Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Destiny of Loneliness ❯ Promises and Pain ( Chapter 5 )

Destiny of Loneliness

Kal Kally

Chapter 5: Promises and Pain

Crack!

The impact woke Hiei up instantly as his body hit the ground hard. He darted his eyes around wildly, hands searching for his sword, all his senses on alert. It took him a few seconds to realize that he wasn't lying hidden among leaves anymore. He pushed himself up and frowned at the fallen branch.

He definitely had become heavier. This was the third branch that fell under his weight in this week. His hand flew up to his face. If Mukuro found out about this, she would tease him to death. He looked around again, checking if anyone had seen his fall, but found none. If *he* saw Hiei like this, what would *he* think?

'What do you think I would do, little Koorime?' A warm breath tickled his ears. Hiei froze, feeling delicate arms wrap around his chest and someone pressing to his back. His lips moved, but no sound came out. He swirled around, knowing even before his movement was completed that it was futile, the yard was still dark and empty.

Anger built up from nowhere. Anger crawled inside him like some snake-like creature, searching for the source of its frustration, but finding none. The back of his hand hit the tree hard, not enough to break it, but the sheer strength behind the hit still shook the tree a little and made leaves fall down on Hiei's head like a storm had just passed by.

Hiei growled, brushing leaves out of his hair. The large burnt trace on the tree bark didn't lessen his anger. He didn't remember using his youki, yet that neat burn couldn't be formed by just physical strength only. It was a sign that he had failed to control his power *again*, but in his twisted sense of anger, Hiei idly wished that he had put more youki in the blow. The damn tree deserved to be burnt to the ground.

Inhaling deeply, Hiei forced himself to calm down. He slid down along the tree and sat under it in silence. Maybe it was a bad idea to come here after all.

After all, six years ago, it was in this yard that they had lost trace of Kurama. Hiei groaned, feeling an unmistakable pain at the name. How he wished he could turn back to the time when the fox didn't occupy his every thought. That time, he didn't really forget, but he also didn't really remember about the redhead, which was good… which was peaceful.

It was bad that for some reasons Hiei didn't know, even in his missing, Kurama still distracted him to the point he couldn't focus on training and fighting, that every month he had to visit Ningenkai at least once, and every stay lasted about one or two weeks. Nights after nights, Hiei found himself stay outside Kurama's room until sleep finally claimed him, only to be haunted in dreams by the images of the fox. He thought he could stand it all, but how could he bear it when he saw flashes of Kurama even in his wake?

If only he could visit Yukina and let her voice and her smile lock away these thoughts, but thank to Kurama again, that option wasn't available to him now. A bitter smile formed on Hiei's face, then quickly turned into a short laugh. He was in Ningenkai, his sister was right beside him, and yet so far away. The space between them was so small, yet so impassable. All because of Kurama… He laughed darkly again. His eyes gazed up to the twinkling stars in the pieces of sky framed by buildings, branches and leaves, memories of the last time he had seen his sister dancing in his head.

***

Yukina looked angelic when she was feeding those birds, Hiei thought, watching his sister from behind a tree. He felt a small pull on his lips. It quickly followed by a small, not quite-like smile. It was hard to think Yukina was a youkai. She was more like an angel.

"Yukina-san!!!" A too happy voice called her. Hiei grimaced. That moron was the reason why he put on wards to hide away his youki. What wouldn't he do to make sure that idiot never bothered his sister again?

"Konichiwa, Kuwabara-san." His sister turned around to greet Kuwabara. Hiei sighed, knowing fully well that he wouldn't do anything, not after seeing how Yukina's face lighten up when she saw Kuwabara. Even the blind could see happiness radiate from her face.

"I…" Kuwabara started babbling. Hiei's ears automatically shut down hearing. Words got in through one ear, and then got out through the other.

"Oh, really Kuwabara-san?" His sister giggled. Hiei rolled his eyes, now sitting against the tree. Kuwabara and Yukina had moved to sit on the porch. From his position, Hiei couldn't see the couple, but unfortunately, he could still hear them.

How much time had passed? Ten minutes? One hour? Although this happened almost every time he visited Yukina, he still couldn't believe that a conversation could last this long.

Hiei was about to doze off when he heard his name. Curiously, he pushed himself up to his feet again and peered out from behind the tree to look at the couple.

"Hiei-san isn't that cool-blooded." Yukina cried, her cheerful tone had turned into a sad one.

"He's a cold-blooded bastard, Yukina." Kuwabara protested. From his hidden place, Hiei clenched his teeth, his anger rocketing. The words of his friend, or of the one he had thought to be his friend, had made his blood run cold. "You saw how he acted when Kurama disappeared. He didn't care for Kurama even though I'm sure Kurama had done much for him. I doubt he can care for anyone."

Hiei's fingers dug deeply into the tree as he struggled to keep his emotions in check. He had to use all his will to prevent himself from bursting in and throttling Kuwabara to death, then chopping his body to pieces and feeding them to his dragon. He hardly cared about what Kuwabara said about him, but he wouldn't allow anyone to say those things to his sister.

"No, Hiei-san did care. Didn't you see his pain when we didn't find Kurama-san?"

"Care, huh? He even told Mukuro not to help us. And you don't see how he kills. Really, Yukina, he doesn't care about anyone. Don't get near him. If that little bastard gets angry with you, he'll let his dragon swallow you up in a minute. But don't worry. The great Kazuma is here. I'll protect you from him."

Protect her from ME? Hiei bit his lips hard to stop a scream of rage. Only the thought that he would have to explain a lot why he was spying on them, and he would upset Yukina by killing Kuwabara stopped him from giving the idiot a slow, painful death.

"I don't think… he seems so nice to me." Yukina whispered.

"He just fakes it. After seeing what he said and did about Kurama, can you say that he isn't heartless?"

Hiei tensed, half furious with Kuwabara, half nervous to wait for Yukina's answer. He was struck speechless as Yukina answered in a soft voice after a pause. "I don't know."

The shock was so abrupt that his anger dropped to almost nothing and his body went rigid. Disappointment, disbelief and pain swelled up in him to the point of being unbearable in only a few seconds. He had thought that Yukina wouldn't agree with Kuwabara, that she would defend him. But it seemed like he had been wrong. Couldn't stand staying there anymore, Hiei turned and quickly left.

That night, for the first time in his life, he spent whole night thinking, really thinking. It was until that time that Hiei realized he truly hated Kuwabara. He hated that idiot for teasing him, for calling him name, for daring to say all those things about him to his sister. In the back of his mind, he knew they weren't the only reasons. He had seen how happy Yukina was whenever Kuwabara was around. He had also seen how sadness blended into her eyes when his name was mentioned. What did Kuwabara have that was even stronger than the bond of blood? Kuwabara could make Yukina happy when Hiei couldn't. For that fact alone, the idiot deserved to die.

What made Hiei hate that idiot most was the knowledge that he couldn't hurt Kuwabara without hurting his sister in the process, and that after what happened, after what Kuwabara did and said, he was still important to Hiei. He was still a friend.

Happiness in Yukina's smile and sadness in her eyes flashed through Hiei's mind more than once. He didn't know what to do. He didn't think he could stand listening to Kuwabara's rambling about him without hurting the idiot. Neither could he hold his impassive mask after hearing his sister's soft voice saying 'I don't know.'

Hiei chuckled bitterly. But then, his sister didn't really agree with Kuwabara, did she? To Yukina, he wasn't a relative; he wasn't even a friend. Yet, Yukina didn't judge Hiei on his words and action like the others. Wasn't it enough?

By the time the night faded away, he came to the conclusion that the thing he wanted most was not to be able to stay beside Yukina, but to bring Yukina happiness. And while he didn't have that ability, Kuwabara had. And Hiei knew how he could take away the sadness in his sister's eyes whenever he was around.

With that thought in mind, Hiei decided to stop visiting Genkai's temple. He had never seen Yukina again since that time.

***

It came again, that sad memory. Hiei sighed. He longed to drop by Genkai's temple, even if it was only to take a glimpse of Yukina, but that memory was like a great wall preventing him from doing so.

He stretched his limbs like a cat. Dawn was coming, and in the next few hours, sounds of human's life would shatter the silence in the yard.

Hiei got to his feet, picked his sword up and glanced at the direction of Kurama's house. Last night when he arrived at Ningenkai, he hadn't gone there yet. There was no point in trying to sleep now, so he headed to that direction.

Something was wrong. Hiei realized it right after he'd landed on the familiar tree. Hiei got nearer to the window and froze. Kurama's room was empty. For a moment, his mind went blank, then overwhelmed with panic. Before thoughts could really form, he broke the glass with his elbow and jumped into the room.

What had happened? There was no light except for the dim light of the early morning sun flowing in through the broken window. There was no furniture, only several crumbled pieces of paper scattering around on the floor. Hiei could only stare, his mind refusing to work.

In the past few years, he had grown accustomed to the sight of the room. It had craved into his mind so deeply that even now, when he closed his eyes, Hiei could see it vividly in his head. Each time he saw the bed, he remembered the night he had spent beside Kurama. Each time he saw the desk, he saw the image of Kurama writing, or smiling and talking with him. Each time he saw the wardrobe, he saw Kurama holding out the human clothes, and pouting when he snorted in disgust. But they had all gone now. No bed, no desk, no furniture, just an empty, abandoned room.

A sound outside snapped Hiei back to reality. He yanked the door open, not even aware that it had been locked, and walked into the main house, only to find that the whole house was abandoned, and empty.

What had happened? The question repeated itself again and again in his head. He couldn't break the promise he had made to himself and go to Yukina, but when he went to Yusuke's all he received was a closed door to his face. So with the question still unanswered, Hiei returned to Makai.

There wasn't any reason to come to Ningenkai anymore. All his trips to the human world stopped. So did the link with his former friends, Yusuke and Kuwabara. Was Hiei sad? He didn't know. He retreated to the way he had been before he met his friends. He didn't live. He just existed.

****