Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction / Witch Hunter Robin Fan Fiction / Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ The Gohan and Fred Show ❯ The Miracle of Science That Is The Sixteenth Chapter ( Chapter 16 )

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The Gohan and Fred Show (episode 16)

Gohan: Hello and welcome to the Gohan...

Fred: And Fred...

Gohan: Show. Kevin is still here.

Kevin: Yeah, try to get rid of me. I'm more resilliant than a Weeble.

Gohan: A what?

Kevin: A Weeble. You know. (sings the jingle) Weebles wobble but they don't fall down. (realizes that Gohan has no idea what he's talking about) Fred, show him.

Fred: (pulls out the inch tall, oval shaped figure. He pushes it several times.) Stay down you bastard. (continues pushing) Oh, denie me, will we. Well, take that. (he continues to push the Weeble but it refuses to stay down) I'll show you to not listen to me.

Gohan: (as Fred is still working on Weeble) That's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. It's a miracle of science.

Kevin: It just has a weight in the bottom. It's not that great.

Gohan: (ignoring Kevin) Let me see it Fred.

Fred: No, get your own.

Gohan: But I don't know where to get one.

Fred: Ask Kevin. (still working on keeping the Weeble down) Stay down. It's for your own good. (he pushes it, but it pops back up) Damnit.

Gohan: Kevin, can I have a Weeble?

Kevin: Um...Sure. (hands Gohan a Weeble) But they aren't all that great you know.

Gohan: (pushes it) It came back up. (pushes again) It came back up. (pushes again) It came back up. (does it again) It came back up.

Kevin: Gohan, maybe we should get back to the show.

Gohan: (still playing with the Weeble) Who cares about the show? I'm playing.

Kevin: (looks over and notices Fred is missing once more) Oh no. Where's Fred? (he hears noises somewhere offstage. He goes to check it out while a camera man follows. He sees Fred, who has strapped his Weeble to a gurney with electric clamps strapped to it) What the hell are you doing?

Fred: He's going to talk whether he likes it or not. (he flips the switch and starts to laugh maniacally) Who's laughing now?

Kevin: You're not doing anything to it. It's an inanimate object.

Fred: We'll see who's inaminate when he tells me his secret.

Kevin: First off, it's i-n-a-n-i-m-a-t-e. Secondly, what secret?

Fred: Why he refuses to stay down. It's impossible for this creature to feel shame or lower his status to others, no matter how superior they may be.

Kevin: Well, we got a show to do. You're going to have to finish this later.

Fred: (heavy sigh) Fine. (he heads toward the door, then turns back) I'll get back to you in a little bit. (laughs maniacally)

Kevin: (he and Fred walk back out onto the set) Gohan, put the toy away and let's do the show.

Gohan: (pushes his Weeble) It came back up. (pushes again) It came back up.

Kevin: (snatches the Weeble) That's it. You're not getting it back until after the show.

Gohan: No, I want it now. (starts to throw a tantrum)

Kevin: (slaps Gohan around) Snap out of it!

Gohan: (coming to) Whoa, what happened?

Kevin: We'll talk about it later. First, we have the show to attend to.

Gohan: Okay, who do we have?

Hiei: (running in from offstage) Wait. I want to be on the show.

Kevin: Why? You were on the other day.

Hiei: Yeah, but it's fun here. We're allowed to kill things.

Kevin: Not all the time. And besides, working on this show takes a lot of hard work and dedication.

Hiei: But when we were out drinking you said I could help on the show because any schmuck could get a show. Especially in this day and age.

Kevin: Was I referring to Ellen DeGeneres?

Hiei: Yeah.

Kevin: Well, it sounds like something I would say. I guess you could help out on this episode.

Hiei: Really?

Kevin: Yeah. You can be Fred's personal bodyguard, as he is attacked frequently by women.

Fred: Every girl wants a little primate lovin'.

Hiei: Can I kill?

Fred: Only if there's a guy coming. Fred don't swing like that.

Kevin: Well, you heard the monkey. You can kill any guy that approaches Fred with "wrong intentions." But let's try not to kill too many people, we still need a fanbase.

Hiei: Alright, I told Kurama I could get a job before him. Soon I'll be able to get that Mustang I wanted.

Kevin: Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is a minimum-wage job. You'll be lucky if you can afford to buy my crappy Chevy Celebrity from me. By the way, I'll sell it to you for a nickel.

Hiei: (disgusted, as that is a horrible car) I'll get back to you on that.

Kevin: Well, now we need to do something that takes up air time. Any suggestions?

Gohan: Why don't we do something educational?

Kevin: (slapping Gohan in the back of the head) If you say that again, I will hurt you.

Gohan: (mumbling) Just a suggestion.

Kevin: Fred, Hiei. Any ideas?

Fred: Um.... I could go torture my Weeble some more.

Kevin: No, save it for after the show.

Hiei: Don't look at me. I just got here.

Kevin: Great now I have to do my own thinking. You guys are so useless. (thinking for a moment) I guess I'll have to continue on proving that I am indeed the greatest at everything. So, since I've proven I'm a great fighter by killing Kuwabara--

Hiei: (interjectingly...twenty points to the person who can define it) That was you?

Kevin: Yeah.

Hiei: Damn. I've been trying to do that for years.

Kevin: Anyway, I've also proven that I'm the greatest Pokemon trainer by, with the help of Fred's awesome moves, kicking Ash's ass. So what's left?

Fred: Duel Monsters?

Gohan: I don't know. Yugi and Seto would probably whip you. They're just so good.

Kevin: I've told you. I only fight the best. That's why I'll be dueling.... Joey Wheeler.

Joey: (walks out) I knew I was the best.

Gohan: Um.. Kevin, conference time.

Kevin: Excuse me folks. (he and Gohan walk to the other side of the stage) What's up?

Gohan: You know damn well what's up. Joey Wheeler isn't the best duelist.

Kevin: Yeah. But he's the only one I could beat.

Gohan: But if you want to be the best, don't you have to beat the best?

Kevin: Not neccesarily. (he walks away and puts on one of the new Dueldisk systems. Joey and Kevin stand facing each other, ready to duel) We're going to play by the actual rules. Meaning we start at 8000. You got it?

Joey: I got it. And I'm going first.

Both: (screen goes split screen for this line and the little 8000 marker appears below each duelist) Let's duel.

Joey: (draws his cards, then summons a monster) I summon my Amored Lizard(4*s,1500/1200).

Kevin: (draws his cards, then summons a monster also) I summon Maha Vailo (4*s,1550+500x#of cards in hand,5=4050/1400) and attack your Armored Lizard. (Joey now has 5450 LP, Kevin still has 8000)

Joey: (draws his next card) I'll lay one monster in defense mode and I'll lay one Magic card. And end my turn.

Kevin: (draws his next card) I'll summon Harpie's Brother (4*s, 1800/600) and I'll attack your face down monster.

Joey: I'll activate my Trap Card, Trap Hole. Since your Harpie's Brother, which was just summoned, has an attack strength greater than 1000, it is destroyed.

Kevin: Fine, then I'll attack your monster with my Maha Vailo. (destroys the monster)

Joey: (thinking to himself) At least my life points were safe. I need a card that can take out his monster. (draws a card, still thinking) Alright, this should do it. (now speaking) First, I'll play my Baby Dragon (3*s, 1200/700), then I'll activate my Magic Card, Fissure. The face-up monster with the lowest attack strength on your side of the field is sent to the Graveyard. And since you only have one monster, say good-bye to your Maha Vailo. (it is destroyed) Then I'll attack your life points directly with my Baby Dragon (Joey: 5450, Kevin: 6800).

Kevin: (draws his card) I'll set one monster in defense position. And I'll set down a Magic Card as well. And I'll end my turn.

Joey: (draws a card) Okay. First, I'll play my Time Wizard (2*s, 500/400). Then, I'll play my Magic Card, Polymerization (Note: I'm not going to let him try any of those b.s. rules that they make up in the show). I'll fuse both my monsters together to make Thousand Dragon (7*s, 2400/2000). And I'll attack your face down monster. (the monster is destroyed)

Kevin: It's a shame that this has to end so soon. (draws his card) I'll play my Magic Card, Monster Reborn, so that I can bring back my Maha Vailo (4 cards x 500+1550=3050). Then I'll activate another Magic Card, Change of Heart. Now you're Thousand Dragon is mine. Next, I'll summon Neo the Magic Swordsman (4*s, 1700/1000. Maha Vailo is now at 2050). Now, I'll attack your life points with all three monsters, making a combined attack of 6150, taking out the rest of your life points.

Joey: Damnit. I was just starting to get into my groove.

Kevin: Yes, it's a sad day. While normally we kill the losers on this show, we'll let you live, just because you have that New Yorker accent. I don't know if you have mob connections or not, but I'm not taking any risks.

Joey: That's good, cause Gargantuan Tony would've messed you up.

Kevin: I'll bet. Now, let's get back to the rest of the show.

Gohan: Are you sure we even have time for anything else? That duel did kind of take up a lot of time.

Kevin: Eh? We can always put something else on.

Fred: You know what we haven't done in awhile?

Everyone else: What?

Kevin: Wait. I know.

Fred: That's right.

Kevin and Fred: CATFIGHT!!!

Gohan: Do we really need to have one?

Kevin: Of course we do.

Fred: Yeah, the chicks turn in for me, and the guys turn in for the cat fights. It's the perfect scam.... I mean setup.

Kevin: Yes. And I know just the two.

Fred: Who?

Kevin: First up, we have one of the toughest girls out there today, Anna from Shaman King.

Fred: Let me pick the next one.

Kevin: Fine.

Fred: Our next competitor is Joey's little sister, Serenity.

Joey: WHAT???

Gohan: You are such a bad monkey.

Joey: Bad? He's going to be a dead monkey.

Hiei: (looking menacingly at Joey) Are you threatening him?

Joey: Um... no. Of course not.

Hiei: Damn. I really wanted to kill something.

Serenity: (walks out and has that blindfold on her face) Um..Can someone help me?

Joey: Oh no, my sister's blind again.

Serenity: What? No, somone wrapped a towel over my face and I can't get it off.

Fred: (starts giggling) That's too bad.

Serenity: (bumping into stuff) Who said that? Can someone please take this towel off my head? (Joey runs up and helps his sister)

Gohan: Fred, did you really have to do that to her.

Fred: Yeah, that's what she gets for getting in a love triangle with Duke and Tristan instead of dumping the losers and going for me.

Kevin: Hey, let's just get to the catfight.

Anna: I refuse to do this.

Kevin: Why?

Anna: Because I don't have to and you can't make me. In fact, I'll have Yoh come out and beat that girl. (Yoh walks out) Yoh, fight that girl and win.

Yoh: You mean the blind girl?

Anna: She's not blind. The monkey wrapped her in a towel.

Yoh: (staring blankly) That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard you say.

Anna: Just go kick her ass.

Kevin: Man, she's got you whipped.

Anna: He's not whipped. Yoh, tell them you're not whipped.

Yoh: I'm not whipped. And I'm not going to fight that girl. She's not a shaman and she doesn't even look like a fighter.

Kevin: Actually, Yoh, you are barred from fighting. And just to make sure that these girls don't get any outside help, we're going to make this a specialty fight.

Gohan: Huh?

Kevin: It's going to be a mud-wrestling cage match. (a cage comes down from the ceiling and surrounds the two girls)

Joey: Come on Serenity. You can do this.

Serenity: But I'm scared Joey.

Joey: It's okay. I'm behind you, sis. Just like when you watch me duel.

Kevin: Then she should have been out here earlier to see me kick your ass.

Joey: (to Kevin) Shut up. I'm trying to encourage her.

Anna: Why? She'll just end up losing.

Serenity: Oh, that's it. That bitch is going down.

Joey: (shocked that his sister would use such language) Serenity?

Serenity: Don't worry, big brother. I'm two time mud-wrestling champion.

Joey: Uh...Serenity?

Serenity: I mean, thanks for the confidence big brother.

Kevin: All right, let's get this fight started. (the women attack each other and start tearing into each other with unanticipated rage)

Joey: GO SERENITY!!!

Yoh: GO SERENITY!!!

Gohan: Uh, Yoh. Don't you mean Anna?

Yoh: Hell no. I hope the blind chick rips her apart. Then maybe I'll get a break.

Everyone: CATFIGHT!!! CATFIGHT!!!

Gohan: That's about all the time we have for today. Tune in next time. (he sees something laying on the floor) Hey, it's my Weeble. (pushes it) It came back up. (pushes again) It came back up. (pushes again) It came back up....

Okay, that show went very well, I think. But I'll never know, unless you review. And don't you really want those twenty points?