Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Perverted Commercials ❯ Chapter 2 ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Chapter 2: The YAOI Madness begins!

Warning: SLIGHT YAOI!!!

Hi peeps, I'm back. This is a short chapter cause I have to edit some essays… -_- but I thought I should write this because I received such kind reviews! *beams *


Jar of Pills does not own Yu-Gi-Oh!

B-Chan: Gods know what she's do with it if she did.

YKNII: *foams at the mouth * all the colors of the rainbow…SKITTLES!

JoP: o__-?

B-Chan: She has had way too many Tic Tacs for today

JoP: okay…

Title: Perverted Commercials

Rating: R

Warnings: Everything!! If you value your sanity, RUN FOR IT!!! Oh, and if you don't like yaoi, THEN GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FIC! Understand? Good.

Ookies… onto the ficcie!


*actions *

[author/muse notes]

p.s. made a few name changes:


Malik Ishtar = Malik

Chapter 2

By Jar of Pills

Bakura and Ishtar were working in Pegaway (a grocery store owned by Pegasus) (A/N: I dun own Safeway...yet) because they had smashed the whole entire beer aisle by `accident' in a drunken rage so they had to work it off for a month.

Bakura and Ishtar were stacking boxes of toilet paper in the storage room. Bakura impatiently gawked at Malik as he leaned over to pick up a box.

Bakura: This is your entire fault, you know? /…Don't stare at him…quickly look away…ah…yes, Ishtar…bend over…yeah, that's really nice…gah! Have to… turn away…/

Ishtar: Ah, shaddup…*looks slightly nervous * /Why the hell is he looking at me like that? Just pretend not to notice…/

Bakura: This totally sucks. Fuck this…

Pegasus: * conveniently waltzes in * Happy morning my dear workers! How is everyone?

Ishtar: Just fuck off, Pegasus.

Pegasus: No? Tee hee hee! Say hello to Funny Bunny *Gleefully waves Funny Bunny plushy in Bakura's face *

Bakura: That fiend is evil! *Snatches it *

Pegasus: Oh no! What are you to do to Funny Bunny?

Bakura: *grins evilly * Observe

Ishtal: This is getting interesting…tell me more…

Pegasus: Unhand him, NOW!!!

Bakura: Okay. * slowly rips its head off *

Pegasus: *classical-high-pitched-agonized-girly-scream * NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! FUUNNNY BUNNNNYYYY!!!!!!

[B-Chan: *cracks up * stupid thing…>=)Z)]

*Sobs * You'll compensate for your cruel sins!!!* Dashes away crying hysterically * You evil wicked people!!! *trips but doesn't die * [JoP: oh darn!]

Ishtar: * sweat drops* Sad little man, isn't he…?

Bakura: Indeed…*goes back to staring at Ishtar*

Ishtar: What the hell are you staring at, Bakura?

Bakura: /he wants me bad...and I know it…ah what the hell…/*grabs Ishtar and kisses him hard*

Ishtar: *struggles and tries to back away but Bakura has him pinned to the wall * Mmmph…let go! *tries to push Bakura away but can't * /..oh well…/ *he decides to surrender and lets Bakura take control since he is obviously enjoying this*

[YKNII: woo hoo! Go Bakura! Get your man!! ^_^;;;]

Ishtar flings Bakura off and mounts on top of him. Bakura, however, wanted to play a little first. He reaches under Ishtar's shirt and…

*Pegasus suddenly runs in looking for Funny Bunny's [B-Chan: I love this part!] decapitated body *

Pegasus: Funny Bunny, where are you? I'll never find you now! Oh woe is my Funny Bunny! *catches sight of Ishtar on top of Bakura but doesn't notice what they are doing * Hey, you two slackers! Back to work!

Ishtar: *screams at Peggsy * Quiet you! It's Fucking-Time!

*Bakura irritably shoves Pegasus out of the storage room and locks the door *

[JoP: I don't know if those things have locks, but for the sake of the story, they do, kay? B-Chan: JoP is just too lazy to find out -_-;;]

Bakura: *turns back to Ishtar and grins evilly* Now where were we?

* Ishtar presses Bakura to the floor and falls on top of him.*

Bakura: aww….crap..me and my big mouth…

Ishtar : * smirks * I heard that.

Bakura: *innocently * Heard what?

*Ishtar eagerly shoves Bakura between his legs *

Bakura: Oh, that.


scene changes

~Joey in the dairy section, still in Pegaway, 2 minutes ago~

Joey: Should I buy nonfat chocolate milk? Or 2%? Ah..what's the difference? Hey, Tristan, which one is better?

Tristan: Dude, don't bug me about trivial things like that! I like, have a job to do!

[insert cheesy grin here]

Joey: Well, it IS your job to help out the customers. So as the customer, I COMMAND you to tell me which chocolate milk is better! [YKNII: sheesh, Joey! Talk about abuse of power…just let the poor guy do his work.]

Tristan: * quietlymutters * nut case…. *speaks up* see, Nonfat has NO fat at all

Joey: okay…

Tristan: And 2% fat only has 2% fat [B-Chan: Duh!!! We know that!!! JoP: Quiet, you!] Understand?

Joey:…..No….my head hurts…

Tristan: ARGH!!! /keep cool…calm down…he is …only…trying…to annoy you…/

o-kay, let's start over…*talks really slowly * Non-Fat has NO fat…

Joey: *interrupts * I still don't get it. Explain it again.

Tristan: *vein pop * ……..grr……

*really loud screams of pleasure could be heard from the storage room *

Ishtar: Bakura, bend over!

Bakura: Make me!

Ishtar: Fine, I will!

Tristan: Who's yelling in there?

Joey: Beats me. I heard two voices

Tristan: Lets go check.

[YKNII: NO! Don't do it, Tristan!! You'll die! B-Chan: and how is that a bad thing? YKNII: ~_~]

Scene changes again!!

~outside of Pegaway, 15 minutes later~

Kaiba steps out of his limo and solemnly walks into Pegaway. Isis is the clerk. She notices that Kaiba has arrived.

Isis: *yawns and waves * Good morning, Kaiba! What brings you here?

Kaiba: *nods in a businesslike manner* I'm just here to get a few things.

Isis: okie-dokey. Oh, we have a huge WonderBall sale today! And if you can find the silver coated WonderBall, then you win a lifetime supply of Nestlé's Wonderballs!

Kaiba: Ah, good. Mokuba will be very happy to hear that. Now, if you excuse me, I have some buying to do.

Isis: Oh, by the way, can you see what's taking Tristan so long? He's been gone for 45 minutes… *yells really loud * That damn loafer! He better not be reading those hentai magazines in Pegasus's (sp?) private bathroom again!!

[B-Chan: EWWWW!! That's gross!! JoP: Don't look so shocked, it was your idea. YKNII:: *throws up *]

Kaiba: O__o I didn't need to know that…

Isis: Hee hee hee… *tries not to laugh * *hiccups *

Random customer: Ewwww…I'm gonna sue for a million bucks. *dies from the thought of the unspeakable horror*

Kaiba: *elegantly steps over the dead customer and takes the coupon book from him * Hmmm, lets see what else is on sale… *flips through coupon book * *walks to some aisle *

Isis: *mutters * Stupid pervert Tristan. Damn him and damn Pegasus's amateur hentai doujinshis!! *goes psycho *

Another customer: Hey lady, can I get a price check on this?

Isis: *twitches * okie-dokey

And yet another customer: Whatcha doin' tonight, ya fine babe with da chest? Wanna come over to my place and get to know each other? *wiggles eyebrows suggestively *

Isis: *fumes …/must..not..kill…idiot……………̷ 0;………………………… 230;……….

…………….……….self control..not working…….. /*steps out of the cashier box *

the loser-pervert-customer: So, you considering my offer, foxy lady? *winks *

Isis: Sir….I have something `very' important to tell you. /……will..annihilate sicko in exactly 3 seconds…../*walks up to the guy *

the loser-pervert-customer: And what is it, little lady? *cheesy grin *

Isis: *fake-smile * Why don't you come over here, and I'll tell you, big boy. *bats eyelashes innocently *

the loser-pervert-customer: /Score! / *grins again * / I bet she's gonna give me her number/ *takes a step towards Isis * [B-Chan: watch carefully]

Isis: The important message is………………………… 230;…..

the loser-pervert-customer: Yes?

Isis:…………………… 230; …..DIE YOU STUPID PERVERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Dragon-kicks the pervert right in the nuts repeatedly*

After half an hour:

the loser-pervert-customer: *trembles in pain on the floor * owwwwww…

Isis: And let that be a lesson to all of you! So…who's next? *Amazon pose *

Other customers: …………………………


*Bandit Keith walks up to Isis *

Bandit Keith: um…Miss Ishtar, we're out of toilet paper in aisle 7.

Isis: turns around, totally pissed off because her dramatic moment is ruined * Got your own damn toilet paper, f00l!

Bandit Keith: *meekly * But I've just started working here yesterday. I don't know where the stuff is kept.

Isis: And your point is..?

Bandit Keith: Well, it is your responsibility to help out a fellow worker. So…

Isis: Oh, I know EXACTLY what you men want from me. I've seen your kind.

* Dragon-kicks Bandit Keith in the nuts as well *

Keith: *falls to the floor * it stings….*clutches his crotch * and now I'm going numb…..

*Valley Girl walks up to Isis *

Valley Girl: Like, ohmygod! You just, like, kicked that hunk in the walnuts. That's, like, so, like, totally, like, so, like, harsh! *gasps * Oh, like, the, like, the humanity!


Valley Girl: Like, you're a totally a prudish schoolgirl. *giggles * Tee hee hee…

Isis: *eyes turn blood red * What..did…you..say…?

Valley Girl: You heard me, like, you, like, totally immature prude idiot little girl!

Isis: HOW DARE YOU!!!! *Dragon-kicks the Valley Girl in the nu.. (oh, right, she has no nuts)…… in the crotch *

Valley Girl: *dies * like, you know, whatever!

Isis: I'm having a bad day… -_-` They don't pay me enough for this…I want a raise, dammit!!!

End of chapter 2

JoP: I told you it was going to be short * someone in the audience throws a soda can that hits Jar of Pills on the head * Owies…okay, who did that!?

Audience: *turns and points to Bakura * It was him!!

Bakura: *mutters * traitors… *yells * How dare you make me Ishtar's slave?!

JoP: I did no such thing. You INSISTED on screwing him in the storage room! The whole thing was YOUR idea!

Ishtar: Hear that? *nudges Bakura * Looks like somebody really wanted to get some, eh? *nudge, nudge * well, what do you have to say about that, Bakura? *wink, wink * Am I really that hot? * hentai grin, hentai grin *

Bakura: *twitches * Silence! Down on your knees. *brings out whip *

Kaiba: Hey, you stole that from me! I've been trying to look for it for weeks! *tries to take whip * …..what did you do to it?….

Ishtar: *blushes * er….

Bakura: So it's a little worn out. Here's your damn whip back. *gives whip back to Kaiba *

Kaiba: *eyes the whip warily * um..no thanks, you can keep it.

Bakura: *brightens up * really? Gee, thanks!

Ishtar: *eyes the whip as well * oh…Bakura….you can do `so' many things with that…

JoP: *sweat drops * now, now, let's try to keep this PG-13, ookies?

Bakura: No! I'll screw whoever and whenever and wherever I want!

Ishtar: Not without me you won't!

Bakura: You'll do as I please!

Ishtar: *yells *Never! You'll do as * I * please! I'm the dominant one, remember?

Kaiba: *mumbles * Save it, you violent sex-crazed fiend…

Joey: *Mumbles back *Look who's talking….

Bakura: *screams * Like hell you are!

JoP: Ssssshhhhh!!! No swearing!

Ishtar: *pouts * aww…mean spoilsport. *gives Bakura a come-hither look *

Bakura: *scoops up Ishtar in his arms and runs off into the distant sunset * Ahahaha!! You can't stop me! Mine now!

Ishtar: oh joy…I hope he isn't going to chain me to the wall *again. *

*Bakura and Ishtar both disappear *

JoP: -_-;;;; till next time, folks! Nevertheless, I haveta go stop those two before they do something perverted. Ra give me strength…

Joey: *emerges *

Joey: What's the big idea of making me into an idiot?!

*Tristan can be heard snickering in the background *

Tristan: You people have issues…

Isis: * in a singsong voice *They're doing it in the little kids' Haunted House *again *.

JoP: *Absent-mindedly * Won't that give the kiddies a run for their money…*realizes what Isis said * Augh!!

Isis: ïŠ just kidding! *Yugi shrieks from a remote place * Maybe not.

Yugi: Aibou, what is Bakura doing?!?!

Yami: /…Correction: who is Bakura doing/ Um, they're hugging… *hastily covers Yugi's eyes *

Yugi: Is Bakura supposed to be Dracula?

Tristan: Oy…. *faints *

Yugi: *uncovers his eyes * AHHHH!!! Save me, aibou!

Malik: Ishtar, don't! You're dirtying my Millennium Rod!

Shadi: *horrified * What have you two done to the sacred Millennium item?!! You've d-d-dirtied it!!

Ryou: Bakura, I am NOT cleaning that up!

Ishtar: *moans * Harder, Bakura!

All except for Bakura and Ishtar: MY EYES!!! THEY BURN!!!


Isis: -_-`

JoP: Tips, Comments, Suggestions, or Flames? Feel free to mail me at psychokirin76@yahoo.com or just AIM me at YamiKawaiiNeko

B-Chan: Don't listen to her!! She'll kill us all! SAVE US, JEEBUS!!!

YKNII: I like pie!

JoP: Meh…this wasn't funny at all…oh well…er..should I continue writing this?

B-Chan:… tell her no.

YKNII: Listen to the muses! We know what JoP is planning in her sick little mind!

JoP: …so I should stop?

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