Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction / Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction / Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction / InuYasha Fan Fiction / Gravitation Fan Fiction / Crossover Fan Fiction / Great Teacher Onizuka (GTO) Fan Fiction / Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction / Trigun Fan Fiction / Vampire Princess Miyu Fan Fiction / Wicked City Fan Fiction ❯ A Silly Crossover and Little More ❯ Found! The Cave 'O Wonder! ( Chapter 1 )
I really didn't think that I could truly waste my time until I sat down to write this . . .
"A Silly Crossover and Little More"
A pointless fic by Tora-uma
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the large number of characters, series or anything else that is casually mentioned in this story. Nor do I delude myself into thinking that I do which is damn impressive if you know me. Please don't sue, there's really no point as I have maybe 30 cents in my wallet right now and that's about it. Oh, and because I'm lazy and don't wanna type this at the beginning of each chapter, this applies to the entire fic.
Warnings: Crossover, intense stupidity and silliness, slight OOC-ness, hentai jokes and situations, self-insertion, plotholes, duct tape, other things that I'm probably forgetting . . .
A Quick Author Note: ". . ." - speaking
^. . .^ - inner thoughts
//. . .// - telepathy
Chapter One : Found! The Cave `O Wonder!
a.k.a. The Prologue Chapter
"Oh, shut up."
I finally gave up and smashed the alarm clock next to my head. It sputtered and finally died with an ill, whining noise. I rolled my eyes. It was time to buy a new alarm clock.
Almost mostly awake, I let myself roll out of bed with a soft thud. I pushed the thick curtain of light brown hair from my face to enable me to see what the hell I was doing. As I looked at the large pile of random things that were thrown by my bed, however, I grimaced and decided the ability to see was greatly overrated. I really needed to clean. My room wasn't big enough for me to be a messy, unorganized person.
Ignoring the giant pile of clothes and school things I knew I'd have to deal with eventually, I sat at my desk and logged on to my computer. I had enough time before my first class to check my email. My brow creased and I frowned as I saw who had sent the only message in my inbox.
"Lindsey, why the hell did you email me? You live across the living room!" I shouted. When there was no answer I checked the calendar. Oops, she was still on vacation. I rolled my eyes, wondering what my roommate had sent me this time. Probably something I'd have to kick her for. I opened the message and promptly fell backwards out of my chair.
There was one gigantic letter on the screen. One gigantic letter typed in shockingly bright, horrifying hot pink. I growled at the pink `I' that was polluting my computer with its terrible color. Lindsey knew I hated all shades of the color pink, she knew it.
"You did it just to piss me off!" I screamed to the empty apartment, feeling slightly better after venting my frustrations. I glared back at the computer monitor again, this time noticing that there was more to the message. Growling under my breath I scrolled down, knowing Lindsey would beat me if I didn't read the entire thing.
"I-F-O-U-N-D-I-T" I read aloud, one letter at a time. "I found it?" I mumbled. "Found what?" I looked at my wall calendar again. My pain-in-the-ass roommate had left for Japan for a vacation a little less than a week ago while I was stuck at home, taking summer classes. I tried to remember if she'd been looking for something specific there. Aside from a new boy-toy. My eyes grew wide and my mouth dropped as I realized what it was she must have found.
"Squee!" a high-pitched excited noise escaped my lips as I pulled on a pair of jeans and a jacket and shoved my laptop and wallet into my backpack before darting out of the apartment and driving like a madwoman toward the airport.
"Would you like something to drink?" the flight attendant took a closer look at me bouncing in my seat like a hyperactive puppy. "Err . . . something sugar-free perhaps?" She paled a bit.
"No thanks! I'm fine!" I screeched. She nodded and quickly moved on down the aisle. I could feel my face cracking from the huge grin that refused to leave it. I had my laptop set up on the meal tray in front of me. An email telling Lindsey I was on my way and needed directions had been sent and I eagerly awaited a response. Finally I heard the telltale `bling' of new mail arriving and before the little man had finished his `You've got mail!' announcement I'd opened and was in the process of reading the message. It wasn't until I was halfway through the message that I realized it was an advertisement for mortgage rates and not the directions I'd been hoping for. I cursed. Loudly. And repeatedly.
I was so caught up in my tirade of naughty words that I was completely oblivious to another bling signaling another message. By the time the flight attendants managed to wrestle me back into my seat the new mail was flashing angrily at me. This time I checked who had sent it and gave a yelp of delight when I saw it was Lindsey.
"Head west out of Tokyo and go around the big mountain. Make sure you go around the big mountain, not the little one. I'm on the west slope, down in a small valley. See you soon!" it read. The directions weren't complicated which was good because, if they had been, I would have inevitably gotten lost. I just hoped that I would be able to tell the big mountain from the little one. I spent the rest of the flight in relative silence which was impressive considering I was so impatient for the plane to land that my head could have exploded at any minute. The moment I could, I dashed of the plane, belongings in tow. It wasn't until I was outside of the airport that I realized I had very little idea of which way was west and, once I got into the city, I would have even less of an idea. I don't do well with compass directions anyway but it's much worse when I'm surrounded by freakishly tall buildings. I scratched my head for a minute, not quite sure what to do. Finally I hailed a taxi, silently hoping that the miniscule amount of Japanese Lindsey had taught me would be enough to get by. I slipped inside the car and heard the driver ask me something that had to be the Japanese equivalent of `Where to?'
"Ano . . .isei . . . oh wait, no . . . uh . . . nishi? Is that it? Oh, shoot . . ."
I heard a small chuckle from the front seat. "American?" the driver asked.
I grinned sheepishly. "Yeah. You speak English?" (How terribly convenient, ne?)
"Some, for tourists," he told me. "Where are you going?"
"Uh, west, out of the city. Towards the mountains."
He gave me an odd look in the rearview mirror before shrugging and heading off. I suddenly felt the urge to explain my destination.
"I'm meeting a friend, we're going . . . camping in the mountains," I lied. Mentally I smacked myself, thinking I probably could not have come up with a worse story.
"No luggage?" the driver asked.
I paled, completely forgetting there were logistics involved in camping. "I, uh . . . my friend has my stuff," I finished lamely, thinking there was no way this guy was gonna believe me. But he just nodded and concentrated on driving through the Tokyo traffic. I settled back, chatting politely with the driver until the city slowly melted away. As the last of the buildings disappeared I began searching ahead for the mountain I was supposed to be going to. It didn't take me long to find it.
"Ooh! There, that's where I'm supposed to go!" I cried and pointed, nearly smacking my driver in the face. "Ooo, sorry."
"Big one or little one?" he asked.
"Big one." I clearly remembered Lindsey's adamant email about going to the big mountain rather than the small one. We continued on, eventually coming to a stop at a small temple near the base of the mountain.
"Your friend will most likely meet you here, it's the only temple on the mountain," the driver told me as I climbed out of the taxi. "Fare is 9,254 yen." I paled a bit and tried to convert the figure into dollars in my head as I handed over my credit card and let him swipe it.
"Have a nice trip!" the driver called as he began to pull away.
"Arigatoh!" I waved goodbye, hoping I hadn't mangled the pronunciation too badly. Once the little taxi disappeared I slung the backpack with my laptop in it over my shoulder and began the hike to the back of the big mountain. About five miles into the hike, I realized why Lindsey had called it the big mountain. As the day dragged on and the temperature quickly rose I began to think that the damn mountain didn't have a back at all but instead had a side that continued on forever and the entire situation was just another of Lindsey's practical jokes that only she found funny. As the sun began to set and my feet began to drag as though they wanted to fall off I thought about crawling under a tree somewhere to die. Or maybe just to sleep for the night, whichever happened first. Just as I was about to let myself fall under a bush I caught a sudden glimpse of light to my right on the mountain.
Curiosity banished my fatigue and I continued down the small hill ahead of me and headed closer toward the mountain. After a moment I realized that the hill was actually the side of a small valley and hurried closer to where I saw the flash of light. I pushed leaves and branches out of my way until I finally stumbled into a small clearing at the bottom of the valley. In the side of the mountain was a large cave with a giant, dull metal door completely covering the opening. Realizing that this had to be my destination I began banging on the door. After a moment an eye slot slid open and two piercing blue eyes peered down at me. I was suddenly reminded of every gangster movie I'd ever seen and briefly wondered if there was perhaps an illegal gambling parlor or maybe a meeting of mob bosses behind the door. I heard muffled voices and some grumbling behind the door before the eye slot closed sharply and whoever was on the other side began to unlock and open it. The moment it was physically possible for me to squeeze through the opening I did it. I heard a small sigh from whoever belonged to the bright blue eyes that had let me in as the heavy door began to close again. As I stood in the mouth of the cave, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dark I suddenly heard the tell-tale pitter-patter of feet as well as an odd, dragging sound just before I was glomped.
"Lynz . . . get off . . . crushing . . . windpipe . . ." I managed to gasp out despite the fact that my roommate's arms were wrapped rather tightly around my neck.
"Oops! Sorry, Megan." She laughed softly and stood up, leaving me room to collect myself. My eyes finally adjusted to the dimmer light in the cave and I got up to find myself staring at Lindsey. Or, more specifically, staring at the redhead she was standing next to.
"A . . . Aya?" I managed to choke out. He grunted quietly. That's when I noticed Lindsey had handcuffed him . . . to herself. Almost on cue the two of us began to bounce up and down and giggle maniacally.
"Geeze, and I thought one of you was bad enough. Hey, cut it out, would you?" The blue-eyed doorman snuck around behind me and smacked Lindsey in the head.
"Oww! Kouga-kun!" she sulked and pouted, rubbing her head as I watched Aya give Kouga an almost appreciative look. Apparently having his arm jerked up and down while the brunette he was chained to bounced next to him wasn't his favorite pastime. I laughed in my own head and started peering around.
"Hey, Lynz, you gonna show me around? Lynz?" I stopped looking at the incredibly high ceiling and turned back to her. And watched her as she stared at Kouga's ass as he slowly retreated back into the cave.
"Huh?" She turned back to me with a dazed look on her face. I smacked my forehead in exasperation and I'm pretty sure Aya smirked. Slightly. I dunno, maybe not. "Oh!" she cried, seeming to remember what was going on. "A tour, right, ok, yeah, let's go!" she announced, pumping one fist in the air, turning on her heel and skipping further into the cave, dragging the grumbling redhead behind her. I obediently followed behind them, probably looking more like a dog than I wished to.
The mouth of the cave immediately opened up into a larger, better lit chamber. The size and lighting of the room were not what I was interested in, however.
"Hiei!" I squealed, I admit it. But that's not the embarrassing part. I dove. Right at him. And sadly, he dodged. Quite easily, actually, and I went flying headfirst into the side of the cave.
"Hn," was all he said before putting a foot on my back as though I was a hunting trophy. A chorus of laughs answered him and I wondered just how many people were in this damn cave. When Hiei finally flitted away, allowing me to pick myself up, I balked at the answer to my question.
"Oh . . . my . . . bishounen . . ." I whispered. The entire cave was milling with them, most of them looking straight at me and trying to control their amusement at my failed glomping attempt. I heard Lindsey snicker. I ignored her. "How the hell did you find this place?" I asked quietly, trying not to draw more attention to myself. There were enough pretty men looking at me and snickering behind their hands.
"Pure dumb luck, honey," she told me. This time I know Aya smirked. And snickered even. Lindsey's eyes narrowed and I swear she mumbled something at him that sounded like `duct tape'. Whatever she said, it got him to shut his mouth pretty quickly. Obviously there was more to this story but I didn't really care how my roommate had found this place. The important thing was that she found it. "C'mon, get up," Lindsey offered me the hand that wasn't currently connected to Aya and helped haul me to my feet. "So, on with the tour! These are the guys, obviously, and here's the TV-slash-computer area . . ." she motioned to a rather large TV screen surrounded by couches, chairs and all sorts of electronic equipment as she began walking around the cave, pulling her hesitant boy-toy along with her. I followed willingly, trying to hide my face from the men still laughing at me. There wasn't much of a point as Lindsey and I were the only females present. Didn't stop me from trying though.
"And here's the bathroom . . ." Lindsey continued, either unaware or not caring that I was trying to hide behind her. "And all the other rooms are bedrooms!"
I stared at her incredulously for a moment before counting the other doors. "Do you really need this many bedrooms?" I asked, deciding to stop counting after thirty-something.
"Yes. Yes we do," she nodded sagely. "Actually, each of the guys has their own and there are a few extras, just in case."
"Fair enough. But how can you tell who's room is who's?" They all looked identical to me.
"Oh, trust me, just open doors and you'll learn pretty quickly." She grinned widely. "This is your room," she told me as she threw open the door she was standing next to.
It really wasn't so bad. Of course, the only thing I really paid attention to was the gigantic round bed in the middle of the room. The damn thing could fit six grown men comfortably. "Ummm . . . did you do this? The bed, I mean?"
"No, actually, it was like this when I got here. I still haven't figured out how they fit the mattress through the doorframe . . ." she trailed off as she measured the frame and the bed with her eyes, trying to figure out how it was physically possible to squeeze such a large object through an opening a quarter of its size. I'd told her she needed to stop reading physics books for fun but she never did listen. Her brow creased in annoyance and she turned back to me, probably deciding to come back to the problem later, when she had a text book and extra paper in hand.
"Why such a big bed?" I asked curiously. "A normal sized bed wouldn't do?"
"If you'd like, I can demonstrate just how essential a large bed is." A tall, slender man with long, fuchsia hair slid an arm around my shoulders.
"Uh, Gojyo, hang on a second . . ." I stuttered. I felt a second arm wrap around my waist.
"Demonstrations are very important, after all. And it would be our pleasure to show such a lovely young woman the major features of a bed such as this," the arm on my waist began steering me into the bedroom.
"Yohji, wait, just . . . hey!" Gojyo and Yohji worked together and rather effortlessly guided me into the room. Of course, I wasn't really resisting much either.
"Lindsey?" I turned my head back in a half-hearted, last-ditch effort to escape.
"Have fun!" she grinned widely and gave me a thumbs up as Gojyo closed the door with his foot.
~ * ~
"Kenshin, why isn't she here yet?" Lindsey pouted and finished tying off the braid she'd weaved the swordsman's long hair into. Not as easy as one might think if one's hand is handcuffed to someone else. Someone who has no desire to participate in the braiding process. "Aya, stop sulking. Just because I managed to chase you down and restrain you doesn't give you the right to be more of an ass than usual." To accentuate her point she pinched his ass. Hard.
"Why isn't she hurrying Kenshin? I'm bored." She continued to pout.
"Don't worry. I'm sure she'll be here soon, that I am." He turned to face her with a smile.
"Mm-kay, if you're sure," she pulled her legs closer to her and propped her chin on one hand. Kenshin tapped her nose before wandering off, leaving her to curl up next to Aya. "How come she's taking so long?" Lindsey asked quietly.
"Stop being so impatient," came the stoic answer.
"Then maybe you should have given better directions," he suggested.
Stop trying to help because you're not and if you keep this up, I'm bringing out the duct tape again!" she narrowed her eyes in challenge. Aya sweat dropped slightly and decided to keep his mouth shut for the rest of the night. At that exact moment (See, this is where I got bored of writing filler story), a loud banding noise was heard.
"Megan!" came the squeal from Lindsey as she drug Aya to his feet and bolted towards the door.
Kouga was peering through the eye slot when the two came running up.
"Kouga, let her in!" Lindsey told him.
"Are you sure? She looks a little crazed . . ." (Yeah, she gets that look sometimes. Kinda funny, actually.)
"Please, Kouga-kun?" she clasped her hands together and her eyes became watery orbs.
"Alright, alright, I'll let her in, stop making that face," Kouga turned back and opened the door. The moment Megan squeezed through, Lindsey ran at her, dragging a still silent redheaded assassin behind her. Kouga watched as the new girl was glomped by the resident psycho female. He also watched the look of irritation on Aya's face as he was pulled around like a plushie. ^Well,^ Kouga thought, ^It's his own fault for underestimating her with handcuffs.^
"Geeze, and I thought one of you was bad enough. Hey, cut it out, would you?" he smacked Lindsey in the back of the head to get her to stop bouncing. As much as he was enjoying the show, there were other things to be done.
As he walked away, Lindsey was momentarily mesmerized. ^Hmm . . . maybe I should let Aya go for a few hours . . . ^
" . . . Lynz?"
"Huh?" she reluctantly turned back to her newly arrived roommate. "Oh! A tour, right, ok, yeah, let's go!" She skipped ahead into the cave, knowing Megan would follow. As she went around the corner and into the main room of the cave she briefly wondered how her friend would react to the scene before her. She didn't wait long for an answer.
"Hiei!" the screech reverberated throughout the cave and Lindsey turned just in time to see her friend dive headfirst into the rock wall. Everyone winced slightly at the resounding crack but, when it became apparent that Megan was very much still alive and twisting under Hiei's foot, trying to get a hand on him, the wincing quickly turned to snickering and then to laughter. When Hiei finally decided to let his attacker up, Lindsey decided to play the role of a good friend and went to help pull Megan to her feet.
"Oh . . . my . . . bishounen . . ." she heard Megan whisper the moment she got a good look at the room. Lindsey snickered loudly and the response and glanced around the cave at everyone else's reactions. "How the hell did you find this place?" Megan asked.
"Pure dumb luck, honey." Lindsey heard Aya snicker behind her when her answer reached his ears. "Duct tape . . ." she mumbled under her breath. He was immediately silent. "C'mon, get up," Lindsey held her hand out to the girl still crouched on the floor. When Megan was once again on her feet, the tour began. Megan followed closely behind, listening as her friend described every part of her new home.
As the two discussed the absolute necessity of having a myriad of bedrooms Lindsey watched out of the corner of her eye as Gojyo and Yohji slunk up behind Megan. Her face remained perfectly even and serious but inside she was laughing her ass off. She was amazed at her own ability to quell her hysterical laughter until after Gojyo kicked the door closed.
"You really do have a sick sense of humor," Hiei appeared next to her while she was doubled over, giggling.
"Oh hush," she mock-scowled at the fire demon when she got her breath back. "So do you. At least I didn't make her run headfirst into a rock wall."
"Hn," was his only response before wandering off.
"Do you think your friend would do me the honor of bearing my child?"
"Dunno Miroku," Lindsey told him as she deftly removed his hand from her backside. "Guess you'll have to ask her yourself. When she comes out!" she cried, pulling on his monk's robes to keep him from entering the occupied bedroom.
"Cripes you're a lech," she told him, shaking her head and letting him go.
"Ne, I'm hungry. Is it time to eat yet?" Son Goku scratched behind his ear.
"When is it not time to eat with you?" Lindsey cocked an eyebrow.
"Well that's true," his stomach growled loudly. "Please? I need food . . ."
"You just ate before Megan got here. But yeah, ok," she tried unsuccessfully to blow her dark brown bangs out of her face. "Let's get you some food . . . again . . ."
~ An hour or so later ~
"Lindsey . . ."
"Get your own damn popcorn Goku."
"Oh . . . ok."
~ Several more hours later ~
"Are they ever coming out?" Goku thrust his thumb behind him at the still-closed bedroom door.
"Theoretically I think they kinda have to," Lindsey told him.
"Should we check on them?"
She lifted her head from where it was resting on Aya's chest. "Do you want to subject your eyes to whatever is behind that door?"
"Not really," Goku shook his head.
"Then I guess we aren't going to check on them," she stated as she re-curled herself next to Aya on the couch and continued channel surfing. "Why the hell isn't anything on at three in the morning? I'm an insomniac, not in dire need of a damn rotisserie for my kitchen," she mumbled as she continued past yet another infomercial. At the sound of a door softly opening she lifted her head again, looking past where Goku was balled in an armchair with a bucket of ice cream.
"Hey chica, still alive?" she asked as Megan finally stumbled out of the bedroom.
"Huh?" Megan looked up with a stunned expression.
"Your shirt's on backwards."
"Wha . . . what shirt?" she scratched her head, confused. Lindsey chuckled and shook her head.
"Go to bed, I think you need some sleep."
"He he . . . I stole Yohji's scrunchy," Megan grinned triumphantly as she held up the small hair band.
"That's lovely, congratulations. Now go to bed." This time the order was obeyed as the new arrival shuffled back into the room and quietly shut the door.
"Damn infomercials," Lindsey cursed under her breath as she continued to flip through the television channels.
"How long do you plan on doing this?" Aya mumbled quietly.
"Until I find something worth watching."
"Guess I'm sleeping here then," he said as he closed his eyes.
"I'll let you go to bed if you want, I don't mind."
Aya shook his head slightly. "Comfortable."
"Mm-kay. Don't eat all the ice cream, Goku," Lindsey shifted her attention to the boy briefly.
"But I'm hungry . . ."
"Well, just don't eat all of it. I'm sure somebody else may want some later. Like me."
"Ok. You're really gonna stay up until something comes on?"
"Hell yes. I will not be defeated by an infomercial!" she declared as Goku shrugged and returned to the ice cream bucket.