Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Devotion ❯ It's All Right ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh. Although I wouldn't mind Yami & Yugi plushies.

This could be interpreted as one-sided YY/Y, if you're inclined that way. I know I am! Depends if you consider there to be a difference between love and devotion.

Devotion

It's all right.

I'd rather have it this way.

It's better that he hates me than hate himself.

It's all my fault anyway.

I promised myself that I would help him become strong, that I would teach him, that I would be his partner, not his owner.

Even though I want to keep him young and innocent and…weak, forever. So that he'll need me forever.

He gave me life and thought and hope, and I have nothing else to give him but protection.

I owe him everything. He should be showered with gold and gems, held safe in a palace, worshipped as a god for his purity and kindness.

But I am only a poor, lost soul, and I can give him nothing, only take. Take breath and word and action in his place. Steal them. I tell myself I do it for him, but…

But am I doing it only for myself? I want so much to live, am I stealing his life?

He's lost so much because of me. Sure, I may have protected him and his friends from a few bullies, but the greatest tragedy of his young life has been because of me.

Pegasus stole his grandfather's soul. No, that's not the truth. He won it. From me. Because I wasn't good enough. Because he wanted the Millennium Puzzle. Wanted me.

He could have taken me then. I don't know much, but somehow it come to me that although it would be a rather fatal idea to steal me, he who defeats me owns me.

Owns me. Am I a slave? The slave of the puzzle, like the genies in the stories I see in Yugi's memory?

It would be all right to be a slave, as long as I am Yugi's.

But I might not be for very long, and perhaps it is for the best. If I am gone from him, than he will not be in danger from me any more.

Danger. From me. I don't want to fail him any more.

Pegasus wants to hurt him. I could see it in his eyes. There is within him, behind his clownish mask, a despair as deep as my own. As though he too has failed someone he loves, and fears he cannot make it up, but would kill himself to try.

When his gaze lingers on the puzzle, there is longing in his eyes. He needs it. It is the key to his black heart's desire. He would kill for it without hesitation. He would cause pain to gain it with glee.

He is hurt, and misery loves company, as Yugi has said. I only wish he did not wish my partner…No, I have no right to call him that…Yugi, to suffer with him.

This sick game he plays with Kaiba: it's so transparent.

Pegasus possesses a Millennium Item. It has the power to read minds and transport people to the Shadow Realm. If he can do this to me, who am a part of a Millennium Item, it'd be simple to do it to Kaiba.

I know somehow that the shadow realm is dangerous, though there is no peril to me in it.

But an unprepared soul would be lost in its depths.

If Kaiba duels Pegasus, he will lose. All Pegasus has to do is wait until the first time Kaiba draws, and transport him to the Shadow Realm then.

His soul would be sucked out of his body, right into Pegasus' hands. And Kaiba's hand would fall atop his deck, signaling surrender.

That isn't the way it will be however. Pegasus wants to play. Wants others to suffer as much as he is. He'll play with Kaiba, give him hope.

I don't want to see this. But I'll have to. Any clues I can gain about the nature of Pegasus' powers and strategies…

In the end, however, Kaiba will lose his soul. And Pegasus' powers will increase.

Ironic, isn't it? By fighting to save his little brother from Pegasus, Kaiba has made it harder for anyone to rescue him, by making Pegasus stronger. Pegasus must be laughing his head off.

Pegasus, I think I hate you.

I knew all this, and yet I still let Kaiba go to this fate, doom Mokuba when he was willing to lose his life to save him.

It's all my fault. All my fault.

All because I was so used to being in command, to making all the decisions in duels, that I didn't tell the one I want to call my partner what I planned.

All because all my efforts, all my attempts at repayment, hadn't been enough to show him I would not harm anyone innocent.

All because in my fear that he would fear me, I hadn't let him know the extent of my powers.

All because I hadn't ever truly talked to him, not telling him what to do in a duel, but as equals.

All because I'm not worthy of him.

If I was, he would have known I was capable of stopping Kaiba from falling off the ledge, as I stopped Panik's flames from touching us.

If I was, I would have told him that I intended to do that, instead of just charging ahead without consulting him.

If I was worthy of his trust, he would have trusted me.

When he told me to stop, I was shocked. I obeyed without thought. At least I'm not in the habit of consciously going against his wishes.

Perhaps I should have stayed in control, carried out my plan, proved to him that he could trust me.

It's too late now.

Kaiba is doomed, and it's all my fault.

Yugi hates me, no worse: fears me, and it's all my fault.

At first, I tried to tell him he was wrong, that I never intended to kill Kaiba.

He shut me out. And thank god.

Because the pain he's feeling now is nothing next to that he would be feeling.

Because even though it is all my fault, he would blame himself for Kaiba's fate.

More that that: even though I am not worthy of it, he thinks of me, well, used to think of me, as somewhat of a friend.

What kind of friend assumes that someone who has never done anything not meant to help them is a murderer?

But… I am.

So, it is right that he hates me.

I deserve it.

All I want, is that he not hate himself.

I don't mind.

…It's all my fault.

Author's Note:

First fic, if you review I will love you forever, but if you flame I expect you to pay my hospital bills: I am violently allergic to stupidity. If you like Y/Y I have a huge collection, look in my favorite authors and stories.