Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Yami Tries To Change The Toilet Roll ❯ Chapter The Only ( Chapter 1 )

Yami Tries To Change The Toilet Roll

By Borath.

Disclaimer: Do you see any of this crazy shit happening on the show? No? Well, it would be daily if I *did* own them all. But I don't. I am now going to pout.

Warnings: Swearing and sexual abuse of Anzu at the hands of a sheep... Go away if you're sensitive.

You all demanded a sequel to the Yami-On-Sugar-High fiction. Well, I couldn't be arsed to do Chapter 2 so I played around with another old Star Wars fic and made this. It's insane. You need to be on spliff to understand it. I'll warn you now that the plot dissolves into pointless arguing near the end so don't nitpick that.

OOCness but don't come crying to me about it because I've just said as much. You nitpick and I will hunt you down, nail you to a wall, peel off your skin in one-inch strips and then spray boiling iodine all over you... Oh yeah, the kiddies. Whoops...

These signs mean;

****Scene change/Passage of time****

/Yugi's thoughts/

//Yami's thoughts//

(Translation of Yami's thoughts)

****

//How the heck does this thing *work*?//

/Look, forget about learning about modern-day stuff. Give *me* back control of our body and I'll do it for you./

//No! I refuse to give in. I will not be beaten by, by, *this*!//

/Right, I think it has some kind of spring mechanism inside it./

//How did you figure that? And why do you only *think* that? Don't you know either?!//

/Actually I've never had to do this before. Grandpa's usually all organized and changes it before I have to./

//Okay. Now, back to changing the toilet roll...//

/Well, when pushing this it moves, see? So if we can figure out how to push it hard enough and lever it at the same time, we should be able to remove it./

//Alright then, if you know what you're doing I'll do what you say.//

/Okay, push the whole thing sideways and then lift that end./

//Can't. Lift. Too. Hard. Grrrr.//

/Calm down Yami! Can't you just, you know, pull it out with your powers?/

//What? Have you watched *any* of the Yu-Gi-Oh series or read any of the Manga?! My powers can only be used to save your ass and issue Game Penalties. Other than that I'm pretty much useless.//

/Okay. Then you're going to have to fashion some sort of levering device to push it up and *then* pull it./

//We'll use this. I think it's called a broom. It's very old and I think it's an antique. I'm sure Granpa won't mind.//

/Grandpa has an antique broom..?/

****

/Right, if you put the end here and then use brute strength to yank the other end, it should just pop out./

//Oh, I'm getting a headache.//

/Quit whining. Yes! Success!/

//Ow!!!//

/Oh, that looks bad./

//I don't believe this! I can get hit numerous times, go back and forth to the Shadow Realm for countless battles and it only takes a *toilet roll* to break my Millennium Puzzle!!!//

/What's gonna happen now?/

//Hic. Um, I'm not *completely* sure. Uh oh.//

/Whoa!/

//Bah!//

(Fuck!)

/Ho, *that* doesn't sound good./

//Bah!//

(Freedom!)

/Hey! Stop running! No! Not into school!/

****Five minutes later****

/Yami, I really think you should get *out* of Kaiba's lap.../

//Bah.//

(No.)

/Oh God, Anzu just came in./

//Bah!//

(Beanbags!)

/They're not bean-bags!!!! Get *off* of Anzu! Oh God! No! Stop it! Now! No! The humiliation!!!/

//Bah-bah!!!//

(Edible beanbags!!!)

/Stoppit! Damn you stop now! And why is *she* letting you continue! No! Damn it all NO!!!!/

/Bah bah bah bah-bah./

(I think she approves.)

/Get off of her! I'll melt the Puzzle if you don't!./

//Bah, bah-bah-bah-bah!//

(Ahh, ha-ha-ha-ha!)

/I mean it!/

//Bah bah.//

(You wouldn't.)

/Yami, I'm trapped inside the hyper-mind of a 5000 year old orange sheep. You'd be pretty surprised with what I *am* capable of doing right now!!!/

//Bah-bah.//

(Stress-case.)

/Fossil./

/Bah bah-bah./

(I resent that.)

/Home. Now. /

//Bah.//

(Mean.)

*****Ten minutes later****

/I just thought of something./

//Bah-bah bah?//

(Did it hurt?)

/Sod off. Anyway, how come I can understand you when you're talking sheep?/

// Bah-bah bah, bah-bah bah.//

(You're in my head so language barriers aren't a problem. And you have the mental capacity of a sheep anyway so no hardship there.)

/Screw you. And *how* did you manage to fit all that into six `bah's?/

//Bah.//

(Magic.)

/So how do we get you to un-orange-sheep?/

//Bah bah.//

(I dunno.)

/Well we'd better think of something soon because I'm getting pissed off with the `bah's all the time./

// Bah-bah.//

(So's Borath.)

/Okay, let me think for a minute./

//Bah-bah bah bah-bah//

(Well I'll come back next week then, shall I?)

/Shut up. Hmm, getting hit by the toilet roll turned you into an orange sheep.../

//Bah-bah Bah bah.//

(Well-done Captain Obvious.)

/One, two, three... Look, just hit the Puzzle with it again and maybe you'll just turn back./

// Bah-bah Bah bah bah-bah Bah bah-bah-bah!//

(And *how* exactly am I supposed to do that, Aibou? If you haven't noticed *I don't have hands now!!!*)

/Just throw yourself at it then!/

//Bah.//

(Fine)

/Well, it did something. Are you alright?/

//I can't feel anything below my neck if that's the something you're referring to.//

/You're not missing anything important then. Hey! No `bahs'!/

/Oh yeah. A broken back was really worth that./

/Your back is *not* broken./

//Yes it bloody well is!! And it's *your* fault!//

/It's not! If your back was broken how would you be walking now?/

//Point taken.//

/Melodramatic idiot./

//Shrimp.//

/Where are we going now?/

//Punishment.//

/No Yami! I-uh-love you?!/

//Not gonna work.//

/What are you going to do?/

//Change the toilet roll.//

/Yami we just did that./

//No, we took the old one off but I went off and abused Anzu before we could put the new one on.//

/Okay. At least that isn't as bad a punishment as you could have dealt me./

//You're my Hikari. There are limits to how much I can torment you.//

/Yay!/

//I've written up a petition to extend those limits though and I have lots of signatures already.//

/Damnit./

//Right. We broke the thingy so how do we put the new roll back on?//

/Correction; *you* broke the thingy when you jumped at it and *you're* the one who's going to have to fix it./

//Nitpicker.//

/Fern-head./

//You're one to talk!//

/Leather-obsessed./

//Damn straight I am!//

/You're straight? With the way you were curled up in Kaiba's lap you could've fooled me./

//I'm not going to dignify that with an answer.//

/You just don't want to piss of all the different fangirls./

//That too.//

/Back to our quest.../

//It's a quest now is it?!//

/Well it's not just a *chore*! Dusting isn't this difficult so this needs a more impressive title./

//How about `fucking-god-awful-piece-of-technology-changing-mess-that-really-should-be- done-by-someone-older-wiser-and-more-capable-than-us.//

/I don't think that would fit on the label./

//Abbreviation? FGAPOTCMTRSBDBSOWAMCTU? And what label? We're not re-labeling the toilet-roll. We're just saying how hard this is.//

/I'm *confused*./

//You were born confused. You just *got* annoying.//

/Bitchy today aren't you?/

//Yes. Look, can we just put it on top of the remains of the thingy and go away?//

/I think that would be acceptable./

//Yay! Then can we sing?//

/The dynamite song again?/

//Yup.//

/No./

//Aww. Why not?//

/Because it's annoying./

//But-but, the readers! They liked it!//

/Well I don't./

//New song!//

/Okay, but not about explosives./

//About birds.//

/Worried now but alright. Now, put the toilet roll on the smoking remains of the thingy./

//Done.//

/Now you may sing./

//Oh, thank you oh gracious one.//

/Don't be sarcastic. It's the lowest form of wit./

//Yes, hence it being enjoyable to use against you.//

/I don't get that./

//Neither do I. Can I sing now?//

/Erm, alright./

//Bird was flying in the sky,//

/Safe so far./

//Dropping things from way up high.//

/There we go./

//Angry farmer wipes his eye,//

/This is a British song then?/

//Aren't you glad that cows can't fly?//

/I'm not going to say anything./

//But there are three other verses!//

/If people want to know them they can ask!//

//Deal.//

End