Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ If the Roses Die ❯ And Nobody Knows ( Chapter 6 )

Disclaimer: I own nothing Yuu Yuu Hakusho related except for about seven tapes of English dubs, seven DVDs, and one wall scroll.

Part III of the Silver Obsidian series

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And Nobody Knows

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~Kurama~

Kurama would have gasped in shock if he had been able. As it was, he could only look down at his friend, crouched on all fours and craning his neck upwards towards Kurama. His eyes still wide, Kurama lost his balance and fell back to the mattress, Hiei falling with him and landing sprawled across his chest.

His contact slipping with the fall, Hiei raised himself up on his elbows and looked down into Kurama's still-wide emerald eyes.

"…I take it you didn't approve," he said matter-of-factly. Kurama gaped a bit.

"I suppose I knew you wouldn't," Hiei continued softly, sounding defeated. "But now, at least, I know what it's like for the others you've had. At least…sort of."

Kurama blinked back the resonating awe at Hiei's actions and sat up, toppling the little youkai to his lap. "What are you, insane?" he asked bluntly, raking a hand through his tousled red locks. "That was nothing like anything anyone's ever tried to do to me."

Hiei looked at him sadly, picking himself up out of Kurama's lap and padding to the door.

"Alright," he murmured, "I see. I'd better let Yuusuke and the fool know I'm alright before they get worried enough to come check on me."

Kurama blinked confusedly at his retreating back. "…See what?" he asked quietly, though he knew the youkai was already too far down the hall to hear him.

Oh well. You'll see him later - you can ask him then.

Of course. He would ask Hiei the next time they were in the same room.

…Together. Alone. Just the two of them.

You don't want to tell Yuusuke or Kuwabara?

No. This is personal, especially if Hiei thinks what I believe he does.

What does he think?

…He thinks I hate him.

Kurama started halfway through raising himself off the floor, falling back to the mat. Hiei probably did think that, didn't he? Kurama hadn't exactly been…inviting when describing the kiss. "…Nothing like anything anyone's ever done to me."

It had been unlike anything he had ever experienced, but for once in his life, he had been running on emotion and not on his mind, and look where it had gotten him. He had been rash and blunt, and Hiei couldn't have taken it well. Hiei had misinterpreted his words and now he thought the one he loved had abandoned any care for him at all.

Pressing his hand to the hardwood floor and pushing off it to jump to his feet, Kurama followed Hiei's path out the door to greet Yuusuke and Kuwabara.

* * * * *

~Hiei~

I should have known. Hell, who am I kidding, I did know. I did it anyway. Oh well…at least I'm not disappointed…

Disappointed in more ways than one, he thought sullenly.

Did it anyway, at any cost…

Shut up.

Ch, you can't run from the truth forever.

He stepped into the foyer and took in the scene before him. Yuusuke was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, muttering under his breath, and Kuwabara was pacing before his friend, periodically stopping to utter some truth-seeking jargon to the ceiling. Hiei watched for another moment before clearing his throat.

Kuwabara looked over, hurriedly covering his relief with scorn. "Shrimp," he acknowledged solemnly. Hiei glared, entirely not in the mood to tolerate his teammate's manners.

Yuusuke turned and saw him, his face instantly lighting up. "Hey, Hiei. So Kurama was able to get through to you, ne?"

Hiei walked around to sit on the far end of the couch, opposite Yuusuke. "You could say that," he allowed cryptically.

Yuusuke blinked. "…Right. So, where is Kurama? I thought he'd come out with you when he was finished. Or is he passed out, or something?"

Hiei shook his head. "He's not passed out, but I don't know where he is," he lied. "He'll probably come out in a minute."

Exactly on cue, Kurama stepped through the doorway and leaned over the back of the couch. "Hello, Yuusuke," he said politely. "Everything alright here?"

Yuusuke jumped, distracted by Hiei's mysterious tones and not hearing his friend enter the room. "H-hey," he said hurriedly, rubbing the back of his neck. "How're you doing, Kurama? Not too tired?"

"No," Kurama answered with a smile. He was practiced enough at faking good cheer that Yuusuke wasn't suspicious, despite what Kurama thought was obvious falseness to the expression. "I took a bit of a rest before coming out here, and I'm all right. And you all?"

"Oh, we're fine," Yuusuke assured him. "No problems. Kuwabara's waxing philosophical over there, so there hasn't been much for me to do but wonder what's going on with you two back there." His smile faltered a bit. "You're sure you're both okay? You look sort of tense, or something like that."

"It's nothing," Hiei interrupted sharply. "There are no problems between Kurama and myself." He paused a bit before continuing. "And if there were, if there ever are, it is hardly your place to try solving them."

Yuusuke balked. He was used to Hiei being anti-social, but this was crossing the line a little. No, actually, that was ridiculous - this wasn't "crossing the line a little," this was leaping a clear kilometer beyond it.

"What's your deal?" he asked snappishly. Hiei glared at his tone, but nothing more.

"Not that it's any of your business," he began, stressing the word, "but we were having a rather important discussion before we came in here. Far beyond your mental capacity, I'm sure."

"Now, Hiei," Kurama berated. "Let's not get Yuusuke dragged down into our personal problems, alright? He's…got enough to deal with on his own." The scolding was less that than it was a subtle hint not to bring up their relationship in front of anyone who didn't need to be brought into it. And that was essentially everyone. Hiei gave Yuusuke one more glare for good measure and dropped the subject.

"Anti-social…" Yuusuke countered weakly. Hiei huffed slightly and turned his head away, consequentially looking right at Kurama, who returned his gaze evenly, clear emerald locked to glittering ruby.

Hiei looked away a little too quickly.

* * * * *

~Kurama~

"Yuusuke," he said placidly, "would you and Kuwabara mind sitting in the kitchen for just a moment? Hiei and I have something we need to discuss."

Yuusuke looked suspiciously between the much-too-calm Kurama and the much-too-riled Hiei, cocking an eyebrow at the redhead as if to ask, 'You sure you want to do that?' Hiei looked ready to kill, and he wouldn't have anything against taking it out on someone who willingly locked themselves alone in a room with him.

"It won't be a problem, I'm sure," Kurama said, subtly stressing the last word just slightly. "Besides, it will only be a few minutes."

"Well…alright, but if you end up almost getting yourself killed in here, Kurama, I'm not gonna be the one to save you. I'm gonna be the one on the sidelines saying 'I told you so.'"

Kurama laughed softly. For a false bit of humor, it was surprisingly convincing. Hiei raised an eyebrow off to the side. "I'm sure I'll be okay. Thanks for your concern." If you could call it that.

"Aright. Oi! Kuwabara! Let's go into the kitchen or something. Give these guys a minute to rest, they both look pretty tired still."

The carrot top looked over, a hand resting under his chin and his eyes slit at the interruption of his latest theory. He calmed marginally on seeing Kurama and Hiei looking near exhaustion - it was all faked, of course, but he didn't have to know that. They were both excellent actors when they needed to be.

"Okay, Urameshi, but if things get ugly, let's take it outside and keep it clean, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Yuusuke replied casually, waving his hand as he stood. "Ch, if things get ugly…"

"Yeah, if, you got a problem with that?"

The two continued their bickering into the opposite side of the house, and Kurama covered a near-silent laugh with his hand. Hiei sat back and glared.

"You wanted to say something?" he asked icily. Kurama looked up, his eyes slightly widened.

"Hiei," he murmured softly, "I…think we have to have an understanding here. A - well, about that kiss…"

Hiei's glare was venomous, but Kurama's sturdy gaze was unflinching. "Understanding?" Hiei bit out. "You disapproved of me. What's more to understand that that?"

"First of all," Kurama said abruptly, "if I disapproved of anything about that kiss, it wasn't you. I was just…surprised."

"What do you mean, 'if?' You clearly objected to something, or you wouldn't have moved away."

Kurama shook his head. "No, Hiei, remember, I said I was surprised." Hiei's glare clearly said that he didn't think that mattered much.

"Hiei, if you don't believe me here and now, I don't know what more I can do! I've told you it was an accident, that I fell, I've tried to say I don't hate you, or blame you for anything - what more do you want?"

"In a perfect world?" Hiei asked calmly. "In a perfect world, in a secret place inside my mind, you love me, too. You're the first person to love me because you know me - despite knowing me - and not try to throw me off a cliff. That's what happens inside my mind, Kurama. That's what my secret world is like, and you know what? I'm tired of it. I don't want that secret world for me. I want you to love me here, for real, or I don't want you at all."

Kurama paused, his mouth slightly agape and his eyes wide. "Hiei…"

What happened in the Jagan…

When he said he would forget he loved me, if to save me from myself…

Was that all a lie?

No…because there is no lying in the Jagan.

That is what he would do for me, but this…this is what he wants to do, for me, for everyone.

His heart went out to the little Jaganshi, and Kurama could feel tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. How could he do that for me? I don't want him to hurt… Not for me…

"Don't cry, Kurama." The redhead jerked himself back to reality, blinking back tears and looking across at Hiei. "I don't want to see you cry.

"Kurama, whether you see it, accept it, scorn it, whatever you will - whether you do that or not, I still love you. I still love you and I always will. I only ask that you not hurt me in return." Kurama opened his mouth to speak, but Hiei held up a hand. "No. Let me finish. Kurama, you've already hurt me by not returning my feelings. You can't do that anymore. That card has been played. I only ask that you not hurt me further - that you not bend yourself to shape what I want you to be, that you not let yourself get hurt on my account. I don't want to be responsible for your pain, Kurama. I have enough blame laid on me already. I don't need any more from the one I love."

Kurama could do nothing more than look at Hiei, stunned beyond words at his revelation. The youkai's emotions were so well hidden, so protected, that Kurama had never even guessed the pain he had been putting Hiei through.

His heart going out to his friend, Kurama made a choice.

* * * * *

~Hiei~

I wonder if that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do…

Maybe.

"Hiei, I love you."

What?

That couldn't have been right. And yet, at the same time he denied it, he knew it was true. His senses didn't lie. The question was no longer "what?" but "why?"

Except his voice wouldn't work properly. Hiei stared at Kurama, slack-jawed and mute. Nearly five full minutes passed by before he could force himself to speak.

"You have terrible timing, Kurama."

Kurama looked at the floor, expressionless, and Hiei watched him silently.

"I'm sorry."

Why?

"I'm sorry for hurting you further, Hiei. That's never been what I was trying to do. Especially not now. But…I didn't know what else to tell you."

Kurama, I…

But they were no longer in the confines of his friend's mind, and if Hiei wanted his thoughts to be known, he had to force himself to speak again.

Kurama, I don't know…

Not to mention, he had to sort out what his thoughts were.

* * * * *

~Kurama~

"You have terrible timing, Kurama."

I didn't know how else to time it… I didn't know what else to say…

"I thought you said you didn't love me 'that way.'"

He was running on automatic now, completely apart from his conscious mind. "I didn't."

"But now you do?"

"…Yes."

"When it's convenient for you. When it makes me feel better about myself and this little 'revelation' I've just made to you."

That's not it at all…

"Automatic Kurama" didn't quite know how to answer that one, so he remained silent. Hiei looked at him with something balanced precariously between uncertainty, want, hurt, and pleading.

"Is that it, Kurama?" Hiei looked directly into his eyes. "That's it?"

"No…"

Hurt took over, and a weaker soul would have broken down into hopelessly confused tears. "Then what is it?"

"It's… I don't know, Hiei… All I know is that I love you - I don't know why; maybe I forced myself to, maybe it was only a matter of time after you told me you loved me, maybe I've always loved you and never known it - but I know it now, and I don't want anything less than to see you so upset as you are now."

"Kurama…I… I don't know what…to do, to say… I'm so confused…"

You knew this wouldn't be all hugs and kisses and confessions of undying devotion.

But I never thought it would hurt him so…

You knew it might.

But I don't want him hurt on my account…

You know what you have to do, then? Make it all better now. Say something to him.

"Hiei?"

Teary ruby raised from the floor to meet equally tearing emerald, and Kurama forced a weak smile.

"Whenever you're ready, I'll be right here, and everything is going to be okay."

Hiei rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand and looked over at Kurama. The kitsune's smiled became more genuine, and the last traces of tears left Hiei's eyes. He rested a hand on the couch beside him, and as Kurama made a move to lay his hand on his friend's, Hiei raised himself an inch off the cushion.

But Kurama was ready this time, and the kiss was sweeter than the first one had been. Hiei broke it after a long moment, leaning over to whisper in Kurama's ear.

"One day, kitsune. I'll be ready, and I'll come to you, and everything is going to be okay."

Kurama smiled.

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Wow, that was a long chapter. Compared to the others, anyway. Technically, that was the end of the trilogy, but I'll write an epilogue. Partially to round out the story itself and partially to round out the sentence [chapter titles of the third installment of the trilogy read in order make up a sentence].