Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ Hisoka Doll ❯ Kiss ( Chapter 5 )

Title: Hisoka Doll

Author: Elf Asato

Pairings: Tsuzuki + Hisoka (oh come on, you know it's there ^_~)

Warnings: General weirdness, OOC Hisoka (just bear with me)

Disclaimer: I'm poorer than dirt, so please don't sue…unless you want lint or something…

Notes: I *swear* Garasu no Kanbase is in English… O.o…what the heck? Why do I keep forgetting to change the chapter numbers? Ooh, BIG NOTE! I never really mentioned it before because I didn't really need to…but this takes place after the Kyoto Arc. Maybe…about a month after.

Chapter summary: Hisoka tries to get a little help, but isn't sure just how to do it… (God, that summary sucked O.o…and this is kind of depressing compared to other chapters…)

Since I've met him, my life has taken a depressing routine. Every morning I wake up and lie in bed, trying to convince myself to get up, and eventually, I do, but it takes a while… Then I look in the mirror, noting how I'm paler than usual, and reapply the band-aid over my scar if it decided to shift somewhere during my sleep. But…today I decide to go for variety - a blue crayon band-aid. It only accents my paleness, though. After that, I go into the kitchen and take a sip of coffee that's in a mug on the counter, trying to remember a mental note I made for myself about it…

Oh. Right. It's cold…

It's too late, though, and I've already spit it out after drinking. …I set the mug back on the counter, making a mental note for myself to make a fresh pot tomorrow morning.

Of course, I forget.

It doesn't take long to get dressed and go to work. I used to be one of the earlier ones there, but now I come in a little later than everyone else - even Tsuzuki is there before me sometimes…like today.

"Good morning!" he beams with a smile, radiating with such emotion…

I'm not even close to his enthusiasm when I return the greeting and walk right past him to my desk. He insists on chattering with me, though, and I don't have the heart or energy to tell him that I just want to be left alone.

"You look so cute!" he says in that cute way that only he can pull off.

…But still…I really…don't…appreciate it. I used to like the attention he gave me, but now…I don't. Maybe he'll just get the hint if I glare at him…but I still can't stop that slight blush I feel. I suppose it's the only thing, besides the band-aid, that's giving my face color…

His smile fades along with that light in his eyes, and for a second, I can't read him. Then he places a finger on my band-aid and states, "This. It's cute." I jerk away and glare at him coldly. Finally, it seems he's gotten the point and decides to bug Tatsumi about something.

I don't know…maybe it's just something about mornings…

I turn my attention to the papers on my desk, but I can't concentrate. …I never can anymore…but this time, it's because I can feel that Tsuzuki's thinking and maybe talking about me with Tatsumi. As always, I never can feel a thing from Tatsumi…which is why I'm so scared to approach him.

What would he say if I told him what happened? Would he brush it off and tell me it was just a dream, or would he just tell me I was crazy? Would he even care?

…Somehow…I think that he would care. I get…the feeling that he'd care a lot, and that comforts me. It really does, even if it's just in my own thoughts.

Trying to seem as nonchalant as I could, I quickly glance over at the two…and for some reason, my heart fell. Tsuzuki had his back to me, animatedly talking to Tatsumi, who just nodded and smiled back, obviously enjoying whatever my partner was saying.

I tried to block them from my mind and concentrate on the work in front of me, but it was hard. I kept reading the same group of words over and over again, not really paying attention to what they read.

I hated it. I hated them, I hated myself…I hated everyone at that moment. Why? Because I couldn't concentrate? I…I didn't know why.

"Ah, good morning, Hisoka!" a vaguely familiar voice rang out.

I looked up to see Wakaba and her mismatched eyes, greeting me with a smile. I guess I was almost…pleased…to see her in the office. "Good morning," I replied, trying hard not to sound like the cranky SOB I was…

Her smile widened and her eyes lit up radiantly. I reached out with my empathy to find the cause of her happiness…and I was stunned to realize that it was because of me.

"Hey…when do you usually take your lunch break?" she asked suddenly, her eyes curious and delving.

Those were the eyes everyone gave me…but somehow, on Wakaba, they didn't look that bad. "…Around noon, if I remember," I answered honestly.

"Let's have a lunch date!" she smiled, and I got the feeling that she had been planning this…

"Ah…alright?" I said hesitantly. Tsuzuki usually insisted on us eating lunch together, and I used to enjoy it, but lately…it's been unbearable and for the past few days, I've been eating alone. It'd be nice to spend some time with Wakaba.

"All right!" Wakaba exclaimed happily with triumph. "And you," she continued, wiggling her finger at me for emphasis, "better not forget!" As she flitted away, I knew she felt that she had won some kind of victory.

Why does everyone feel that way?

I looked back at Tatsumi and Tsuzuki, but my partner was actually at his desk working, and Tatsumi was nowhere in sight. It frustrated me, really. I felt that as soon as he was done with Tsuzuki, I'd have a chance at talking with him, but…

Maybe it was for the best. I had no idea what I'd say anyway…

As soon as I saw the darkness around me, I knew I had fallen asleep - and at work, too…

I sighed, slightly startled at the way it sounded so…alone.

"This is an odd time to be seeing me."

There wasn't a second thought in my mind who that voice belonged to. "…Yeah, I think I fell asleep at work…" I muttered sheepishly as I looked at my faceless doll and smiled.

A high-pitched noise reverberated through the nothingness - almost like a bird's song - and it dawned on me that that was a giggle from him. He seemed to be in a good mood, which actually made me happy.

"Hey, guess what?" he said excitedly, like a child.

Like Tsuzuki…

"What?" I asked, absorbing his excitement through my empathy.

"She's going to paint me a face!"

I couldn't help but share in his joy. "That's wonderful!" It was odd - I hadn't felt that excited in a long time… A long time…

"She said she'd give me blue eyes! …Blue eyes are pretty, but not as pretty as your green ones!"

I blushed at his words. "Thank you…but blue eyes are beautiful as well." …Hauntingly beautiful…

Hisoka

"Yes?" I asked.

"…What?" He stared at me, a bit confused.

Hisoka

"That's…not you," I muttered, as confused as he seemed to be.

He tilted his head and looked off into the emptiness. "I think…that you're going to wake up soon. In that case," he began as he turned to me and took my hand, "I'll see you." Pausing for a moment, he brought my hand up to his lips.

Hisoka

I watched as he faded into the darkness, feeling somewhat…empty…

Once again.

"HISOKA!"

My head snapped up and I found myself staring into two beautiful and brilliant violet orbs… Two things registered in my mind: One, it was Tsuzuki, and two, he was very close. So close that our noses touched…and with a careless movement, so would our lips…

"Tsu-Tsuzuki…!" I stammered, blushing bright red, as I jerked away from him for the second time that morning.

He got that super-genki look about him and chirped, "You look so cute asleep!" I just glared at him…again. "Hey," he began seriously, "are you getting enough sleep? It's not like you to just fall asleep during work…"

Shrugging, I turned away, wanting to avoid his gentle eyes. "Dunno…I guess."

I felt his fingers gently turn my head back to face him. Everything about him seemed so gentle… "…Promise me you'll try to get some sleep tonight?" he asked, radiating with concern…and in a way, I felt guilty.

"…I'll try," I muttered, trying to avoid his gaze. It seemed that satisfied him and he let go of me.

"You know, I was going to let you sleep longer, but it's almost noon. Aren't you meeting Wakaba?"

I glanced at the clock and muttered as I stood up, "Thanks…"

"No problem!" he just smiled.

I was about to leave when the thought occurred to me: "How did you know I was meeting Wakaba?"

It was refreshing to see him blush as he obviously ignored me.

I was really quite relaxed as Wakaba and I drank tea and ate from our lunches. She insisted on eating outside, which was fine with me since the sakura was beautiful. My only complaint was the tea - it was really bland…like it lacked something. She seemed to like it, though, so I didn't say anything. We talked (rather, she talked and I listened) about nothing in particular, and I'll admit I liked that a lot. It was only when she asked how I was doing that I felt uncomfortable.

"…I'm fine," I lied as I took a sip of the horrid tea.

"You're not a very good liar," she said disapprovingly and when I didn't say anything, she added, "You know…I worry about you sometimes. We all do - Terazuma, myself, Tsuzuki, Watari, Tatsumi…everyone. It's like…you keep a lot of stuff in…and it's not healthy for you, you know? I know it must be tough to…be eternally sixteen…but I promise you, if you open up to people, it'll make things a lot better." She paused, waiting for me to say something, but I remained silent, so she continued, "…I don't know exactly how you were treated when you were alive…but it's obvious that you were hurt… I promise that none of us would intentionally hurt you, Hisoka."

"…I know," I muttered as I took a small bite of my sandwich.

Apparently, those two half-hearted words from me eased her mind and, to my relief, she continued on with irrelevant chatter.

"You know, your eyes are so beautiful! I bet you get that a lot."

"Yeah, I do," I said softly, "…Your eyes are nice as well."

Wakaba just laughed and gave me a wink, "Of course my eyes are beautiful! Everything about me is beautiful! But…you're really a picture. You're look like a doll, almost…with your skin and gorgeous eyes…"

…I nearly stopped listening to her when it suddenly dawned on me what the tea was missing.

Cyanide.

Lunch with Wakaba really refreshed me and I felt very ready to tell Tatsumi all about what had happened. Finding him was difficult, though, and I actually ended up in Watari's lab. His spirit was a little down, which meant that our favorite secretary had been there and cut his budget, but Watari was still in a good mood.

…In a way, I admired that.

"Oi, Bon!" the scientist greeted me enthusiastically when he saw me. 003 only hooted, but I could tell she told me hi as well. "Is there anything you need?"

"I..er…no," I said, a bit embarrassed by coming there to look for someone. "Ah…do you know where Tatsumi is?"

He looked slightly upset at the fact that I wasn't interested in seeing him. "You just missed him. I think he may be in his office…"

"Thank you," I said quickly and I started to leave, but something stopped me… "Hey, Watari?"

"Yeah?" he responded, perky.

…I felt reluctant to ask… "…We can 'die' if our cells can't regenerate…right?"

"Depends on the circumstances," he smiled as he pet that owl of his, but then his smile faded. "…Are you still thinking about…?"

I knew what he was talking about… That time in Kyoto when Tsuzuki had tried to take his life by Touda's flame, but…that wasn't what I was thinking about today. I lied to him, "Yeah… If…our cells weren't able to use oxygen, would we die?"

"Not necessarily," he said objectively. "Sometimes when cells can't get oxygen, they start lactic acid fermentation. You know that burning you get in your muscles when you run too hard? That's that."

"So…something…like, say…cyanide wouldn't kill us?"

"No…but…it would cause very serious problems. Well…I take that back. Eventually, it would kill you…but not immediately. It would take about…I don't know, this is a guess, an hour? But you would feel a lot of pain almost immediately… Why?"

"Oh just…wondering," I said lightly as I left.

I went to Tatsumi's office, and just as Watari had said, he was there. My heart was pounding I had the sudden urge to run, but I tried to force myself to knock on the door. Fortunately for me, there was no need to.

"Oh…Kurosaki," Tatsumi said as he stepped out of his office. It was obvious he was planning on going somewhere, but decided to wait and see what I wanted. Of course, I just stood there like an idiot.

He nodded in my direction and started to walk down the hall when tried to stop him, "Tatsumi…I need to talk to you."

His penetrating blue eyes seemed concerned as they looked me over and I could tell when he saw my blue crayon band-aid - his eyebrow raised slightly. "…Can it wait a little while? I need to send these papers to Kachou."

I looked at the stack of papers in his hands and decided that I just could not wait for that. "No…I really need to talk to you."

Tatsumi just looked at me firmly and said clearly, "You can wait."

"No, I can't," I said, my voice wavering and with one abrupt motion, I tore the band-aid off my cheek, leaving the scar exposed for him to see.

It took a second before it registered to him exactly what he saw on me. "In here," he commanded quickly as he opened the door to his office, hurrying me inside. He closed the door behind us and demanded to know what happened.

…And I told him.

Throughout my whole story, not once did he interrupt me. He just stood there, listening and focusing intently on what I was telling him. I really liked it because it felt like he respected me and what I was saying. "…And…now you probably think I'm nuts," I finished.

It surprised me and really made me happy when he said, "No, not at all. In fact, I think I have an idea of what may be happening."

"You do?"

"…I'm not exactly sure it is what it is, but it's just an idea," he explained, and I knew he was trying not to get my hopes up. "This…may be someone crying out to you for help, so to say. It could be because of your empathy or a strong bond with someone."

I blinked. "…Really? What should I do?"

Tatsumi looked away, almost sad. "I'm sorry, I really don't know. …If…you have a dream again, please tell me immediately." He looked back to me and I could see his eyes were full of concern, but as always, I could feel nothing. "This really is a strange thing…"

"What about this?" I asked, pointing to my scar. I could see that it really disturbed him.

"I…don't know. I'm sorry," he said apologetically and I could tell he truly meant it.

Although I should have left his office feeling concerned about what was happening, I wasn't. Because Tatsumi was there and because Tatsumi would help me, I felt safe.

After talking with him, I went back to my workspace and felt ready to put my full concentration forth on work. I was on a roll for about thirty minutes when this…thing…popped in front of me. A…teddy bear…?

"'Soka-chan!" Tsuzuki said in a falsetto voice as he made the stuffed animal move. "I'm so cute and so are you!" I rolled my eyes as the bear 'kissed' my cheek.

"Tsuzuki," I sighed as I tried to ignore it, desperately wanting to get some work done, "go take your stuffed bear somewhere else. I have work to do."

"But it's for you!" he chirped happily. "I went to Chijou to get it for you while you were at lunch with Wakaba!"

"…What?" I asked as I looked up at him. He gently set the bear in my arms and smiled beautifully. I looked down at the bear and unconsciously held it tight. "It's…soft and cute."

"Just like you," Tsuzuki smiled, taking a seat on my desk.

How could anyone not turn beet red at hearing that? "B-bastard…" I muttered, looking away, but resting my chin on the bear's head. "…Thank you."

"It was my pleasure!" he beamed as he took my hand. "I'd do anything for my dear Hisoka!"

I do NOT like to be touched…but still…he's so warm…

"Ts-Tsuzuki, stop," I said half-heartedly through a heavy blush.

"Anything at all, you know." His somewhat faded, but what was lost in his lips was made up for in his eyes. They sparkled brilliantly…and closed halfway as he brought my hand up to his lips.

I slapped him hard, took the bear, and stormed out, not even looking back at his stunned expression.

Ending notes: Ah, Queen of Run-ons @.@…and the mixing of the tenses, too. Go me for butchering the English language. ^_^ v

Sorry if it doesn't have that "feel" the other chapters do…! Oo…most of this was depressing to write. T.T I couldn't resist the Tsuzuki+Hisokaness, though! (Which adds for more "depressingness" T.T) And…if you're wondering…no, there isn't really anything between Wakaba and Hisoka. I consider her a "neutral" character ^^;; Oh yes ^_^ v My sucky biology explanation is probably really inaccurate because, well, they're dead, but just pretend like it's true for this fic, 'kay? …I'm fairly sure cyanide will kill you almost immediately, though… O.o… And…if Tatsumi doesn't have an office, he does now. He deserves it! AND if for some reason my brain's fried (it IS 2 AM @_@) and Chijou is NOT that…one…place…just pretend it's a toy store or something ^^;;

…If…you're confused about why Hisoka spazzed…read the italicized words in the second to the last sentence and try to remember where else in this chapter you saw those words. ^_~