Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Tomb Robbing with Bakura ❯ 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Akio- Hello and welcome to “Tomb Robbing with Bakura”! Here we will be prying into Tomb Robber Bakura’s (a.k.a. Thief King) personal life. We are currently in Ancient Egypt and in Bakura’s home. He has gladly accepted me into his home to document the events in his life.

Bakura- *walks into the room* Ok, Akio, there are a few house rules.

Akio- Ok.

Bakura- A) I am the Thief King, and don’t you forget it.

Akio- *salutes* Yes, sir!

Bakura- B) Don’t do that.

Akio- ^^;

Bakura- C) Don’t ask too many questions.

Akio- *mutters* Crap.

Bakura- What?

Akio- That’s the whole reason why I’m here!

Bakura- *narrows eyes* I thought you said you cleaned houses?

Akio- Oh! Yeah! That’s right. ^^;; Heh heh..

Bakura- Hmph. And the last rule is the most important of them all.

Akio- *listens intently*

Bakura- ^^ Always wipe your feet on the mat before coming inside.

Akio- Oh. *looks at welcome mat*

Welcome Mat- Welcome! Please put all your valuable items on me and GO AWAY! Thank you!

Akio- *sweat drop* Rather wordy, isn’t it?

Bakura- I think it gets the message across.

Akio- Yeah…

Bakura- ^^ Lemme give you the grand tour! This is the living room. *points* And that door leads to my room, and that one to the kitchen, and that one to the closet, and that one is going to be your room.

Akio- *thinking* …Yeah… Grand tour…

Bakura- Ok, I have to go and do… Work. You stay here and clean.

Akio- Aw… Can’t I come with you?

Bakura- *blinks several times* No. You’re the housekeeper.

Akio- *dejectedly* Alright.

Bakura- Right. Now, I need you to go clean the kitchen. And if by some miracle you are able to finish cleaning the kitchen before I get back, you can clean my room.

Akio- Joy.

Bakura- ^^ Have fun! *leaves*

Akio- *muttering* Yeah… Fun… WHY?! WHY DID I HAVE TO PICK CLEANING! I HATE CLEANING!! *opens the kitchen door and…* HOLY CRAP!!

<Scene>

The kitchen is a mess. There’s a stack of dirty dishes that practically touch the ceiling. On the table, there is a bunch of random objects (knives, rope, a piece of string, etc) surrounding a rotten bowl of fruit that is sitting in the middle of the table. There is a thick layer of dirt and sand covering the cabinets and everything in the room, and several more knives stuck in the wall.

<End Scene>

Akio- Oh dear… Well… No wonder Bakura hired someone to clean his house. I mean, c’mon! My room isn’t this bad. *groans as she looks around the room* Well, I better get started.

~About Ten Minutes into Cleaning…~

Akio- *opens a cabinet* o_O SNAKE!!

Snake- *hisses and does the tongue thing*

Akio- *whimpers and backs up*

Snake- *spots a mouse and eats it. Satisfied with its meal, it slithers into a hole in the floor to sleep.*

Akio- *looking a little green* Oh my goodness… *hesitantly walks back over to the cabinets to finish cleaning* Why? Why am I doing this?!

~Two Hours Later~

Bakura- I’m back! …Hello? Akio? *walks into the kitchen* Wow… She actually did a good job. *sees Akio sitting on the table* What are you doing up there?

Akio- *eyes wide and she points to the opposite end of the room* There’s a snake over there!

Bakura- *eyes grow misty* Slithers! *picks up snake*

Akio- O_O

Bakura- C’mon, Slithers! Let’s go and congratulate Akio for doing such a good job! *takes the snake towards Akio*

Akio- Let’s not and say we did.

Bakura- Nonsense! *puts Slithers on the table next to Akio*

Akio- O_________O *whimpering as it crawls up her leg*

Bakura- *totally oblivious to Akio’s whimpering* ^^ I think he likes you!

Akio- *sarcastically* Great… Make it go away, please. Erk! O-o *snake is now wrapped around her waist like a belt*

Bakura- ^^ Aw! He’s hugging you!

Akio- Forgive me for not jumping with joy.

Bakura- Ok, Slithers! Come back to Daddy!

Akio- *horrified and then quickly becomes angry* I AM SO GONNA KILL YOU!! *ready to pounce on Bakura*

Bakura- Uh oh… *drops Slithers and runs*

Akio- GET BACK HERE!!

Bakura- MOMMY!

Akio- *skids to a halt* *disbelieving* What?

Bakura- *blushing* Did I say that out loud?

Akio- Yes. *takes this opportunity to tackle Bakura*

Bakura- Oof! Get off me!

Akio- *gets up and brushes herself off*

Bakura- *same*

Akio- Oh yeah! I completely forgot! I made dinner!

Bakura- Food!! What did you make??

Akio- ^^ Macaroni and Cheese!

Bakura- Ya- Wait, what?

Akio- Here, I’ll show you! *guides him to a chair and makes him sit down. Then she goes to get a plate of Macaroni and Cheese for the tomb robber* Tada!

Bakura- *stares*

Akio- Well?

Bakura- *pokes it with a fork*

Akio- What?

Bakura- What IS this?

Akio- Mac N’ Cheese.

Bakura- *pushes the plate away* I’m not eating this.

Akio- *crestfallen* Why?

Bakura- It looks weird! Besides, you probably poisoned it or something.

Akio- I did not! See, watch! *takes a bite of it* Tada!

Bakura- *waiting for Akio to drop dead*

Akio- *exasperatingly* I’m fine!

Bakura- I’m still not going to eat it. Where’s that bowl of rotten fruit?

Akio- I threw it out.

Bakura- Oh! So now you’re trying to poison AND starve me?!

Akio- I’m not trying to poison you!

Bakura- Aha! So you ARE trying to starve me!

Akio- *angrily* I work and work, cleaning your disgusting excuse for a kitchen. And then, because I was feeling nice, I decided you make you something to eat! And then what happens? You accuse me of trying to poison and starve you! I don’t have to take this! *storms out of the kitchen and slams a door behind her*

Bakura- Akio! Wait! …That’s the closet.

Akio- *walks out of the closet* I knew that.

Bakura- Yeah… I propose we go out and eat.

Akio- Ok.

*At the Restaurant (which I don’t think they had in Ancient Egypt… But I need one to keep the story going. Actually, this scene is pretty irrelevant to the rest of the story. But that’s not the point.)*

Akio- *accusingly* You told me this was a baked potato!

Bakura- *is eating raw meat in a rather… disturbing manner* Easy come, easy go.

Akio- All that went was my appetite.

Bakura- Are you going to eat that?

Akio- No…

Bakura- Oh, good! *takes her plate and starts eating her “meal”* Man, you don’t know what you’re missing.

Akio- *mutters* Oh yes I do. An upset stomach and an unknown disease.

Bakura- *is finished* Ok, let’s go.

Akio- What about the tab?

Bakura- *points to himself* Tomb Robber. Thief King. Hello?

Akio- Right… *slips some money on the table… what? It’s not like it was a lot! All the person did was slap a piece of raw meat on a plate (A:N// *is making herself sick by writing this)* *quickly catches up with Bakura, who went on without her*

Bakura- So, why don’t you like snakes? *sees a lizard and picks it up* Do you hate lizards too?

Akio- No. I actually watched a lizard shed for like, twenty minutes once. *stokes the lizard’s head*

Bakura- But why do you hate snakes?

Akio- I dunno. I didn’t know if yours was venomous or not.

Bakura- Oh… You’re afraid they’re gonna bite you.

Akio- Exactly.

Bakura- Aw! Slithers won’t harm a soul!

Akio- *mutters* Tell that to the mouse he ate*

Bakura- Besides, Slithers is so cute!

Akio- You have an odd definition for the word “cute”.

Bakura- Oh? And I suppose you think something pink and fluffy is cute.

Akio- Nope. Something fuzzy.

Bakura- *sweat drop*

Akio- Or something Gollum-ish.

Bakura- What-ish?

Akio- ^^ Gollum! He’s so cool! He’s all slimly and stuff! HE IS SO THE HERO OF THE STORY! …At least, from what I’ve seen in the movies… I couldn’t get through one of the books. ^^;

Bakura- What’s a book? *excitedly* Is it a weapon?

Akio- …I suppose it could be one…

Bakura- I want one!

Akio- It wouldn’t be very affective.

Bakura- …So it’s a cruddy weapon.

Akio- In a word: yes. *in thought* Unless you had a stack of encyclopedias…

Bakura- Oh! I want some!

Akio- I don’t have any.

Bakura- Aw….

Akio- ^^;; *thinking* Psycho.

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Ok, well, that’s it. The first chapter anyways. ^^ Please review!