Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ As If! ❯ The Rath of Rebecca / Ties of Friendship ( Chapter 39 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

*Author's Note: I'm sad to say that this will probably be the last chapter of As If!. Alas, my muse *gestures inside the cave* is off playing with his Yami. He's willing to take a break from that to help me write serious stories, but humor? It appears to be the last thing on his mind.

And so, As If! is put on hold, possibly for a few months, possibly forever. I have no interest in writing a humor fic that isn't funny, which I fear this is quickly becoming. This was a good idea while it lasted, but it's becoming old and tired, and isn't fun to write anymore. I'm sorry to back out like this, but would you really prefer I keep going until it's truly painful to read?

I have two final notes... First, I would like to thank Zero and Gothic Star again for their pictures. I'd like to thank Sasha for those great emails -- and for being such a damn good writer. I'd like to thank the Pharaohs Light and Dark again for those hysterical scenes they always used to send me, and Nath for the... truly excessive number of emails (side note: If you want someone to blame for this chapter taking so long, blame him! ^_~ ). And finally I'd like to thank all my reviewers -- especially Tefla and Bronze Eagle, whose dedication means so much to me.

My last note is actually a request: If any of you know where to find pictures of anyone licking their Millennium Items, please tell me! I've been looking all over, and my imoto-san and I are dying to see.

Well, that's it! Thank you all so much, and enjoy the chapter!*

*Scene: Bakura believes in boredom-fighting the evil way.*

Joey: Bakura! Hey, Bakura, you still up there?

Bakura: *calls back* No.

Joey: *laughs* That's Bakura for ya -- always the jokester!

Bakura: *baffled* Who said I was joking?

*Scene: Yugi runs up to the balcony, mere seconds behind his cheerleaders.*

Yugi: *panting* So, he's really all right?

Tristan: Hey, how'd you get up here so fast? I lost track of you a while back!

Téa: Well, maybe that's because you also lost track of us!

Tristan: *sweatdrops* So I lead us 'round a few wrong turns. I mean, that happens...

Téa: I told you we were going the wrong way!

Tristan: *angrily* Well, you could've argued louder!!

*Scene: Everyone reassures Yugi that Mokuba is fine.*

Tristan: Who would've believed Pegasus would keep his word?

Bakura: Well, he did disapprove of Keith's cheating... I think he just considers Millennium Items to be an accepted part of the rules.

Tristan: You really know how to take the fun out of dissing the dead, you know that?

*Scene: Yugi plays maternal.*

Yugi: So, how're you doing, Mokuba? You feeling up to getting off this island?

Mokuba: Not without Seto. Where's my big brother?

Yugi: He's somewhere in this castle -- we'll find him! I bet he already knows you're safe.

Mokuba: Come on, Yugi. I might be young, but I'm not stupid. You and I both know that Seto's not psychic.

Yugi: *sweatdrops* Oh, yeah... I guess I kinda forgot about that...

Bakura: *laughs* I can see that I'm not the only one who would benefit from spending a little time away from their Yami!

*Scene: Apparently the Head of Security isn't overly busy.*

Croquet: Yugi. Joey.

Yugi: *amused* Croquet.

Croquet: Due to his illness, Mr. Pegasus will be unable to attend.

Joey: Ya ask me, it's just a lame excuse to avoid payin' off on the prizes!

Bakura: Ah, yes. Death -- the ultimate excuse.

*Scene: Croquet interrupts the meaningful glances Yugi and Bakura are shooting each other.*

Croquet: Yugi has already received his agreed-upon reward of three freed souls, but... in addition, there's this.

Yugi: What's this?

Croquet: It's a card. In a box. *sighs* I can't abide children...

*Scene: Croquet gives Joey the check for three million dollars, an action that attracts the attention of everyone except Bakura.*

Croquet: Now... we'd like you all to leave.

Joey: What... no more death-attempts?

Tristan: No more tricks and traps?

Yugi: No more people trying to keep us doing from what everyone involved wants us to do?

Croquet: *sighs and mutters* Ingrates...

*Scene: Bakura is spared from pointing out that if someone hadn't just thrown away his Millennium Ring, Kaiba would have been easy to find, by Kaiba showing up.*

Joey: Come on, let's not get all mushy and gooey, you know? I'm gettin' jealous! ...uhh, I mean, 'cause I miss my own sister, not 'cause of Kaiba or anything, right...

Bakura: Whatever you say, Joseph. *almost gets punched*

*Scene: Kaiba wraps up his field-of-daisies scene quickly, due to the lack of daisies.*

Kaiba: Thank you, Yugi. Thanks for saving my brother Mokuba's soul. He means everything to me.

Yugi: *simply* How could I do anything else?

Tristan: You say to the guy who didn't even try to save your grandpa.

Téa: Hey! That was totally uncalled for!

Tristan: *in a bruised heap on the ground* My bad...

*Kaiba looks rather flattered.*

*Scene: Kaiba tries to make sure Yugi understands him, since he's not planning on saying "thank you" to anyone ever again. Scene by Shadow Takeru.*

Kaiba: And I am grateful. Now, I also remember that I swore I'd pay you back for rescuing my deck. How does five million dollars sound?

Yugi: Five million? I couldn't possibly...

Kaiba: Fine! Ten million, but that's the most I can spare!

*Scene: Yugi likes hanging out in his mind.*

Yami: You did it. You saved everyone, Yugi.

Yugi: We both did! *laughs* And I don't even know your name.

Yami: I've been called many things through the ages -- Pharaoh, Yugioh, I've been known as Yami.

Yugi: But, uhh... those are all modern terms.

Yami: Well, you didn't expect me to tell you my real name, did you? *hastily* It's not that I don't trust you, you understand, it's just that you'd tell everyone else, and you know how much power there is in a name...

Yugi: *lost* Uhh... yeah, no problem...

*Scene: The boys wrap up their conversation before they start getting odd looks.*

Yugi: Well, Yami, I'm proud to call you my friend.

Yami: Good. Because I'm proud to be one. And what I want to be, I am.

Yugi: *sweatdrops* I'm sure that's quite true, Yami...

*Scene: The gang goes home, gets changed, goes to school, and then stops by the hospital to pick up Yugi's grandfather.*

Yugi: Grandpa, maybe you should go home and rest. You did just get out of the hospital, you know.

Grandpa: We are heading home, Yugi. See? It's right over there. *points to the end of the block*

Yugi: It is? Weird! When did they put those trees in?

Joey: Before you 'n' me were born, Yuge.

Yugi: No way! Wow, talk about how time flies...

*The cheerleaders sweatdrop.*

*Scene: An existentialist girl shows up to say something that doesn't include "hello."*

Rebecca: Who might I be? I might be Rebecca, and I might have just arrived here in town, and I might've been waiting for you to show up. It's not nice to keep a lady waiting, you know.

Yugi: *giggles* "Lady?"

Rebecca: That's right! Are you saying I'm not a lady, buster?!

Joey: *laughs* You got it! Must be thiiis tall to enter. *holds a hand up a foot over Yugi's head*

Yugi: HEY!!

*Scene: Joey points out the dangers of travelling alone.*

Rebecca: Oh, yeah? Well, I can take care of myself, and if not, I've got Teddy to protect me. *coos* Isn't that right, Teddy?

Joey: She talks to the bear?!

Yugi: *defiantly* And I talk to my Puzzle! You have a problem with that, Joey?

Joey: *sweatdrops* Ah, no, of course not...

*Scene: Oh, the honor of being represented by an eight-year-old.*

Rebecca: I've traveled the world and beaten many top duelists while you were away. *giggles* Isn't that right, Teddy?

Grandpa: *dumbly* You've beaten top duelists around the world?

Rebecca: Yep! I dare say I'm the number one duelist in America!

Téa: Aren't you a little young?

Rebecca: I'm eight!

Joey: Yeah, inches tall.

Tristan: *patronizing* You really shouldn't tell lies, little girl.

Yugi: Wait! It may not be a lie. I mean, look at her clothes -- couldn't you believe that she's an American?

Tristan: Heh! Now that you mention it, they do look rather funky...

Teddy: *growls*

*Scene: A much, MUCH funnier joke, by Nathaniel.*

Rebecca: I dare say I'm the number one duelist in America!

Joey: Then what's Bandit Keith?

Rebecca: He's the intercontinental champion, you dolt. Of all of the duelists between continents, Bandit is the champ.

*Scene: Rebecca proclaims the right to duel for her "stolen" card.*

Rebecca: I've heard enough of your excuses! Duel me, old man, now! Listen, Solomon Moto, if I win this duel, then you give that Blue-Eyes White Dragon back to me!

Joey: What does it take to penetrate that thick skull of yours?!

Rebecca: To the arena!

Teddy: I will eat you alive! Grrr!

Yami: *happily* Ah, a threat! That gives me the right to turn it into a Punishment Game!

Yugi: *mentally* HEY!! I thought you were going to stop that!

Yami: There will always be those deserving of it, little one...

*Scene: Introducing two random duelists.*

Tim: Hey! All right! I win again! I love Kaiba Land, sis!

Elissa: You know, Kaiba isn't paying you to say that every five seconds, big brother.

Tim: *sulkily* Well, he could be...

*Scene: Introducing Mokuba the Junior Partner.*

Yugi: So, can you help us, Mokuba?

Mokuba: I don't see why people can't play with normal cards and boards anymore. They're becoming spoiled. *slyly* It's almost like you're trying to impress someone. So alright, you can duel.

Yugi: Thanks, Mokuba.

Rebecca: *pushes her way forward* Well, so what are we all waiting for? Let's get this duel on the road!

*Mokuba looks horrified.*

*Scene: Or, starting with the actual English line, and another random duelist... Scene by Nathaniel.*

Yugi: So, can you help us, Mokuba?

Mokuba: You're asking a lot, Yugi. You know, KaibaLand's duel rings are booked solid for the next three months. But, of course, we do owe you big time.

Yugi: Thanks, Mokuba!

Ken: Hey, I was next in line!

Mokuba: You stepped out of line! To the end with you!

Ken: ... *sobs*

*Scene: Overprotective offspring, twice removed.*

Yugi: He can't duel you. I'll face you instead.

Téa: But Yugi...!

Yugi: Grandpa was just released from this hospital this morning. He's in no condition to be dueling, Rebecca.

Joey: Yeah, but Yugi, you died yesterday! And I happen to know that you haven't slept in three days!

Yugi: *defensively* I caught a nap on the way back to Domino last night!

Tristan: Yeah, right before you almost fell out of Kaiba's helicopter.

*Yugi blushes sullenly while Rebecca laughs.*

*Scene: Floofy-hair coos happily over the new "clash of titans."*

Rebecca: Of course, it's still ordinary him against genius me, so he doesn't stand a chance of winning, does he, Teddy? ... *glares at the others, who have been laughing ever since "ordinary him"* You aren't taking me seriously!

*They just laugh harder.*

*Scene: Rebecca "kindly" offers Yugi another chance to back out.*

Rebecca: It'd be a lot easier just to give me the Blue-Eyes White Dragon! You're up against a genius, you know. *giggles* Ah, Teddy, isn't that right?

Teddy: Yep, yep, you're a genius, Rebecca! Grrr.

Yugi: *winces; mentally* Uhh, so, you wanna help me out with this one?

Yami: What, don't you think you can handle her, Yugi?

Yugi: With or without ripping my hair out?

*Scene: Yugi's Celtic Guardian destroys the Witch of the Black Forest, in the first duel that doesn't involve lots of shouting from Yami.*

Rebecca: I play Sangan in Attack Mode! *plays* Aww, he's so cute, isn't he?

Grandpa: Well, to each their own, I suppose.

Téa: *mutters* That's more generous than I'd be...

*Scene: Farewell, Sangan!*

Rebecca: You're so mean!

Yugi: *mutters* Gimme a break. *distressed* I'm not being mean, I'm just playing the game!

Rebecca: Did you hear that, Teddy? Nasty old Yugi is yelling at me!

Yugi: And I'm not yelling at you!! My voice is always this squeaky!!

Joey: Yeah, comes with bein' four feet tall.

Yugi: HEY!

*Scene: Floofy plays Tribute to the Doomed.*

Tristan: Am I having hallucinations, or did she just put on a totally different personality?

Joey: Hey, maybe she has a Yami, too!

Téa: ... I think I'm scarred for life...

*Scene: Rebecca takes a break from talking to herself to play.*

Rebecca: I play a magic card: Ring of Magnetism!

Yugi: Now why would she play that? Most girls I've met don't favor decapitated hands and zombies.

Joey: Cracked. Completely cracked.

*Scene: Another Witch of the Black Forest is sacrificed to allow the Cannon Soldier to attack Yugi's life points directly.*

Rebecca: Cannon Soldier, you got her energy, now blow Yugi away!

Yugi: Uhh! Nnh! *covers his face and tries to keep his balance* Damn it! What is Kaiba's obsession with building arenas that shake and shock with every received attack?! Someone's going to fall off and sue him one of these days!

Mokuba: *to himself, keeping an eagle's eye on the many security cameras* Well, that's why we wrote a liability clause into the payment agreement, now isn't it?

*Scene: Yugi's friends start to lose faith, as usual.*

Joey: She's real good. She must've learned dueling from somebody as experienced as you, Gramps!

Grandpa: Joey, you may be right.

Rebecca: Huh! I was taught by someone more talented than a Moto could ever be.

Tristan: See, that's why I hate talking to little kids. They never get the difference between things like "experience" and "talent."

Joey: Or "cute" and "infuriating."

*Scene: Yugi tries to imitate his Yami.*

Yugi: Now listen to me, Rebecca, I'm only going to say this one more time: My grandfather didn't steal your Blue-Eyes White Dragon!

Rebecca: You're lying! He did! He did! He did steal it! *throws a fit*

Téa: Well, since you said you wouldn't say it again, I guess she wins the argument, huh?

*Yugi buries his face in his hands.*

*Scene: Grandpa, bored with the duel, starts talking about his time in Egypt.*

Flashback Hawkins: You look like you could use some cool water. *offers a bottle*

Flashback Solomon: How can I ever thank you? *chugs*

Grandpa: I guzzled it down a little too quickly. But my new friend, Professor Arthur Hawkins, was just amused at my enthusiasm.

Flashback Hawkins: Ha ha ha! We're going to die of dehydration! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Flashback Solomon: o.o

*Scene: Discussion of Professor Hawkins.*

Grandpa: He was a kind and very brilliant man. But in his field of archeology, he was viewed as an extremely radical thinker.

Téa: How come?

Rebecca: Well, I dunno, maybe because he was an extremely radical thinker? Dum dum!

*Téa sighs.*

*Scene: Rebecca refuses to be drawn into the conversation.*

Grandpa: His study of hieroglyphics, the Ancient Egyptian's writing, kept turning up one particular word over and over again. And that one word was "fruitcake."

*Collective gasps.*

Téa: Fruitcake?!

Grandpa: Yes. Apparently the Ancient Egyptians were obsessed with fruitcake.

*Everyone blinks, mystified.*

*Scene: Professor Hawkins translates and explains some pretty pictures.*

Flashback Hawkins: If I'm correct, it has to do with incredible contests in which Ancient Egyptians participated. Contests with high stakes -- I believe duels.

Flashback Solomon: Duels? But... why would somebody bet a duel?

Flashback Hawkins: Well, I haven't worked out all the details yet, of course...

*Scene: Talking, talking, talking...*

Grandpa: In time, he discovered a link between the game and the Millennium Items.

Yugi: *cautiously* What kind of link?

Grandpa: Apparently, those who possessed the Items in ancient times became obsessed with the game of Duel Monsters!

Ancient Yami 1: I just love monsters, don't you?

Ancient Yami 2: They're so pretty!

Ancient Yami 3: I want to live in the Shadow Realm! It's so cool!

Ancient Yami 1: Why can't we keep the monsters as pets, huh??

Ancient Yami 2: It's so not fair!!

*Scene: More translations.*

Flashback Hawkins: The inscriptions tell of a place called the "Shadow Realm" where terrible monsters dwell and powerful warriors battle for dominion over the Earth. Apparently, the Ancient Egyptians actually played the game in that mysterious Realm and the stakes, according to this inscription, were the fate of the Earth!

Yugi: So the stories I heard are true!

Téa: Has nobody here ever heard of mythology?!

*Yugi and Joey look at her stupidly.*

Téa: *sighs* I guess not...

*Scene: The narrative takes a slight break while Rebecca resumes her insistence that Grandpa stole the BEWD.*

Grandpa: No, Rebecca, I didn't. I couldn't have, because at that precise moment, that ancient tomb caved in around us!

Rebecca: *rolls eyes* Well, then, you got out and stole it five minutes later! Or the next week! I mean, whatever.

*Scene: The adventurers had more oil for their lamp than water.*

Flashback Hawkins: Solomon?

Flashback Solomon: Yes, Arthur?

Flashback Hawkins: What would you say to a duel?

Flashback Solomon: Honestly? Not much. My tongue's pretty much stuck to the roof of my mouth by now.

*Scene: Rebecca throws another fit, stopping the story yet again.*

Rebecca: NO MORE LIES! Why should I believe you?! You could be making this whole stupid story up!

Téa: *indignantly* Mr. Moto doesn't lie!

Rebecca: Hmph! Well, I know my grandfather doesn't! And, okay, I didn't actually ask him what happened to the card before I left, but I'm sure he would've told me if it hadn't been stolen! ...even if I did kinda sneak out without telling him... *shouts* I STILL KNOW YOU'RE LYING!!

*Everyone else sweatdrops.*

*Scene: Hissy, hissy.*

Rebecca: I think we should finish this duel.

Joey: Oh, yeah? Well, some of us would like to hear the rest of this story first!

Rebecca: Well, you're just a stupid cheerleader, Mr. Second-at-Duelist-Kingdom! Who cares what you think?

Yugi: You know, she kinda has a point, though -- if we stay here too long, Mokuba's going to start charging us, good will or no.

Rebecca: Ooh, really? Well, let's keep talking, then!

*Scene: The game resumes as Yugi plays the Catapult Turtle.*

Yugi: Catapult Turtle lets me sacrifice any monster on my field. When I do, I am then able to deduct half of my sacrificed monster's attack power directly from my opponent's life points! *uses Brain Control to steal Rebecca's Millennium Shield*

Rebecca: *blinks* I hate losing my Millennium Shield and all, but you know it has no attack points! Why did you go into your whole spiel about getting to deduct them from my life points?

Yugi: *sweatdrops* Well, sometimes, one just needs to buy time... and if there's one thing knowledge is good for, it's that.

*Scene: Rebecca uses Judgement Blaster to get rid of the Summoned Skull -- and five of her own cards.*

Rebecca: Now I summon my favorite monster... Up from the depths comes the creepy and oh-so lovable Shadow Ghoul!

Joey: Up from the depths of what, man?

Tristan: Probably her deranged mind.

*The cheerleaders shudder.*

*Scene: Joey's counting skills are worse than an eight-year-old's. Don't you just love the American school system??*

Rebecca: Shadow Ghoul now has an attack power of 2700!

Yugi: What? You mean you sacrificed eleven monsters to the graveyard just so you could use their energy to power up your Shadow Ghoul?

Rebecca: You're just now catching on to my strategy, Yugi? You'll have to think a lot faster than that!

Yugi: *distressed* Rebecca...

Rebecca: Now what?

Yugi: You just threw away half the monsters in your deck, and I've defeated creatures with attack power twice that of the Shadow Ghoul! With Kuriboh, no less!

Rebecca: Huh! I can't believe you're comparing me to Kaiba!

Téa: *drolly* Oh, the dishonor.

*Scene: Yugi sounds so sad...*

Yugi: Duel Monsters isn't about tossing aside all your best creatures. Each monster has its own abilities and demands its own kind of respect. If you just throw them away...

Rebecca: *interrupts* Are you out of your mind?!

Yugi: *blinks, startled* Well, yes, frequently, but not right now... surprisingly enough...

Rebecca: o.o;

*Scene: Yugi's Dark Magician destroys the Defense-Mode Cannon Soldier, while Rebecca's monsters are frozen with the Swords of Revealing Light.*

Tristan: No matter what card Yugi draws next, that Ghoul's more powerful than ever. Rebecca's strategy seems to be working. Maybe she is a genius.

Joey: Don't count Yuge out yet! He learned from the master.

Tristan: Who, Kaiba?

Téa: Pegasus?

Joey: No, you dweebs! His GRANDPA!

Tristan: *grinning* But Yugi's too young to have to have learned from Kaiba's grandpa!

Téa: And he certainly hasn't been to America!

*Joey twitches and growls.*

*Scene: A tense minute after Yugi's Swords of Revealing Light wore off and he draws his final card...*

Yugi: I surrender, Rebecca.

Joey: I can't believe it! Yugi's given up!

Yami: *enraged* After all my effort -- after all my dedication -- he GIVES UP?! He SHOWS MERCY?! I'd disown him! How could he?!

Yugi: *mentally, and all-too innocently* Calm down, Yami! Here... have some Ducor.

*Yugi ducks out of the room, grinning, as Yami starts throwing things.*

*Scene: Mystification.*

Téa: I don't get it. Why did you surrender?

Joey: Yeah, what's up with that, Yuge?

Yugi: First you tell me why you're leaning on Tristan, then I'll explain.

Joey: *jumps away with a start -- and a blush* Ah, heh heh... Ah... no reason...

*Scene: Yugi spots a way to ditch The Ties of Friendship, that painful reminder of Duelist Kingdom.*

Rebecca: Oh, Yugi, I'm sorry!

Yugi: It's okay, Rebecca.

Rebecca: You mean you forgive me?

Yugi: Sure. Here, take this card.

Rebecca: *blinks* But why?

Yugi: Uhh... symbol of our new friendship... or something...

Rebecca: You just want me to shut up, don't you?

Yugi: Well, it was a hope.