Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction / Witch Hunter Robin Fan Fiction / Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ The Gohan and Fred Show ❯ Hungry Hungry Thirtifirst Chapter ( Chapter 31 )

Disclaimer: I own nothing. (One day...it'll be the complete opposite!)

 

The Gohan and Fred Show (episode 31)

 

Gohan: Hello and welcome to--

 

Fred: What are you doing?

 

Gohan: What?

 

Fred: We're on vacation. We're not on the show right now. Remember? Kevin's in charge.

 

Gohan: Oh...right. So where are we headed right now?

 

Fred: To the Carribean. Fun, chicks...and fun chicks who like to get down and dirty!

 

Gohan: Well, that's good. I could use a little relaxing. I wonder how the shows doing...

 

BACK AT THE SHOW

(all hell has broken loose. The fanfiction herem is fighting off something)

 

Sara: I told you not to let it out of it's cage!

 

Kevin: Well why were you keeping something like that here anyway? This isn't a zoo!

 

Sara: ...You have a monkey here.

 

Kevin: Yeah...but it's not like he's real.

 

Hanami: Shut up you two! It's about to spit its acid! (everyone runs away as the area they were just in is engulfed in acid spit)

 

UW: I have an idea. Aim for it's nose.

 

Angel: Where's its nose?

 

Kita: I think it's there.

 

Kasy: No...that looks more like an earlobe to me.

 

Sara: Wait...I know how to handle this. (she runs into the backstage)

 

Kevin: ...That bitch! She just up and ran away, leaving us to die! (Sara then returns) Oh...nevermind.

 

Sara: Alright, I'm going to throw this at him (holding up a steak). It's laced with tranqulizers and will knock him out.

 

Kevin: HEY! That's my steak. If anyone's eating it, it's me. (Sara throws the steak anyway and Kevin chases after it...the next scene is not seen, but is commented on by the others)

 

UW: OH MY GOD!!! That's insane!

 

Hanami: Kick him in the jaw!

 

Sara: Hey, that's my baby.

 

Hanami: I was talking to the beast.

 

Sara: ...Oh.

 

Angel: You know...I've never seen anyone fight like that over a steak before.

 

Kita: I've never seen that period.

 

Kasy: I've never seen Vegas. (everyone stares at her) What...I thought we were sharing. (Kevin returns, battered and bloody, but with half the steak in his mouth)

 

Kevin: That beast didn't know what he had coming to him...(he then falls over from the tranqs and from exhaustion)

 

Kasy: Hm...didn't see that one coming.

 

Kita: I did. I have ESP...see? (she pulls out a tv which is apparently on a sports program)

 

Sara: No sweetie...that's ESPN.

 

Kita: No...Keep watching.

 

TV: And the pitch will be 75 mph...the batter will hit it. (the batter hits the ball) What'd I tell you?

 

Hanami: Anyway...I guess we'll just have to wait til he wakes up. (Kevin suddenly gets up)

 

Kevin: Okay, let's get to the show.

 

Sara: How'd you recover so quickly?

 

Kevin: I'm a light sleeper. Alright, our first guest on today's show is Tenchi from Tenchi Muyo.

 

Tenchi: (he begins to walk out and sees that there are girls on the set and begins to freak out)

 

Kevin: It's okay Tenchi. None of these girls wants you...at all.

 

Tenchi: Yeah...that's what they said about Sasami too...the next thing I know, she's making kissey faces at me via my pancakes.

 

Sara: Well, at least Ryo-ohki isn't in love with you.

 

Tenchi: Yeah, you'd think so. That rabbit...ship...cat...thing is seriously messed up.

 

UW: You know, I don't see why you can bitch so much. If I were you, I'd make sure none of them could walk by morning...and I think you know what I mean.

 

Kevin: UW, hitting women in the knee caps isn't right. Ice skater or not.

 

UW: ...We really need to get you laid...

 

Tenchi: Do you think I haven't tried that already? I gave up one time and started going at it with all of them. By the end of the hour, I just wanted a sandwich and a nap. They're so greedy. Someone just kill me now... (Angel hands him a katana. Tenchi looks over to see that she and her mini-herem are wearing kimonos)

 

Angel: If you are in shame, you must commit sepuku.

 

Tenchi: (almost hypnotized) Must....commit...sepuku...(he grabs the katana, as the ladies of Tenchi Muyo come out in a panic)

 

Ryoko: No Tenchi! Don't do it!

 

Ayeka: We'll change! We promise!

 

Sasami: Besides, you want to be with me anyway! I'll kill the rest of them off!

 

Ayeka: You backstabber! I'm supposed to get married before you.

 

Sasami: Well, it looks like you're just going to become an old maid now.

 

Ryoko: HAHAHA!!! She got you there, Ayeka.

 

Washu: Actually, none of you can compete with my brillance. Behold! The Woman-Smasher! (a giant robot appears)

 

Tenchi: (brandishing the katana) Enough! All of you! I've got a weapon and I'm not afraid to use it! (turn and runs away as he is chased by the girls and the robot)

 

Kevin: Um....We'll be back right after the break.

 

FRED AND GOHAN'S WILD ADVENTURE

 

Gohan: (quietly napping while listening to headphones) ...no...you're the pussy Cell...

 

Fred: (reading a magazine as a stewardess passes by) Hey cutie...see you in about two minutes in the bathroom. (the stewardess giggles and rolls away)

 

Gohan: (waking up) NOT 16!!! (looks around) Ah, just a dream.

 

Fred: Did you have the "fighting Cell again" dream?

 

Gohan: Yeah. Strangely, it goes different in my dreams.

 

Fred: How so?

 

Gohan: After I turn Super Saiyan 2...we start doing the polka.

 

Fred: ...Creepy.

 

Gohan: I know. But at least, I don't have to worry about him coming back.

 

Cell: (sitting behind Gohan) Um...can I get more peanuts please?

 

Gohan: O.o (turns around)

 

Cell: (sees Gohan) o.O

 

Gohan and Cell: YOU!

 

Gohan: Oh no! You're back to try and destroy the earth.

 

Cell: Oh no! You're here to ruin my vacation.

 

Gohan and Cell: Huh?

 

Fred: Apparently, you two are here for the same reason...to get a break from reality...even though you are both cartoon characters.

 

Cell: You're on vacation too? What a relief...But just so you know...and just so I continue my appearance of being a blood thirsty killing machine, after this is over, I'm going to destroy the earth.

 

Gohan: Oh yeah. The last guy that tried that got a taste of my dad's Spirit Bomb. (as Gohan says that, some of the passengers turn towards him, don't actually gauge what he was talking about, but only the last word...and then freak out)

 

Passenger: Oh my GOD!!! HE'S GOT A BOMB!!!

 

Gohan: What!? (he is then tackled by security guards)

 

BACK TO THE SHOW

 

Kevin: Alright, welcome back to the second half of our show. I hope you enjoy those delightful Burger King commercials about their chicken fries.

 

UW: ...Was that website...coqroq...dot com?

 

Sara: Yeah... It was.

 

Kevin: Anyway, our next guest is a quite famous person...Hell, I'm surprised he agreed to do this. Please welcome, Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy 7 and Kingdom Hearts.

 

Cloud: (he walks out and sits down as his cape flutters behind him)

 

Hanami: Damnit...Can someone turn off that fan? (fan stops, Cloud's cape stops fluttering) Thank you.

 

Kevin: So Cloud. How are you?

 

Cloud: ...

 

Kevin: Don't be shy. Just go ahead and speak up.

 

Cloud: ...

 

Kevin: Anytime now...

 

Cloud: ...

 

Sara: He's not saying anything.

 

Kevin: I see that. Any reason you're not speaking Cloud?

 

Cloud: ....Yes.

 

Kevin: And that would be.

 

Cloud: ...I'm keeping my aloof image.

 

UW: You're aloof?

 

Cloud: ...If I talk too much...people won't like me.

 

Hanami: That's not true. Just tell us what's on your mind.

 

THREE HOURS LATER

 

Cloud: And when I was four I went on this really cool camping trip with my uncle Ted. He was a nice guy, but he didn't seem all there. He was always talking about how he wanted to catch Bigfoot, but I kept telling him "Uncle Ted, you're feet are big enough already." He didn't get it. He didn't bet man jokes. Neither did Sephiroth. You know, one time, it took him eight hours to get a knock knock joke. He just didn't--

 

UW: SHUT UP!!! JUST SHUT UP!!!! NO ONE GIVES A DAMN ABOUT YOUR STUPID KNOCK KNOCK JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Kevin: ...That was a littl harsh don't you think.

 

Cloud: ....I told you I shouldn't talk.

 

Sara: Well...I guess now we'll take your word for it.

 

Angel: You know, I think they're about to take away my talking privaleges too. I always say things that are taken inappropriately. Like, I was at a friends house one time and her mom was there and we were talking about how big we like our cookies and I was talking about how I like to have the big chocolatey ones in my mouth cause they melt faster and then her mom came in and started yelling things at me like "You evil whore" and all the like and--

 

Cloud: Oh my God...Is that what I sound like when I ramble?

 

Hanami: Pretty much.

 

Cloud: No wonder no one likes me. (trudges off solemnly)

 

Kevin: Well...Now it's time for what I promised you last time. A double-trouble cat fight. Today, on team one, from Tenjho Tenge, the voluptuous Natsume Sisters, Aya and her older sister Maya. (Aya walks out but Maya walks out in her kid form) Hey! I said voluptuous.

 

Maya: I'm conserving energy for this battle.

 

Kevin: It's not a real battle. You're just going to roll around for a little bit to the amusement of perverted men...and some women.

 

Angel: Thank you.

 

Maya: Fine. (she begins her transformation into her normal body) There, is that better?

 

Kevin: Much. And their opponents, from Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rei Ayanami and Asuka Langley Soryu! (Rei walks out, but Asuka doesn't) Hey...where's Asuka?

 

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS ASUKA LANGLEY SORYU

 

Guard 1: This diamond is very precious and we've had threats of the great thief Asuka Langley Soryu stealing it, so keep your eyes peeled.

 

Guard 2: Dude...you've been saying that for the past two hours, and no one's around but me.

 

Guard 1: Yeah, but now the cameras on us, so it means people are paying attention to us now. (suddenly, EVA Unit-02 crashes into the building in a giant red trench coat and a giant red fedora. It picks up the diamond and begins to run away)

 

Guard 2: Wow...you'd think she would have done it herself...I mean...how are cops going to pull that thing over?

 

Guard 1: That's not my department.

 

BACK TO THE SHOW

 

Kevin: Well, if she's not here, we'll have to use someone else. Rei's partner is the buxom major, Misato Katsuragi!

 

Misato: (takes one step while holding a beer) LET'S RUMBLE!!! (she then falls flat on her face. Kevin walks over to check on her)

 

Kevin: Looks like all that drinking today has caught up with her.

 

Hanami: She passed out?

 

Kevin: Nope. She's dead. Alcohol poisoning.

 

???: Poisoned! This sounds like a job for Conan Etigawa! Conan appears.

 

UW: Oh no...not that little bastard.

 

Conan: Alright. Time to think. The last time Misato-- (suddenly Kevin shoots Conan in the back of the head with a pistol. Conan falls down...dead)

 

Kevin: Let's see you solve that one jackass!

 

Everyone else: O.o...

 

Kevin: What?....Don't tell me none of you have thought about it...Anyway, before we move on, I'd like to announce that I'm beginning my attempt to become the greatest detective in the world. (pulls out a rag, wipes off his prints and puts the gun in Misato's hands) The killer was Misato Kitsuragi. Apparently, this was the last wish of a dying woman. Case solved!

 

Everyone else: O.o...

 

Kevin: Moving right along, replacing Misato will be...um...Shinji Ikari?

 

Shinji: (walking out) But...I'm a guy.

 

Kevin: True. However, you are voiced by a girl in Japan, thus making you part woman. Plus, wouldn't you like to roll around in between those big boobs of Aya and Maya.

 

Shinji: I'm not like that.

 

UW: What are you? Gay?

 

Shinji: No it's just...

 

Kevin: Shut up and get in there.

 

Shinji: (walks into the "arena". Thinking to himself) I musnt' run away. I musn't run away. I musn't run away. (Aya pulls down the sleeve of her shirt to reveal her bandaged breasts) Ah! F*ck this! (runs away screaming)

 

Kevin: Son of a bitch!

 

Rei: Hm...none of this was prophesied about in the Dead Sea Scrolls.

 

Kevin: Well, everyone from Evangelion seems to be letting me down. So, Rei's partner will be Asahina Hiroko from RahXephon.

 

Asahina: Oh so now you remember me!

 

Kevin: What?

 

Asahina: I was in that contest to be your date. I answered one question and then you forgot all about me.

 

Kevin: Sorry?

 

Asahina: Yeah. You should be sorry. Cause unlike every other contestant, I wasn't there cause I was getting paid by a monkey.

 

Kevin: Damnit. I knew I picked the wrong one.

 

Angel: WHAT!

 

Kevin: Pipe down...You tried to steal the money.

 

Angel: But I thought we were over that.

 

Kevin: Anyway, here's your chance to redeem yourself, Asahina. If you fight with these girls, then I'll forgive you.

 

Asahina: (missing the point) Okay. I'll make you proud. (turns towards the Natsume sisters)

 

Maya: This should be easy. They're only kids compared to me.

 

Aya: Didn't you say not to overestimate your opponents.

 

Maya: Yeah...but look at them...What can they do to us? (they pull out their wooden katanas and charge as Rei jumps into EVA Unit-00 and Asahina calls forth her Dolem, Vibrato) ....HOLY SHIT!!! RUN!!! (Aya and Maya turn tale and run as Rei's EVA and Asahina's Dolem give chase)

 

Everyone: Catfight? Catfight?

 

Kevin: Awkward....Well, see you next time.

 

FRED AND GOHAN'S WILD ADVENTURE

 

Prison Guard: (approaches jail cell with Cell, Gohan and Fred) Alright you three. We've landed in the Carribean. Enjoy your stay. But no funny stuff. Especially from you.

 

Cell: Me? Why that's species profiling! I'm taking it up with the main office! Who's your supervisor?

 

Prison Guard: Actually, I was talking to the monkey...

 

Cell: Oh...Nevermind. (as he passes the guard he whispers to him) When I start killing people to destroy this wretched planet...you go first!

 

Prison Guard: Gulp!

 

Alright, that's it for this chapter. I know a lot of you enjoy my unique brand of comedy...well, not unique but at least my comedy...well, I don't know if we could call it that. In fact, who the hell even reads this! (is hit with waterballoon) Sorry. Anyway, if you'd like to see something completely different from me, check out Neon Genesis Evangelion: The Demon Saga. I haven't gotten a bad review yet. Yours might be the first. Anyway, please read it, as it's my first attempt at a serious fic, and I want to make sure it's good. Thank you!