Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Enma's Torment Theatre ❯ The Future Isn't So Far Away ( Chapter 9 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: Chrissy Sky 
Hiei and Kurama are becoming weary of Rando's plot.
They read another of Rose's fics, a Koenma/Hiei.
Anime/Manga: Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Comedy | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 09.21.2003 | Updated On: 06.10.2005 | Pages: 10 | Words: 6.1K | Visits: 2.5K | Status: Completed
Hiei and Kurama are becoming weary of Rando's plot.
They read another of Rose's fics, a Koenma/Hiei.
Anime/Manga: Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Comedy | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 09.21.2003 | Updated On: 06.10.2005 | Pages: 10 | Words: 6.1K | Visits: 2.5K | Status: Completed
Enma’s Torment Theatre
Episode Nine: The Future Isn’t So Far Away
Story: Thin Ice
Story By: Rose Thorne
Msted by: Chrissy S. (Beginning done by Rose because I was having trouble, again.)
Notes: Probably due to my unique history with slash, Hiei and Kurama’s turmoil over what could happen to them in the future started sounding like Obi-Wan worrying about the future and Qui-Gon cautioning his apprentice to keep his mind in the present. (Though this is because Quiggie centers on the living force while Obi on the unifying force… But I digress.) Anyway, if anyone else notices it, forgive me. I wasn’t actually referencing it, but it’s there. I was just stemming off on what Rose had written for me and that’s how it came out. ^.^
- Satellite -
Kurama woke up hungry. Very hungry. He wanted to stay and cuddle with Hiei; to go back to sleep, but his stomach was complaining very loudly and threatening to eat his spine. After resisting it for a few precious moments, he finally untangled his limbs from Hiei's and sat up.
He was about to rise when Hiei grabbed him. "Imp?"
The fox smiled at his lover, leaning back to kiss him gently. "I'm going to go prepare something for us to eat. You can sleep a bit longer and I can bring it back here, if you want."
Hiei yawned cutely and shrugged, sitting up. "I'll go with you. I want to know what kind of food Rando sent us, anyway."
Kurama smiled at him and pulled him into a hug, kissing the top of his head. "Shall we get dressed, then, love?"
The fire demon leaned against him. "If we must . . ."
"It probably would be a good idea," Kurama said, laughing. He stood, gently pulling Hiei with him. "Besides, cooking in the nude isn't always safe."
Hiei shrugged and picked up his shirt. "So you eat it raw." Kurama made a face and the Jaganshi chuckled. "You've become so accustomed to being human, Imp."
Kurama smiled at him, pulling on his pants. "I know, Dragon."
They quickly dressed and headed out to the kitchen portion of the satellite. They had noticed on the first day of captivity that the satellite was rather poorly-constructed. It obviously wasn't meant to last long, a realization that was disturbing. How many fics would it be before Rando, or whoever was above Rando, decided to just blast them into the vacuum of space and be done with them? It was a thought none of them had brought up, but all of them thought about it.
It was Hiei who found the 'gift' that Rando had sent. "What the fuck?"
Kurama glanced into the refrigerator, his eyebrow raising. "Vegetables?"
Hiei sneered. "Rabbit food."
The fox frowned. "Didn't Yuusuke call us rabbits last night?"
“And Rando must have heard that. Wonderful.”
Kurama shrugged, still frowning slightly, and took to making breakfast for him and his friends.
“Carrots for the idiot,” Hiei said, standing beside him, watching his progress.
“Why?”
“‘You are what you eat’ right?” The Jaganshi was smirking up at the redhead.
Kurama laughed, but tried not to. A second later he was frowning again, but he did prepare the carrots.
“Broccoli?” Hiei asked.
“Little kids often complain about having to eat it,” Kurama murmured. “For the off chance that Yuusuke and Koenma will eat it.”
Hiei smirked again. Another moment passed and he became increasingly aware of how much Kurama’s frown was starting to bug him. Looking around the kitchen he spotted something hanging on a hook he’d managed not to see before, or hadn’t been paying attention to. Moving behind Kurama, he slipped it over his head and tied the two ends behind his back. Bewildered, the redhead turned to look at him, then pointedly at the apron.
“Is this a fantasy I wasn’t aware of?” he asked the fire demon.
Hiei became confused by that question. “What?”
Kurama laughed easily this time, turning back to the food. “I should have put on an apron in the first place. Thank you.”
“Hn.” Hiei stood beside him once again, chin resting in his hand. “Something wrong?”
The Youko wasn’t frowning now. “Just a little worried. How are we going to get out of this one?”
Hiei nodded.
“Of course,” Kurama said wryly, before the fire demon could say anything, “I know you’ve been thinking about that the whole time. I’m just worried that the others are treating this like a pleasure cruise.”
“In this rattrap?” Hiei asked.
“Suppose we should clean it up a bit.” ‘We’ meaning he alone would do it. Kurama didn’t even so much as sigh, accepting his lot in life. “With Yuusuke, that holocabana isn’t helping matters.”
“And Rando probably saw that as an advantage.”
“He seems infantile but he does have a great understanding of human nature, our humans particularly.” Kurama sat his knife down for a second to look at Hiei, concern swimming in his eyes. “We should be cautious. I don’t think the others quite see the danger we’re in.”
Hiei nodded quietly.
The redhead smiled softly at him. “Though I do believe we’ll be fine, whatever happens.” He was again reminded of Yuusuke telling him “everything would be alright” and he truly wanted to believe in it. He could remain aware on this unstable ground, but still sure of himself.
Hiei was frowning now. He seemed to wander off into his own thoughts.
“Dragon?”
Red eyes blinked and came into focus on him. “I…” He looked away quickly, uncomfortable with what he was about to say. But Kurama could guess what it was anyway.
“Still uneasy with the thought I might be hurt?” Hiei blinked up at him again. “We’ve played this scene before, though, love. No use worrying about the future. Instead we should keep our thoughts on the here and now.”
“It’s hard not to think about the future when it will soon be the present,” Hiei countered.
Kurama nodded. “We should keep it in mind at all times then.”
“And if Rando knows we suspect something?”
“Let him.”
Hiei smirked. “That should give him something to think about.”
“Though what we’ll have to see.”
“He’s good at assuming human nature,” Hiei pointed out in a lighter tone. “He knows little about you and I.”
“That will be our advantage, then. He knows that by now though.”
They were quieted then when Yuusuke, Kuwabara, and Koenma entered. It didn’t take the two young men long to notice what Rando had given them and not long after for them to start complaining about it.
They were interrupted during breakfast (which Kurama had some how managed to talk Yuusuke and Kuwabara into eating) Rando ordered them into the theatre again.
- Theatre -
[Sitting from left to right, as usual: Kuwa, Koenma, Yuusuke, Hiei, and Kurama.]
Kuwa: What pairing do you suppose it’ll be?
Koenma: Perhaps a horribly written SI fic.
Kurama: A horribly written SI lemon.
Hiei: [eyes wide] Imp, don’t say that, it’s probably with me.
Kurama: [throws an arm around the Youkai.] Sorry, love.
Koenma: Yes, the fans do seem to like you most, Hiei.
Hiei: Hn.
Kuwa: I don’t see how. He’s always surely and bad-tempered -
Kurama: People often identify with darker characters more than they do lighter ones.
>Thin Ice
Kuwa: We’re going ice-skating?
Koenma: I hope not if it’s thin…
Yuusuke: [Ryoga] I bet you didn't know that ever since my childhood, they've been calling me...THE ICEMAN!
Kurama: [Ranma] Little do you know that my childhood nickname was MR. FROSTY!
Yuusuke and Kurama: [Ryoga and Ranma chuckling menacingly]
>by Rose Thorne
Yuusuke: Written by Rose Thorne. Directed by Rose Thorne. A Rose Thorne production…
Kurama: We get the idea.
Yuusuke: Starring Bruce Campbell as Yuusuke Urameshi.
Koenma: You wish, Fanboy.
Hiei: At least you won’t be fretting so much over the damn grammar, Imp.
Kurama: [sighs]
Kuwa: Hi, “I’m bored!” lady!
Yuusuke: We’ve done that one before.
Kuwa: I know …
>~Standard Disclaimers Apply~
Kuwa: Look, that sentence has tails!
Kurama: [Zelgadis] Why did you - you know - do that? Was it really that you were that interested in lifting up her skirt?
Yuusuke: [Gourry] Uh! Lifting up her skirt? Don’t be ridiculous! I just wanted to see what was in there!
Kurama: [Zel] Isn’t that usually the point of lifting up a girl’s skirt?
[i.e. When Gourry saw Filia’s tail he lifted up her skirt to get a better look. She hit him with her mace.]
>There he is, in his damned infant form, mocking me openly.
Yuusuke: It’s about you, Koenma!
Koenma: Shut up.
Hiei: Another lover’s spat?
Kurama: Didn’t you two get over your inhibitions last night?
Koenma: [blushes] Shut up.
Hiei: Is that all you can say?
Koenma: No, I can also tell you to sod off!
Kuwa: Guys, it’s only the beginning of the fic, cool off.
Yuusuke: “Kill the umpire!”
Kuwa: [glares] Fine, kill each other, see if I care.
>He has the teenage form that he can use--he's proven it so willingly to me.
Yuusuke: [throws back his head and laughs]
Kuwa: Junior finally got some.
Koenma: [glares] I can “get some” any time I want, thank you.
Kuwa: [makes big motions toward Yuusuke]
Koenma: [rolls his eyes]
Kurama: Maybe it’s Yuusuke talking…
Yuusuke: [chokes in mid-laughter]
>Not that the others know, of course.
Hiei: Oh, we notice. Those lustful gazes they exchange behind the countenance of anger -
Koenma: Stop right there.
Hiei: I could do worse. Idiot.
>Not even Kurama knows, sneaky fox that he is.
Hiei: Wait a minute…
Kurama: Sneaky fox? Yuusuke doesn’t call me -
Yuusuke: [outraged] It’s not me!
Koenma: [stares at him]
Kuwa: Then… who is it?
Koenma: [realization dawns] …
Hiei: [shivers]
Kurama: [glares] Mine!
Koenma: And you can keep him.
Kurama: [flips him a bird]
Kuwa: *Who?*
Hiei: It’s me, you idiot!
Kuwa: …
Hiei: What now?
Kuwa: I … don’t know how to react…
Hiei: Che.
[they can hear Rando laughing in the background]
Yuusuke: Stupid git.
>I glare at our boss for all I'm worth, then scowl as I feel the gaze of another.
Kurama: [Ben] He is our last hope.
Yuusuke: [Yoda] No. There is another.
Hiei: I want to know why Obi-Wan seemed to not know about Leia’s existence there. Wasn’t he around when the twins were born?
Yuusuke: [shrugs] In 2005 we’ll find out.
Hiei: Hn.
Yuusuke: And if George messes up we get to brag about noticing the continuity error.
Hiei: [rolls eyes]
>Kurama is watching me again.
All [except Kurama]: He does that.
Kurama: [embarrassed]
>That damned nosy youko knows.
Kurama: [Palpatine] I have foreseen it.
>He knows what Koenma tricked me into, but he probably thinks it was my fault.
Kurama: [cont.] His compassion for you will be his undoing.
Kuwa: Tricked?
Yuusuke: Koenma, you raped Hiei!
Hiei: [snorts]
Koenma: [rubs his temple]
>Whenever I'm forced into human areas,
Kurama: [cont.] He will come to you and then you will bring him before me.
Yuusuke: You can stop now.
Kurama: [grins]
>he watches me like a hawk, especially when we're around children. He probably thinks I'm a pedophile.
Kurama: What?!
Hiei: [leans against Kurama’s shoulder, looking bored]
Koenma: [snarky] Oh, don’t tell me you don’t know what ‘pedophile’ means, Kurama.
Kurama: [glares] Hiei is not a -
Hiei: Not real, Imp.
Kuwa: Hawk?
Yuusuke: It’s the eyes.
Kurama: [sighs]
>I'm not the pedophile--Koenma is.
Yuusuke: [throws back his head and laughs, again]
Koenma: [sputters]
Hiei: [smirks]
Kurama: I don’t think there’s anything we could say to that one really…
>You see, I'm underage according to Reikai standards.
Yuusuke: [falls to the ground, laughing even harder]
Kurama: Maybe now we can. [chuckles]
Yuusuke: [gasping] Rocking the cradle…!
Hiei: Anything you say right now is going to be incoherent.
Yuusuke: And he spends most of his time in his toddler form…! [is holding his ribs; cackling]
Kuwa: But Hiei’s really of age?
Hiei: [glares]
Kurama: [murmurs] Yes, but he’s still younger than me.
Yuusuke: Quit, quit… Fuck, my ribs hurt!
>I didn't know that before, but I do now. Koenma tricked me; he told me it was the only way for me to avoid prison when, in reality, I couldn't have been sent there anyway because of my age.
Yuusuke: [finally calms down] Geez, Koenma, you’re a bastard in this.
Koenma: As all of you are so fond of saying; not me.
>I didn't know that at the time, but I knew what happened in prisons.
Kurama: [starts humming Jailhouse Rock]
Yuusuke: [looks at Kurama] Elaborate and cheesy musical numbers?
Kurama: I think they’re supposed to be working on a remake of Dirty Dancing. Makes me want to rip my heart out.
Hiei: [gives him a strange look]
Koenma: I think that’s just a rumor…
>It even happens in the Ningenkai, and I am nobody's bitch.
[A long pause before anyone says anything]
Hiei: I’m not!!
Kurama: Of course not.
Yuusuke: Yeah. I’m just trying not to laugh my ass off again because you’d hit me.
Hiei: I’ll do it anyway. [hits him]
Yuusuke: Itai!
Koenma: [snickers]
Yuusuke: Shut up, pedophile!
Koenma: Voyeur.
>At least, I wasn't until he made me into one.
Yuusuke: [in a little kid voice] Koenma is a very bad man!
[everyone but Koenma laughs]
Koenma: I’ll get you later.
Yuusuke: Bring it.
>I thought that it was better than the alternative, but that's proved to be untrue. It was worse than what would have happened, and I am currently serving the sentence I would have received anyway. He tricked me, and he used me.
Hiei: Actually, I’d be in prison if not for Kurama… [Going from Larissa’s story “The Beginning.” This is also the fic that Kurama was talking about that started the whole “dragon” thing. It happens to be my favorite Hiei/Kurama…]
Koenma: At the time I didn’t know why he had so much faith in you. Now I have an idea.
Kurama: [blushes] It wasn’t like that back then.
Koenma: Uh huh.
>And I can't even forget what happened because he's there, ordering us around on a regular basis, a constant reminder of my helplessness.
All except Koenma: He does that.
Koenma: [glares at all of them]
>He told me . . . right before he took me.
Kuwa: … To the park.
Hiei: Zoo.
Kurama: Fair.
Yuusuke: [perverted grin] Cloud -
Hiei: Don’t say it.
Yuusuke: [snickers]
>I was already warded and restrained. I couldn't stop him.
Yuusuke: Didn’t know you were into BDSM, Koenma-chan.
Koenma: [glares]
Kurama: Were whips and chains involved?
Yuusuke: Don’t tell me you have a dungeon in Reikai made specifically for that purpose.
>He told me the truth--that I would never have been sent to prison--and then let me chew on that while he did whatever he wanted to me.
Koenma: … Make him wear pink?
Kuwa: What?!
Koenma: He said anything.
Hiei: Now you die.
Kurama: Dragon…
Yuusuke: Oh, a pink frilly dress!
Hiei: [glares]
Kurama: [considering] Hiei wouldn’t look good in pink. Try blue.
Hiei: Don’t even think about it.
Yuusuke: Too late!
>I could only struggle feebly while he laughed. I couldn't stop him.
Kurama: We gathered that much.
Hiei: Pathetic.
Kurama: Hiei, be nice to your fic self.
Hiei: Why bother?
Kurama: Don’t sulk.
Hiei: I am not sulking.
Kurama: Are too.
Yuusuke and Koenma: [start making overdramatic gagging sounds]
Kurama: [blushes] Alright, I’ll drop it.
>I hate him.
Hiei: Here, here.
Yuusuke: [sings It’s Just Love again]
Hiei: [smack!]
Yuusuke: [clutches the back of his head] Ow…
Kurama: [Yoda] Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side of the Force are they…
>And I'm afraid of him.
Yuusuke: You mentioned fear, Kurama?
Hiei: [bewildered expression]
Kurama: That’s what turned Anakin.
Yuusuke: Eek. I’m sorry but that still scares me.
Hiei: Scared… of Koenma…?
Kurama: [sighs and pulls Hiei into his lap] Not real, dear heart.
Hiei: Scared of the toddler…
Koenma: Am I the bunt of all of your jokes?
Yuusuke: No. About half.
>Yes, afraid! Hiei, wielder of the Jagan, afraid. Go ahead and laugh.
All: [exaggerated laughter]
>When he called me to get the tape to give to Yuusuke, I lied to Kurama.
Hiei: I used to do that a lot back then.
Kurama: Didn’t fool me once.
>I told him that Koenma wanted him to come, too.
Yuusuke: [falls over laughing, again]
Koenma: [kicks him]
>Koenma was mad when he saw Kurama with me, but that was my safety. He wouldn't dare touch me with Kurama there.
Yuusuke: Because Kurama would *so* kick his ass for touching *his* fire demon.
Kurama: [smiles menacingly at Koenma]
Hiei: [whispers] Remember, there is a reason I didn’t want to be his enemy.
Koenma: [looks a little worried] Kurama, it’s just a fic.
Kurama: [smiles even wider… and his eyes flash gold]
Koenma: [turns to stare straight ahead at the fic]
Hiei: [snickers]
>He still spoke to us separately, taunting me by changing to his teenage form during the meeting with me.
Hiei: Taunts me in the toddler form… Taunts me in the teenage form…
Yuusuke: Put your right foot in and you shake it all about…
Hiei: What?!
Kuwa: I think it’s the vegetables.
Kurama: They were well prepared!
Kuwa: I don’t think Urameshi can survive on rabbit food.
Yuusuke: Mmm… Rabbit. Meat. Sustenance…
Everyone else: [sweat drop]
Hiei: At least he didn’t quote Gollum.
Yuusuke: I can.
Hiei: No, that’s okay.
>He told me what was on the tape. Everything.
Yuusuke: Oh shit.
Hiei: No he didn’t…
Koenma: The reasons being for your own good.
Hiei: Hn.
Koenma: If you had killed any humans - which you came pretty close to
doing - then both you and Kurama would be in jail. I would have lost two valuable Tantei.
Yuusuke: [simpers] Aw, he does care about us!
Koenma: [sighs]
>He expected me to go and kill the bastards that were holding my sister captive. He expected me to put myself back in his clutches.
Yuusuke: I have the strangest urge to watch Empire Strikes Back…
Kurama: I want to see Jedi.
Hiei: [Vader] Reset the chamber for Skywalker.
Kurama: [continuing from before] He has grown strong. Only together can we turn him to the dark side of the Force.
>But my fear overcame my rage, and I waited for Yuusuke and Kuwabara.
Hiei: No I didn’t. I couldn’t find the damn place because of those wards Tarukane had around Yukina’s cell.
Kurama: We know, dear.
Yuusuke: [Xander] Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to fear… No wait.
>I still nearly lost. I was nearly within his reach again, and Yukina saved me. She stopped me, and unknowingly saved me. That makes it even harder for me to look at her.
Kurama: [Haruka] I know these hands are already dirty. I will make any sacrifice and use any means to get the talismans.
Hiei: [Michiru; smirking] Don’t worry. I like your hands.
Kurama: [kisses his cheek]
>He was disappointed, and he keeps trying.
Yuusuke: Like Skeletor.
Kuwa: Shredder.
Kurama: Joker, Penguin, Poison Ivy, Two Face, Riddler…
Yuusuke: Beryl, Dr. Tomoe, Nephrenia, Sailor Galaxia…
Kurama: Saionji, Touga, Akio…
Koenma: [does a stereotypical villain laugh]
Yuusuke: [applauds] Knew you’d get into the spirit.
>The Gate of Betrayal. He knew it was there. He's not as disorganized as he pretends to be,
Everyone [sans Koenma]: [loud coughing/hacking sounds]
Koenma: Hey!
>not that anyone else sees that. For Hell's sake, he's a god.
Yuusuke: Yes. But a *Junior* God.
>Why is everyone so blind?
Kuwa: Must’ve been a blackout…
Yuusuke: [Teacher] Take off those sunglasses in class!
>No god is that disorganized in his own territory.
Koenma: Don’t say it.
[the others snicker at him]
>Not even one that normally looks like a barely potty-trained toddler.
Koenma: For the last time, I *am* potty-trained!
Kurama: You’d better be. I don’t think Yuusuke would tolerate sleeping with you *and* changing your diapers.
Hiei: No one’s going to say anything about bed-wetting?
Yuusuke: [laughs out loud]
Koenma: [hangs his head] I hate this…
>The Gate of Betrayal almost caught me.
Yuusuke: Caught him doing what?
Hiei: Nothing like what you’re thinking about.
>I wasn't going to break Yuusuke's trust, but that damned Gatekeeper . . . That was a creature that had been born with the powers of the Jagan.
Yuusuke: Wait, wait. Who are we talking about here?
Hiei: The Gatekeeper.
Yuusuke: Who was that?
Hiei: [rolls his eyes] The big eyeball with wings!
Yuusuke: Oh… Him. Right.
Koenma: Do you remember any of your villains?
Yuusuke: Hmm… Tuguro, Yakumo…
>He didn't have to acquire or learn them. And he was much more adept than I was. He was taking control, and I nearly lost.
Yuusuke: Aww. A great battle of the wills we never saw.
Hiei: It’d probably be boring to you, though.
Yuusuke: Is that how it happened?
Hiei: Kind of…
Kuwa: I remember that! I thought you’d betrayed us, Shrimp.
Hiei: [smirks] That was the point.
Kuwa: [confused look]
Yuusuke: [Xellos] If you can fool your friends you can fool your enemies!
>I managed to trick him and save the others, in turn saving myself, but it proved something to me.
Yuusuke: That aliens really do exist and are a part of a government conspiracy.
Kurama: That pigs can fly.
Koenma: That the torment never ends…
>Koenma doesn't care about them.
Yuusuke: Oh. Were we close?
Kurama: [Michiru] We will sacrifice anyone without remorse…
>He was perfectly willing to sacrifice them in order to get me.
Kurama: [Uranus] … Even if we sacrifice the owners of pure hearts.
>So I am responsible for their safety.
Koenma: And food and clothing…
Yuusuke: Hiei-pappa! Kurama-mamma!
Kurama: [glares at him]
>I can't be friends with them.
Yuusuke: [singing] Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be friends?
Hiei, Kurama, and Kuwabara: [singing] What kinds of words sit Eye to Eye/ From out of courage/ Steal a smiling face and change…
>I have to be cold and aloof.
Yuusuke: [Hiei] Because I’m cool like that.
Koenma: [Hiei] It’s in my contract.
>Otherwise, who knows what he'll do to them . . .?
Koenma: Make them dress in drag.
Hiei: You have this cross-dressing fascination, don’t you?
Yuusuke: Make us wear Sailor Senshi fukus!
Kuwa: You sound way too enthusiastic about that, Urameshi…
Yuusuke: [blushes]
>If he thinks it could hurt me--make me turn to him--he might hurt them.
Yuusuke: [Usagi] I can protect the world without the Talismans!
Kurama: [Haruka] When you say that I can almost believe you…
>That's why I'm relieved that Yukina stays with Genkai. That old woman knows something--
Yuusuke: She’s Genkai. She knows a lot of stuff.
Koenma: Complimenting her?
Yuusuke: No, just saying that it’s not so fantastic that she knows about something.
>I can see it in her eyes every time she looks at me.
Yuusuke: Uh… Since it’s Grandma I’m not touching that one.
Others: [nod]
>Yukina is safe with her while I'm on missions, and safe closer to me while I'm stuck in this hellhole known as Ningenkai,
Hiei: Damn right it’s a hellhole.
Kurama: Dragon…
> where I can watch her and protect her. It's the reason I don't tell her. If she knows that I am her brother, it will be impossible not to grow close to her. It would put her in danger.
Hiei: Exactly. So shut up, all of you.
Kurama and Yuusuke: [start humming]
Hiei: I mean it.
>I have to protect them all--Yuusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, and Yukina.
Yuusuke: In the name of the moon!
Kurama: You know… I think I like this fic.
Hiei: What?
Kurama: [defensively] I’ve never read a YYH fic like it before.
>At some point, I will fail to protect them.
Yuusuke: Then I’ll run away, bitching about how everyone hates me and that I’m worthless…
Kurama: Knew you’d get an Evangelion joke in there somehow.
Yuusuke: Yup.
>My failure will mean the death of at least one of the people I'm protecting, as well as myself--
Yuusuke: “One door leads to the castle at the center of the labyrinth, the other one leads to… certain death!”
>I will not be his bitch again.
Yuusuke and Kurama: [singing] We're not gonna take it/ No, we ain't gonna take it/ We're not gonna take it anymore!
>Perfection is unattainable, no matter how hard I strive for it.
Kurama: [Obi-Wan] We are not saints, but seekers.
Yuusuke: What’s *that* from?
Kurama: The Jedi Apprentice Series.
Yuusuke: [looking at him strangely]
Kurama: I could comment on some of your reading material.
Yuusuke: Fine, fine. [sulks]
>I will fail.
Yuusuke: [Palpatine] It is your destiny. You like your father are now… mine.
Hiei: “Their destinies were preordained.”
Yuusuke: Ah! An X reference! Thanks, Hiei!
Hiei: Don’t even think about glomping me.
Yuusuke: [laughs nervously] I wasn’t…
>It's frightening.
Yuusuke: Hiei, we keep telling you about that fear thing…
>It makes my adrenaline flow, giving me more energy to use in protecting them. Energy that will eventually run out.
Yuusuke: The batteries went dead.
Kuwa: “It keeps going” my ass.
>I will fail.
Yuusuke: No, Hiei! That’s what he wants you to think! Don’t give into the dark side!
Hiei: Hn.
Kuwa: “Say no to drugs.”
Kurama: “Dippy Duck says: Stay cool, swim in a pool!”
Koenma: Don’t drink and drive.
Kurama: [Obi-Wan] You don’t want to sell me death sticks…
Yuusuke: [Elan] I don’t want to sell you death sticks…
Kurama: [Obi-Wan] You want to go home and rethink your life…
Yuusuke: [Elan] I want to -
Koenma: Jedi mind tricks, we get the idea.
>I'm walking on thin ice, and every step I take . . .
Kurama: [singing] Every step you take, every move you make, I’ll be watching you…
>could kill me . . .
Kurama: [Kaworu] Please, destroy me.
>Be happy.
Yuusuke: [singing] Don’t worry, be happy… Be happy now -
Koenma: Stop stopping the fic every five seconds!!
>I avoided homework to write this for you guys.
Hiei: You shouldn’t have.
Yuusuke: Really.
>A conversation with Hikari made me wonder about serious Koenma/Hiei fics (which, by the way, I would love to see),
Koenma: I wouldn’t.
Hiei: [smirks] Because of your fuzzy awakening feelings for Yuusuke?
Koenma: [sighs]
Yuusuke: Hikari?
Kurama: It’s not the one you’re thinking of.
Yuusuke: Oh…
>so I wrote this. Eeeevil Koenma.
Yuusuke: Bad Koenma! No peeing on the carpet! [mimes hitting him with a rolled up newspaper]
Koenma: I’m fucking potty-trained, damn it!
>I'd like to see a loving relationship between the two, but I wanted something nice and dark to write.
Kurama: Mmm, dark fiction…
Yuusuke: Sure it was dark. But where was the gore? The violence?
Hiei: The abuse to my person wasn’t enough for you?
Yuusuke: [emphasizes] *Gore.*
>The idea of Hiei being underage has been used by Morgan D in her fics.
Kurama: Ah. She wrote my favorite CCS fic.
>I think it makes sense, so . . .
Yuusuke: [author] So I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense to the rest of you! Muhuhahahaha!
Kurama: Neat idea. Never seen it before now. Usually I end up being the younger one.
Kuwa: But this was Koenma/Hiei…
Kurama: Don’t care right now, Kuwabara.
Yuusuke: “You’re paying too much attention to the fic again. Stop it.”
>Ahem . . . Back to homework for me. ;.;
Yuusuke: Nah, you seem like an nice enough author. I don’t even have a headache. Go ahead and take the night off. Skip homework.
Koenma: And be a lazy slob like Yuusuke. Go ahead, take his advice.
Yuusuke: Fuck off. [to Hiei] Don’t say it.
Hiei: [smirks]
>Thanks go to Jenna for beta-reading, and to Tora for massive editting!
Kurama: [laughs]
Koenma: You think that was done on purpose?
Kurama: I have no idea.
Hiei: Let’s just get out of here.
Yuusuke: I’m with that. How about we all play Extreme Hockey?
Kuwa: What’s that?
Yuusuke: No puck. You run around hitting each other with the hockey sticks trying to knock your opponents into their own net.
Koenma: That’s… bizarre.
Hiei: I’m in.
Kurama: You just want to hit something.
Kuwa: Me too!
Koenma: I suppose I’ll join in.
Yuusuke: Kurama?
Kurama: [sighs] It’s either that or Satellite cleaning.
Yuusuke: That’s the spirit!
- Observatory -
Hiei sat looking out of the observatory window. “That bastard probably has all of our rooms bugged anyway.”
Kurama sat beside him brushing through his long hair. He felt tired after playing Yuusuke’s stupid game for most of the day and was ready to pass out. “I don’t mind, really. Stop worrying about it.” He patted the makeshift bed on the floor they were sitting on. His tone was very bright. “It’s okay.”
His optimism really made Hiei feel like crap. “I just don’t like the thought that he could be overhearing us.”
“Neither do I, Dragon.”
Hiei leaned his forehead against the window. The observatory was Kurama’s favorite room, actually. It was very large and was in much better condition than the rest of the satellite. He’d checked the walls thoroughly in here and it was very unlikely that even if this one was bugged that they would be heard. He felt much safer in here, on surer ground, and said as much.
“So do I,” Kurama told him.
“Are you just trying to placate me?” Hiei glared at the redhead.
“Yes, dear.”
“Quit it.”
“If you want.” The Youko grinned at him.
Hiei snorted.
“But really,” Kurama said, “it’s not different from camping out. And I have you to keep me warm.” Finishing with his hair he wrapped his arms around Hiei and pulled him down onto the blankets. “So don’t worry about if or if not I’ll be comfortable. Truthfully, the other room is too small and I feel claustrophobic inside. This is much nicer. And such fantastic scenery.”
Hiei remembered when Kurama had earlier said the ‘scenery’ was romantic. He snorted and snuggled into the arms surrounding him.
Feeling him fall asleep, Kurama found himself whispering thoughtfully, “But the scenery is nothing to me.”
Smiling, he watched as Hiei shifted uncomfortably at the sound of his voice. The fire demon turned over and placed his head on Kurama’s shoulder, then fell still again. He was just as tired by Yuusuke’s stupid game as Kurama was.
“Because your star shines brighter than any of these ever could,” he whispered, and he too drifted off into slumber.
- Laboratory, Location unknown -
Giaki peered at the screen over his master’s shoulder. “The Youko and the Fire Demon are starting to suspect.”
Rando smirked devilishly, stroking his chin thoughtfully. “They shouldn’t prove a problem. I will have my revenge on Urameshi, one way or another. I will make him suffer tenfold of what I did.”
The large room was filled then by the kidnapper’s evil and hysterical laughter. Giaki frowned worriedly but said nothing.
Episode Nine: The Future Isn’t So Far Away
Story: Thin Ice
Story By: Rose Thorne
Msted by: Chrissy S. (Beginning done by Rose because I was having trouble, again.)
Notes: Probably due to my unique history with slash, Hiei and Kurama’s turmoil over what could happen to them in the future started sounding like Obi-Wan worrying about the future and Qui-Gon cautioning his apprentice to keep his mind in the present. (Though this is because Quiggie centers on the living force while Obi on the unifying force… But I digress.) Anyway, if anyone else notices it, forgive me. I wasn’t actually referencing it, but it’s there. I was just stemming off on what Rose had written for me and that’s how it came out. ^.^
- Satellite -
Kurama woke up hungry. Very hungry. He wanted to stay and cuddle with Hiei; to go back to sleep, but his stomach was complaining very loudly and threatening to eat his spine. After resisting it for a few precious moments, he finally untangled his limbs from Hiei's and sat up.
He was about to rise when Hiei grabbed him. "Imp?"
The fox smiled at his lover, leaning back to kiss him gently. "I'm going to go prepare something for us to eat. You can sleep a bit longer and I can bring it back here, if you want."
Hiei yawned cutely and shrugged, sitting up. "I'll go with you. I want to know what kind of food Rando sent us, anyway."
Kurama smiled at him and pulled him into a hug, kissing the top of his head. "Shall we get dressed, then, love?"
The fire demon leaned against him. "If we must . . ."
"It probably would be a good idea," Kurama said, laughing. He stood, gently pulling Hiei with him. "Besides, cooking in the nude isn't always safe."
Hiei shrugged and picked up his shirt. "So you eat it raw." Kurama made a face and the Jaganshi chuckled. "You've become so accustomed to being human, Imp."
Kurama smiled at him, pulling on his pants. "I know, Dragon."
They quickly dressed and headed out to the kitchen portion of the satellite. They had noticed on the first day of captivity that the satellite was rather poorly-constructed. It obviously wasn't meant to last long, a realization that was disturbing. How many fics would it be before Rando, or whoever was above Rando, decided to just blast them into the vacuum of space and be done with them? It was a thought none of them had brought up, but all of them thought about it.
It was Hiei who found the 'gift' that Rando had sent. "What the fuck?"
Kurama glanced into the refrigerator, his eyebrow raising. "Vegetables?"
Hiei sneered. "Rabbit food."
The fox frowned. "Didn't Yuusuke call us rabbits last night?"
“And Rando must have heard that. Wonderful.”
Kurama shrugged, still frowning slightly, and took to making breakfast for him and his friends.
“Carrots for the idiot,” Hiei said, standing beside him, watching his progress.
“Why?”
“‘You are what you eat’ right?” The Jaganshi was smirking up at the redhead.
Kurama laughed, but tried not to. A second later he was frowning again, but he did prepare the carrots.
“Broccoli?” Hiei asked.
“Little kids often complain about having to eat it,” Kurama murmured. “For the off chance that Yuusuke and Koenma will eat it.”
Hiei smirked again. Another moment passed and he became increasingly aware of how much Kurama’s frown was starting to bug him. Looking around the kitchen he spotted something hanging on a hook he’d managed not to see before, or hadn’t been paying attention to. Moving behind Kurama, he slipped it over his head and tied the two ends behind his back. Bewildered, the redhead turned to look at him, then pointedly at the apron.
“Is this a fantasy I wasn’t aware of?” he asked the fire demon.
Hiei became confused by that question. “What?”
Kurama laughed easily this time, turning back to the food. “I should have put on an apron in the first place. Thank you.”
“Hn.” Hiei stood beside him once again, chin resting in his hand. “Something wrong?”
The Youko wasn’t frowning now. “Just a little worried. How are we going to get out of this one?”
Hiei nodded.
“Of course,” Kurama said wryly, before the fire demon could say anything, “I know you’ve been thinking about that the whole time. I’m just worried that the others are treating this like a pleasure cruise.”
“In this rattrap?” Hiei asked.
“Suppose we should clean it up a bit.” ‘We’ meaning he alone would do it. Kurama didn’t even so much as sigh, accepting his lot in life. “With Yuusuke, that holocabana isn’t helping matters.”
“And Rando probably saw that as an advantage.”
“He seems infantile but he does have a great understanding of human nature, our humans particularly.” Kurama sat his knife down for a second to look at Hiei, concern swimming in his eyes. “We should be cautious. I don’t think the others quite see the danger we’re in.”
Hiei nodded quietly.
The redhead smiled softly at him. “Though I do believe we’ll be fine, whatever happens.” He was again reminded of Yuusuke telling him “everything would be alright” and he truly wanted to believe in it. He could remain aware on this unstable ground, but still sure of himself.
Hiei was frowning now. He seemed to wander off into his own thoughts.
“Dragon?”
Red eyes blinked and came into focus on him. “I…” He looked away quickly, uncomfortable with what he was about to say. But Kurama could guess what it was anyway.
“Still uneasy with the thought I might be hurt?” Hiei blinked up at him again. “We’ve played this scene before, though, love. No use worrying about the future. Instead we should keep our thoughts on the here and now.”
“It’s hard not to think about the future when it will soon be the present,” Hiei countered.
Kurama nodded. “We should keep it in mind at all times then.”
“And if Rando knows we suspect something?”
“Let him.”
Hiei smirked. “That should give him something to think about.”
“Though what we’ll have to see.”
“He’s good at assuming human nature,” Hiei pointed out in a lighter tone. “He knows little about you and I.”
“That will be our advantage, then. He knows that by now though.”
They were quieted then when Yuusuke, Kuwabara, and Koenma entered. It didn’t take the two young men long to notice what Rando had given them and not long after for them to start complaining about it.
They were interrupted during breakfast (which Kurama had some how managed to talk Yuusuke and Kuwabara into eating) Rando ordered them into the theatre again.
- Theatre -
[Sitting from left to right, as usual: Kuwa, Koenma, Yuusuke, Hiei, and Kurama.]
Kuwa: What pairing do you suppose it’ll be?
Koenma: Perhaps a horribly written SI fic.
Kurama: A horribly written SI lemon.
Hiei: [eyes wide] Imp, don’t say that, it’s probably with me.
Kurama: [throws an arm around the Youkai.] Sorry, love.
Koenma: Yes, the fans do seem to like you most, Hiei.
Hiei: Hn.
Kuwa: I don’t see how. He’s always surely and bad-tempered -
Kurama: People often identify with darker characters more than they do lighter ones.
>Thin Ice
Kuwa: We’re going ice-skating?
Koenma: I hope not if it’s thin…
Yuusuke: [Ryoga] I bet you didn't know that ever since my childhood, they've been calling me...THE ICEMAN!
Kurama: [Ranma] Little do you know that my childhood nickname was MR. FROSTY!
Yuusuke and Kurama: [Ryoga and Ranma chuckling menacingly]
>by Rose Thorne
Yuusuke: Written by Rose Thorne. Directed by Rose Thorne. A Rose Thorne production…
Kurama: We get the idea.
Yuusuke: Starring Bruce Campbell as Yuusuke Urameshi.
Koenma: You wish, Fanboy.
Hiei: At least you won’t be fretting so much over the damn grammar, Imp.
Kurama: [sighs]
Kuwa: Hi, “I’m bored!” lady!
Yuusuke: We’ve done that one before.
Kuwa: I know …
>~Standard Disclaimers Apply~
Kuwa: Look, that sentence has tails!
Kurama: [Zelgadis] Why did you - you know - do that? Was it really that you were that interested in lifting up her skirt?
Yuusuke: [Gourry] Uh! Lifting up her skirt? Don’t be ridiculous! I just wanted to see what was in there!
Kurama: [Zel] Isn’t that usually the point of lifting up a girl’s skirt?
[i.e. When Gourry saw Filia’s tail he lifted up her skirt to get a better look. She hit him with her mace.]
>There he is, in his damned infant form, mocking me openly.
Yuusuke: It’s about you, Koenma!
Koenma: Shut up.
Hiei: Another lover’s spat?
Kurama: Didn’t you two get over your inhibitions last night?
Koenma: [blushes] Shut up.
Hiei: Is that all you can say?
Koenma: No, I can also tell you to sod off!
Kuwa: Guys, it’s only the beginning of the fic, cool off.
Yuusuke: “Kill the umpire!”
Kuwa: [glares] Fine, kill each other, see if I care.
>He has the teenage form that he can use--he's proven it so willingly to me.
Yuusuke: [throws back his head and laughs]
Kuwa: Junior finally got some.
Koenma: [glares] I can “get some” any time I want, thank you.
Kuwa: [makes big motions toward Yuusuke]
Koenma: [rolls his eyes]
Kurama: Maybe it’s Yuusuke talking…
Yuusuke: [chokes in mid-laughter]
>Not that the others know, of course.
Hiei: Oh, we notice. Those lustful gazes they exchange behind the countenance of anger -
Koenma: Stop right there.
Hiei: I could do worse. Idiot.
>Not even Kurama knows, sneaky fox that he is.
Hiei: Wait a minute…
Kurama: Sneaky fox? Yuusuke doesn’t call me -
Yuusuke: [outraged] It’s not me!
Koenma: [stares at him]
Kuwa: Then… who is it?
Koenma: [realization dawns] …
Hiei: [shivers]
Kurama: [glares] Mine!
Koenma: And you can keep him.
Kurama: [flips him a bird]
Kuwa: *Who?*
Hiei: It’s me, you idiot!
Kuwa: …
Hiei: What now?
Kuwa: I … don’t know how to react…
Hiei: Che.
[they can hear Rando laughing in the background]
Yuusuke: Stupid git.
>I glare at our boss for all I'm worth, then scowl as I feel the gaze of another.
Kurama: [Ben] He is our last hope.
Yuusuke: [Yoda] No. There is another.
Hiei: I want to know why Obi-Wan seemed to not know about Leia’s existence there. Wasn’t he around when the twins were born?
Yuusuke: [shrugs] In 2005 we’ll find out.
Hiei: Hn.
Yuusuke: And if George messes up we get to brag about noticing the continuity error.
Hiei: [rolls eyes]
>Kurama is watching me again.
All [except Kurama]: He does that.
Kurama: [embarrassed]
>That damned nosy youko knows.
Kurama: [Palpatine] I have foreseen it.
>He knows what Koenma tricked me into, but he probably thinks it was my fault.
Kurama: [cont.] His compassion for you will be his undoing.
Kuwa: Tricked?
Yuusuke: Koenma, you raped Hiei!
Hiei: [snorts]
Koenma: [rubs his temple]
>Whenever I'm forced into human areas,
Kurama: [cont.] He will come to you and then you will bring him before me.
Yuusuke: You can stop now.
Kurama: [grins]
>he watches me like a hawk, especially when we're around children. He probably thinks I'm a pedophile.
Kurama: What?!
Hiei: [leans against Kurama’s shoulder, looking bored]
Koenma: [snarky] Oh, don’t tell me you don’t know what ‘pedophile’ means, Kurama.
Kurama: [glares] Hiei is not a -
Hiei: Not real, Imp.
Kuwa: Hawk?
Yuusuke: It’s the eyes.
Kurama: [sighs]
>I'm not the pedophile--Koenma is.
Yuusuke: [throws back his head and laughs, again]
Koenma: [sputters]
Hiei: [smirks]
Kurama: I don’t think there’s anything we could say to that one really…
>You see, I'm underage according to Reikai standards.
Yuusuke: [falls to the ground, laughing even harder]
Kurama: Maybe now we can. [chuckles]
Yuusuke: [gasping] Rocking the cradle…!
Hiei: Anything you say right now is going to be incoherent.
Yuusuke: And he spends most of his time in his toddler form…! [is holding his ribs; cackling]
Kuwa: But Hiei’s really of age?
Hiei: [glares]
Kurama: [murmurs] Yes, but he’s still younger than me.
Yuusuke: Quit, quit… Fuck, my ribs hurt!
>I didn't know that before, but I do now. Koenma tricked me; he told me it was the only way for me to avoid prison when, in reality, I couldn't have been sent there anyway because of my age.
Yuusuke: [finally calms down] Geez, Koenma, you’re a bastard in this.
Koenma: As all of you are so fond of saying; not me.
>I didn't know that at the time, but I knew what happened in prisons.
Kurama: [starts humming Jailhouse Rock]
Yuusuke: [looks at Kurama] Elaborate and cheesy musical numbers?
Kurama: I think they’re supposed to be working on a remake of Dirty Dancing. Makes me want to rip my heart out.
Hiei: [gives him a strange look]
Koenma: I think that’s just a rumor…
>It even happens in the Ningenkai, and I am nobody's bitch.
[A long pause before anyone says anything]
Hiei: I’m not!!
Kurama: Of course not.
Yuusuke: Yeah. I’m just trying not to laugh my ass off again because you’d hit me.
Hiei: I’ll do it anyway. [hits him]
Yuusuke: Itai!
Koenma: [snickers]
Yuusuke: Shut up, pedophile!
Koenma: Voyeur.
>At least, I wasn't until he made me into one.
Yuusuke: [in a little kid voice] Koenma is a very bad man!
[everyone but Koenma laughs]
Koenma: I’ll get you later.
Yuusuke: Bring it.
>I thought that it was better than the alternative, but that's proved to be untrue. It was worse than what would have happened, and I am currently serving the sentence I would have received anyway. He tricked me, and he used me.
Hiei: Actually, I’d be in prison if not for Kurama… [Going from Larissa’s story “The Beginning.” This is also the fic that Kurama was talking about that started the whole “dragon” thing. It happens to be my favorite Hiei/Kurama…]
Koenma: At the time I didn’t know why he had so much faith in you. Now I have an idea.
Kurama: [blushes] It wasn’t like that back then.
Koenma: Uh huh.
>And I can't even forget what happened because he's there, ordering us around on a regular basis, a constant reminder of my helplessness.
All except Koenma: He does that.
Koenma: [glares at all of them]
>He told me . . . right before he took me.
Kuwa: … To the park.
Hiei: Zoo.
Kurama: Fair.
Yuusuke: [perverted grin] Cloud -
Hiei: Don’t say it.
Yuusuke: [snickers]
>I was already warded and restrained. I couldn't stop him.
Yuusuke: Didn’t know you were into BDSM, Koenma-chan.
Koenma: [glares]
Kurama: Were whips and chains involved?
Yuusuke: Don’t tell me you have a dungeon in Reikai made specifically for that purpose.
>He told me the truth--that I would never have been sent to prison--and then let me chew on that while he did whatever he wanted to me.
Koenma: … Make him wear pink?
Kuwa: What?!
Koenma: He said anything.
Hiei: Now you die.
Kurama: Dragon…
Yuusuke: Oh, a pink frilly dress!
Hiei: [glares]
Kurama: [considering] Hiei wouldn’t look good in pink. Try blue.
Hiei: Don’t even think about it.
Yuusuke: Too late!
>I could only struggle feebly while he laughed. I couldn't stop him.
Kurama: We gathered that much.
Hiei: Pathetic.
Kurama: Hiei, be nice to your fic self.
Hiei: Why bother?
Kurama: Don’t sulk.
Hiei: I am not sulking.
Kurama: Are too.
Yuusuke and Koenma: [start making overdramatic gagging sounds]
Kurama: [blushes] Alright, I’ll drop it.
>I hate him.
Hiei: Here, here.
Yuusuke: [sings It’s Just Love again]
Hiei: [smack!]
Yuusuke: [clutches the back of his head] Ow…
Kurama: [Yoda] Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side of the Force are they…
>And I'm afraid of him.
Yuusuke: You mentioned fear, Kurama?
Hiei: [bewildered expression]
Kurama: That’s what turned Anakin.
Yuusuke: Eek. I’m sorry but that still scares me.
Hiei: Scared… of Koenma…?
Kurama: [sighs and pulls Hiei into his lap] Not real, dear heart.
Hiei: Scared of the toddler…
Koenma: Am I the bunt of all of your jokes?
Yuusuke: No. About half.
>Yes, afraid! Hiei, wielder of the Jagan, afraid. Go ahead and laugh.
All: [exaggerated laughter]
>When he called me to get the tape to give to Yuusuke, I lied to Kurama.
Hiei: I used to do that a lot back then.
Kurama: Didn’t fool me once.
>I told him that Koenma wanted him to come, too.
Yuusuke: [falls over laughing, again]
Koenma: [kicks him]
>Koenma was mad when he saw Kurama with me, but that was my safety. He wouldn't dare touch me with Kurama there.
Yuusuke: Because Kurama would *so* kick his ass for touching *his* fire demon.
Kurama: [smiles menacingly at Koenma]
Hiei: [whispers] Remember, there is a reason I didn’t want to be his enemy.
Koenma: [looks a little worried] Kurama, it’s just a fic.
Kurama: [smiles even wider… and his eyes flash gold]
Koenma: [turns to stare straight ahead at the fic]
Hiei: [snickers]
>He still spoke to us separately, taunting me by changing to his teenage form during the meeting with me.
Hiei: Taunts me in the toddler form… Taunts me in the teenage form…
Yuusuke: Put your right foot in and you shake it all about…
Hiei: What?!
Kuwa: I think it’s the vegetables.
Kurama: They were well prepared!
Kuwa: I don’t think Urameshi can survive on rabbit food.
Yuusuke: Mmm… Rabbit. Meat. Sustenance…
Everyone else: [sweat drop]
Hiei: At least he didn’t quote Gollum.
Yuusuke: I can.
Hiei: No, that’s okay.
>He told me what was on the tape. Everything.
Yuusuke: Oh shit.
Hiei: No he didn’t…
Koenma: The reasons being for your own good.
Hiei: Hn.
Koenma: If you had killed any humans - which you came pretty close to
doing - then both you and Kurama would be in jail. I would have lost two valuable Tantei.
Yuusuke: [simpers] Aw, he does care about us!
Koenma: [sighs]
>He expected me to go and kill the bastards that were holding my sister captive. He expected me to put myself back in his clutches.
Yuusuke: I have the strangest urge to watch Empire Strikes Back…
Kurama: I want to see Jedi.
Hiei: [Vader] Reset the chamber for Skywalker.
Kurama: [continuing from before] He has grown strong. Only together can we turn him to the dark side of the Force.
>But my fear overcame my rage, and I waited for Yuusuke and Kuwabara.
Hiei: No I didn’t. I couldn’t find the damn place because of those wards Tarukane had around Yukina’s cell.
Kurama: We know, dear.
Yuusuke: [Xander] Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to fear… No wait.
>I still nearly lost. I was nearly within his reach again, and Yukina saved me. She stopped me, and unknowingly saved me. That makes it even harder for me to look at her.
Kurama: [Haruka] I know these hands are already dirty. I will make any sacrifice and use any means to get the talismans.
Hiei: [Michiru; smirking] Don’t worry. I like your hands.
Kurama: [kisses his cheek]
>He was disappointed, and he keeps trying.
Yuusuke: Like Skeletor.
Kuwa: Shredder.
Kurama: Joker, Penguin, Poison Ivy, Two Face, Riddler…
Yuusuke: Beryl, Dr. Tomoe, Nephrenia, Sailor Galaxia…
Kurama: Saionji, Touga, Akio…
Koenma: [does a stereotypical villain laugh]
Yuusuke: [applauds] Knew you’d get into the spirit.
>The Gate of Betrayal. He knew it was there. He's not as disorganized as he pretends to be,
Everyone [sans Koenma]: [loud coughing/hacking sounds]
Koenma: Hey!
>not that anyone else sees that. For Hell's sake, he's a god.
Yuusuke: Yes. But a *Junior* God.
>Why is everyone so blind?
Kuwa: Must’ve been a blackout…
Yuusuke: [Teacher] Take off those sunglasses in class!
>No god is that disorganized in his own territory.
Koenma: Don’t say it.
[the others snicker at him]
>Not even one that normally looks like a barely potty-trained toddler.
Koenma: For the last time, I *am* potty-trained!
Kurama: You’d better be. I don’t think Yuusuke would tolerate sleeping with you *and* changing your diapers.
Hiei: No one’s going to say anything about bed-wetting?
Yuusuke: [laughs out loud]
Koenma: [hangs his head] I hate this…
>The Gate of Betrayal almost caught me.
Yuusuke: Caught him doing what?
Hiei: Nothing like what you’re thinking about.
>I wasn't going to break Yuusuke's trust, but that damned Gatekeeper . . . That was a creature that had been born with the powers of the Jagan.
Yuusuke: Wait, wait. Who are we talking about here?
Hiei: The Gatekeeper.
Yuusuke: Who was that?
Hiei: [rolls his eyes] The big eyeball with wings!
Yuusuke: Oh… Him. Right.
Koenma: Do you remember any of your villains?
Yuusuke: Hmm… Tuguro, Yakumo…
>He didn't have to acquire or learn them. And he was much more adept than I was. He was taking control, and I nearly lost.
Yuusuke: Aww. A great battle of the wills we never saw.
Hiei: It’d probably be boring to you, though.
Yuusuke: Is that how it happened?
Hiei: Kind of…
Kuwa: I remember that! I thought you’d betrayed us, Shrimp.
Hiei: [smirks] That was the point.
Kuwa: [confused look]
Yuusuke: [Xellos] If you can fool your friends you can fool your enemies!
>I managed to trick him and save the others, in turn saving myself, but it proved something to me.
Yuusuke: That aliens really do exist and are a part of a government conspiracy.
Kurama: That pigs can fly.
Koenma: That the torment never ends…
>Koenma doesn't care about them.
Yuusuke: Oh. Were we close?
Kurama: [Michiru] We will sacrifice anyone without remorse…
>He was perfectly willing to sacrifice them in order to get me.
Kurama: [Uranus] … Even if we sacrifice the owners of pure hearts.
>So I am responsible for their safety.
Koenma: And food and clothing…
Yuusuke: Hiei-pappa! Kurama-mamma!
Kurama: [glares at him]
>I can't be friends with them.
Yuusuke: [singing] Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be friends?
Hiei, Kurama, and Kuwabara: [singing] What kinds of words sit Eye to Eye/ From out of courage/ Steal a smiling face and change…
>I have to be cold and aloof.
Yuusuke: [Hiei] Because I’m cool like that.
Koenma: [Hiei] It’s in my contract.
>Otherwise, who knows what he'll do to them . . .?
Koenma: Make them dress in drag.
Hiei: You have this cross-dressing fascination, don’t you?
Yuusuke: Make us wear Sailor Senshi fukus!
Kuwa: You sound way too enthusiastic about that, Urameshi…
Yuusuke: [blushes]
>If he thinks it could hurt me--make me turn to him--he might hurt them.
Yuusuke: [Usagi] I can protect the world without the Talismans!
Kurama: [Haruka] When you say that I can almost believe you…
>That's why I'm relieved that Yukina stays with Genkai. That old woman knows something--
Yuusuke: She’s Genkai. She knows a lot of stuff.
Koenma: Complimenting her?
Yuusuke: No, just saying that it’s not so fantastic that she knows about something.
>I can see it in her eyes every time she looks at me.
Yuusuke: Uh… Since it’s Grandma I’m not touching that one.
Others: [nod]
>Yukina is safe with her while I'm on missions, and safe closer to me while I'm stuck in this hellhole known as Ningenkai,
Hiei: Damn right it’s a hellhole.
Kurama: Dragon…
> where I can watch her and protect her. It's the reason I don't tell her. If she knows that I am her brother, it will be impossible not to grow close to her. It would put her in danger.
Hiei: Exactly. So shut up, all of you.
Kurama and Yuusuke: [start humming]
Hiei: I mean it.
>I have to protect them all--Yuusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, and Yukina.
Yuusuke: In the name of the moon!
Kurama: You know… I think I like this fic.
Hiei: What?
Kurama: [defensively] I’ve never read a YYH fic like it before.
>At some point, I will fail to protect them.
Yuusuke: Then I’ll run away, bitching about how everyone hates me and that I’m worthless…
Kurama: Knew you’d get an Evangelion joke in there somehow.
Yuusuke: Yup.
>My failure will mean the death of at least one of the people I'm protecting, as well as myself--
Yuusuke: “One door leads to the castle at the center of the labyrinth, the other one leads to… certain death!”
>I will not be his bitch again.
Yuusuke and Kurama: [singing] We're not gonna take it/ No, we ain't gonna take it/ We're not gonna take it anymore!
>Perfection is unattainable, no matter how hard I strive for it.
Kurama: [Obi-Wan] We are not saints, but seekers.
Yuusuke: What’s *that* from?
Kurama: The Jedi Apprentice Series.
Yuusuke: [looking at him strangely]
Kurama: I could comment on some of your reading material.
Yuusuke: Fine, fine. [sulks]
>I will fail.
Yuusuke: [Palpatine] It is your destiny. You like your father are now… mine.
Hiei: “Their destinies were preordained.”
Yuusuke: Ah! An X reference! Thanks, Hiei!
Hiei: Don’t even think about glomping me.
Yuusuke: [laughs nervously] I wasn’t…
>It's frightening.
Yuusuke: Hiei, we keep telling you about that fear thing…
>It makes my adrenaline flow, giving me more energy to use in protecting them. Energy that will eventually run out.
Yuusuke: The batteries went dead.
Kuwa: “It keeps going” my ass.
>I will fail.
Yuusuke: No, Hiei! That’s what he wants you to think! Don’t give into the dark side!
Hiei: Hn.
Kuwa: “Say no to drugs.”
Kurama: “Dippy Duck says: Stay cool, swim in a pool!”
Koenma: Don’t drink and drive.
Kurama: [Obi-Wan] You don’t want to sell me death sticks…
Yuusuke: [Elan] I don’t want to sell you death sticks…
Kurama: [Obi-Wan] You want to go home and rethink your life…
Yuusuke: [Elan] I want to -
Koenma: Jedi mind tricks, we get the idea.
>I'm walking on thin ice, and every step I take . . .
Kurama: [singing] Every step you take, every move you make, I’ll be watching you…
>could kill me . . .
Kurama: [Kaworu] Please, destroy me.
>Be happy.
Yuusuke: [singing] Don’t worry, be happy… Be happy now -
Koenma: Stop stopping the fic every five seconds!!
>I avoided homework to write this for you guys.
Hiei: You shouldn’t have.
Yuusuke: Really.
>A conversation with Hikari made me wonder about serious Koenma/Hiei fics (which, by the way, I would love to see),
Koenma: I wouldn’t.
Hiei: [smirks] Because of your fuzzy awakening feelings for Yuusuke?
Koenma: [sighs]
Yuusuke: Hikari?
Kurama: It’s not the one you’re thinking of.
Yuusuke: Oh…
>so I wrote this. Eeeevil Koenma.
Yuusuke: Bad Koenma! No peeing on the carpet! [mimes hitting him with a rolled up newspaper]
Koenma: I’m fucking potty-trained, damn it!
>I'd like to see a loving relationship between the two, but I wanted something nice and dark to write.
Kurama: Mmm, dark fiction…
Yuusuke: Sure it was dark. But where was the gore? The violence?
Hiei: The abuse to my person wasn’t enough for you?
Yuusuke: [emphasizes] *Gore.*
>The idea of Hiei being underage has been used by Morgan D in her fics.
Kurama: Ah. She wrote my favorite CCS fic.
>I think it makes sense, so . . .
Yuusuke: [author] So I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense to the rest of you! Muhuhahahaha!
Kurama: Neat idea. Never seen it before now. Usually I end up being the younger one.
Kuwa: But this was Koenma/Hiei…
Kurama: Don’t care right now, Kuwabara.
Yuusuke: “You’re paying too much attention to the fic again. Stop it.”
>Ahem . . . Back to homework for me. ;.;
Yuusuke: Nah, you seem like an nice enough author. I don’t even have a headache. Go ahead and take the night off. Skip homework.
Koenma: And be a lazy slob like Yuusuke. Go ahead, take his advice.
Yuusuke: Fuck off. [to Hiei] Don’t say it.
Hiei: [smirks]
>Thanks go to Jenna for beta-reading, and to Tora for massive editting!
Kurama: [laughs]
Koenma: You think that was done on purpose?
Kurama: I have no idea.
Hiei: Let’s just get out of here.
Yuusuke: I’m with that. How about we all play Extreme Hockey?
Kuwa: What’s that?
Yuusuke: No puck. You run around hitting each other with the hockey sticks trying to knock your opponents into their own net.
Koenma: That’s… bizarre.
Hiei: I’m in.
Kurama: You just want to hit something.
Kuwa: Me too!
Koenma: I suppose I’ll join in.
Yuusuke: Kurama?
Kurama: [sighs] It’s either that or Satellite cleaning.
Yuusuke: That’s the spirit!
- Observatory -
Hiei sat looking out of the observatory window. “That bastard probably has all of our rooms bugged anyway.”
Kurama sat beside him brushing through his long hair. He felt tired after playing Yuusuke’s stupid game for most of the day and was ready to pass out. “I don’t mind, really. Stop worrying about it.” He patted the makeshift bed on the floor they were sitting on. His tone was very bright. “It’s okay.”
His optimism really made Hiei feel like crap. “I just don’t like the thought that he could be overhearing us.”
“Neither do I, Dragon.”
Hiei leaned his forehead against the window. The observatory was Kurama’s favorite room, actually. It was very large and was in much better condition than the rest of the satellite. He’d checked the walls thoroughly in here and it was very unlikely that even if this one was bugged that they would be heard. He felt much safer in here, on surer ground, and said as much.
“So do I,” Kurama told him.
“Are you just trying to placate me?” Hiei glared at the redhead.
“Yes, dear.”
“Quit it.”
“If you want.” The Youko grinned at him.
Hiei snorted.
“But really,” Kurama said, “it’s not different from camping out. And I have you to keep me warm.” Finishing with his hair he wrapped his arms around Hiei and pulled him down onto the blankets. “So don’t worry about if or if not I’ll be comfortable. Truthfully, the other room is too small and I feel claustrophobic inside. This is much nicer. And such fantastic scenery.”
Hiei remembered when Kurama had earlier said the ‘scenery’ was romantic. He snorted and snuggled into the arms surrounding him.
Feeling him fall asleep, Kurama found himself whispering thoughtfully, “But the scenery is nothing to me.”
Smiling, he watched as Hiei shifted uncomfortably at the sound of his voice. The fire demon turned over and placed his head on Kurama’s shoulder, then fell still again. He was just as tired by Yuusuke’s stupid game as Kurama was.
“Because your star shines brighter than any of these ever could,” he whispered, and he too drifted off into slumber.
- Laboratory, Location unknown -
Giaki peered at the screen over his master’s shoulder. “The Youko and the Fire Demon are starting to suspect.”
Rando smirked devilishly, stroking his chin thoughtfully. “They shouldn’t prove a problem. I will have my revenge on Urameshi, one way or another. I will make him suffer tenfold of what I did.”
The large room was filled then by the kidnapper’s evil and hysterical laughter. Giaki frowned worriedly but said nothing.