Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Lost Memories ❯ Bekka's Memory ( Chapter 7 )

A/N: I know, strange of me here, but I must warn you….this chapter is sad…You were warned, so no nasty reviews….thank you :D

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"No," a voice outside the circle sneered, "You are Absinthe, you stupid girl."

Bekka turned, a look of disgust on her face, "Who would go by that name? Who are you anyway?" I should know him, she thought. Hey, I'm talking different, she noticed as well.

Loki exploded. "What do you mean, who am I? You insolent child! How dare you ask such an impertinent question?" The others moved between the god and the girl, ready to step in.

Bekka narrowed her gaze, covering her uncertainty with bravado she didn't entirely feel. "I don't care who you are anymore. I don't like you. Go away."

Loki stood there, stuttering in rage. Koenma showed himself behind the arrayed boys. "You heard her, Loki. Go away." With a primal howl of rage, Loki vanished in a cloud of sulfurous fire. Koenma turned to face Bekka. "What do you remember?" he asked gently.

She frowned, answering slowly, "My name is Bekka….ummm…I should know Loki and Absinthe. I don't know you, but I should know the rest here. It's like I'm standing in a familiar place in a dense fog." She shrugged and smiled, "I guess it'll clear eventually." She brought her hand up behind her head in an embarrassed gesture, "Could you reintroduce yourselves to me?"

They went around the circle, Koenma, Botan, Kurama, Hiei, Kuwabara, and Yusuke. Bekka's eyes widened at the last one. "I remember using the death touch on you. I remember learning that." Her eyes darkened and her face fell. "Let's go inside. I want to tell you a story. It's important for some reason." She shrugged and headed for the door. The other six followed, morbidly curious. Even Hiei couldn't read past the shadow that descended over her mind. It wasn't the distance or absence, it was that her mind was being held in stasis by a great weight.

They arranged themselves around the living room, Bekka choosing to sit on the floor, her knees drawn up and her chin resting on her knees. Her eyes looked at the ground, eyes focused elsewhere. "This was a long time ago." She frowned, "I was at a dojo for some reason. The sensei didn't think a girl could learn his techniques, but I was determined. I told him I could learn better and faster than the boys. He laughed at me and said that if I could, he would take me on as an advanced student. If I couldn't, I would be treated as a traitor. I joined the class and worked hard. I spent most of the day practicing, struggling to stay ahead of the boys. I advanced quickly. In four years, I earned my dan level. I was several grades ahead of the class I'd joined with. The sensei called me to his study. He sat there silently for a long time. Finally, he asked if I knew why I was there. I started to answer, but he stopped me and said he didn't mean in his office, but at his dojo. I told him I didn't know, only that I seemed to be a pawn in a game. He told me I was part of a game, but not the one I thought I was in. He told me that I should never be afraid to stand up for myself. I should act in a way that commands respect. I told him I didn't understand. He smiled and told me I would.

"I studied with him for two years after that. Then, Loki showed up." Her face reflected surprise at this connection. "I remember him now. He showed up and told me I had to find my sensei before he ran out of time. There was a maze with all kinds of obstacles. I got to the final obstacle. All I had to do was walk across a rope strung across a chasm." Her knees dropped and she sat tailor style, her eyes focused on her ankles. "I couldn't make myself do it. I failed and I watched my sensei plummet into the chasm." Her voice broke and the others saw a single tear land on her ankle. "I saw his eyes. His eyes forgave me." Her body tensed, "He forgave me for failing, for being afraid. I ran out of the maze into the forest. I don't know how long I was there, but the sensei's second found me. He told me I had to finish my training. I screamed at him that he didn't understand. I failed, it was my fault our sensei was dead. I kept screaming at him and started hitting him on the chest like a grief maddened woman." She shrugged, "I guess that makes sense. He just stood there, still, letting me carry on. I wore myself out and he asked if I would go with him. I nodded and followed him. I spent the next several days in a haze until my new sensei told me he'd had enough. He then threw me around the dojo, insulting me, calling me weak, a coward. I stopped trying to get up after awhile, believing him. He stood over me and delivered his final blow, `I can't believe our sensei respected you!'

"My mind was stunned, whirling. I got up, not sure what I was going to do, faced him and told him, `I am worthy of his respect.'

"He glared at me, `Prove it.' We fought for hours, neither willing to budge or concede. Finally, around midnight, he called halt. `Tomorrow,' he said, `you will begin to study the open defense.'

"I didn't understand. Defense is closed positioning. To be open is to be vulnerable to attack or to attack. Over the next six years, I learned what he meant. Open defense set the attacker at ease and causes them to underestimate you. It's a way of living that seems naïve and trusting, but is always taking in information and assessing. It also forces emotional reactions to be left out of any figuring. Emotions cause people to close up, especially fear or anger. The cloud judgment and obscure vision.

"Again, Loki challenged me, again, to rescue my sensei, my husband now. Again, he set a maze, the same maze I had lost before. I made it all the way through this time and reached my husband when Loki made his last challenge. I was pregnant at this time and he made me decide between my husband and my baby, saying that since I was out of my time, they both could not live; the fates would not allow it. It was a difficult choice, but I chose to give up my baby's life because my husband could have babies with other women. Loki railed at me about how I was stupid and selfish and that my baby could have done great things. I stood there, listening, calm. He finally ran out of steam and called me a stupid girl before he left. My husband-sensei told me I was indeed worthy of respect and to not forget it. Loki sent me someplace else not long afterwards."

Bekka seemed to wilt now that she finished her story. The others didn't know what to say, stunned by the story. Bekka looked up and smiled wanly, "It's time to sleep. Go, all of us, to bed."

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A/N I told you so….I also want you to know that I'm not even at home and managed to get this typed up and posted for you, so hold back the doom and stuff….I think I have one or two more chapters of this to finish it up. Yes, Bekka does have amnesia, but since the events surrounding her learning the death touch are so emotional, they come back quicker than the rest, which is why she remembers that story, but she doesn't remember the events of the Game of Five (like some readers, I'm sure ;) ). Anyway, this is to give a little insight into who and why Bekka is the way she is. I hope you like it :D (This is also my way of getting out of writing the whole story up separately…evil muse! Lol)