Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Darkness Within The Spirit ❯ This Gift Is My Curse ( Chapter 1 )

Chapter One: This Gift Is My Curse

*Suiren…you can't run from me…*

-Shut up, shut up.-

*Suiren, you can't hide from me…*

-I wish I could. Leave me alone, go away.-

*I'm the only one who has been there for you, even you can't deny that.*

-I don't care what you've done for me. Even in my darkest hours when nobody else would comfort me and you would, just go.-

*You think it's that easy don't you? To say goodbye and expect me to disappear just like that. I thought you knew me better.*

-Leave.-

*It's not that simple, even if I could, I would never desert you like those others. Never. You are so precious to me. When you thought everything was lost, I stood by you. I was your light in the darkness and now I'm your shadow. I'll always be with you…no matter what you do.*

-That's what you think you are, huh? My 'light'. You aren't light, you're the darkness I was running from, hiding from. You are not my light and never will be. Darkness can never be light. You were only with me because I thought I needed you.-

*So you think you are foolish, now? To hide in darkness, it is only natural to try to escape pain.*

-And how would you know?-

*I know because I was once lost like you. Confused, frightened…alone. We are so similar, you and I. If only you could see it.*

-I don't want to see it, I never want to see it. Ever.-

*You look in the mirror and see a freak, but what I see is something else entirely. If I could only make you understand Izumi, if only I could make you comprehend how special you are. Then you might be able to find happiness, then you might be able to finally live with yourself and what you are…*

~**~

-I wish I were normal sometimes. Being different from everybody else is just so…difficult. Nobody understands you, nobody bothers with you. I can't even imagine my life though, if I was by definition 'normal'. I guess I'm accustomed to being an outcast, a pariah in this world.

That doesn't mean I don't long to be typical, average even, ordinary, nothing in peculiar. Really that is what I want.

Is that bad of me? To cause myself this suffering by wanting something that I can never ever have even close to within my grasp. Is that so wrong of me?

Some people might like being unique, but maybe not this kind. The kind where everybody thinks you're a freak and don't want anything to do with you. The kind where social rejection is an everyday thing and being called names is expected from your peers. To you this might seem like a lot to deal with, but to me, I was used to it to a certain extent. Living like this for fifteen years, it would be nearly impossible not to be familiar with such treatment.

Some saw my curse as a miraculous gift, but to me it remained a curse. How could anyone think that what I am is something to be appreciated? After all this time, after all the pain it had caused me, they go call it a beautiful gift. After all the times it made me cry and isolate myself, they say I should embrace it.

Embrace my gift?

I don't think so. I hate it and what it has done to me.

They want me to embrace this so called gift that drove my real parents away from me. My parents left me when I was little because of it. I didn't want them to go, I didn't want them to leave me all alone without anybody. I didn't want them only to become pieces of my memories.

I wanted them to be real every single day. I wanted them to be with me.

Then, when I thought it couldn't get any worse. It did.

He started talking to me, telling me that everything was going to be alright. Comforting me, talking to me, being there for me, lying and deceiving me. He did it all. He even said he loved me and wanted nothing more then me to be happy, what a load of bullshit he fed me and I took every word he said to heart and even dared to love him back.

To look at it now, the entire thing was sickening.-

~**~

*Suiren, how are you?*

-I'd be fine if you left me alone.-

*You don't sound fine, don't lie to me. I know you better then anyone else.*

-Correction. You assume you know me, I've changed. I'm not a terrified little child anymore.-

*Don't make me laugh, you will always be a terrified little child, you cannot hide that from me. You'll always be scared and hurt, that will never change.*

-Say whatever you like, I have changed. I don't cry anymore.-

*What you define as crying and what I define as crying must be two different things then. You think crying is shedding tears for the world to see. I think it is holding all the pain inside of you and acting as though nothing is bothering you when really you're screaming inside your head and pain is prodding away at your heart.*

-Quit acting like you know me!-

*The truth hurts, doesn't it? Isn't the pain just tearing you up from the inside out?*

-This is amusing you isn't it? Do you find my life funny, like some twisted joke?-

*Do you think you're life's a joke?*

-I…I don't know. Perhaps, maybe it is…maybe it isn't. I can't be sure.-

*Some say they know what true pain is, but only we know Suiren. Rejection and having to live in this world filled with ignorance where people fear what they don't understand. Trust me Suiren, there will be a day when all of this stupidity will be wiped clean and you will finally be able to be at peace with yourself.*

-That will never happen. Quit filling my head with myths and fairy tales. That is too good to ever think be possible.-

*Nothing's impossible. There are dreamers and those who make reality. I make reality, I don't dream.*

~**~

She stood silently in the middle of the park, as though waiting for something to happen. Yellow and orange leaves lay scattered on the ground along the dirt path. A light wind whistled through the bare trees and blow the leaves about in the crisp cold air. The sun was veiled behind some dark gray clouds that loomed almost directly over her head and a tense feeling of something morbid hung in the afternoon atmosphere. Her dark brown eyes gazed off into space as the wind whipped some stray strands of black and red hair in front of her face that she gently tucked behind her ear delicately that had two silver hoop earrings in it as well as the other. She had her arms hugged around herself, making several folds on the yellow hooded sweater with a zipper front that she was wearing. She felt the chilly breeze against her exposed legs that her short denim skirt didn't cover. Her feet felt numb in the thin clothed black tennis shoes she was wearing and her muscles were tense with anticipation. A dark vibe was floating in the air and she could feel its presence all around her. She wasn't afraid of it though, in fact, she was quite welcoming to it. Seconds seemed to tick by like minutes as the leaves danced around her in the gusts of wind and as the tree branches shook gently making creaking noises.

She huffed in the cold, a puff of white fog escaped from her lips as she exhaled then faded. Her checks were rosy and her fingers felt frost bitten, but she stayed as still as a statute, only her slow breathing could separate her from the nonliving.

Finally a figure emerged from behind a tree next to her. His face and body was almost completely hidden under shadow of the tree and his arms were folded across his chest. She made out enough of him to get the gist that he was tall and had a firm build, but that was all she could see of him. "I see you came," he said in a low tone with a twinge of maniac in it. His voice sounded so familiar to her. Where had she heard it before?

"I came," she said in a hushed whisper. "What do you want?" Her eyes were locked on him with intensity and curiousness, but she didn't dare take a step forward to get a good look at him.

He chuckled darkly and in the park, it seemed to echo off of everything until it filled her ears. "I want to offer you a proposition Suiren." His tone was now more mischievous, "A partnership, you could say."

She arched an eyebrow at that, "What is it about me that interests exactly?" -Can he…does he know about my curse?- The thought raced through her mind rapidly, but before she could say another sentence he held up his hand to quiet her.

"I know more than you think, much, much more." A smile played across his lips in a strange manner, she could sense something odd about him, but she couldn't put a finger on what it could be. "Still trying to figure me out?" he asked teasingly.

-Eh? It's almost as though he knows what I'm thinking, but that's impossible…unless he's a…- "You c-can't be!" She stuttered, her eyes widening in utter shock.

"A psychic." He responded inhumanly, "I am, much like you."

A silent, "Oh." escaped her, but the shock remained intact. She didn't know what to make of the situation. -But…something's wrong. Why did he come to me? He's a psychic too.- She bit the inside of her check as she diverted her eyes away from him and turned her head so he could only see the profile of her face.

"Confused?" He asked putting his hands on his hips.

She shook her head, "No, it's just, I never imagined I would met another psychic." was her soft reply, her eyes still distressed. -Something's wrong, I can sense it. I can't be sure though, but I get an almost evil feeling from him.- She tightened her hug around herself.

"You don't trust me, do you Suiren?"

At the sound of her name she blinked and rose her head back towards him. Her name coming from his lips sounded so foreign to her, almost as if it didn't truly belong to her. "Call me Izumi." she said quickly after debating in her head for a few seconds, "Almost everybody calls me by my last name."

"Very well." He said nodding slightly, "So, are you interested in my proposition?"

"Huh?" she tilted her head to the side, now confused before realizing why she was there again. "What about your proposition?"

He cackled again, but this time it sounded diabolical. She was liking this less and less every passing minute. "You powers can be used to do great things Izumi. Terrific things, fantastic things, amazing things."

"Your point?" She questioned not liking where this was going at all.

"The point." He paused for a moment then continued, explaining slowly. "What if I told you it was possible to create a tunnel connecting this world to Makai and everyone who ever hurt you would be punished? How would you like that?"

"I think you're crazy." Was her immediate reaction as she began to walk away.

He stepped out of the shadow and grabbed her and pinned her against an old tree. His face was still encased in shadow but she saw the white glint of his eyes flash at her, "Don't you want to hurt those who have made you suffer?" He held her wrists at her sides, his fingernails digging into her flesh.

She winced, "Of course, but killing them? That's too much."

Her smirked, "What if I was too tell you that a friend of yours was helping me and he'd be disappointed if you didn't help? Very disappointed." He pronounced all the syllables in the words carefully to make sure they sank into her.

"On of my friend?" She racked her brain. -Friends? He said he, but that doesn't mean…no! He would never do that. I've known him forever.- "He would never help you!" she nearly screamed at him. "You're lying." she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Oh, really?" His tone sounded amused by this, "How can you be so sure?"

"Hagari wouldn't…" she said in a hardly audible voice. "Why would he help do such a thing?" Her brown eyes glared at him.

The man leaned over and whispered into her ear, his hot breathe against her neck made the hair on her skin stand up. "He hates people. Couldn't you see that? You spent so much time with him because he was the only one who cared about and yet you couldn't see how much be despised everyone else."

"But why do you need me?" She managed to choke out, trying to stop herself from crying.

"I'm not strong enough to make the tunnel at the rate I want to consistently, that's where you come in. You will help me. Don't want to lose your only friend because of this do you?"

"I hardly know you and from what I can tell you're a bastard." she hissed as he pulled away from her, blood trickled off her wrist and fell in little crimson globules onto the ground, staining the leaves. She closed her eyes then reopened them, casting them at the ground. "Fine."

"Good." He turned his back to her.

She sank to the ground and sat on her knees clasping her hands together, "Hagari…" she muttered under her breath. She then looked up at him, "And what is your name?"

"Sensui." He said as he disappeared in a whirlwind of colorful leaves.