giving me that reason, I couldn’t handle it! I had o find you because I knew how much I truly loved you, Kurosaki Hisoka!’
Hisoka heard his thoughts clearly and the shock takes its toll on his empathy, making him gradually weaker. ‘Tsuzuki…’
~I never needed a friend~
Tsuzuki felt anger and pain well up inside him, but it was quickly subdued when he felt Hisoka gently return to kiss, something he had been craving for the past two years. He continued to speak in his head, knowing Hisoka could hear him. 'Hisoka...I need you. I do. Don't ever think that you aren't worthy of me! Don't put that kind of label on me, or yourself! Just...'
Tsuzuki deepened the kiss, pulling Hisoka ever closer. 'Please do not do that again. I love you too much for you to just run away because you think you are not good enough for me…'
Hisoka slowly closed his eyes, relaxing into the kiss an leaning into Tsuzuki, feeling the hot tears roll down his cheeks. ‘Is this… really happening? Am I worthy of this? Worthy of him..? He just…’ Hisoka’s hands clenched the bed sheets
~Like I do now~
Tsuzuki closed his eyes gently, trying to show Hisoka what he said was the truth. He gently leaned his partner backwards against the bed, not breaking the kiss.
Hisoka gasped into the unbroken kiss as he feel the soft mattress on his back, then relaxes slightly, realizing it was only Tsuzuki. ‘Only Tsuzuki… only him…’ He closed his eyes and began to push more into the kiss.
Tsuzuki had been waiting too long for the moment where he would find and reconnect with his partner, his friend, his love… ‘I’m never letting you go again, Hisoka.’
Hisoka broke off the kiss, looking up at Tsuzuki, eyes half lidded. “I know you won’t…”
He leaned up and embraced Tsuzuki tightly, closing his eyes. “Gomen, Tsuzuki… Gomen nasai…”
----------------------------
Saphira: Done!
Yami: Yay! ^^
Saphira: So...... how was that?
Yami: Good. Good.
Saphira: Just good? Aww, man! I was hoping to make it better.... *turns chibi*
Yami: I liked it. ^^
Saphira: You did? yay! I hope other people liked it
Yami: Me too! ^^ Hehehe
Saphira: Please review. We appreciate it.
Anime/Manga: Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 07.22.2006 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.5K | Visits: 714 | Status: Completed
~What I thought wasn't mineIn the lightWas a one of a kind,A precious pearl~
Hisoka laid back on his bed, letting out a small sigh as tears flowed down his cheeks, allowing his thoughts to wander. It had been two years since he left… two years he had been away from Meifu. Choking back a sob, Hisoka looked out his bedroom window at the world of night, the soft breeze caressing his face. ‘It’s been two years… he’ probably forgotten all about me…’
---
Tsuzuki was staying at a hotel just outside of Nagasaki. He remembered the day Hisoka left. He had woken up one morning and found a note. It had simply said: ‘Tsuzuki, I couldn’t bar the guilt for making you stay here any longer, so I left. Please be happy for me. -Hisoka’. it had been two years. Tsuzuki had searched every day for his partner, never giving up. He had a few leads here and there, but wasn’t able to locate him as of yet. In his sleep at present, tears flowed down his face.
~When I wanted to cryI couldn't cause IWasn't allowed~
As morning approached, Hisoka rolled onto his side, waking up slightly to the morning sun’s earthly golden rays. He couldn’t help but stifle a sob as he remembered the day he left, leaving but a note. He bit his lip and tried his hardest not to cry, but the guilt washed over him and he buried his face in his pillow, gripping it tightly, know that he hurt because of his selfish decision in Kyoto. It was best that he left.
---
Tsuzuki woke up, feeling the wet tears on his face, as he did so many times before within the last years. He missed Hisoka so much, and although his hope of finding him thinned, he was determined to find the boy and bring him back.
~Gomen nasai for everything~
After wiping his tears, Tsuzuki finally got control of himself and checked out of the hotel, heading back out on the streets to continue his search. He didn’t know where to start though.
---
Hisoka kept his face buried in his pillow, shoulders raked with sobs as his body shook slightly. ‘He’s probably already moved on. He wouldn’t be around after I left…’
~Gomen nasai, I know I let you downGomen nasai till the endI never needed a friend~
Tsuzuki continued to walk the streets. ‘Hisoka… Why is it that you left? I know how you were feeling, but… leaving like that? Did you think it was for the best? What was going through your head to think that leaving me behind, all alone would be anything… but the worst thing to do? Why did you leave me…? Why?’
---
Hisoka hugged his pillow tightly, thinking of Tsuzuki and how he must be feeling. Sadness clenched his heart as he thought what the older shinigami must be feeling. ‘He probably hates me now… but… I knew I had to leave… It was for the best… it was wrong of me to make him stay when he didn’t want to…’
~Like I do now~
Tsuzuki walked down another street, asking a few people if they had seen them, but no one had. He got no information. He felt so helpless right now. ‘Hisoka, you made me stay for you, but then… you just left…’ Tsuzuki sighed heavily, feeling tears prick at his eyes again.
---
Hisoka felt empty on the inside, a familiar feeling, knowing that he was selfish. He didn’t think he deserved anyone. Not a friend, certainly not Tsuzuki…
~What I thought wasn't allSo innocentWas a delicate dollOf porcelain~
Hisoka remembered when Muraki cursed him that night, when he was thirteen, and felt more tears blur his vision. ‘Why? Why did that have to happen? No one helped me…No one would ever be with me… I’m not good enough for anyone. No one…’
---
Tsuzuki looked up at the sky as the sun filtered its rays no earth. ‘Hisoka… I will find you…’
~When I wanted to call youAnd ask you for help~
Hisoka looked up from his pillow and stared at his cell phone. ‘Should I call him and apologize? No, he…’ He reached over and picked up his phone, beginning to dial a number, then stops. ‘No, he’s forgotten me… I just know it…’ He put the phone back down, turning it off.
~I stopped myself~
Tsuzuki wasn’t paying any attention and he accidentally bumped into someone. “Oh, sorry!” he exclaimed, pulling a fake smile and rubbed the back of his head while the man said it was all right and walked off. Tsuzuki looked up at the sky before walking again, downhill. ‘I’m always so clumsy… and hopeless, he used to say…’ A small smile spread on his face from the memory.
~Gomen nasai for everythingGomen nasai, I know I let you down~
Hisoka laid spread eagled on his back, staring up at the ceiling with tears at the corner of his eyes, knowing that he may have hurt Tsuzuki some when he left, but knew it was probably right that he did. He didn’t deserve anybody or anything, knowing that Tsuzuki would never forgive him and hates him now. He probably doesn’t remember the first time they had met…
---
Tsuzuki glanced around at shops as he walked past them. Each thing, no matter how small or big it was, it seemed to relate to all the memories Tsuzuki had of Hisoka, from the time they met and all the times they were together.
~Gomen nasai till the endI never needed a friendLike I do now~
Hisoka couldn’t remember when he last talked with Tsuzuki or what it had been about. He didn’t recall anything but his selfish outburst in Kyoto. He bit his lip again and sighed, allowing another tear to roll down his cheek. ‘Every day, I cry for him, even though he doesn’t know it… I’m weak. I shouldn’t have made him stay… He didn’t want to anyway…’
---
Tsuzuki stopped and looked up at the sun, which was now behind cloud. He glanced over to the park and saw a Sakura tree and slowly walked over to it.
~What I thought was a dreamA mirageWas as real as it seemedA privilege~
Tsuzuki made his way over to the tree and stood with it in front of him. A sigh and then a smile came form him as he stepped closer to I and gently put his had on its trunk as he stared at it for a moment, then looked up from its base to the many blossoms on the limbs as they reached up towards the sky.
~When I wanted to tell youI made a mistake~
Hisoka began to recall one memory when they had just started being partners and he didn’t tell Tsuzuki anything but his name and age and tried to distance himself from the older shinigami, so he wouldn’t make any close ties. His heart began to ache.
---
A deep pain filled Tsuzuki as few tears fell from his eyes and he continued to stare up at the many blossoms growing on the tree. The rays of he sun shone down through the branches of the tree and met the grass in scattered spots and various places. ‘I wish you could see this, Hisoka.’
~I walked away~
Hisoka remembered when he was saved by Tsuzuki the first time they were up against Muraki and even then, he had tried to distance himself after that.
~Gomen nasai, for everythingGomen nasai, Gomen nasai, Gomen nasai~
Tsuzuki, not being able to stand he memories flooding through him continued, looking at a row of apartment buildings that were across the street from the park, stops at one that seemed to have the most windows looking out to the tree in the middle of the park. For some reason, he felt he needed to go inside. He gently pushed open the door and started to look around as a young woman came up and asked him if he needed any help with anything. He shrugged and asked her if she had seen a young blonde haired boy looking to be around 16. The woman nodded and gave him a room number. Tsuzuki took the info, but figured it probably wasn't Hisoka anyway
~I never needed a friend,Like I do now~
Hisoka felt strange mixed emotions nearing the door and his heart skipped a beat, in both fear and surprise. ‘No! it couldn’t be him! It can’t!’
---
Tsuzuki paused outside a door with the same number that the woman gave him. ‘It’s not him…there are tons of kids in this city that have blonde hair and look 16.…’ However, Tsuzuki tried to stay optimistic about the situation and he gently knocked on the door, expecting to be disappointed as always.
---
Hisoka heard a knock at his door and bit his lip, inner turmoil ripping hi up inside. ‘Should I answer it? No, I can’t… but I…’ He stretched out his empathy, hesitantly, unlocking the door without moving from his bed, lifting his head to stare at the door, ashen blonde hair falling in front of his face, his eyes slightly reddened form crying.
~Gomen nasai, I let you down~
Tsuzuki heard the door unlock, but was cautious about entering he room. ‘Strange… they didn’t open the door…’ Tsuzuki blinked, not believing what he saw, completely unable to move or speak. He never dreamed it to be possible.
---
Hisoka stared in complete shock at Tsuzuki, eyes widened in disbelief, breath catching in his throat, his body feeling frozen. ‘How? How could he have found me?!’ Hisoka looked down, unable to meet the amethyst eyes staring at him.
~Gomen nasai, Gomen nasai~
Tsuzuki looked and down and his voice, barely above a whisper, said one word. “Hisoka…”
Hisoka felt the tear roll down his face again and despite that and his shock, he needed to know. No matter how harsh he said it, heeded to know the answer. “Why did you come here?”
Tsuzuki couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He thought Hisoka would at least be a little happy to see him. His hart filled with a certain pain, but he answered the question almost immediately, now able to say what he couldn’t say long ago. “Because… I love you.”
Hisoka’s eyes widened more in shock as he felt his heart clench painfully, then disbelief covered his face before being replaced by the emotionless mask he had used for years, not noticing the tears that still ran down his face. He didn’t move from the bed and his voice was crushed and hoarse. “T-Tsu-Tsuzuki…”
Tsuzuki sighed slightly, taking a deep breath. “I’ve been looking for you every day since the day I found that note. I haven’t stopped and now… you’re right in front of me. ‘I can’t believe this…’
Hisoka’s mind filled up quickly with confusion and surprised and stared at Tsuzuki, hearing his thoughts. “You… you searched… since… since then?”
~Gomen nasai till the end~
Tsuzuki nodded slightly. “Yes.” He looked down away form him, asking the question that had haunted him the last two years. “Why did you leave?”
Hisoka wanted ot be anywhere but around Tsuzuki now, as his mixed feelings wre making his empathy push harder. He clenched his eyes shut and practically shouted, shaking his head, “It was wrong for me to make you stay! I forced you to stay here because I was selfish! I was weak! I'm not worth anything and certainly not worthy of you! That's why I..... that's why I ra-” Hisoka was cut off as another pair of lips pressed against his and his eyes widen.
Tsuzuki kissed his partner passionately, lifting a hand to the back of his neck, pulling him closer. ‘You gave me a reason to stay. You are my reason! And when you left, after giving me that reason, I couldn’t handle it! I had o find you because I knew how much I truly loved you, Kurosaki Hisoka!’
Hisoka heard his thoughts clearly and the shock takes its toll on his empathy, making him gradually weaker. ‘Tsuzuki…’
~I never needed a friend~
Tsuzuki felt anger and pain well up inside him, but it was quickly subdued when he felt Hisoka gently return to kiss, something he had been craving for the past two years. He continued to speak in his head, knowing Hisoka could hear him. 'Hisoka...I need you. I do. Don't ever think that you aren't worthy of me! Don't put that kind of label on me, or yourself! Just...'
Tsuzuki deepened the kiss, pulling Hisoka ever closer. 'Please do not do that again. I love you too much for you to just run away because you think you are not good enough for me…'
Hisoka slowly closed his eyes, relaxing into the kiss an leaning into Tsuzuki, feeling the hot tears roll down his cheeks. ‘Is this… really happening? Am I worthy of this? Worthy of him..? He just…’ Hisoka’s hands clenched the bed sheets
~Like I do now~
Tsuzuki closed his eyes gently, trying to show Hisoka what he said was the truth. He gently leaned his partner backwards against the bed, not breaking the kiss.
Hisoka gasped into the unbroken kiss as he feel the soft mattress on his back, then relaxes slightly, realizing it was only Tsuzuki. ‘Only Tsuzuki… only him…’ He closed his eyes and began to push more into the kiss.
Tsuzuki had been waiting too long for the moment where he would find and reconnect with his partner, his friend, his love… ‘I’m never letting you go again, Hisoka.’
Hisoka broke off the kiss, looking up at Tsuzuki, eyes half lidded. “I know you won’t…”
He leaned up and embraced Tsuzuki tightly, closing his eyes. “Gomen, Tsuzuki… Gomen nasai…”
----------------------------
Saphira: Done!
Yami: Yay! ^^
Saphira: So...... how was that?
Yami: Good. Good.
Saphira: Just good? Aww, man! I was hoping to make it better.... *turns chibi*
Yami: I liked it. ^^
Saphira: You did? yay! I hope other people liked it
Yami: Me too! ^^ Hehehe
Saphira: Please review. We appreciate it.
Hisoka laid back on his bed, letting out a small sigh as tears flowed down his cheeks, allowing his thoughts to wander. It had been two years since he left… two years he had been away from Meifu. Choking back a sob, Hisoka looked out his bedroom window at the world of night, the soft breeze caressing his face. ‘It’s been two years… he’ probably forgotten all about me…’
---
Tsuzuki was staying at a hotel just outside of Nagasaki. He remembered the day Hisoka left. He had woken up one morning and found a note. It had simply said: ‘Tsuzuki, I couldn’t bar the guilt for making you stay here any longer, so I left. Please be happy for me. -Hisoka’. it had been two years. Tsuzuki had searched every day for his partner, never giving up. He had a few leads here and there, but wasn’t able to locate him as of yet. In his sleep at present, tears flowed down his face.
~When I wanted to cryI couldn't cause IWasn't allowed~
As morning approached, Hisoka rolled onto his side, waking up slightly to the morning sun’s earthly golden rays. He couldn’t help but stifle a sob as he remembered the day he left, leaving but a note. He bit his lip and tried his hardest not to cry, but the guilt washed over him and he buried his face in his pillow, gripping it tightly, know that he hurt because of his selfish decision in Kyoto. It was best that he left.
---
Tsuzuki woke up, feeling the wet tears on his face, as he did so many times before within the last years. He missed Hisoka so much, and although his hope of finding him thinned, he was determined to find the boy and bring him back.
~Gomen nasai for everything~
After wiping his tears, Tsuzuki finally got control of himself and checked out of the hotel, heading back out on the streets to continue his search. He didn’t know where to start though.
---
Hisoka kept his face buried in his pillow, shoulders raked with sobs as his body shook slightly. ‘He’s probably already moved on. He wouldn’t be around after I left…’
~Gomen nasai, I know I let you downGomen nasai till the endI never needed a friend~
Tsuzuki continued to walk the streets. ‘Hisoka… Why is it that you left? I know how you were feeling, but… leaving like that? Did you think it was for the best? What was going through your head to think that leaving me behind, all alone would be anything… but the worst thing to do? Why did you leave me…? Why?’
---
Hisoka hugged his pillow tightly, thinking of Tsuzuki and how he must be feeling. Sadness clenched his heart as he thought what the older shinigami must be feeling. ‘He probably hates me now… but… I knew I had to leave… It was for the best… it was wrong of me to make him stay when he didn’t want to…’
~Like I do now~
Tsuzuki walked down another street, asking a few people if they had seen them, but no one had. He got no information. He felt so helpless right now. ‘Hisoka, you made me stay for you, but then… you just left…’ Tsuzuki sighed heavily, feeling tears prick at his eyes again.
---
Hisoka felt empty on the inside, a familiar feeling, knowing that he was selfish. He didn’t think he deserved anyone. Not a friend, certainly not Tsuzuki…
~What I thought wasn't allSo innocentWas a delicate dollOf porcelain~
Hisoka remembered when Muraki cursed him that night, when he was thirteen, and felt more tears blur his vision. ‘Why? Why did that have to happen? No one helped me…No one would ever be with me… I’m not good enough for anyone. No one…’
---
Tsuzuki looked up at the sky as the sun filtered its rays no earth. ‘Hisoka… I will find you…’
~When I wanted to call youAnd ask you for help~
Hisoka looked up from his pillow and stared at his cell phone. ‘Should I call him and apologize? No, he…’ He reached over and picked up his phone, beginning to dial a number, then stops. ‘No, he’s forgotten me… I just know it…’ He put the phone back down, turning it off.
~I stopped myself~
Tsuzuki wasn’t paying any attention and he accidentally bumped into someone. “Oh, sorry!” he exclaimed, pulling a fake smile and rubbed the back of his head while the man said it was all right and walked off. Tsuzuki looked up at the sky before walking again, downhill. ‘I’m always so clumsy… and hopeless, he used to say…’ A small smile spread on his face from the memory.
~Gomen nasai for everythingGomen nasai, I know I let you down~
Hisoka laid spread eagled on his back, staring up at the ceiling with tears at the corner of his eyes, knowing that he may have hurt Tsuzuki some when he left, but knew it was probably right that he did. He didn’t deserve anybody or anything, knowing that Tsuzuki would never forgive him and hates him now. He probably doesn’t remember the first time they had met…
---
Tsuzuki glanced around at shops as he walked past them. Each thing, no matter how small or big it was, it seemed to relate to all the memories Tsuzuki had of Hisoka, from the time they met and all the times they were together.
~Gomen nasai till the endI never needed a friendLike I do now~
Hisoka couldn’t remember when he last talked with Tsuzuki or what it had been about. He didn’t recall anything but his selfish outburst in Kyoto. He bit his lip again and sighed, allowing another tear to roll down his cheek. ‘Every day, I cry for him, even though he doesn’t know it… I’m weak. I shouldn’t have made him stay… He didn’t want to anyway…’
---
Tsuzuki stopped and looked up at the sun, which was now behind cloud. He glanced over to the park and saw a Sakura tree and slowly walked over to it.
~What I thought was a dreamA mirageWas as real as it seemedA privilege~
Tsuzuki made his way over to the tree and stood with it in front of him. A sigh and then a smile came form him as he stepped closer to I and gently put his had on its trunk as he stared at it for a moment, then looked up from its base to the many blossoms on the limbs as they reached up towards the sky.
~When I wanted to tell youI made a mistake~
Hisoka began to recall one memory when they had just started being partners and he didn’t tell Tsuzuki anything but his name and age and tried to distance himself from the older shinigami, so he wouldn’t make any close ties. His heart began to ache.
---
A deep pain filled Tsuzuki as few tears fell from his eyes and he continued to stare up at the many blossoms growing on the tree. The rays of he sun shone down through the branches of the tree and met the grass in scattered spots and various places. ‘I wish you could see this, Hisoka.’
~I walked away~
Hisoka remembered when he was saved by Tsuzuki the first time they were up against Muraki and even then, he had tried to distance himself after that.
~Gomen nasai, for everythingGomen nasai, Gomen nasai, Gomen nasai~
Tsuzuki, not being able to stand he memories flooding through him continued, looking at a row of apartment buildings that were across the street from the park, stops at one that seemed to have the most windows looking out to the tree in the middle of the park. For some reason, he felt he needed to go inside. He gently pushed open the door and started to look around as a young woman came up and asked him if he needed any help with anything. He shrugged and asked her if she had seen a young blonde haired boy looking to be around 16. The woman nodded and gave him a room number. Tsuzuki took the info, but figured it probably wasn't Hisoka anyway
~I never needed a friend,Like I do now~
Hisoka felt strange mixed emotions nearing the door and his heart skipped a beat, in both fear and surprise. ‘No! it couldn’t be him! It can’t!’
---
Tsuzuki paused outside a door with the same number that the woman gave him. ‘It’s not him…there are tons of kids in this city that have blonde hair and look 16.…’ However, Tsuzuki tried to stay optimistic about the situation and he gently knocked on the door, expecting to be disappointed as always.
---
Hisoka heard a knock at his door and bit his lip, inner turmoil ripping hi up inside. ‘Should I answer it? No, I can’t… but I…’ He stretched out his empathy, hesitantly, unlocking the door without moving from his bed, lifting his head to stare at the door, ashen blonde hair falling in front of his face, his eyes slightly reddened form crying.
~Gomen nasai, I let you down~
Tsuzuki heard the door unlock, but was cautious about entering he room. ‘Strange… they didn’t open the door…’ Tsuzuki blinked, not believing what he saw, completely unable to move or speak. He never dreamed it to be possible.
---
Hisoka stared in complete shock at Tsuzuki, eyes widened in disbelief, breath catching in his throat, his body feeling frozen. ‘How? How could he have found me?!’ Hisoka looked down, unable to meet the amethyst eyes staring at him.
~Gomen nasai, Gomen nasai~
Tsuzuki looked and down and his voice, barely above a whisper, said one word. “Hisoka…”
Hisoka felt the tear roll down his face again and despite that and his shock, he needed to know. No matter how harsh he said it, heeded to know the answer. “Why did you come here?”
Tsuzuki couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He thought Hisoka would at least be a little happy to see him. His hart filled with a certain pain, but he answered the question almost immediately, now able to say what he couldn’t say long ago. “Because… I love you.”
Hisoka’s eyes widened more in shock as he felt his heart clench painfully, then disbelief covered his face before being replaced by the emotionless mask he had used for years, not noticing the tears that still ran down his face. He didn’t move from the bed and his voice was crushed and hoarse. “T-Tsu-Tsuzuki…”
Tsuzuki sighed slightly, taking a deep breath. “I’ve been looking for you every day since the day I found that note. I haven’t stopped and now… you’re right in front of me. ‘I can’t believe this…’
Hisoka’s mind filled up quickly with confusion and surprised and stared at Tsuzuki, hearing his thoughts. “You… you searched… since… since then?”
~Gomen nasai till the end~
Tsuzuki nodded slightly. “Yes.” He looked down away form him, asking the question that had haunted him the last two years. “Why did you leave?”
Hisoka wanted ot be anywhere but around Tsuzuki now, as his mixed feelings wre making his empathy push harder. He clenched his eyes shut and practically shouted, shaking his head, “It was wrong for me to make you stay! I forced you to stay here because I was selfish! I was weak! I'm not worth anything and certainly not worthy of you! That's why I..... that's why I ra-” Hisoka was cut off as another pair of lips pressed against his and his eyes widen.
Tsuzuki kissed his partner passionately, lifting a hand to the back of his neck, pulling him closer. ‘You gave me a reason to stay. You are my reason! And when you left, after giving me that reason, I couldn’t handle it! I had o find you because I knew how much I truly loved you, Kurosaki Hisoka!’
Hisoka heard his thoughts clearly and the shock takes its toll on his empathy, making him gradually weaker. ‘Tsuzuki…’
~I never needed a friend~
Tsuzuki felt anger and pain well up inside him, but it was quickly subdued when he felt Hisoka gently return to kiss, something he had been craving for the past two years. He continued to speak in his head, knowing Hisoka could hear him. 'Hisoka...I need you. I do. Don't ever think that you aren't worthy of me! Don't put that kind of label on me, or yourself! Just...'
Tsuzuki deepened the kiss, pulling Hisoka ever closer. 'Please do not do that again. I love you too much for you to just run away because you think you are not good enough for me…'
Hisoka slowly closed his eyes, relaxing into the kiss an leaning into Tsuzuki, feeling the hot tears roll down his cheeks. ‘Is this… really happening? Am I worthy of this? Worthy of him..? He just…’ Hisoka’s hands clenched the bed sheets
~Like I do now~
Tsuzuki closed his eyes gently, trying to show Hisoka what he said was the truth. He gently leaned his partner backwards against the bed, not breaking the kiss.
Hisoka gasped into the unbroken kiss as he feel the soft mattress on his back, then relaxes slightly, realizing it was only Tsuzuki. ‘Only Tsuzuki… only him…’ He closed his eyes and began to push more into the kiss.
Tsuzuki had been waiting too long for the moment where he would find and reconnect with his partner, his friend, his love… ‘I’m never letting you go again, Hisoka.’
Hisoka broke off the kiss, looking up at Tsuzuki, eyes half lidded. “I know you won’t…”
He leaned up and embraced Tsuzuki tightly, closing his eyes. “Gomen, Tsuzuki… Gomen nasai…”
----------------------------
Saphira: Done!
Yami: Yay! ^^
Saphira: So...... how was that?
Yami: Good. Good.
Saphira: Just good? Aww, man! I was hoping to make it better.... *turns chibi*
Yami: I liked it. ^^
Saphira: You did? yay! I hope other people liked it
Yami: Me too! ^^ Hehehe
Saphira: Please review. We appreciate it.