Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ As If! ❯ Dungeon Dice Monsters, Pt. 1 ( Chapter 44 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

*Author's Note: I've two things to say, and then a few review-responses. So I'll get right to it!

First, thank you VERY much to Skye for that wonderful, beautiful, really just AMAZING fanart! Marik's so pretty! *giggles madly* And, yes, there really is something about the phrase "Marik licks his Millennium Rod!" that does something wonderful to the hearts of fangirls, isn't there? *grins*

Secondly, due to the kindness of Sasha, there will be four full chapters for Dungeon Dice Monsters. She wrote the third and fourth chapters for me, and so although I will assuredly add some scenes of my own in, that makes it very easy for me. So thank you to her, too! Also, there are some lines from her in here, too, that I was too lazy to mark. Yeah. ^_^;;

Now, reviews...

Nameless Laugher -- I honestly don't have that much of a problem with the name "Marik," since that is how the Japanese pronounce "Malik" anyway; and I also happen to like Duke's voice. If anything, Malik's Japanese voice was distressingly similar to Yugi's -- I have a heck of a time telling them apart! As for "Sim Lau" vs. "Sin Lau," I just went with what the closed captioning told me. "Sim Lau" would be pretty funny, though... heh.

Tefla - "I like your hair... It will make a good nest for my young." Oh, yeah, I LOVE that line. Had me in stitches for a couple of minutes, at least, when I wrote it! It's rare that I like something I wrote that much, but... oh, MAN, that was good. And Earu deserved a good line like that, too.

Shadow Vitani - Ahh, I'll keep writing this, I bet. I'm just desperate to get to try my hand on some serious fiction for a change. All I really want is a little, guilt-free break.

Everyone - Thank you so very much for telling me what you think!! I just love getting feedback. ^_^

Catling: Of course you do. You're a conceited brat with a big head.

DG: Oh, shut up.

Catling: Seriously! Your head accounts for over a third of your height!

DG: *wide-eyed* ... I guess it does, at that...*

*Scene: Yugi searches for his grandpa, rushes to get ready, and talks to himself, all at once.*

Yugi: Oh, I'm gonna be late for school. I gotta go! *sees his grandfather, who is sulking* What's the matter?

Téa: *running up* Good morning, Yugi!

Yugi: How's it going, Téa?

Téa: Mr. Moto, good morning.

Grandpa: Ha, good for you, maybe.

Téa: *glances at her watch* Considering that it looks like we'll both be getting detentions again, not really...

Yugi: *bounces* Can we be going, or what?

*Scene: Grandpa starts ranting about Egypt and Tibet before getting to the real problem -- a new game shop.*

Grandpa: They think they can drive me out of business selling their trendy new trash, but they have no respect for the gaming traditions, the true classics, because they only sell the fads of today.

Téa: Sounds like a pretty good business strategy to me...

*Scene: You can tell Duke's evil because of the clown statue over his door.*

Téa: Yugi, if your grandfather finds out we've been here, you're gonna be so grounded!

Yugi: Ah, what's the harm in a little window-shopping? Even if he does find out, I can always just say my yami made me do it.

Yami: *disgusted* Oh, yes. That was exactly how I was hoping to be introduced to your family.

*Yugi sweatdrops and laughs nervously.*

*Scene: Yugi's so shy that even just being handed an advertisement for Dungeon Dice Monsters makes him blush.*

Yugi: Wow, this looks like a pretty cool game, but I wonder how you play it?

Téa: *drolly* Because, of course, your grandfather wouldn't notice if you were suddenly hanging around his shop playing that...

*Scene: The voice-acting in this episode leaves something to be desired.*

Joey: Whoa, be still my beatin' heart. You sure? There's a spankin' new game shop?

Yugi: ... *confused* Uhh... Is he being sarcastic, or not?

Tristan: Um, well...

Téa: Naah. I don't think Joey's learned about sarcasm yet.

Joey: HEY!!

*Scene: Téa expresses surprise that a shop that rides the fashion wave is trying to hype a new game.*

Joey: You sayin' they got that Dungeon Dice Monsters?!

Tristan: Hey, how did you become a total expert all of a sudden?

Joey: A little thing called the newspaper. Ever heard of it, genius?

Téa: What?! That kind of stuff isn't in the newspaper!

Joey: *sweatdrops and blushes* Uhh, well, of course it is! What are you talkin' about?

Tristan: *puts a calming hand on Téa's shoulder* Just let it go...

*Scene: Téa also expresses surprise that Joey reads a newspaper.*

Joey: I read 'em when I'm out deliverin' 'em, okay?

Téa: Ah-ha! So you were the one who broke our window, then!

Joey: Yeah, well, I'd like to see how well you could throw while you're readin'!

*Scene: Please don't ask me about this joke, or I'll start to whimper.*

Téa: Why are you delivering newspapers?

Joey: *annoyed* Listen, Téa, I don't get one of them big fat allowances. I just need a little extra spendin' money, that's all.

Téa: Yeah? What for?

Bakura: *walks over* Hey, guys, what's up?

Joey: *blushes and stammers* H-hey, Bakura! Uh, g-good, good!

Téa: ... On second thought, never mind.

*Scene: Look reaaally carefully, and you'll see that Duke's six dice fail to have unique sides showing. Pity -- I'd hoped he was magical.*

Duke: Show time! *scoops up his dice and shakes them* Keep your eyes on me, ladies.

Tristan: *sweatdrops* Seems to me that that isn't their issue.

*Scene: Oh, wait, he is magical -- they're all lined up now. My mistake.*

Joey: Listen, Téa, if I wanted, I could be just as popular, but I don't want to stoop to the level of that two-bit Houdini. I got my self-respect, and I got more talent in my little pinkie than he'll ever have!

Téa: Hmm... *pokes Joey's fist* Doesn't seem to be doing much right now. Or is playing "turtle" one of its talents?

Tristan: Maybe it's about to do the world a favor by getting the rest of his fingers to shove themselves in Joey's mouth to shut him up!

Téa: Now that would be good!

*Scene: Tristan's just a doubting Thomas.*

Joey: I got more talent in my little pinkie than he'll ever have!

Tristan: If you count talking with food in your mouth a talent.

Joey: Didn't you catch any of my moves in the Duelist Kingdom, you numbskull?!

Tristan: Now you're adding "lucky" to your list of talents?

Joey: You got that right!

Yugi: *to himself* Can't say I disagree... *fiddles with his Puzzle*

Yami: *sleepily, annoyed* Hey! Stop that!

*Scene: Poor Bakura. Why did he have to leave?*

Joey: You're lucky I don't rearrange your face!

Yugi: *laughing* Save it for the dueling ring, guys!

Yami: I think I'm starting to have a bad influence on you, Yugi.

Yugi: *mentally, annoyed* You and Bakura keep saying that...

Yami: And that makes it less true?

Yugi: No, it makes it more annoying!

*Scene: Joey's bragging gets annoying enough that Duke challenges him to a game -- much to everyone's delight.*

Duke's cheerleaders, hereafter called the "Fangirls": Duke! Duke! Is sooo cute!

Joey: *sniggering to himself* When I beat that dice dork, those girls are going to be cheering "Joey."

Yami: Perhaps I'm just being inartistic, but I can't think of anything that rhymes with "Joey" -- or at least, nothing positive.

*Scene: Duke manages to get a "dice" out from under a cup without touching it, by tricking Joey into doing it for him.*

Joey: *growls* You're nothing but a dirty, rotten con-artist! If you were a real man, you'd play a real game!

Tristan: Seems to me that if you were a real man, you'd have a real brain.

*Joey snarls.*

*Scene: Joey challenges Duke to a game of Duel Monsters, but Duke insists they play with all-new cards.*

Yugi: What's fair about that?! If you're not playing with your own cards, then the game's just pure luck! Besides, there's an awful lot of cards that we've never even seen before.

Joey: Have a little faith, pal-o'-mine. Was I or was I not a finalist in the Duel Monsters Championship?

Yugi: Yeah, Joey, but I don't think I... *stops abruptly*

Yami: *mentally* Hold it! There is no way I'm letting you say that you wouldn't accept that challenge, aibou.

Yugi: *same* But... Yami...!

Yami: I said, no.

Yugi: *grumbling sigh* Alllright...

*Scene: Joey accepts -- probably because he considers luck to be one of his talents -- and Duke suggests they make a wager.*

Duke: Excellent. But playing a game for fun is so pointless...

Yami: *blinks slowly* I rather think I like him.

*Scene: If you think about it, all three lines here could actually refer to toast.*

Téa: He's toast.

Tristan: Burnt to a crisp.

Yugi: Yeah, looks like Joey's getting in over his head again.

Joey: You can't seriously think I'm gonna lose to a guy with a die stuck in his ear?!

Téa: I don't think it's actually stuck in his ear, Joey...

Joey: *makes a fist and mutters* Well, maybe it ain't yet, but the day's still young...

*Scene: Duke cordially invites them all to watch their friend be beaten and to insult his cheerleaders.*

Yugi: *thinking* Why do I think this isn't gonna end well?

Yami: You're smarter than the average lima bean?

Yugi: That... could be it.

*Scene: Joey selects his cards, which took far less time than I remembered...*

Joey: This place is huge!

Duke: Actually, this is the smallest ring in the place -- but it does have all the bells and whistles.

Tristan: *mutters* Whaddya wanna bet that it's the only ring in the place?

Téa: And the dorkiest thing in the whatsit.

*Yugi laughs.*

*Scene: The "bells and whistles," it turns out, include...*

Joey: TV cameras?!

Duke: Yeah, I have a little theory that the bigger the audience, the better the performance.

Téa: Thus contradicting years of documented psychological research...

*Scene: Actually, the data only shows that people do worse when they have a bigger audience than they did when they practiced -- but I'm sure you all don't care about that.*

Duke: That's why I've decided to broadcast this match live to the entire world!

Téa: I'm not sure I like the fact that he's rich enough to be able to get that much airtime at three-hours' notice.

Tristan: Yeah, but those other girls don't seem to mind.

Téa: *looks at the fangirls, disgusted* So I see.

*Scene: Joey threatens Duke with dire Duel-Monster-related harm, making the fangirls burst into tears.*

Duke: *in a voice that could soothe a raging lion, unless it was male* Don't worry. I've never disappointed my loyal fans yet.

Fangirls: *delighted just to be looked at* Duke! Duke! He's our man! If he can't do it, nobody can! Duke! Duke! He's our man! If he can't do it...

Téa: *makes a big show of yawning*

Joey: Grr... CLAM UP!! *runs off to duel, in hopes of getting them to stop -- eventually*

Tristan: I'll give you this, Téa -- your friendship rants might get annoying, but at least you go to the effort of varying the wording.

Téa: *tic* GRRR... *whacks Tristan*

Tristan: *swirly-eyed, weakly* It was a compliment...!

*Scene: The duel begins, meaning that it's time for me to start making myself look like an idiot by ignorance.*

Duke: For my first move, I'll attack with... Oni Tank T-34!

Téa: I'm almost afraid to ask, but... what happened to Oni Tanks T-1 through T-33?

Tristan: *shrugs* Guess they got outdated.

Téa: Doesn't really bode well for Oni Tank T-34, does it?

Tristan: Not really...

*Scene: Joey responds with Sword Hunter.*

Joey: Hey, Puke Devlin, why don't you quit before my sword guy messes up your pretty hair?

Fangirl 1: Hair... *_*

Fangirl 2: So pretty... *_*

Fangirls: *giggling sighs*

Téa: They... disturb me...

Tristan: *jumps slightly* Huh? Sorry, I was just thinking about how professional Joey sounds calling his monsters things like "Sword Guy."

*Téa laughs.*

*Scene: Duke plays Dark Bat in Defense, and a facedown card.*

Joey: A bat?! If that's the best you got, you're sayin' "bye-bye, card shop!"

Yugi: You know, Dracula was a bat...

Duke: I'm afraid the relevance of that is a little too complex for your friend to get.

Joey: Ha, ha, very funny...

*Scene: Joey's Mad Sword Beast appears to have a rather loose definition of what constitutes a "sword."*

Duke: Since your strongest monster went off to an early grave, now would be an excellent time for me to go on the attack.

Tristan: Is it just me, or aren't most times good times to attack?

Téa: Well, maybe they're good, but not excellent?

Tristan: Oh, come on, don't you think that's being a little picky?

Téa: It's not like I was saying that I thought that...

*Scene: Duke's Spikebot (with Spike Attack!) destroys the Mad Sword Beast.*

Téa: Come on, Joey, concentrate! Duke Devlin's just trying to psyche you out! Don't let that joker get to you!

Tristan: If you lose, you're gonna have to do whatever he tells ya! Don't you forget that!

Yugi: *the only one not freaking out* How is doing a simple, straight-forward attack being unfair?

Yami: *mentally* You see why I can't stand them?

Yugi: *lying -- badly* Uhh... no...

*Scene: The Goblins'! Attack Force! destroys Spikebot.*

Joey: *laughing* Yeah! You don't have a snowball's chance in Hades now, Duke Deadman!

Téa: *sweatdrops, annoyed* He does realize that Hades is a person, doesn't he?

Yugi: *sighs* Probably not, no.

*Scene: Duke plays Gradius, Limiter Removal, and...*

Duke: Fairy Meteor Crush!

Joey: *snorts* "Fairy"... Heh... You're lucky that ain't really your deck, 'cause otherwise I would mock you so bad...

Téa: Yeah, so badly.

*Tristan laughs.*

*Scene: Alas, that Fairy Meteor Crush card neatly bypasses the rule that says you have to attack monsters before life points.*

Duke: It's a pity this match was so short. I was hoping for an actual challenge, but it was not meant to be. The only thing that cheers me up is knowing that you'll soon become my servant for an entire week!

Téa: *smirks* Hear that, girls? He doesn't care about what you think at all! ... YACK! *Téa ducks behind Yugi to hide from the flung pompoms of the fangirls*

*Scene: Same.*

Duke: The only thing that cheers me up is knowing that you'll soon become my servant for an entire week!

Tristan: You know, I almost feel sorry for Duke. Only being happy when he can put others down? That's kinda sad.

Joey: Hey!! You're supposed to be on my side, here!

Tristan: *smirks* "Supposed to be" and "are" are two different things...

*Scene: Gradius goes on the attack.*

Téa: He wiped out all of Joey's Goblins, and the rest of his Life Points!

Tristan: *wide-eyed* And then... it exploded...

Téa: *staring at where Gradius used to be* Uhh... yeah... *blink, blink*

*Scene: I'm starting to see why people think fangirls are annoying.*

Fangirls: Duke's so cool! Devlin rules! He's the master of all duels!

Tristan: It's times like this I wish I carried a sword...

*Scene: One of the fangirls snippily orders Joey into a dog suit.*

Duke: I hope that you're a man of your word, Joey-boy. I'm looking forward to having an obedient dooog for the next week.

Joey: *holding the suit with distaste* Seems to me you already got some. Why, you didn't even need to tell 'em what to do! You just snapped your fingers and them girls came runnin'!

*Joey gets whacked down by an angry fangirl.*

*Scene: Yugi 'n' friends are not making it any easier on Joey.*

Yugi: Hey, knock it off, Duke Devlin! Just 'cause you won doesn't mean you can put Joey down!

Duke: Oh? And I suppose it would have been fair if he had won and told me to close down the game shop that I just spent thousands on? *scathing* Oh, wait, of course it would, what was I thinking? He's your friend -- and your friends can do no wrong, can they?

Téa: Am I the only one getting the feeling that he knows a little too much about us?

Tristan: I wouldn't have thought that Duke would have made a good stalker, considering the horde of squealing girls that keeps following him around...

*Scene: Am I the only one wondering if "put Joey down" is another dog joke? Er, anyways, same place, by CHM.*

Yugi: Hey, knock it off, Duke Devlin!

Yami: *mentally* At least the dog suit would look better on Joey than the rug.

*Yugi shudders.*

Yami: What'd I say?

*Scene: Duke has clearly spent hours practicing his dice-flicking skills.*

Joey: *rubbing his head* Ahh! Oww..

Duke: You're a dog now, Joey. You don't say "ouch." You say "woof woof."

Fangirl: Yeah! Woof woof!

Téa: Aww, look at that! He's got a whole pack of dogs, now!

Tristan: Hehe... Pretty females dogs, too, huh? *elbows Joey suggestively*


Yugi and Téa: Eww...

*Scene: Joey has been in the dog suit for all of two seconds.*

Yugi: I have to put a stop to this. Yu-Gi-Oh!!

Yami: *takes over* Duke Devlin, your cruel stunt has gone on long enough! I challenge you to a duel! And when I have defeated you, you will declare Joey a free man again! I mean, it's bad enough he has to be in that dog suit now... But if Kaiba sees this, and he's sure to turn it on eventually, then I'll lose my only shot at him, because I know how he feels about that! ... *notices the others looking at him oddly* I mean... lose my chance of getting him as a priest again! Not that he made a great High Priest, but every pharaoh's got to have something, right? Er, right? *sees the others' disbelieving looks and groans* Oh, I am so screwed...

*Scene: Is it just me, or do those cheerleaders look really embarrassed about how short their skirts are?*

Duke: Excellent, but we will play a game of my own choosing. We will battle to the finish in a game called... Dungeon Dice Monsters!

Yami: *aggrieved* SEE, Téa? Do you realize how much better off I'd be right now if you'd let me learn how to play it before like I wanted to? Did you ever think of that?

Téa: *wide-eyed* You plan that far ahead?

Yami: *mutters* I have something better to do?

*Scene: Let's take a moment to look over Yami's new outfit, shall we? Skin-tight shirt, alternately striped, plain, or pocketed jacket, tight pants, high-healed shoes... ...If you think I have a point with this, then you obviously don't know me very well.*

Duke: We will battle to the finish in a game called Dungeon Dice Monsters! And when you are the loser, you will give the title "King of Games" to me. *sepulchrally* And you will swear on your grandfather's life never to play Duel Monsters again.

Téa: That is going too far!

Tristan: Yeah, Yugi, you've got too much to lose! This is completely crazy!

Yami: *shrugs* I'm not saying that I would embrace that consequence, but it wouldn't exactly be a life-ending loss for me. Besides, there are always other games one can play... ...would you like to see some of the things I can do with knives?

Téa: *disturbed* Uh, no?

Yami: *shrugs again* Your loss.

*Scene: Yami has finely manicured nails. Strange, but true.*

Yami: Duke, I will accept your conditions! I will not let you destroy the dignity of a friend!

Joey: Tell me, Yuge -- how does you fightin' my battle for me, on international television, make me feel all that much better about myself? Doncha think that maybe I'd rather you let me do what I hafta do, rather than bailin' me out all the time? ...didn't we have a big fight about this at Duelist Kingdom?!

Yami: Yes, but it was different back then. Now I barely get out at all -- I'm having to resort to cheap ploys like this.


Yami: *confused* Who else would I be feeling sorry for?