Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Haggis and Hotdogs ❯ Haggis and Hotdogs ( One-Shot )

"Haggis and Hotdogs"

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. Just borrowing it for my own twisted little purposes.

*This is another story from what is becoming a collection of stories revolving around Yusuke's life as a P.I. and his dealings with the head Inspector. I make references to stuff that happened in "Black and White Striped Pajamas" so if you haven't read that one, go ahead, it might clear up some confusion.*

I was sitting in my office staring at a plate of what Kurama had just informed was a dish of calf's offal, which had been cooked in a bag made from the animal's stomach. Hiei and I hadn't believed him at first.

"Offal? As in bodily waste matter?" Hiei was staring at Kurama as if he had suddenly lost his mind.

"Actually in this case it means the entrails and internal organs of the calf..." Kurama trailed off and glared at us. I was busy pushing the plate of brown goo back across the desk.

"Honestly you two, this is about getting a little culture. Haggis is a traditional Scottish dish. It's very famous in Scotland, they eat it all the time."

Hiei looked at Kurama with a particularly nasty expression. "Kurama, that is not food, that is something that should be flushed down the nearest toilet." For my own part, I was feeling a little ill looking at the stuff and hastily threw a napkin over the plate.

"Sorry man, you can have my helping if you want." I smiled at him and pushed the plate even closer to where he was sitting across the desk. Hiei was standing behind me looking over my shoulder at the napkin covered plate and then up at Kurama's face.

"This isn't one of your jokes Kurama? People really eat that stuff?" Hiei was still having trouble getting around the offal part.

Kurama nodded and then looked at us. "So if you won't eat my offering, what did you guys bring?"

I don't know exactly when it started, sometime back when Kurama was just beginning university, he had dragged Kuwabara, Hiei and me off to some college fair that was about the various foods of the world. Kuwabara hadn't liked it, he's the kind of guy that knows what he likes and sticks with it but Hiei and I rather enjoyed trying all this different weird stuff we'd never heard of before. Since then, we met for lunch every Friday at my office where we each brought something different that we had discovered. I don't know how Hiei managed to make every meeting, his job in the Makai was pretty stressful, but I think he secretly enjoys these afternoons because it gives him time to relax. The same for Kurama, he works really hard at University, he's working on degrees in Botany and Landscaping and I think he takes even less time off than Hiei. I of course, am almost always free and have no trouble taking time off, but I enjoy these lunches all the same.

Smiling I reached over and grabbed a plate covered with a napkin off the top of the filing cabinet.

"Hot dogs." I announced. It was Kurama's turn to look grossed out and I heard Hiei behind me choke a little.

"Did you just say dogs?" Kurama managed weakly. I chuckled and grinned a little evilly.

"Yep, it's an American favorite, they eat it all the time even make up little songs about them." I knew they weren't really made from dogs, I had never managed to figure out why they were called that exactly but I didn't think Kurama or Hiei knew that. Hiei had walked around the desk and stood next to Kurama. Looking at me suspiciously he pulled off the napkin and they stared at the food sitting on the plate. Three brownish pink tubes resting in white buns. I pulled out ketchup, mustard, and relish from a desk drawer and set them next to the plate.

"Yusuke, please tell me that isn't dog genitalia, because if it is I'm going to have to go throw up now." Kurama had gone a little white and was staring at the hot dogs sitting in front of him in absolute horror.

I burst out laughing, unable to speak for a moment. Dog penis'? That one hadn't occurred to me, made out of dogs maybe, but actual dog...I broke out into another fit of laughter. Hiei was giving me his, `I'm going to slice you into a million pieces if you don't knock it off' look so I managed to get myself under control finally.

"It's not really anything to do with dog, they're made from beef, I don't know why they're called hot dogs. It's a type of sausage I think."

Hiei picked one up and was studying it carefully before looking back at me.

"No parts of a dog were used to make this food?" He confirmed.

I nodded and pointed at the condiments I'd laid out. "You put that stuff all over it and eat it with potato chips and stuff. Deciding to show them by example I grabbed a hot dog and after covering it in red, yellow, and green toppings I took a big bite out of it.

"It's actually rather good, go on try some." Watching me chew and swallow a couple of bites, Hiei and Kurama finally followed. I waited to see how they would like it.

Hiei nodded slowly. "It's not bad. Pretty good actually."

Kurama was nodding as well. "You're right, it is good. A rather unfortunate name though." I grinned at them and turned to Hiei asking around my mouthful of food.

"So? What did you bring Hiei?"

He looked up from his chewing and jerked his head over to two large covered bowls sitting on top of the filing cabinet. Curious I got up and brought them over. Taking off the lids, Kurama and I peered inside. One contained a fluffy white substance covered with a thick brown sauce and the other had several pieces of what looked like strangely shaped rough brown bread. Hiei smirked and pulled out one of the brown things.

"Fried chicken." He brought a spoon out from somewhere and stuck it in the white stuff. "Mashed potatoes and gravy."

"Chicken?" I put a piece on my plate and spooned some of the potatoes and sauce on as well. After tasting both I looked at Hiei in surprise.

"Ok, you win for this week. This stuff is great!" Kurama had a piece of chicken in his mouth so all he could do was nod. Hiei just smirked and continued to finish his hotdog.

We had polished off all of the chicken and most of the potatoes when a knock came at my door. I called out a garbled, "Come in" since my mouth was still full and waited curious to see who was showing up. I'm not listed in any directories as being a private investigator, not wanting the hassle of extra cases, and the small sign on the outside of my door was really just for show, you had to know I was in this building to find it. I stifled the urge to throw a chicken bone when Inspector Hakuto pushed the door open and walked into the office.

He looked at the left over food and plates littered on my desk and then at the three of us sitting there.

"Inspector." I nodded at him, not bothering to get up. I was still irritated about being thrown in jail two weeks ago because his substitute was an incompetent moron. Suddenly a very wicked thought occurred to me. I waved a hand at the empty chair next to Kurama, "Have a seat, we were just finishing up lunch."

Hiei had moved to the side of the room to perch on another filing cabinet. That guy always seemed to feel the need to place himself higher than everyone else in the room, maybe it's because he's so short.

Hakuto sank down into the chair and glared at me. "I hear you assaulted an officer of the law, resisted questioning, and tried to pull a gun on Inspector Proko."

I could hear Hiei grunt in amusement and Kurama had a hand over his mouth which I know was covering a smile.

"Well I'm sorry to hear you have been so misinformed Inspector. I don't know what you're talking about. It was all a huge mistake. I wasn't armed, I didn't pull a gun, and if anybody should be charged it should be that Proko guy for terminal stupidity."

Hakuto's lips twitched as if he wanted to smile and I waved a chicken bone at him.

"But hey, I'm willing to let bygones be bygones. Yusuke Urameshi doesn't hold a grudge. Here, have some of our lunch, there's plenty left over."

Hakuto tried to decline but I piled some potatoes on a paper plate and then went for the napkin covered dish we had shoved as far away as possible.

"This is smashed potatoes and gravy," Hiei grunted again but I ignored him, "and here, you must try the haggis. It's a traditional favorite in Scotland. Quite delicious I believe." Piling his plate high with the brown junk I shoved it in front of Hakuto.

"Are you sure?" He asked looking suspicious.

"Oh yes, we've all had enough. Go on have some." Hakuto stared at me for a moment but then tasted the potatoes. His eyes grew wide and he took a couple more bites before taking a forkful of haggis. I held my breath and waited while he put it in his mouth and chewed. Swallowing he looked at me and nodded.

"Quite good, all of it." Standing up he kept his plate and walked over to the door.

"Try to stay out of trouble Urameshi. Oh and thanks for lunch." Nodding at Hiei and Kurama he walked out, the door swinging shut behind him.

"Oh my God" breathed Kurama and I just laughed.

"What happened to not holding a grudge?" Hiei asked one eyebrow raised.

I smirked and leaned back in my chair propping my feet up on the desk. "Hey, I said I didn't hold a grudge, doesn't mean I can't get even."

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Hakuto was in his office finishing up the last of the potatoes and the stuff Urameshi had called haggis. Curious he turned to his computer and did an online search for the word, puzzled as to what exactly the dish was.

"A traditional Scottish dish, consisting of seasoned sheep's or calf's offal mixed with suet and oatmeal, boiled in a bag made from the animal's stomach."

The officers out in the main room heard a thump coming from the Inspector's office followed by a bellowed "Urameshi!" The door flew open and Hakuto came racing out, a hand covering his mouth as he ran down the hall toward the restroom. The officers looked at each other in surprise.

"Maybe something he ate?" They all shrugged their shoulders, puzzled and went back to work.

The End.

*Am I just too mean or what? Well I wanted to write another one and this sort of came out of nowhere. Please review and let me know what you think. I've discovered that I feel really inspired to write more if people actually give me feedback. Oh and if anyone has any story ideas surrounding Yusuke, Hakuto, and the gang- let me know! Thanks!*