Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Got Malik??? ❯ The Insanity Begins!!! ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

Malik: WAHOOOOO!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

BA: O.o What's up with him?

Bakura: *shrugs* How should I know?

BA: *to Malik* What's up?

Malik: I GOT GIFTS!!!!

BA: You did? Lemme check *looks at the computer* Hmm…figure that…the blonde is right…

Malik: *ignores the 'blonde' part* see! Toldja!!! Now give 'em to me!

BA: Hold up…not all are for you though…

Malik: WHAT???

BA: But you still get a lot!!! ^__^" Bakura gets some too!

Bakura: YESSSSSSS!!!

Malik: >.< just get on with it!

BA: Ok…*takes out list* From Kawaii Chibi Neko, a new dagger, the Millennium Puzzle and a killing spree for-

Malik: Thank you for the-

BA: They ain't for you.

Malik: WHAT?!!!!

BA: It's for Bakura.

Bakura: *smugly* I'll take these…and I'll take my leave…*goes away to kill random people*

BA: I pity the people who are about to get killed.

Malik: No you don't.

BA: You're right…

Malik: How'd she get the Puzzle anyway?

BA: Dude, she's an authoress.

Malik: But what about my gifts???!!!! This fic is about ME,dammit, ME!!!

BA: You have lots of gifts!!! Patience is a virtue…

Malik: -_- Whoever said I had virtues anyway?

BA: Forget it. The next is…a question for Bakura.

Malik: Bakura, Bakura, Bakura!!! It's all about Bakura!!! This is supposed to be about me!!!

BA: Aww…don't worry, Blondie, there's more to come…

Malik: I feel so unloved…what did you call me?

BA: Umm…nothing! So, since, he isn't here, I'll ask him when he returns. *looks through reviews* MALIK!!!

Malik: What?

BA: You got a question to answer!

Malik: *perks up*

BA: It's from Kasia and she wants to know how you keep your hair so pointy.

Malik: Are you sure you want to ask me this? I think you should ask Marik or the bulimic Pharaoh. But anyway, to answer your question, oh kind reviewer…IT'S THE POWER OF THE MOUSSE!!!

BA: Mousse???

Malik: Yep. They do wonders.

BA: Since when were you an expert on hair care?

Malik: Since my hair is so nice that keep the fangirls coming in!!! ^_^ and that's only one of the few things that-

BA: Uhh, yeah. That's nice, Malik, she also gives you a new flamethrower with extra gasoline.

Malik: Thank you!!!

BA: *mutters* Better get the fire extinguishers ready…

Malik: Are there anymore???

BA: Yeah, question from Jem, her Yami.

Malik: Shoot.

BA: -_- The question's not for you, baka, it's for me. Anyway, yes, Marik will make appearances. When, I'm not sure yet…maybe next chapter if you want…*hint, hint*

Bakura: I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!

BA: Oh great! 'Kura!!! I have a question for you! ^_____^

Bakura: Oh no…this won't be good for me, isn't it?

BA: Yep!

Bakura: *sarcastically* Greeeeeaaaaaaaaaat

Malik: You like dragging your words, don'tcha?

Bakura: Shut up, beach boy, just ask the question.

BA: Okay, a-ahem. The question is, and I quote, 'If you got the chance, would you kiss Ryou and tell him how you really feel?'

Bakura: O.O What?!

Malik: *grins* Oh, come on, Bakura, you know you heard it, so do tell…

Bakura: *glares at him* shut up.

Malik: >=P Make me!

Bakura: Fine! I will--!

BA: Both of you shut up! Now, Bakura, answer the damn question!

Bakura: Fine. I don't know about the first part, but I will tell him that if he doesn't get away from my new dagger, I'll castrate him and kick his little ass!!!

Ryou: *from wherever he is* *squeaks*

BA: uhh…ok! Next part! Ryuujitsu, the one who asked the question, also gives you a Ryou plushie!!! ^__^ Aww…that is just so sweet!!!

Bakura: *Takes plushie and heads up to his room blushing*

BA: Malik, you get a flamethrower modeled after Dilandau's own!!! *insert drum roll* Flamethrower Alseides Deluxe!!!

Malik: Yessss!!! More to add on to my rapidly growing collection! *psychotic look and rubs hands together*

BA: Okaaaay, now that is just freaky. What do you prefer, hotdogs or tacos?

Malik: O.O Okay, I'm not even going to answer…a really bad mental image has just appeared…I am forever scarred…

BA: What is it??? Tell me!

Malik: You really want to know?

BA: Uh-huh!!!

Malik: *whispers to her*

BA: Eeewww!!!

Malik: I know.

BA: Moving right along…Malik here are questions from Tengoku-chan and Yasha-sama. Do you sing in the shower? I wanna know!! Do you, do you?

Bakura: YES HE DOES!!!

BA: Reeaaally???

Bakura: Yep!!!

BA: Is this true Malik?

Malik: Of course not!

Bakura: *singsong* Someone's in denial...besides, I could prove it! *takes out tape recorder*

Malik: *slow motion* NOOOOOOOO!!! *dives for the flame thrower but misses*

Bakura: *plays it*

Malik'srecorded voice: *water dropping in the background* Yoooooouuuu're heeeeeeere, theeeeeeeeeeeere's noooooooooothing I feeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaar aaaaaaaand I knooow that the heart wiiiiiiiiiiill gooooo ooooooon………

Bakura: *stops it*

BA: Wow…Malik…that was…

Bakura: Horrible

BA: That's…a nice way of putting it…

Bakura and BA: AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Malik: -_- ok, you two can stop now.

BA and Bakura: *shuts up*

BA: The next question is…How many people have you killed?

Malik: ^_^ Now, a question I can answer!!! 8,213,521.5 ^____^

BA: Point five???

Malik: Yeah, 'coz I cut the guy in half then his lower limbs ran away.

BA: Ooookaaaay…SPLASH!!! ^__________^

Malik and Bakura: O.o o. O

BA: Hey, don't give me that look…she's the one that put that it in there…

Bakura: Suuuuure…whatever.

Malik: Next question.

BA: They're asking if you could kill Tea/Anzu.

Malik: ^________^ My pleasure!!!

BA: How long is your rod?

Malik: That depends. Which one? *suggestive grin*

BA: -_- The Millennium Rod, hentai.

Malik: I dunno…go ask the animators…

BA: *sarcastically* thank you for the oh-so enlightening info.

Malik: No prob! ^_^

Bakura: -_- dense idiot.

BA: Do you like Bacon?

Malik: What does this have to do with anything?

BA: I dunno. Have you ever visited muffinfilms.com?

Malik: Muffin-what?

Ryou: *suddenly appears* Ooh! I have! I have! The muffins were simply adorable!!! ^__________^

Bakura: -_- Sure it was, Ryou.

BA: From Evil Authoress, she asks why you love that 'kawaii lavender belly shirt' so much.

Malik: Well, like you said, it is kawaii and besides, I do look good in it, don't I? *strikes a pose*

BA: The next one is fr-

Bakura: Hold up! There's something else there.

BA: Hehe…*Shifty eyes* what are you talking about?

Bakura: Give it.

BA: No.

Malik: *Grabs the list* Ha! *looks at it* hmmm….hey! I get a date!

BA: Then go already! Have fun and go to hell for all I care!

Malik: Bye, people! *goes to pick up Evil Authoress*

Bakura: Somebody's jealous.

BA: *coolly* Who? You?

Bakura: I was actually talking about you.

BA: Whatever. You get another present!!! ^____^

Bakura: You like delaying the inevitable, don't you? Just give it to me.

BA: Fine. -_- ruin the mood. You get the 'how to get all the millennium items in 10 easy steps' book.

Bakura: I could do it myself, but a little extra help won't hurt!

BA: Oh, and Bakura, you get a date with Kitiara too!

Bakura: Fine…where do I pick her up?

BA: She's here now.

*A brunette with blue-green eyes and slightly olive skin appears*

Kitiara: BAKURA-SAMA!!!*glomps him* ^_^

Bakura: *is getting choked* need…air…can't…breath…

Kitiara: sorry, Bakura-sama!

Bakura: Hmm…Bakura-sama…I like the sound of that!

Kitiara: Sooo…where do we go…

Kitiaraand Bakura: *leaves*

BA: *mutters* and then there was one…guess I'll just wait for them to return.

**~~*~~** A few hours later **~~*~~**

Malik and Bakura: *arrive home*

BA: WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU TWO BEEN???

Bakura: Our dates, duh.

BA: THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION YOU MOP-HEADED RICE CAKE!!

Malik: HAHAHA!!! Mop-headed rice cake!!!

BA: Shut up, Muffin! *calms down* ok, you guys have more gifts.

Malik and Bakura: Yes! ^o^

BA: For the questions, from Phoenix Tamer, Malik, Bakura, boxers or briefs?

Bakura: WTF?

Malik: Are they allowed to ask that?

BA: Yep. Now answer.

Malik: Boxers.

Bakura: Boxers.

BA: Silk?

Malik and Bakura: O.o Wha--?

BA: Hehe…Fave colors?

Malik: Black…yes…black…

Bakura: Red…blood…blood good… *psychotic look*

BA: O.o riiiiight…girlfriend?

Bakura: Nope, none, and not looking.

Malik: Same here. I LIKE PLAYING THE FIELD, BABY! ^-^

BA: You two are players…I never knew…OoO Oh, and you have gifts from her too!

Malik: What? What?

BA: Malik, you get all the three Egyptian God Cards, and for the both of you…*snaps fingers*…*a hog-tied Yami with a gag in his mouth appears*

Malik: >.>

Bakura: <.<

Malik and Bakura: ^_______________^ THANKS!!!

Yami: *eyes widen* MMPHHFPPHS!!! YHSKHHHSPHSHSHHHH!!!

Malik: What was that?

Yami: NNSMSHSHHH!!

Malik: Can't hear you!

Bakura: NEXT!!!

BA: Fine, be like that. From Nana No Yami-

Malik: Nana No Yami?

BA: Yeah, her questions are, Malik, why are your eyes purple?

Malik: 'coz it's damn hot!!! And…it's in the genes. *starts batting eyelashes*

BA: keep telling yourself that…What's with the earrings?

Malik: 'Coz if I can't be Pharaoh, I might as well look like one! Stupid Yami!!! He's in my way!!! *glares at the hog-tied Yami*

BA: Okaaay, back to the topic, please? Could she borrow your-what the hell? Lipstick?

Malik: Lipstick?

Bakura: Lipstick?

Yami: Lishhchtk?

BA: I didn't know you used lipstick…I knew you used kohl, but lipstick?

Malik: I do not use lipstick!!!

BA: Sure you don't. Which is better, cats or dogs?

Malik: Where did that come from? I prefer…dogs.

BA: Why?

Malik: Because women are like cats, rub them the wrong way and they scratch your eyes out. (got that…somewhere…)

BA: Are not!

Malik: Are too!

BA: Nuh-uh! Vanilla or Chocolate?

Malik: BOTH!!! I LOVE BOTH!!! IT'S ALL GOOD….YESSSS!!!!

BA: Yep, I must agree. Oh you have a message from Monkikee.

Bakura: What is it?

BA: Monkikee says that you, Malik, rocks and Bakura is hot.

Malik: I just never get tired of hearing that!

Bakura: Me either!

BA: Don't let it get to your heads.

Malik and Bakura: Too late! ^o^

BA: -_- Malik, a question from Sakura-chan10…

Malik: Yes???

BA: *takes deep breath* promise you won't lose your temper?

Malik: Yeah. Now what's the question?

BA: *takes another deep breath* Do you like Anzu?

Bakura: O.O

Malik: F*** no!!! What the hell gave her that idea?

BA: Because you always mind control her!

Malik: Not always! I think it was just two times!!!

Anzu: *comes in* Ooooh, Malik!!! I heard you loved me!

Malik: You heard wrong, biatch! *takes out flamethrower and kills her* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

BA: Hey, Tengoku-san and Yasha-sama…you got your request! ^_^ And here's a question from Sleeping Koneko: If anything is possible, is it possible that nothing is possible?

Malik: Honestly, people. Do I look like a Philosopher to you??? Hmm…'tis a toughie…I dunno…technically it is, basing on the first part of the quote.

Bakura: Wow, Malik, that sounded so smart.

Malik: I know! ^_^

BA: Will you be her friend?

Malik: What? Umm…

BA: She says please…

Malik: Ummm…'Kura…a little help here.

Bakura: You're on your own.

Malik: -_- gee. Thanks.

BA: Fine, you two are so mean! Her gifts for are: Malik and Bakura, you get a wish and a hug.

Malik: Wha--*is hugged*

Sleeping Koneko: MALIIIK!!! *lets go and hugs the white-haired bishie* 'KURAAA!!! ^______^ Ok, that's it. Bye!

BA: That was….fast…

Bakura: Yeah…

BA: MORE QUESTIONS AND GIFTS!!! Malik, from Nami the Tomb Robber Girl, do you find it freaky that people pair you up with Ryou?

Malik: it is a little disturbing since I'm straight, but I must say, Ryou's good-looking! ^_^ almost as good as I am!

Bakura: Hands off the Hikari, Malik!!!

Malik: Whatever.

BA: *looks at list* O.O

Malik: What?

BA: ^___________________________^ I get a gift! I get a gift!!! Finally! Someone who cares about me! Hmmm….*reads list* Yes, yes, I shall…*smiles evilly* Oooooh Maaaaaaaliiiiiiiiik!!! Listen to this! *plays his dubbed voice*

Malik: O.O AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! My ears!!! THEY BURN!!! STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP IIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!

BA: *frowns* fine…KJ…humph…I get another gift too! The Many Ways to Torture Certain Anime Characters by NtTRG!!! Cool! Oooh, cool baseball bat and bunnies too!

BA: *yawns* I gotta go to sleep. It's really late now and I gotta go to school tomorrow! But don't worry, I'll update as often as I can. And if your gifts haven't appeared here, it'll be in the next chapter. I'll post it up Saturday at the latest, ok? Maybe, if you guys give me good feedback, I'll post it up tomorrow! *hint, hint* Ok, TTFN!!!

Malik and Bakura: Bye. *yawns as well*